Is Giving Romantic Advice to Young Women Completely Pointless?

[The Great Escape]

in my line of work I always have alot of young people working for me. I guess, I have taken on a fatherly type role with alot of these youngsters. It drives me absolutely crazy to see young ladies with such low self esteem. Seemingly, they will make the wrong choices in men, every single time. I can tell these girls exactly what an 18-24 year old young man is going to do just about every time. Even when they escape these guys, they will choose another guy who is (a) addicted to some drug (ie. alcohol, oxycontin or smack) (b) totally, emotionally unavailable (c) physically or emotionally abusive. It really seems to cross background, socio economic status or education. I've seen girls that work for me that are in college, have caring involved parents and have alot going on upstairs fall for the exact type of guys. Young guys working for our company typically don't seek me out for that type of advice. If they did I would tell them not to even consider having a serious girlfriend until the turned 25.

[Theres-a]

1. Sadly,yes.

[RagingInMiami]

2. Giving any type of advice to any young person is usually pointless

We've all had to experience life for ourselves so we can get older and give pointless advice to the next generation.

[jeff30997]

3. To answer your question :

"Is Giving Romantic Advice to Young Women Completely Pointless?"
No it's not pointless,you're doing the right thing.If more people like you give them the same type of advices then maybe they will wake up.

[nini]

4. giving romantic advice to anyone too young to handle it is pointless

whether they be male or female. Until they mature enough to realize they deserve better they'll keep making those mistakes.

They're at a stage where just having someone around is more important than taking the time to find a person worthy of their love.

All you can say is to be careful in their endeavors. They won't hear much of anything else you say.

[The Great Escape]

6. You Hit The Nail On The Head...

it's all about having someone around...anyone...it sounds like a cliche but I have advised so many of these girls to "take a few months off from dating" and spend time with your friends and family. They all agree with me then a week later it's "Oh I met somebody!" It begins again.

[madison2000]

5. you can give advice if they ask

but some things have to be learned the hard way.

Its not just young girls who have bad taste in men. I know a beautiful woman whose 3 year marriage ended at the age of 27 when she gave her husband a choice between herself and cocaine- he chose the cocaine. Every man she dated after the divorce offered her drugs... instead of flowers and candy. The selection process seems to be hard-wired. She isn't attracted to any of the clean cut, hard-working, decent men who ask her out- they're boring. She's 38, only likes guys with real rough edges. Go figure.

[Hans Delbrook]

8. You know I washed my hands of someone I knew like that

It may be harsh but I found it incredibly frustrating. She was constantly jealous of how happy my marriage is - and moaned constantly that her boyfriend treated her like crap (he did). He didn't want to marry her, put her down, used her, yadda, yadda, yadda. Finally, a nice man came into her life who was very interested in her. I practically pushed her into meeting him for lunch. When she came back all she could say was, "I can't see dating him; he's just too nice." I thought OK, some people don't want to be happy. I stopped trying to help her and as soon as it was feasible I cut her out of my life.

I've since heard that she finally turned her life around. I'll be seeing her at a funeral this week - should be interesting.

[gardenista]

10. Your "tough love" probably helped her come to the realization

that she was in a bad cycle.

In my twenties I dated an emotionally, and sometimes physically, abusive man. I realize now that I was addicted to the attention I got when I complained about him to others.

Some of my friends did the same thing you did. It took me a while to realize what was going on, but thank God I did. I got it together, and all of a sudden, nice, kind, decent men came out of the woodwork.

I married the best of them, and my life is in a place I never could have envisioned back then.

Hope the same is true of your friend.

[NuttyFluffers]

20. that's always what i thought it was about, myself.

"I realize now that I was addicted to the attention I got when I complained about him to others."

i used to be one of those 'satellites' of an attention addict. i thought, 'i could save her, she just needs to hear good advice and rebuild her self-esteem!" but then, whenever it was approaching breakthrough you'd get this group sobbing scene with her attacking everybody saying "it's my life, i'll make my own choices! ... oh it hurts, but i love him, but i hate him, but i need you, but i don't want you to help me... oh woe is all of us!!" just pathetic emotional masturbation is what it was.

after that it was over, i left junior high ignoring stupid little drama scenes. ever since then i'd get a few people trying to bring back some sick web of emotional psychosis into my circle of friends, but i'd immediately disengage and say why. it has been a great way to stop the cycle and to retain my sanity. i don't get caught up in drama, they don't get their fix, life has a chance of improving for everyone.

that's where i learned one of the best ways to replies to such emotional fishing: a pleasant, but disinterested "That's nice."
shows you are divroced from any possibility from getting caught up in those sick games.

[Hans Delbrook]

23. No matter what

happened w/ my (ex?) friend, yours is an inspiring story. Congratulations for turning your life around. That took hard work and guts, I'm sure.

[Cerridwen]

7. Giving advice to anyone with low self-esteem is, unfortunately,

pointless. Though a kind thing for you to do. Until we all have a healthy sense of our self worth, we just keep making the same mistakes over and over, regardless of our age.

I wish we had a magic wand which instantly imbued a person with self respect and self worth.

Until then, thank you for your kindness.



:hi:

[Left Is Write]

9. Pretty much, unfortunately.

I got a lot of badly needed advice about my relationship when I was eighteen, and I didn't listen to a word of it.

[HEyHEY]

11. Yes

[Nikia]

12. Many women with low self esteem let things happen to happen

Dating my first serious boy friend was like that for me. He was turned down for homecoming by my prettier, more outgoing sister so he asked me. I accepted because I felt lucky to be going out with a guy. I continued to date him even though he was a loser and was always trying to put me down to feel better about himself because I didn't think that I was attractive enough for the guys who I would have preferred to date. I dated him for a whole year.
I concentrated on my studies and activities before meetinging a hot college guy, originally from the area, at a party. I didn't worry that he appeared to have a serious alcohol problem because I was thrilled that such a hot guy would want me. Perhaps, it was good that he couldn't continue to see after his involvement in the criminal justice system.
I had only a couple more dating experiences before meeting my husband. In none of my experiences was I the pursuer although I had tried to pursue a couple guys before who weren't interested in me. In each case, I accepted because I thought that the guy was more attractive or "popular" than me, not thinking if he was actually someone who was good for me.
As an adult, I realize that many women are like this. We are fed this image that to get a desirable man, who is defined by his attractiveness, social poweress, traditional masculinity, and wealth we have to be a supermodel. If we feel less than a supermodel, we tend to let things happen to us when such a man arrives. We don't pursue men we like. We let things happen to us.

[petronius]

13. Just curious:

Is there a word missing here?

"...he couldn't continue to see after his involvement in the criminal justice system."

[Nikia]

16. Sorry

"he couldn't continue to see me after his involvement in the criminal justice system."
I don't know why I am so bad about proof reading.

[petronius]

18. Just to clarify:

That was not intended to be a grammar-cop attack on my part; I just wanted to point out a funny typo... :)

[NewJeffCT]

15. Well, I disagree a bit with your last paragraph

I think at that young age, women are fed the image of the 'bad boy' on TV & in movies, and with the love of a good woman, the bad boy changes into a good guy and they all live happily ever after. Unfortunately, life isn't like the movies.

[NewJeffCT]

14. I'm 38 and it was that way when I was that age, too

I remember being in that 18-25 year old range as a guy and consistently being turned down because I was "too nice", then to see the women that turned me down start dating some jerk that treated her like dirt, and then complaining that there are no good men or that her boyfriend was treating her badly...

[48pan]

17. Giving ANY Advice to Most Young People...

is completely pointless. They aren't going to listen. If they appear to be listening, they are filtering what you say so that it agrees with what they think.

When I was 19, someone said to me, "Do what you want, that's what you're going to do anyway." That was the revelation. He was 100% right.

[PassingFair]

19. Duh!

"If they did I would tell them not to even consider having a serious girlfriend until the turned 25."

It's called CHEMISTRY! When we're young, and our hormones are flowing like the mighty Mississippi, we are NOT looking for stability except in ONE area. Sex.

Young women want it on call. Now, to be fair, I am only recalling my own rather selfish drives...but I wanted to be with the guy I was most attracted to in a physical way, and I wanted him to be there whenever and where ever I wanted. He didn't have to be rich, or smart. To be "attractive" to me, my pick had to be funny, good-looking, kind, eager and AVAILABLE.

[Dastard Stepchild]

21. yikes... I do this as an internship

Counseling young women with their relationship and sexual ed/ sexual health concerns. Ya never quite know what it going to come out of their mouths. Keeps you on your toes... and I am not that much older than them! Was I REALLY like that as a teenage woman? :eyes:

[Wapsie B]

22. I'd say so.

If there were any to give advice to I'd tell them don't ignore the quiet, unassuming guys in the corner. They may just worship the ground you walk on.