Boneless Baby Miracle Tot Lives in a Bucket

[Dookus]

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/22200

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - Little Tara Jurtens is the world's most amazing baby. She was born without a single bone in her body, yet she's the picture of health!

Tiny 6-month-old Tara is a happy, affectionate tot who "loves to giggle, get bear hugs and listen to Barney songs," her delighted parents say.

"Tara is twice as cuddly as any baby you've ever held in your arms - she feels like a soft rag doll," says her mother Randi, 26. "Also, because she has no bones, she's light as a feather, which makes it real easy to carry her around."

According to her parents, the amazing boneless baby can also:

Slither down a flight of stairs just like a Slinky.
Wiggle between the bars in her crib - a span of just four inches.
Squeeze easily into a plastic bucket, a convenience that keeps her safe from danger while unattended and gives her mom a quck-and-easy way to cart her around.
Roll herself into a perfect sphere, triangle or any other shape.
Fall onto a cement floor from a height of 7 feet 6½ inches without breaking anything.
.....

more at link.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. HEY WHEN DID YOU GET BACK!!!!!

:hi:

[Dookus]

4. Recently....

I was kidnapped by some over-sensitive Amish people and forced to build barns while being fed on a diet of shoo-fly pie.

Eventually, I was able to dazzle them with a key-chain light and make my escape. After hitchhiking cross-country disguised as an itinerant astrologer, I made my way back home, and viola, here I is.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

6. I am so happy you are

it was the key chain light that did it...I just know it ;-)

[Dookus]

18. Indeed it was...

Lemuel, Samuel, Emmanuel, and Manuel (the mexican gardener) were so frightened, they dropped to their knees (not a new position for Lemuel, if I may say so) and prayed that my devil-light would be extinguished. While they were distracted by technology, I ran off into the woods where I was taken in by a she-bear who let me suckle. When her he-bear showed up, I hadda jump out the window on the other side of the lair.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Maybe when she grows up, she can be

a Democratic member of Congress, and join the DLC.

[Syrinx]

5. hah!

Now that's funny!

[Bouncy Ball]

3. WHAT??? WHAT??? WHAT??

Ah!!!!! My DOOKUS IS BACK!!!!

:bounce:

Oh and I PMed you in case you are confused about me...

[BigMcLargehuge]

7. HOLY SHIT IT'S DOOKUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Back my Brother!!!!!

:hug: :bounce:

[Dookus]

73. Hey Biggie!

Sorry, missed your reply. Thank you.

[PartyPooper]

8. Dookus, how is your puppy dog doing these days?

Maybe you can post us a picture, eh?

:-)

[Dookus]

9. the dog is doing great...

I gotta get some new pics to post.

But how ocme nobody's talking about the boneless baby?!

[PartyPooper]

13. We're just so glad to see you back.

You upstaged your own post!

:D

[Dookus]

20. Much to my dismay...

won't SOMEBODY think about the boneless bucket baby?

[miss_kitty]

36. are there no pics of the boneless baby?

upon which I call bullshit, in the most respectful way, of course! :D

[Dookus]

38. No, there are no pics

you can't possibly dress a boneless baby. Imagine putting a jumper on softened cream cheese - it can't be done!!

And you can't post pics of naked babies, bucketed or not.

[miss_kitty]

40. Hey! I got a dog while you were away

no pic of her yet...but she has bones.

how do a boneless baby's organs keep from getting crushed buy the weight of the boneles baby's mighty muscles? I noticed the boeless baby DOES have a tibia-so it's as I thought! a fake!

[Dookus]

42. ah, you don't read well....

the only OTHER "boneless" baby was some piker wanna-be who had a tibia. THIS baby is pure fillet.

The organs don't get crushed because the baby rolls in a ball and moves around, and centrifugal force eases the pressure. Geez, take a science class.

And what kinda dawg?

[miss_kitty]

47. hey it's late

my dog is a Cairn terrier type dog that a DUer who lives nearby, found by the freeway. It was a Sunday, her landlord wouldn't let the pup stay inside, I said I could keep her overnight since I was SURE she was chipped. I took her to my old vets the next day and-no chip.
Long story short-I wasn't looking for a dog, people'd been tellin' me to get a small dog and she was too good for Plan B, which was to give her to a good pal. He's still looking for a little dog.

Stella looks like Toto. I'm pretty sure now (two people have told me) a homeless kid owned her and was going to give her to a cop before he left town. She was found where homeless people camp out under the freeway. I think she got away from there.
How's Tucker? He must be Big now!

[ornotna]

39. No pictures

And apparently no baby either. ;)

http://www.sptimes.com/2002/12/30/Floridian/13th_Annual_Sour_Oran.shtml

[Dookus]

44. Honestly...

if YOU had a boneless bucket baby, would you take pictures of it and let them be sent all over the internets for the amusement of fools like us? It is to laugh.

Poor little bucket baby. I can't believe you people are so callous.

[ornotna]

45. lol

My bad.

Check the link there's a little about the "boneless baby" there.

"LAST SEEN TRAVELING WITH BATBOY AND BIGFOOT."

http://www.sptimes.com/2002/12/30/Floridian/13th_Annual_Sour_Oran.shtml

[Dookus]

46. I hope that's true....

I believe Batboy really understands what Bucket Baby is going through, and can be a big help.

I don't believe in Bigfoot thread, though. That's just bullshit.

[Midlodemocrat]

60. Welcome Back, Dookus!

Now, post a picture of Tucker. We have all been jonesing.

[ronnykmarshall]

71. Oh dear, it's boneless .... that's sad!

DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!! DOOKUS IS BACK!!!!

[Dookus]

72. Yes I am

and fully-boned. er... um... you know what I mean.

[PartyPooper]

10. BTW, you should post another thread just to say "hello" to everyone!

You should have seen the number of "goodbye" threads when you left!

It seems, an awful lot of DU'ers love you, Dookus!

Welcome back!

:loveya:

:D

:hi:

[Dookus]

11. aww...

that's sweet.

[Bouncy Ball]

Heck, I went through withdrawal

the DTs were horrible. Ask anyone here. Whew.

[miss_kitty]

37. DTs?

was that 'Dookus tremens'?

[Bouncy Ball]

66. YEP! LOL

[Tweed]

12. I was just thinking about you today!!

WELCOME BACK DOOKUS!!!

On edit: It seems weird that I was thinking of you, but more so I was thinking about a DU Movie in which all of the tombstoned posters come back from the "dead" and freep the hell out of DU. Then I was wondering if you had a tombstone or not when you cancelled your account. Glad to see that you are back!

[Dookus]

14. thank you all....

it's all very much appreciated.

[wtmusic]

15. Welcome back Dookus

I thought I was seeing things...

and I knew you'd be back na na na na nah ;-)

[Bluebear]

16. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.............DOOKUS!

[Lorien]

17. I was just thinking about you today

I guess now that Kheph is gone, I've been wondering about all those other DUers who we hadn't seen for a long time and hoping that everyone is OK (how would we know?) Glad to see you back!

:hi:

[Lorien]

41. Almost forgot

I changed my name. I was Jen6.

:hi:

[Dookus]

43. oh, hi!

this name change thing will mess me up for a very long time...

[wtmusic]

19. It took a boneless bucket baby to bring you out of retirement? n/t

[PartyPooper]

21. Medically speaking, without bones...or bone marrow

how does this baby produce red blood cells? Isn't that how blood is made? Otherwise, how does she survive?

:shrug:

[Dookus]

22. oh sure

pick on a poor little bucket-baby. Shame on you.

[auntAgonist]

23. Surely that's a hoax?

btw ... welcome back Dookus.

I don't know how a person could survive (?)

[Dookus]

24. Yes, Virginia...

there is a bucket-baby, as sure as there's a bat-boy. It's the Weekly World News.

And thanks, AuntAgonist :)

[auntAgonist]

26. I mean 'really'

how would she live in a bucket? .. wouldn't she outgrow it?


*I'm kidding!*

[gollygee]

59. Or a skull protecting her brain

[Rocinante]

25. Possum lover!

Ok I'm one of them "name changers". I bet you don't remember.

[Dookus]

31. too many people changed names...

I'll never catch up.

[jpgray]

27. Pssh. Imposter

No way would Dookus post something this shitty as his comeback post.

[thedailyshow]

29. then he's talking out of his ass, isn't he?

it's got to be the Dookus :evilgrin:

[Dookus]

30. Well

YOU may think a poor, boneless bucket-baby is "shitty", but I have a little more compassion.

Poor little bucket-baby.

[jpgray]

32. Well, think of the logistics of its waste elimination

Depending what end is pooled where in the bucket, and depending on how long it is before anyone notices something amiss, the contents thereof could often be described as "shitty".

:D

Welcome back, Dookus! :hi: :toast:

[Dookus]

33. But the bucket baby

just rolls herself into the shower and cleans up.

She can even go down stairs like a slinky!

[alittlelark]

28. She'll fall in love with the bat-boy, and live

happily ever after.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

34. Does the term "boneless" make anyone else hungry?

I just feel so wrong.

Hey Dookus....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[miss_kitty]

35. DOOKUS? IZZAT YOU?

:hi:

Longtime no see! How exciting!

On Edit: was I miss_kitty yet? or still mlle_chatte?

[WindRavenX]

48. OMFG!! Dookus is back!!!

How are you man?? I've missed you! How's your puppy? :D

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

49. HOLY SHIT!!! DDOOOOOKKKUUUUUSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Where you been fool???

:hug:

[LDS Jock]

50. Dookus baby!!!! Welcome back!!!!

DU wasn't the same without you. :loveya:

[SarahB]

51. You're back!!!

Awesome!!!!

:bounce:

[Beware the Beast Man]

52. Who are you again?

:P

[sniffa]

53. when she reaches 100 pound mark

she'LL be smothered in buffaLo sauce and served with ceLery sticks and the biggest fucking bowL of bLue cheese you ever seen!

[terrya]

54. Dookus! You're back!

Glad to have you back. :-)

T

[arwalden]

55. My Mother's Hairdresser Knows Someone Who Knows This Couple's Neighbor

... it so sad!

[Fridays Child]

56. DOOKUS!!!!!!!! ((((((((HUG)))))))

I missed you!

[The Backlash Cometh]

57. Sounds like she would be a natural for an aquatic surrounding?

[China_cat]

58. I traveled with a carnival for years

We had one of those, too, only in adult form.

Weekly World News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! riiiiiiiiiiight.

[Zenlitened]

61. Why why WHY did I not think to choose "Boneless Baby Miracle Tot"...

... as my username?

*smacks self in head, curses boniness of skull for causing bruise*

:D

[sundog]

62. DOOK!

:toast:

[redqueen]

63. Welcome back, Dookus.

[Dookus]

64. Again, thank you all

for the warm welcome.

Something's been bothering me, though - the precision with which they know she can survive falls "onto a cement floor from a height of 7 feet 6½ inches without breaking anything."

Did they drop her from increasing half-inch increments until something busted? And what DID she bust at 7' 7"? An internal organ? I'm worried about Tara.

[Squatch]

65. My wife's (who is 6 months pregnant) response to this...

I sent her the article in an e-mail and this is her response:

"the parents couldn't be happier? that sounds selfish considering the road ahead for this boneless child. I keep my fingers crossed everyday for 10 fingers and 10 toes...now I have to add bones to my list."



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

[CatWoman]

67. WELCOME BACK, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still talking out of your ass???? :hi:

[GOPisEvil]

68. Yeah, yeah, yeah, boneless babies...whatever. WELCOME BACK DOOKUS!

:bounce:

[Book Lover]

69. Hey, wait a minute - I know that cat avatar!

*And* I never realized that the Weekly World News must have a website - I'm off like a prom dress to read Ed Anger's latest.

Dook, it's nice to see you again, especially after yesterday's sad news.

[Dookus]

70. thanks...

yes, it was very sad news indeed.

[Dookus]

74. kick for Maddy McCall

[patdem]

75. NOW I KNOW why Dookus came back...remember the election of

the funniest thread...well, Dookus was NOT in the running...so he has been LURKING...Dookus wants a duel with A Swartewotrger...Betcha ya!

Am I brilliant or what? :shrug:

[Dookus]

76. I missed that...

but Oscar the mixed-animal will ALWAYS be the funniest thread ever.

Almost as funny as how you spell Schwarzenegger.