My husband is driving me crazy

[Not_Giving_Up]

He's recently fired (for those of you who missed it earlier), and is now transitioning from manic to depressed. He knew it was likely, and stayed up all night and most of the day today. He's finally dozing, but I swear, I think I need medication now!

[jellybelly]

1. hit him on the head with something heavy...

when he annoys you...

[Not_Giving_Up]

3. That would be continuous n/t

[smbolisnch]

2. Awww, that sucks.

I only somewhat know what's going on from ur other posts, but I feel for you. Stick in the lounge, it's been interesting! :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. Yeah

I'm reading in the other forums, but not doing much posting.

[smbolisnch]

18. Well just hang around and lurk, just keep busy :)

Until you are too tired and can just go to bed!

[Not_Giving_Up]

19. I spent half the day in bed

I don't know if it's a cold or the beginning of the flu. My body only get about 5 hours of sleep a night. It doesn't know what to do now.

[Lex]

5. Make a doctor's appointment for him.

I wished my brother's (now) ex-wife had done it for him when they were together.

His inability to get and keep a job and the fact that he was driving her crazy with his depression broke up their marriage.

He's now fine (no longer depressed--he got treatment) but his marriage is over.

Sad.

(My .02)

[Not_Giving_Up]

7. We have no insurance

He told me not to cover him on mine (that goes effective 1/15), that he would get coverage from his job...Yeah, right! Anyway, once before, his mom made him an appointment (when we had insurance), and the doc only got half the story. He was diagnosed depressed, given meds, which he took for three days then trashed. (The meds gave him headaches.) He never went back, and says there's nothing wrong with him.

[Lex]

9. Sorry to hear that. Of course he will say nothing's wrong with him.

That's what people in his situation say.

My brother ended up with a wife who left him, an eviction out of his apartment, $2,000 worth of credit card debt, broke, no job, and a car that wouldn't run anymore (he never took it for an oil change).

Honestly, the next step was for him to be out on the streets in a cardboard box. At the time, he said "nothing was wrong with him."

The only way my parents agreed to help him (he was allowed to move in with them at the time) was if he went to the doctor and took the meds they gave him faithfully.

He agreed--what else could he do? he had nothing else left.

It's taken him 7 years, but with help from the meds and a strong will to make things right, he is now remarried, has a good and stable job, and beautiful baby daughter.

[barb162]

22. Can't he get COBRA (continuation coverage) from his ex-

workplace? It's federal law unless he worked for a really small employer. Do you have coverage on yourself from your workplace? Can you change your coverage at work to include him?

[Not_Giving_Up]

23. My coverage is effective 1/15/05

He said he was going to get ins at his job, but never actually did it. I don't think you can get COBRA if you didn't have insurance to begin with.

[barb162]

28. that is correct; if he never signed up for it he won't be

eligible for COBRA.

Now as to your coverage eff. 1/15, can you get family coverage on it or are you saying you can only get coverage on yourself, that you only signed yourself up. ( I'm in the inusrance biz)

I am looking at this as a potentially large cash risk if he or your child become ill, need to go to the hospital, etc.

[liberalhistorian]

6. Having been in your husband's shoes,

I know exactly what he's going through and I, also, did what he's doing. It's a very, very traumatic thing to go through and there are certain stages you go through, such as anger, denial, depression, bargaining, etc., that are similar to the stages of acceptance of a death.

I know how hard this must be for you, and I really do sympathize, but I can tell you from experience that what your husband needs now is emotional and mental support, and lots of it. That doesn't translate into enabling or babying him, mind you, but I think you can understand what I'm saying. Give him time, also, to grieve and to regroup, he needs that.

I've never been married, but my son and I live with my parents, and they were very supportive and helpful when such things happened to me. And that helped tremendously and aided in my recovery and getting things together. I'm sure he will do the same for you when you need it, also.

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. I'm just so worn out

I've been dealing with this for years now, and it's just getting worse. The therapist that sees my kids knows about it, and she commends me for being the glue that hold the family together. I asked what happens when the glue deteriorates, and she told me not to do that. Great, I do not have permission to have a breakdown.

[Lex]

10. You shouldn't have to make yourself sick with worry

and work if he's not willing to help himself.

Peace.

[Not_Giving_Up]

15. True

I do have to make enough money to cover the rent, lights, phone, car insurance, food, you get the picture. I have health problems as well that I plan to address as soon as I have insurance. Some days I can't move, let alone go to work. It was nice to know that what he brought in would cover those days. I don't know what I'm bitching about here...he generally spent his paycheck as soon as he got it anyway...said it wasn't MY money, so I didn't get to say how it got spent. Right dude, but what about MY money? BTW - He buys car modifications with HIS money!

[Lone_Star_Dem]

14. Have you thought about getting your own therapist?

Someone to help you get through this. I don't think I would see the same one your children are currently seeing, her statement seems vague and not necessarily in you best interest. You need someone who can help you forge coping skills for this situation in your life.

I won't try and give you further advice since I don't know your situation. However, here's a hug for you until you can get this worked out. :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

17. I plan to when my insurance gets going

I also plan to ask for meds for me. I don't know how much more of this I can take otherwise.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

20. Glad to hear it.

You may or may not need the meds. It's amazing how a competent therapist can help you deal with life's complications. The trick is finding the therapist that's right for you.

Good luck, and I hope things get better for you very soon. :)

[Not_Giving_Up]

21. I really like the one my kids see

I know she told me that I shouldn't think about falling apart, but that's not the typical response that I get from her. I do plan to get my own though.

I may need meds for a short time. Things get pretty dark in my little brain these days.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

24. You do already have a relationship with that therapist.

That's very important.

There's nothing wrong with using meds to help you get yourself back together, either. Life is full of difficult situations that sometimes exceed our ability to manage. Finding the best method available to help you learn to manage is what therapy is all about.

[Not_Giving_Up]

25. Yeah

I've had a few really bad days when I just called her cellphone and vented. The next visit, she's got something to try out.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

29. I've went back and read your other post

And, between that one and this post, it appears you have a very full plate. Considering what you're dealing with I'm really glad you are getting some professional outside help. It will no doubt help you to put things in perspective so you can begin to deal with them.

Venting is good! Get it all out, you'll feel better for it and it tends to help clear your head so you can think.

[shance]

12. Wonderful post Liberal Historian.

With our culture putting so much pressure on males (in particular) to be identified by what they do, this could be both an upset and shock to your husband.

Im sorry this happened to him, and Im sorry that you both have to go through it. I would say its always nice to have someone to go through something like this with. Hopefully in the long run, it will have been for the better for both of you.

Looks like you will find some support here as well.

Take care.

[Not_Giving_Up]

16. The thing is

He WANTED to get fired. He didn't like the job anymore. He made it three months (barely). What he did to get fired simply could not have been dealt with any other way.

Here's the thread on the firing...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2342858

[barb162]

26. I just read the thread on the bipolar. I had a friend that way...

they can be terrible. And when they are in that manic phase, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING. I know too about how they start thinking they can be okay without the meds; she'd end up in the mental hospital every damn time she got off the meds. The fact he won't take the proper meds (lithium type meds to keep him steady)is very typical for bipolars.


You gotta see a counselor or therapist because you have got to start taking care of YOURSELF.

[HuskiesHowls]

11. I have read some of your posts

I can empathize with you. My 2nd wife was a paranoid schizophrenic, and that turned out to be a real trip at times!!!

However, I think I may have an idea for you...something that may help for a little while, at least. (Its gonna sound weird, but its just me) I've just been listening to a song, and its one of those that keeps you smiling...for a long time!!
Lonnie Donegan, "Does your chewing gum lose its flavor (on the bedpost over night?)"....good song!!

Sometimes, all you need is a little help to find a smile :D

[Not_Giving_Up]

13. I'm quite familiar with that song

Thanks for the smile.

[Not_Giving_Up]

27. I'm going to bed now

I know I'll have to be the one to get the kids up in the morning for school, and it's nearly 1 AM. Must get sleep......

Nite Ya'll!