My father-in-law has been smoking in my house for 4 days

[Frogtutor]

and thinks no one knows about it...

I quit smoking about a year and a half ago, and now I'm super sensitive to the smell. No one else in my house smokes, either. When he got here four days ago, it was warm, and he was keeping the back door open (nearest the couch on which he's camping). Still, I noticed it right away. It got cold yesterday, so now it's even worse!

He borrowed my truck last night to go to the store, and this morning when I took my son to school, I noticed all the ashes he dropped in it. Driver side window was all the way down, and heater was set on full blast. My husband noticed ashes in his truck the other night, too, after his dad borrowed it to go to the store (he has to do that a lot, it seems).

He is a recovering alcoholic, and he's told me in the past that he tends to start smoking again after going on a drinking binge (happens periodically). I haven't noticed any evidence of drinking, but who knows. He also has diabetes and has just recently had to start taking insulin shots. He's trying desperately to lose weight, so maybe he's just stressed about that. I love him dearly, but he's quite a case.

I can't understand why people don't just fess up. But, I'm not going to say anything to him, because as long as he's sneaking around, he can't be smoking as much as he would be openly!

It's pretty irritating, but kinda funny at the same time; how can he really believe we don't know?

Geez, my eyes are burning at the other end of the house...

[kick-ass-bob]

1. Put a fire extinguisher to him!

[Frogtutor]

18. hee hee! n/t

[ewagner]

2. Let him know

that you know what's going on and that you understand how hard it is for him. Ask him if there's anything you can do to help him, and suggest that it would be helpful if he went outside to smoke when he needs to.....

Be supportive....share the experience of quitting with him....

[China_cat]

20. Put it as a matter of safety

which it is. If he's trying to hide his smokes, he's likely to start a fire. Tell him you know he's smoking and that, while you wish he wouldn't, you understand but want to be safe in your home and would he please smoke outside.

[LuLu550]

3. Don't play into it

Just some out and tell him you know he is smoking in the car and house, and ask him not to do it anymore for your child's sake. Don't be nasty but don't let him get away with it. It is called "enabling" in the AA world.

[Frogtutor]

4. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I don't have the slightest idea where

he's putting ashes and butts while in the house--he's not the neatest (by a long shot) person in the world, so investigating the couch after he leaves ought to be interesting.

[sam sarrha]

6. if he doesnt burn your place down first.. ya know, get drunk, fall asleep

smoking..

[Frogtutor]

8. Yeah, believe me, the thought crossed my mind...

the other night I literally thanked God for good, working smoke detectors...

[sam sarrha]

5. tell him to smoke outside or leave , "Under my Roof you obey my RULES"

or leave. simple as that.. just a power trip, ...you lost.

Alcoholics have a poorly defined sense of SPACE, as in YOUR/MY space.. it is all THEIR space.

if you piss him off ..you are at least rid of him

need to ask... is this a rare visit or is this going to happen again soon..if so you need to set some rules... or he will up the shitting on you till you crack...

it is bad enough he is an alcoholic.. but SMOKING IN YOUR HOUSE ??

what is wrong with you ??

i was one of those guys.. now sqlueeky clean and drugless.. i really have no tollerance fo them.. i might have seen the light way sooner if people had been honest with me.. i did it because i got away with it.. the earlier post about bing nice and suportive is a good suggestion.. but if i you have a child.. i can NOT imagion you do not set the rules in your home to protect you child.. that shit kills 1/2 million people every year...450 times the number of our troops killed in Iraq to date..in a year. take a stand for the child.

[Frogtutor]

7. He's leaving today

He lives 300 miles away, and usually doesn't smoke at all. My husband's sisters that live in the same town with him have to put up with his quirks much more than we do. The typical scenario is that he'll have a brief drinking binge and start smoking, then quit about a month later. This happens, at most, once a year.

Also, being an ex-smoker, I'm a bit more accommodating than many non-smokers. I've told other smokers that they may smoke in the house, but most usually don't take me up on it, and go outside anyway.

Finally, (I KNOW it's enabling) he is an extremely sensitive and basically a very kind hearted person. I can put up with a stinky house for a few days in order to spare his feelings.

Mainly, I was posting about my incredulity about people sneaking around doing stuff and really believing they're fooling everybody!

[Karenina]

19. Frogtutor, your attitude

is so refreshing and kind-hearted. Good on you! :bounce: And WELCOME!!! :bounce:

[Frogtutor]

22. Why, thank you...

What a sweet thing to say!

:hug:

I am a softy, though; most of these people probably think I'm a doormat! I would never let anyone get away with walking on me, but I just don't sweat the small stuff, either...

Thanks again!

[tcfrogs]

9. Howdy fellow frog!

:hi:

[Frogtutor]

10. Howdy to you, too!

:hi:

Cool! Are you a TCU grad, too?

[tcfrogs]

11. Yup, from a while ago

[Frogtutor]

14. Well, even though I just graduated in '02, I was 35 at the time!

I was a "non-traditional" student (that's a politically correct way of saying "old", at least compared to the average college student). I didn't even start college until I was 28, spent 3 years at TCJC, then 4 (part-time) at TCU. Took a while, but I finally got a degree!

[tcfrogs]

17. cool, we're about the same age

But I've been gone since 93. Always nice to see another frog on the board! There aren't many here!

[IntravenousDemilo]

12. You'd better put him out, then

Both meanings...

[Frogtutor]

16. LOL; welcome to DU, IntravenousDemilo! n/t

[Wapsie B]

13. Get a jar of Limburger Cheese

and put it next to him. If he's gotta smoke, let HIM smell that.

[Frogtutor]

15. Ok, he's gone! But it's too freakin' cold to air out the house!!

It's 27 degrees outside. Wouldn't be so strange if it hadn't been 75 day before yesterday...

Guess I'll go turn on all the bathroom and the kitchen exhaust fans...

[pdx_prog]

21. make the turd go outside!

Even when I smoked I never smoked in my house (except when I was single). I can't understand why people would want that foul odor in their homes....