Best Joke ever

[name not needed]

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

[Cuban_Liberal]

1. *giggles helplessly*

PRICELESS!

:D

[acmavm]

2. A really, really good one. Gotta send it around.

Thanks.

[name not needed]

3. I've got another one

An old man was sitting in a rocking chair on his porch. When this kid walked by with a roll of chicken wire.

Confused, the old old man said, "Hey there Sonny, whatcha got there?"

The kid replied, "Chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me'self some chickens!"

"Ha! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" the old man said.

"Oh yea!" said the kid, "Well I'll be back in an hour with 50 chickens!"

So the kid walked away, and the old man just chuckled.

One hour later the kid walked pass the old man's place with 50 chickens! The old man was amazed, but he thought it was beginers luck.

The next day the the old man was sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch, when the kid walked by with some rolls of duct tape.

The old man asked, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The kid said, "Duct tape, I'm gonna catch me'self some ducks."

"Ha! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" the old man laughed.

"oh yea!" said the kid, "Well I'll be back in an hour with 50 ducks!"

So the kid walked away, and the old man just chuckled.

One hour later the kid walked by the old man's place with 50 ducks! The old man was amazed, and he thought this kid had some talent.

The next day the old man was sitting in a rocking chair on his front porch, when the kid walked by...

"Whatcha got there today boy?" the old man asked.

"Pussywillow" replied the kid.

"Hold on a sec, let me go get my hat." said the old man

[bigwillq]

4. That's great stuff!

:hi:

[lpbk2713]

5. Irish joke from an Irish DUer.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

:eyes: :eyes: