I hate my life.

[coloradodem2005]

I just found out the last check I wrote bounced. God, I just want to throw something out the window. God, I just don't see how my life is going to get better. I have seemed to be on a downward trajectory since 2002 and I cannot seem to get myself back in the right direction. I fucking hate my life. I hate what it has become and I would rather be dead than live another day like this.

[LiberalVoice]

1. You can't think like that...

Theres alot out there that can change...Believe me I know how bad it can be but you have to know there will be times when things are better.

[OhioChick]

2. No.......

You wouldn't rather be dead. I'm sorry you've run into hard times for a while. Things will eventually look up.....hang in there.

[coloradodem2005]

6. When?

I have had enough of this. I feel like outside of the political activism, all of my nightmare have come true. In spite of everything that I have tried to do. Everyone has lost faith in me and I have lost faith in myself.

[OhioChick]

13. NEVER lose faith in yourself.....

You're a strong person. You may not realize it, but you are. It seems that many of us have dealt with hard times. We just have to pull through and believe that better days lie ahead.....things WILL work out. Be tough.

[Crunchy Frog]

25. There's no reason for you to lose faith in yourself.

I've become familiar enough with your posts to know that you are a good, decent, caring, and intelligent human being. Everyone has not lost faith in you, I haven't, (I know that's not saying much, but it's something).

Yes, the world really sucks right now, lose faith in that, but not in yourself.

What is it that's making you feel this way?

[linazelle]

3. Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. I've had some VERY bad

days but the one thing I always remember is that many of the best days followed the worst ones. Hang in there. Just focus on making it through the next 24 hours and I can pretty much promise you that things will improve.

[Rowdyboy]

4. The Christmas I was 25, I bounced 17 checks accidentally (its a long story...

I was a lonely, poor gay guy in a rural, redneck environment. Things happen and life changes. Today, I have a great partner, enough money for my needs and a good life. It can actually get better. You're not in jail, you're not in Iraq, you haven't just lost your family to a tsunami. Remember, most everyone get really emotional and depressed around the "holidays". Don't let things get to you-its just one check, another kick in the stomach yes, but not fatal.

Good luck, stay around friends-they do a body good.

[rawtribe]

5. If you were dead

you'd miss all the fun! I know fun seldom happens, but dead is so forever! Time heals all wounds. Don't give up!

:hug:

[coloradodem2005]

9. Time hasn't healed my wounds.

n/t

[rawtribe]

20. Your profile says

you like to hike. Do it, even small doses of nature helps put things in prospective. It's so much bigger then the man made bullshit. As a fellow Coloradoan I can tell you Rocky Mountain National Park has saved my life more times then I could mention. We have year round access to natures best. Use it! Honest it works!

[artificial flavor]

21. How old are you?

I don't really need to know. But, a couple of years is such a small sample in this long twisty road we call life. I have been homeless and hungry a few times and it never killed me. And now things are better. History has taught me to expect bad times, and I always assume good times are not to far away.

[coloradodem2005]

24. I am 25.

It does sound bad. But people have taken away my sense of self worth and accomplishment and diminished me in ways that I can't describe. I have felt like an utter failure ever since. My failure to find a meaningful job has compounded upon this. It has become so engrained.

[OhioChick]

27. You're NOT a failure....

Times are just HARD. Do you have family close-by that you can talk to? Pets to walk to clear your head? Perhaps talking to someone or doing something to get your mind off of things may help some.

[incapsulated]

30. Listen to me

Nothing is "ingrained" like being 40+ and feeling like this. You're just a kid, still.

Nobody can take away your sense of self-worth but yourself. You can overcome this, but you have to work on it. Get help if you need it. But trust me, nobody is going to judge a 25 year old for bouncing a few checks. You are blowing this up out of proportion because of these negative beliefs you have about yourself.

[AlienGirl]

7. I know what you mean

I feel like that on an annoyingly regular basis.

Do you have any task you can focus on, like drawing a picture or writing a letter? If you can focus enough, you might be able to ignore the pain till the worst of it passes.

Tucker

[autorank]

8. Hang in there. No long term solutions to what may be a short term

problem. I clicked on this since I recognized your username. I remember your favorably from a number of threads and, OMG, you're on my buddy list! Stick around, talk to people face to face, and consult on this. I see people come out of this type of situation all the time and they're always really stoked to start moving forward again. Peace.

[qnr]

10. Hmmm think of the wonder though. I'm continually fascinated

by the fact that I can instantly communicate with people all over the world. That I'm able to do this with a contraption assembled principly by sand, minerals and petrochemicals produced by decaying vegitation and dinosaurs. That even with billions of people on the planet, each an individual, we still agree on so many levels. I must have thousands of "wow. now that's interesting" moments every day, over the simplest things/

Life can and has sucked for me too (matter of fact, I'm in a bit of a situation right now that can leave me royally screwed if it goes the wrong way), but even in the depths of despair I still am filled with wonder.

Hope things get better for you.

[koopie57]

11. I understand how your are feeling

the frustration, confusion, all those ugly feelings. And I know I'm not an important person, or the most knowledgable, or anything special, but I care about you and how you are feeling right now. I've been there so many times.

I suspect that in all actuality you have made a great difference to others. Right now, you have made a difference in my life. Sharing with me your frustrations, you let me know that I'm not the only one who feels so lost. It is ugly for you right now, but that is the way it is today. Tomorrow, or next week or the 26 of January, things will turn better. Wait and see. And let me know how it goes. Or not, I know that I ain't nothing special. But you sure are.

[Maple]

12. Everybody feels like that at some time

in their life...often many times....and I know it's hard to scrape yourself up off that pavement where you've been flattened...but honestly...time and events will change again, and you'll be on top once more.

Been there. Know that.

Many times in fact.

Here's a thought...can you remember what you were worried about 5 years ago? 2 years ago? Last year at this time?

Well by this time next year...you won't think this was such a big deal either...assuming you remember it at all.

Life goes on m'friend. It really does.

[coloradodem2005]

17. The same problems that have plagued me for the last two years plague me...

...today. I have been stuck in a rut for this long.

[Maple]

22. THEN GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND CHANGE IT

AND STOP WITH THE 'PITY PARTY' CRAP.

LOTS OF PEOPLE IN ASIA HAVE A REAL PROBLEM.... ALL THEIR FAMILIES ARE DEAD!!!...

YOU BOUNCED A FUCKING CHECK.

BIG. HAIRY. DEAL!

NOW STOP WHINING, AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE !

[derbstyron]

14. Ive been there. And often still am.

But what I have learned is this:

no matter how difficult you think your life is

or

how alone you feel you are (and I am soooo alone)

or

how much you think it will never get better


there is ALWAYS at least one person who will be devastated
your loss. If it is true in *my* case then it is true in yours.
Fight FOR THEM.

Just a thought.

[OhioChick]

15. Good advice......so true....n/t

[JohnnyRingo]

16. But I would miss you CD....

You and your thoughtful posts add much to DU.

Hang in there, better days are ahead.

[Name removed]

18. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[TahitiNut]

19. I've felt like that more times than I want to think about.

I can only say what works for me. It's the "glass half-full" bullshit -- with a twist. I found it was no challenge to collect 'evidence' about how empty the glass is. Anybody can do it. So, I decided to tip my hat to the emptiness and acknowledge it's true.

Then I decided to look for the moisture any time I was bored. I find it in some surprising places -- not typically where I put in the most hours (it's there, but I'm used to it - oh hum). So, I go somewhere else. Anywhere. And look around. Voila. Sometimes I bathe in it. Sometimes I sip it. But I'm always able to find it -- merely tipping my hat to the empty and acknowledging that if it weren't for the empty I'd not be able to distinguish between it and the full.

Corny, huh? Works for me. :shrug:
After all, I've spent my life to become the person I am now, so I guess it'd better be worth it.

[Crunchy Frog]

23. I understand what you're talking about.

I've been feeling exactly the same way lately. I have a lifelong problem with depression, but I've recently fallen into a pit and feel really hopeless about digging myself back out.

However, while I'm happy to commiserate with you, I very much hope that you will get some outside help if you need it. Especially if you're feeling that you'd rather be dead than alive, I really think you need to talk to someone. Please.

[B Calm]

26. No matter how bad your life is that you think you might have,

there is somebody in the world in worse shape. Cheer up..

[Name removed]

28. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

29. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[kayleybeth]

31. I am going to lock this thread.

Hi coloradodem2005,

I am very concerned about you, but I am not qualified to provide help under these circumstances. Please call this number: 1-800-784-2433, to talk with someone who can help you get through this.

:hug:

kayleybeth
DU Moderator