I'm Sen. Alan Keyes. Ask me anything.

[UrbScotty]

Today was my first day on the job.

I'm lovin' it.

[Tweed]

1. What do you think of that imposter Barack Obama?

[UrbScotty]

2. I'm not a fan of blacks like him. (nt)

[davidinalameda]

3. those have to be the 3 scariest words in the English language

Senator Alan Keyes

even scarier than President George Bush

:scared:

[UrbScotty]

25. Wait until the junior Senator from Pennsylvania becomes President. (nt)

[frylock]

4. why you so whack?

:shrug:

[UrbScotty]

9. Because 'whack rhymes with a well-known color. (nt)

[Cuban_Liberal]

5. Do you believe you can represent the 60+% of Illinoisans who ...

... didn't vote for you and, if so, how?

[UrbScotty]

10. By not being gay. (nt)

[KG]

6. why do you hate america?

[UrbScotty]

11. I love America by hating gays! (nt)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. what the FUCK is WRONG with you?

[UrbScotty]

14. Your message has been forwarded to:

Barack Obama

[Califooyah Operative]

20. hahahahaha nt

[AZCat]

8. I need some entertainment for a friend's birthday in February

Are you up for hire? All you have to do is come and rant - we can even supply gays and nonchristians if you need inspiration. We might even be able to scare up a few liberals if you want.

[UrbScotty]

26. I'm sorry. I have people to bash here in Washington all next month. (nt)

[Ellen Forradalom]

12. Did you run for Senate because you couldn't score a regular gig

on Chappelle's Show?

[UrbScotty]

28. Chapelle wanted me, but I said no. (nt)

[stpalm]

13. Do you ever stop talking? Wont you please SHUT UP? (nt)

[UrbScotty]

18. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

[ET Awful]

15. Shut up you selfish hedonist!

:evilgrin:

[UrbScotty]

19. Your message has been forwarded to:

Ted Kennedy

[GOPisEvil]

16. So do represent Maryland or Illinois?

[UrbScotty]

22. I represent the Lollipop Guild. (nt)

[denverbill]

17. Iraq has elections coming up I hear. Would you consider moving?

I understand you have no real problem with not being a resident and all. And what the hell, nobody in their right mind wants to run Iraq, so you'd be perfect.

[UrbScotty]

23. As long as they're Arab-free. (nt)

[Cuban_Liberal]

21. So, what idiot gave you a fortune to get you to agree to run?

I know it wasn't Judy Barr-Topinka, because she's a notorious tightwad...

[UrbScotty]

24. Tampico, IL's favorite son

St. Ronald Reagan.

[Moloch]

27. OK, Mr. Keyes....

What job is it that you have now?

I think you should run for president in 2008. I will do anything within my power to make you the GOP nominee... and would you consider Gary Bauer as a running mate?

[UrbScotty]

29. Nah... I'll let Pennsylvania's senator run for President.

And no, not Arlen Specter.

[terrya]

30. When are you leaving our state and going back to Maryland?

Thanks, "Senator"!

:hi:

[arwalden]

31. How About NOT Coming To Maryland And Staying THERE!!!

:hi:

[terrya]

33. How about a compromise and moving to Alabama and staying THERE?

I always try to find that middle ground when I can. :-)

[arwalden]

36. You're Such A Diplomat.

:-)

[terrya]

37. Just helping "Senator Keyes" find the perfect place to live.

A thousand or so miles away from both of us sounds perfect to me.

:-)

[thom1102]

59. OOOOH! CAT FIGHT!

<Grabs popcorn>

[UrbScotty]

38. Never! (nt)

[mr_hat]

32. What really happened to my Christmas pony?

[UrbScotty]

40. A gay liberal must have hopped on it. (nt)

[warrens]

34. Did we make you cry

When two busloads of us drove by you in front of Spago just before the election chanting O-BAM-A?

[UrbScotty]

46. Only gays make me cry.

Besides, what is Spago?

[warrens]

60. Wolfgang Puck's place

You were on the corner trying, without notable success, to find someone to shake hands with. You sure looked like you were crying to me.

[underpants]

35. How exactly would we form a governemt based only on the Declaration

of Independence?

This thread is flat out funny. You are a genius.

[UrbScotty]

50. Thank you for the flattering comments!

About the declaration of Independence... well, we'd declare independence from gays!

[Seabiscuit]

39. How's the view with your head so far up your arse?

[UrbScotty]

49. Your question has been forwarded to:

Richard Durbin

[Darranar]

41. Are you really a bigoted idiot, or are you faking? n/t

[UrbScotty]

47. Your message has been forwarded to:

The American Civil Liberals Union

[Withywindle]

42. Two invasively personal questions for you, sir

1. It has been widely noted that your opponent in the IL Senate race is a very attractive man. Knowing what everybody knows about what REALLY bothers such virulent, frothing homophobes as yourself, were you plagued by awkward "feelings" that contributed to your hostility?


2. What was the true nature of your "relationship" with your mentor Jeanne Kirkpatrick?

[UrbScotty]

44. I love my opponent, Tim Pawlenty.

That's all I'll say on those two.

[Radical Activist]

43. I thought you were fighting for God, so how did God lose this election?

[UrbScotty]

45. God has already served his two terms.

He beat Jimmy Carter in 1980 and Fritz in 1984.

Thankfully, his VP's son is doing wonders for our country.

[GOPBasher]

48. Why are you such an asshole, Alan?

Were you born that way? I believe that, through faith in Jesus Christ, you can change your perverted asshole lifestyle. Jesus Christ changes lives; you CAN be saved from your horrible sin. Repent and turn from your assholeness!

[UrbScotty]

51. Your message has been forwarded to:

Al Gore

[GOPBasher]

53. I think I'm missing something.

I don't get that. Is there an inside joke I'm missing?

[motely36]

52. I think you are really sexy...

Any chance of us ever hooking up?

[UrbScotty]

55. As long as you're not gay. (nt)

[motely36]

57. Damn.

What if I dress in drag?

[Redneck Socialist]

54. Are you going to run for president again?

You were really entertaining the last time around.

[UrbScotty]

56. Like I said, I'm letting Pres. Santorum have the nomination. (nt)

[Redneck Socialist]

58. That's too bad

you're much more entertaining.

[warrens]

61. Have you smitten your lesbian daughter?

Last I heard, she was still sucking air. You said the bible says to kill all the homos. Are you showing favoritism here?