Shout out to Adopted DUers

[Modem Butterfly]

Hey! I'm adopted and I was wondering who else on DU is? Speak up and be counted!

[Joe Power]

1. I used to wish that I was

[Sticky]

2. I have adopted

...and I have an interim home for newborns that are available for adoption. I haven't had a full nights sleep in years! :hi:

[politicat]

3. Yep!

:hi:

Adopted at 11 months old. Bio-father died so I'm a posthumous child. Mother... Sigh.

Pcat

[Modem Butterfly]

4. I was adopted as an infant

Closed adoption for me, and even now I have to have my adoptive parents' permission to look at my records. Boy, does that ever chap my ass. Anyway, hi!

[Bouncy Ball]

5. I was adopted by a stepparent when I was 7, does that count?

[6th Borough]

6. Underpants paid for my star if that counts...

Thanks, Underpants; DUer with the best animated sig!

[HEAVYHEART]

7. Not sure

I've heard in the past that I'm adopted. I never pursued it, my parents never said anything to me about it. I do think I am for sure because I don't look like anybody in my family at all. I don't care..

[Modem Butterfly]

8. Gosh, that would bother me

I always knew I was adopted (I'm a different race than my parents) and I still deal with "The Primal Wound" so-to-speak. Abandonment issues out the ying-yang, and I had a particularly good adoption experience. I have no idea what that must be like for you. A friend of mine was a late-discovery adoptee (her parents told her when we graduated from high school) and she was absolutely devastated. I am glad that you are comfortable with the situation, but I must say I find it extraordinary.

[HEAVYHEART]

11. Everybody lies

My parents have lied to me about other things before, and recently I caught them in another lie. My so called father made passes at me all my life, so that in itself tells me that I really am adopted. I don't see how any father can look at his real daughter that way. At this point, I really don't care about the truth because I will probably never know. I've pretty much disconnected myself from my so called parents and siblings. Don't worry, I'm fine with all of this.

[Debbi801]

9. I am...

I was adopted as an infant and I've always known about it. It has never been a big thing with me as far as my identiy goes. it is a pain when being asked for medical history, though.

[Modem Butterfly]

13. Well, it does make it quick to fill out all those forms

I just write one quick ADOPTED across the medical history questions.

What irks me is that next Sunday is allegedly my 33rd birthday. But I can never really be certain, can I?

I guess I still have issues.

;)

[Maat]

14. Hi, Modem Butterfly.

As an adoptive mom (my child's REAL mom I always say), your post kind of makes me sad. I love my daughter more than I can possibly express. My husband and I love her so much, and have enjoyed bringing her up so much. I'm a retired social worker myself, who adopted our 8-year-old from another county when she was 2. I collected a medical history, so that won't be as much of a problem in years passed. She is aware of her whole story. There is not a day that goes by - we tell each other how much we love each other all of the time.

I hope that she never is displeased that she was adopted. I'm not expressing this very well. I just hope that adoptees by and large on the Board love their REAL parents (the ones who raised them, loved them, and will adore them forever - their adoptive parents - I know that you probably do). I guess I hope that she views me as her MOM in caps for her entire life, and that we have a very healthy relationship, and that I get to care for my grandchildren. I don't mind if she looks for her roots, but I do hope, as any parent does, that she appreciates some of the sacrifices that we have made. I don't mean any offense. Thanks for sharing your story.

Maybe you can give me some tips to make this one of the most successful adoptions ever - 'cause I love her as much as a mom can love her daughter.

[Modem Butterfly]

17. Adoption

I had a particularly good adoption experience, in that most of my family were very accepting and supportive. We were always able to talk about adoption without much pain or difficulty, and my parents even encouraged me to search for my birth parents. Still, I have a lot of complex emotions when it comes to adoption and my adoption in particular.

Adoption is infinitely more complex than most folks will admit. It's all very well and true to say that love makes a family, but that only works to a point. Your daughter, like everyone, came from somewhere. She has a history and a legacy and ancestors that exist outside of her world. She has, in effect, an entire life that goes on without her. The challenge for a growing adoptee is to learn to accept, and even embrace the cognitive disonnance between being part of her adopted family and at the same time, being part of a shadow family. As an adoptive parent, the best thing you can do is to be supportive and understanding of this process. In other words, I guess, be a mom. :)

I recommend "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton. A psychiatrist, Lifton is both an adoptee and an adoptive mother. She writes eloquently about the process adoptees go through in coming to terms with being adopted. She also writes about the emotional complexities of being an adoptive parent and a biological parent.

[Maat]

24. Thanks for the reply.

The author will have credibility with me, because she has gone through the experience. I have a Master's Degree in Psychology, and have worked with many mental health professionals with different types of education. This has helped me to separate the truth from the baloney. My daughter has very healthy self-esteem, and I do pat myself on the back a bit - because I made every effort to show unconditional love. We are fortunate because, as a social worker myself, I knew what to ask for - so I 'scored' copies of court reports. That way, we have quite a bit of information for her. Your reply encourages me. Some us raised by our birth families experience something similar. Both of my parents were substance abusers - not obvious ones - a nurse and a businessman. Upper middle class professionals get quite good at hiding that from Society. I was fortunate to have paternal grandparents that very successfully filled the parental role. So, my daughter (8) has already decided that we have something big in common. That was neat that she noticed. Adoption gets a bit easier as time moves on ... because people learned better ways to introduce information to the adoptee, I think. Thanks for your help. I cried a bit after your initial post ... because I want so much for my daughter's life to be successful and happy. The more one recognizes stuff, and talks about it, the less threatening it is, I believe. Again, thanks. I am determined to help her have the most successful, happy life ever.

[Name removed]

10. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Modem Butterfly]

12. Not yet

I keep thinking that someday I will be in a good, stable place emotionally where I can begin an epic search for my distant roots, but somehow that never happens. My adopted folks have always encouraged my to search, but I just somehow can't get over the emotional inertia.

[Maddy McCall]

15. I was.

[Maddy McCall]

16. And...

I remember from a recent thread that GOPisEvil is another DUer who was adopted. I remember this, because he was adopted in Texas, as was I.

[GOPisEvil]

19. I was not adopted in Texas. But I was adopted.

I was adopted in Greece, where I was born. :-)

[Maddy McCall]

23. REALLY?

I didn't know you were born in Greece! I must have recalled that your parents live in San Antonio? Sorry about that mistake. :)

[GOPisEvil]

18. I am. Adopted at 4 days old.

:hi:

[regularguy]

20. Adopted as an infant.

Found my Birth Mother a few years back. Not a letdown, but somewhat anti-climactic. I think it was the anger of my info being kept from me than pure genealogical curiosity that made me search. And the lies told to me by the agency (Louise Wise, NYC) really hurt. At any rate, I don't see adoption as a central part of who I am.
:hi:

[Modem Butterfly]

21. You might like this cartoon

[KinkyDem]

22. Hard to read some of this

15 years ago, when I was 19, a little girl was given up for adoption. Until just recently (think mid December 2004) I thought she was my daughter. I am now told that that is not true. That her bio-father is someone else.

I met that little girl one day, so long ago. I got to hold her. I thought she was mine. I have thought of her and pined for her for many years.

I have allways thought of and presented that little fact as she was mine. My daughter, given up by her bio-mother. But, it seems my name in fact is nowhere on paperwork. There is virtualy no way, she could ever find out that I exist, that some stranger has loved her for her entire life, even if biology now tells me there is no point.

For every adopted child, there is, somewhere a person who aches over it. Not everyone has a choice in putting their child up or having their child put up for adoption. It's the places in life where one has no choices that are the hardest.

I have recntly been reintroduced to the mother of that little girl, which is how I found out the rest of this story. I now have a birthday and a photograph of her. Sad little momentos of a little girl I may never again see.

***
Much love little one, may fifteen be a good year for you.

*sigh*

[loudestchick]

25. Adopted in San Francisco, CA in 1968...I was 3mo old and had been in

foster care for 2mo. I'm registered thru isrr but not aggressively searching.