I'm Really Scared To Tell My Family That I'm Gay

[Placebo]

Not my parents, they've known since I was 13, and have no problems with it, but my extended family. I'm mainly because my uncle is paying for my college, and it just so happens that my uncle is a total freeper/fundie/republican who is so religious that he doesn't let his kids read Harry Potter, because he thinks they promote witchcraft, and he homeschools his kids so he can have total control over what they're exposed to. If he were to cut me off, it would fuck up all my finances and I might have to stop going to college, at least temporarily. EDIT: Even weirder, is that said uncle was totally wild and crazy when he was younger, and did drugs and drank like a fish and was totally crazy, then he got married...and there you have it. He was a "changed man."

My dad put a little rainbow on our car once and when my uncle saw it he said, "What's with that fag—I mean flag?" And when he heard where I was going to college, which happens to be located in a heavily gay part of Chicago, he told me at my graduation party, "So, you're going there huh? Well, watch your ass." Total gay remark. Beyond that, I'm just scared of the fact that the whole fam in GENERAL is just very sheltered and "ordinary" and like their sports and beer and that's about it.

Add to that the fact that most my younger cousins have already made it very public that they've had or have girlfriends and even brought their girlfriends to family birthdays and get-togethers. Meanwhile, I've never had one, and the family probably thinks I'm some f'n loser, which isn't the case, because I've had many (well not a ton, but you get what I'm saying) boyfriends over the years, it's just that they can't know.

I know I can't stay quiet about it much longer.

*sigh* :(

[Willy Wonka]

1. Tell your uncle Freeper that his favorite nephew is a FLAMING FAGGOT

and FUCKING proud of it. Then leave.

That'll shock him. And make him think. And re-think his values. And think about his sheltered life.

[7th_Sephiroth]

2. i caught my freeper neighbor over that harry potter thing once

cause he let his kid watch lord of the rings, where heavy scorcery is portrayed

[smbolisnch]

3. When do you graduate?

:hug:

[Placebo]

5. I just started...

I'm still a freshman.

[smbolisnch]

10. If you can't wait until the family graduation party

when you make your speech, you can always wait until mid 2nd semester of your senior year. Then, if it turns out that he freaks out, there will be noting he can do about the tuition! That really sucks, but just make sure you are true to yourself, and don't ever deny who you are! :hug:

[thebigdonkey]

13. how often do you have to see him

do you think he has to know

[metisnation]

4. its alright bro

truth is rightous, and love prevails. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

:dem:

[cags]

6. Wait and announce it at graduation.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

7. RESIST! Get your diploma, THEN break out the news.

Not only that, but refrain from giving online clues that could help a determined investigator finding out who you are. There are some nasty trolls out there that would LOVE to fuck a gay liberal's life. Don't make them happy.

Suck the fundie's money for all it's worth. This is war.

[bloodyjack]

32. Seconded

Earn bachelors in whatever you're studying, and either secure a loan or scholarship or gainful employment and surprise your slippery dilated asshole of an uncle, or don't tell him and let him pay for grad school if the aforementioned options are not open to you

But DO allow him to continue paying for your undergraduate studies, because otherwise it would simply complicate matters for you and your parents

[jellybelly]

8. hard to tell you how to deal with this situation

since your uncle is paying for education, he will cut you off when he finds out. As long as your parents are supportive and you can introduce your boyfriends to them, there shouldn't be an urgency to tell the rest of your family. One day you will...but for now I'd advise you to not say anything.

[short bus president]

9. Tell Uncle Freeper you've decided on pre-law for a major

and that in the interest of being lawyerly, you'd like to draw up a legally binding document regarding your school expenses over the next 2 years. More if you can work in law school. Once you've got the financial obligation he agreed verbally to undertake back at whatever point he started paying for yer school in writing, tell him to kiss yer shiny happy gay ass.

[Maple]

11. Don't tell him

Think of it as poetic justice...and the rightwing zealots owe ya one.

[LearnedHand]

12. Never an easy decision, Placebo

Your uncle sounds like a real prizewinning asshole, even if he is paying for your college. But something occurs to me: Is he paying for your college so he can have total control over you, too? Do you think maybe he "suspects" and offered to pay for college so he could influence you in the "right" direction (pun intended)?

I don't know your situation, of course, but maybe you don't want to be beholden to someone like him (sell your soul, and all). Do you have alternative means to pay for college? And are you sure he would cut you off if you told him? Do you even have to tell him anything? After all, it's none of his goddam business who you sleep with, is it?

Much good luck with this!

[Placebo]

16. Well it's more than that, it's who I am...

and it's a pain in the ass (no pun intended) not to be able to just be OPEN with family, when everyone else gets to be.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

21. You seem to be OK with your parents. Why not talk about it with them?

Since they're OK with the current arrangement, I'll bet they agree with my previous post.

[LearnedHand]

29. I understand that completely!

I'm not gay, but I withhold a HUGE part of myself from my family (the liberal part) because they are TOTAL freepers and believe I'm going straight to hell.

I know how much it hurts to not be yourself around those you love the most. It hurts even more to think they wouldn't love you if you somehow fell outside the boundaries of what's acceptable to them.

Creeps.

The big thing for you is to decide what hurts more: Not telling your family or possibly losing financial support for college. Maybe the cost of not being yourself is so great that losing the financial support won't even matter.

[Miami Liberal]

14. I'm sorry

How many more years do you have left in school?

[Placebo]

15. Four.

x(

[Miami Liberal]

19. Since you rely on your freeper uncle for tuition money

then it looks like you'll have to wait to tell the rest of your family. Atleast your parents are cool about it and I'm sure you care more about what they think than anyone else. Be strong, these years will fly by and you can be open to the world in no time.

:hug:

[MADem]

17. You have some decisions to make, clearly

You probably want to think about why you want to tell this uncle. You're expecting him to excoriate you, and you're probably figuring he won't pay for your college after he knows the truth. Is this the case, or am I reading more into it than I should?

I know that some people feel a need to be totally honest with people regarding every aspect of their lives. I'm of the "what they don't know, won't hurt them" school of thought, especially if I know they'll just be pissed off about something or engage in continual criticism. I have very few GOP relatives (I am blessed) but I just avoid political discourse with them, and if they push it, I tell them to back off because my mind is made up, and how about them Red Sox?

Do you think you will change uncle's heart? Do you seek a confrontation? What do your parents have to say about telling the uncle? I should think they might be able to help you sort this out, have you asked for their help or advice?

Are you willing to go to school part time, and work to pay your tuition, or maybe switch to a cheaper school?

I don't see that you gain much by telling the uncle anything at this point, and you lose the tuition, if he is indeed a prejudiced type. Of course, it's your life, and your call. But if I were you, I'd talk to your parents about it in some depth. After all, they know the guy, and probably have a good idea about what kind of flack you will be taking...

[kodi]

18. buck up laddie, think of yourself as the jackie robinson of your family

:toast:

[Droopy]

20. Get your education and then tell your freeper relatives

It's not unheard of for a straight person to go without intimate friendship from the opposite sex. I've been celibate for ten years. If your uncle ever questions why you don't have a girlfriend just tell him that you are focusing on your studies. I wouldn't have any problem lying to him.

[Placebo]

24. I guess.

Ugh, I've lied to them all for 5 years, I guess I can handle 4 more.

FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS! x(

[tuvor]

22. All I can offer is prayers and good luck, Placebo.

Hope all goes as well as it possibly can.

[Boy Interrupted]

23. thats tough.. I'm sorry to hear it

I don't know what to say thats not been said already. You don't have to tell him, but at the same time I know its a horrible feeling hiding the truth. He could surprise you. I have five older brothers and grew up in a redneck area in a very small town. My brother used to make the most horrid statements about gays. When I finally came out, every one of them completely supports me. Others in that town have made comments and those brothers are my biggest defenders. Maybe if he sees someone he loves is gay he might change too. That being said, if I were you I probably would not risk it. I would speak up in defense of gays when he makes comments, but not come out to anyone who can use the info to punish me. The time will pass soon enough and you can tell the world to fuck off if they don't like it without worrying.

Just curious.. which college in Chicago do you attend?

[Placebo]

27. I'm @...

DePaul :)

[Rowdyboy]

25. Its none of his business

Screw him. Tell him your senior year.

[koneko]

26. Wow, not an easy position for you

I won't even try to give you advice. I have a lot of gay friends, and I have never once encouraged them to closet themselves for anyone's sake. Then again, none of them have had this kind of risk involved in telling.

Just be true to yourself. And good luck with it! :hug:

[WindRavenX]

28. Here's 2 of my cents:

You NEED to finish college. If you tell your uncle you are gay, what are the odds he'd discontinue paying for your tuition? If you have any suspicion that he'd stop, I would NOT tell him. I know it SUCKS to hide who you are, but as a fellow college student, I know the value of getting your degree- you NEED it.
Ugh, whata douche this guy is x(

[Placebo]

30. Thanks WRX...

for your 2¢ :)

[WindRavenX]

31. I'd offer you my five bucks...

...but that's my booze money... :beer:

[Placebo]

33. I've got half a bolly of stoli...

on my desk right next to my lappy. It's all yours if ya want it :D

[WindRavenX]

35. SCORE!!!!

Orange Stoli + Triple Sec = BITCHIN' COSMO!!

But it has to be, like, wicked cold. Mmmmm...I could go for a nice Cosmopolitan right now....

[progmom]

34. How often do you see your uncle?

Do you think he would cut you off?

Sometimes people can surprise you. When my brother came out, I know we expected some pretty terrible reactions from some members of the extended family. But everyone surprised us by being very accepting. Heck, my fundamentalist grandparents are now talking about how important it is to recognize civil unions (since sex before marriage/committment is a sin).

If you're convinced that he'll cut you off, you probably know what you have to do if you want him to pay for school.

Without a doubt, though, whenever you decide to tell him, please consider doing it gently. He may be a homophobe and pretty crass about it, but the fact that he's paying for school indicates to me that he has some good in him. Maybe you will get him to see that a gay man isn't something to be hated/feared.

[Placebo]

36. I guess I don't see him THAT much...

like every week, but at least once a month.

[OhioBlue]

37. Only you can make the decision

I live in a rural area with some that could be considered rednecks. They do make statements and jokes that i don't care for, but the truth is, when it comes to someone they love, it doesn't matter what race or sexual orientation or religion, etc. they still love them. I know this isn't true for everyone. It may be that your uncle has a new perspective, maybe not. Do what you think is right and know that there are many people who will not care and still love you. You obviously have a good relationship with your parents and that is priceless. Best wishes sent to you.:loveya:

[Boswells_Johnson]

38. For what it's worth, if they have a problem with it, to hell with 'em!

[liberalnurse]

39. If your sexuality has not been a formal

condition of your college funding....then why bring it up? Yea, I know, you have a sense of respect but....look at it this way...


If your Uncle hated asparagus, would you confess that you love asparagus knowing he may puke and then pull your college funding? You see, it's not an issue any more than your sexuality is at this point. Your success and practical use of the education benefit is the issue.......

If he asks you, don't lie...but don't create a crisis when ther is not one.

[SKKY]

40. Tough situation to be in, I'm sure...

...but dude, can't you hold out until college is all paid for? I mean, come on! I understand the need to "come out" and "let the whole world see me for what I am", but good lord, if I had a gay uncle who would pay for school if I was Gay, I could "take one for the team" so to speak! College is expensive.

[personman]

41. Just think of it this way...

You're "Undercover Gay"...
It's kinda catchy and mysterious, kinda like being a spy in a Bond movie or something. It just sounds cool. Honestly, dont you feel better already?

[Placebo]

42. Haha...

yea, I kind of do :P