Time for an ELEPHANT JOKE THREAD!!!!!

[CO Liberal]

Q - How do you get down off an elephant?

A - You don't - you get down off a duck.

:-)

[Liberal_Andy]

1. You know why Dems make better lovers?

Ever hear of a great piece of elephant?

:bounce::smoke::beer::bounce::toast:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. Why are elephants so wrinkled?

Because they won't lie still when you try to iron them.

[Fiona]

3. How many dead baby elephants does it take to paint a house?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

[MissMillie]

10. bravo! (n/t)

[CO Liberal]

4. What's Red & White On the Outside and Gray On The Inside?

Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup.

:-)

[Xipe Totec]

5. For Math Geeks:

Q- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?

A- Elephant * Grape * Sin (theta)

(If you don't get it, congratulations, you are a normal human!)

[CO Liberal]

6. Why Did The Elephant Fall Out Of The Tree?

The rhinoceros pushed him.

:-)

[Xipe Totec]

7. How do you get five elephants in a VW Beetle?

Two in the front, three in the back.

[Bok_Tukalo]

8. That's not funny

I used to be an elephant.

[MissMillie]

9. How do you know when an elephant has its period?

There's a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.

[frogbison]

11. Ha ha! I'm older than you!

In my day there was a DIME on your dresser and your mattress was gone.

[MissMillie]

13. It was a dime in my day too

but I figured to tell the joke in today's dollar....

[CO Liberal]

14. Alternate Answer

"It's all over town."

:-)

[CO Liberal]

16. What Does an Elephant Use for a Tampon?

A sheep.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

27. And why do elephants have long trunks?

Because sheep don't have strings.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

12. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?

A submarine with a built-in snorkel.


An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn", says the ant, "one night of passion and now I'll spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"


This morning I got up and shot an elephant in my pajamas.
How the elephant got into my pajamas, I'll never know.
-- Groucho Marx

[Fiona]

15. How do you get a baby elephant into a cup?

with a cuisinart.

How do you get it out?

With tortilla chips.

[CO Liberal]

17. What's Gray and Has Four Legs and a Trunk?

A mouse on vacation.

:-)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

18. How do you know that elephants have been screwing in your back yard?

Your shrubbery has been flattened and your garbage bags are missing.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

19. What should you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

[CO Liberal]

20. Why Do Elephants Wear Tennies?

Because nine-ies are too small, and eleven-ies are too big.

:-)

[shraby]

21. Why did the elephant wear blue tennis shoes?

Because the red ones were in the wash.

[shraby]

23. Why did the elephant wear sun glasses?

So no one would recognize him.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. How do you make an elephant fly?

Start with a zipper about two feet long.

[tyedyeto]

24. Here's a groaner

Q: Why do elephants never get rich?

A: Because they work for peanuts!

[CO Liberal]

25. How Can You Tell If An Elephant's In Your Refrigerator?

You can't close the door.

:-)

[tyedyeto]

26. Another groaner

Q: What is gray, has huge wings, and gives money to elephants?

A: The tusk fairy!

[CO Liberal]

28. How Do You Stop an Elephant From Charging?

Take away his credit card.

:-)

[porkrind]

29. You're all going to hell.

Especially Fiona.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

30. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?

So they can hide upside down in the custard.

And:

Why don't you ever see elephants swimming in custard?
Just proves the efficacy of the camouflage.

By the way, what are those black triangles in the custard?
Sharks, looking for elephants.