Have You Ever Been In A Relationship Where your Partner Has Cheated on you

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Poll question: Have You Ever Been In A Relationship Where your Partner Has Cheated on you

and if so how did you deal with it?

did you get over it?

[Squatch]

1. No...but I've cheated on 2.

I was going to break up with them anyways, but the...er..."company" was orgasmic.

[Maddy McCall]

22. If you haven't been cheated on, you haven't been in many relationships

I am sure some of my ex-boyfriends thought that I didn't cheat on them, too. I never let on...

[Squatch]

25. Ha, ha, ha, ha...

"haven't been in many relationships"

Excuse me....(ahem, ahem)....Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...

I made relationships an Olympic sport. (not an endurance event)

[Maddy McCall]

61. Well, my friend, then you have been cheated on.

Just admit it.

[villager]

2. end result: divorce

two years later, she's coming 'round to regret it all...

[arcane1]

3. yes

[aden_nak]

4. That depends on which girl.

The first girl, I hmmed and hawed over it, got all freaked out and depressed, and forgave her just in time for her to do it again. Rinse, Repeat. I got over it by not talking to her for several years.

The second girl, I told her that having said conversation with her was far less entertaining than going back to my dorm and playing video games, which was what I proceded to do. I got over it by deciding she was a spoiled Daddy's Little Princess type, and then I bought Diablo II.

[Misunderestimator]

5. Yes and no... monogamy for me is prerequisite number one

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

20. Does that mean no more okra with Mrs Grumpy?

:scared:

[Misunderestimator]

23. Okra is the line, baby... cross that and it's over!

:loveya:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. did you know you are on the babesofsorryeverybody site?

[Misunderestimator]

31. Someone here mentioned something

of the sort... you know how I feel about that, of course... I wonder if the sorryeverybody people know that someone's out there representing them, and women, that way.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

29. no worries

I don't have enough energy to cheat on you :D

[Misunderestimator]

32. Good answer

:evilgrin:

[Maddy McCall]

62. Tell me about it. I don't have enough energy to do ANYTHING

outside of what I have to do. :)

[jonnyblitz]

48. okra?

ew. :scared:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

112. what exactly is okra cheating?

[Champ]

6. Um, I'd rather not know

I vote 'maybe' because I have no way of being 100% sure either way.

Not something I could deal with easily and would be impossible for me to really forgive someone over it especially if I'm being monogamis

[asthmaticeog]

7. Wait,

by clicking Yes or No in the poll, am I saying yes/no I have/haven't been cheated on or yes/no I did/didn't get over it?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. yes i have been cheated on...or no i havetn

the other questions are just elaboration

[Misunderestimator]

11. I misread it too... since the last question is 'did you get over it'...

so take one of those no's away and add a yes :)

[Champ]

10. I think the subject line is the poll question

The other questions seem to be discussion questions.

[sundog]

9. Once was in a long distance relationship

where we both ended up with someone in our 9 months apart.

Wasn't really cheating, since we were both open about it all.

[arcane1]

36. 9 months?

dear gods, here I am whining about waiting four!

4 is better than 9, but still totally sucks :evilfrown:

[sundog]

37. communication

is the main thing... 9 months when you're 23... uh... things happen

[arcane1]

40. indeed

I've grown unhealthily attatched to text on a screen

just not the same

though I'm not 23 anyway :)

[sundog]

42. yup

and that was in the days before internet son (sundog readjusts his dentures) :7

[arcane1]

43. I know those days well

though I have forgotten them mostly... 23 was a while ago :)

[Dookus]

12. I threw all his stuff out on the back porch

and left him a note to have it all gone by the time I got back from a business trip. And I smashed every gift I'd given him and left the pieces there.

[iconoclastic cat]

89. Yeee-hah!

Kick ass, Dook!

[Taverner]

13. Yes. I deserved it. Plain and simple.

[NNadir]

27. You should probably take up a career in country music.

[Taverner]

35. LOL...seriously I was a total asshole

I was a self-absorbed frat boy in college and a young republican. I would make insulting jabs at her on a regular basis, as well as neglect her. We were at a party and she ran off with one of my frat brothers. At the time, I was crushed, but then it all fell into place. Within a year, I was a Democrat and went through a "Paul of Tarsus" moment.

[LDS Jock]

45. GASP!!! you were a college republican!!!

:cry: I thought you were the perfect man.

[Taverner]

70. Who among us hasn't had a youthful moment of stupidity :)

but far from perfect...beleive me lol

[LDS Jock]

77. we all have done things

close enough to perfect for me though bud :pals:

[NNadir]

91. Cool. She was good for you then. I hope she was good for your frat

brother too.

[Taverner]

99. Well he was worse

They got into drunken rages with each other...and got violent. Eventually they broke up, and got better.

Honestly, I've always wanted to thank her for letting me see the light.

[Lex]

14. Yes . . . it sucks.

.
I got mad, I got sad, I drank too much, I slept a lot, I obsessed about what my ex was doing, I drove my friends nuts--I was like this for a couple of months or so.

Then I found someone fabulous and we've been together for an excellent 12 years!

So, looking back, it was good thing that the cheating happened or I might not've left that relationship and found the truly wonderful relationship I'm in now.

[Misunderestimator]

16. Count me lucky too for the same reasons...

:)

[Heath.Hunnicutt]

15. These are the wrong choices, 'Yes' and 'No'

It seems to me the poll answers should be:
- Yes
- Not that I know of

:)

[Lex]

19. Hahaha! Very true.

[NNadir]

17. When I was a kid of 19, I found out that my girlfriend had begun sleeping

with a number of men who were not me.

I was devastated because I thought I was in love.

Looking back on it, it's kind of amusing to think how serious it felt. The children's writer, Jean Ingelow wrote, "I have lived to thank God that all my prayers have not been answered."

I don't believe in God and I don't pray, but I share the sentiment.

I have been happily married for 19 years, and living with my wife for 20.

[MotorCityMan]

18. Yes, and no, I did not get over it

The guy treated me like a whore who couldn't be trusted and who would hope into bed with the first person who looked at me. I spent all this time trying to prove I was faithful and cared about him.

Guess who was fucking around? I felt so damn naive; he was doing everything he accused me of. It killed it for me; couldn't trust him at all.

Because of that, I have managed to remain faithful when I am involved with someone because I know how much it hurts to be cheated on and how it can kill a relationship.

[GreenPartyVoter]

21. I was the cheater, and he seems to have gotten past it since we are still

together after all this time.

Bottom line, though, in some way I wish we had gone to the same college as this might not have occurred. But the downside would have been suffering through 4 years of fundagelical "teaching" in order to be with him.

------------------------------------------------------
Join the new Boston Tea Party!
http://timeforachange.bluelemur.com/index.htm#shopping

[Bertha Venation]

24. No, but after a 6-mo. relationship ended, the ex-GF started dating

someone else several weeks later, and was afraid I would find out. Weird.

[Worst Username Ever]

28. Not that I know of.

Although I have cheated when things had hit rock bottom and I was ready to give up anyway. "Relationships," is a tricky definition. I've had a lot of 6-month ones, one year long one, and my current 5 year one (and hopefully my last one ever!). Never cheated on my love.

[ihaveaquestion]

30. Army Officer Husband & his (younger) Female Troopie

Besides leaving me and his children he was "allowed" to resign from the Army early, therefore no pension benefits.

I dealt with it this way...
(1) Anger
(2) Resignation
(3) Thankfulness that the bum was out of my life!

Yeah, I'm definately over it.

[asthmaticeog]

33. I'm not sure, but I'm suspicious, so I went with yes.

(BTW, thanks for the clarification, lioness.)

[achtung_circus]

34. Yes, one did, with my best? friend

They ended up married, then divorced. I decided early on that they deserved each other and moved on. Living well (or at least better than them) is the best revenge.

[Nadienne]

38. I once dated three different men at the same time.

I think they thought my relationships with them were more serious than they actually were...

[Taverner]

39. Wow...impressive

How did you keep from your head exploding?

[Nadienne]

44. I don't know.

There were times I thought my head would explode. At the time, I was also working 60 hrs/week and spending time with friends. Two of them knew each other. One thought I was in a serious relationship with the other (even though I frequently told him that we weren't) and so he felt as though he had to keep it a secret that he was spending time with me. Luckily, I never saw them at the same time.

[Seabiscuit]

51. I once dated 9 different women at the same time

I don't know why I was going through that, but it wasn't my head that was exploding.

[Nadienne]

54. Lol I can't help but be impressed!

Nine women! Criminey!

[Seabiscuit]

55. It only lasted a few months. I narrowed it down to 8. :)

...then 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, and settled on 2 for a long time, then back to being monogamous. It must have been an emotional reaction to something, but I really don't remember.

[Nadienne]

59. 3 for 2 months was more than enough for me!

An emotional reaction, or maybe you just got wore out! ;)

[Plaid Adder]

41. I've only ever been in one relationship,

and fortunately both of us are pathologically faithful.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[GOPisEvil]

46. Yep...and that relationship ended on the spot.

I caught them in the act, too.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

47. eep.

[GOPisEvil]

50. Oh well...I can laugh about it now, but I was pissed then.

[GalleryGod]

60. Next time at Doobie's I want to hear this one!

:beer: :wow: :beer:

[Maddy McCall]

66. Egad. I have to say, back in my "glory days," as wild as I was...

I was never caught on the spot. However, one boyfriend caught me at a bar with another, and instead of confronting me, he tied a balloon to my car antenna. The balloon was from a bank that has the slogan "We earn your trust everyday."

The message was clear that I had been caught. :grr:

However, it was a relationship that was on the way to being over. He was boring and I liked bad boys. Now, though, I'm attracted to the opposite. Go figure. I think it's called growing up. :D

[GOPisEvil]

69. OK - here's the story.

I was in college and seeing this woman. She was way out of my league and I suspected I was being used for assistance in a class we were taking, but I was young, she was hot...

Anyway, we had keys to each other's apartments in case of emergencies and for convenience.

One night I was planning to be studying all night, and told her not to expect me. Well, I finished earlier than I thought, so I figured I'd surprise her. So, I bought some food, and headed over there. I walked in and it looked deserted, but just as I was heading out, I heard a moan from the bedroom. I walked in and caught her in the saddle. Talk about shocked - they were FREAKED! :P

Anyway, I took her keys off my key ring, dropped them on the floor, grabbed my food and left. Then I called my friends and demanded they get me drunk. :D

[Maddy McCall]

73. Well, it had a happy outcome. In every relationship I have ever...

been in that ended with the guy cheating on me, I found throwing the drunk with friends quite cathartic.

And, you came out of it with a good story to tell. :toast:

[GOPisEvil]

75. Yep! All's well that ends well.

We'd have never lasted anyway.

The :beer: sure did help wash her away! :D I can't even remember her name! Ha!

[Seabiscuit]

49. Once. I called it off immediately. I got over it in about a month.

[last_texas_dem]

52. No

Well, at least "not that I know of", but I'm pretty sure "no"... It did get to where I knew she wasn't being open with me about anything and I didn't have much trust in her, so it almost felt like there was cheating. But I believe her that it never got to that point.

I'd rather be permanently single (I'm pretty skilled at that anyway) than ever stay in a relationship where cheating happened. I couldn't live with being with someone who did, and I never would myself.

[supernova]

53. Not to my knowledge

but knowing what I know now about him, I wouldn't be surprised to learn he did.

[NewJeffCT]

56. I don't think so, but I can't be 100% sure

Of course, I've only had 3 long term relationships my whole life - one in college, one with my ex-wife and one with my wife now. I'm almost 100% sure about the first and third. Maybe 50-50 on the ex-wife.

[Beaverhausen]

57. I have a weird situation

Someone I was in an exclusive relationship for over 3 years broke up with me but we started seeing each other again after about 2 months. But he did make it clear that we aren't "exclusive." I thought he was enjoying being single and unemcumbered.

A few months later I find out he is seeing someone else. He acted like he thought he had told me. I was shocked.

Yet, I am still seeing him. The thing is this other woman lives 8 hours away (by car). He only sees her occasionally. He and I are getting along better than ever.

So I am just enjoying my time with him now and keeping my eyes open for other possibilities.

Love is strange...

[RetroLounge]

58. Well, I walked in my girlfriend's apartment

and found her blowing a guy that wasn't me. I guess that counts...

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

63. eek

[Maddy McCall]

68. Jesus! You did, um, blow HER off, right?

[GOPisEvil]

72. Did we date the same woman?

See post 69 (appropriately enough).

[Maddy McCall]

74. LOL!

In Mississippi, I kid you not, on I-59, Exit 69 takes you to Eatonville. I've always wanted to make a photo of that sign. :7

[GOPisEvil]

76. Teehee!

How funny in a juvenile, not-at-all-adult, way. :D

[qnr]

64. Yeah my former fiancee, at board games - and she kind of had the

hots for my big brother. It was more playful than anything else though.

[Radical Activist]

65. Ugh don't get me started

Twice that I know of, and another time where I'm fairly certain she did but since we no longer speak I don't know for sure. I end any relationship immediately when that happens.

[nini]

67. yep

I got over it, but it does affect future relationships which is what pisses me off more than being cheated on.

[B Calm]

71. The worst thing I ever did was cheat on my loyal wife.

Thank god we stuck together, without her I would have been a lost soul.

[Arkana]

78. Yeah, and to make matters worse she was my first girlfriend

I found out she was sleeping with someone when I went off to a Boys' State conference back in high school. A friend talked to me on AIM while I was there and told me then. It really, really sucked, and I was hurt, but my family helped me get through it.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

79. It was a long-distance relationship

We were both grad students, I had a temporary teaching job, and he moved into a new department where people didn't know me. Several women took flying leaps at him. He dumped me.

[Biased Liberal Media]

80. Yes and it was ended after that

If they cheat once then it's over. I've had it happen to me twice ETA: two different guys- not the same one!!!.

[Worst Username Ever]

81. I can't imagine cheating on lionesspriyanka

SHE'S HOT!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

83. people have

:shrug:

thanks though

[Bok_Tukalo]

82. Yes.

How do I deal with it?

I try not to think about it.

Thanks for bringing it up.

[MrSlayer]

84. Yes, it sucked.

I dealt with it by making her leave immediately.

I got over it and am now glad it happened because I wouldn't be with my wife who is not a filthy whore like her.

[Freebird12004]

85. yes

[SarahB]

86. I'll never know.

But when you're 19 and married for 3 months, without supportive extended family, pregnant and sick as Hell and you find that condom wrapper, you just learn to shut off your feelings to survive. It just took me too long to wake up out of it. Some good things over the years I suppose. If he weren't so possessive of ME maybe I could have lived with not knowing and his shear anger that I dared to even think it.

It's done now though. Would I tolerate it again? No. Never.

Edit: Yet I am the evil one after all this. I'm a thought criminal. Never touched any man other than him in all those years, but I thought about it.

The shear irony is that he could never keep up with me in bed. Jerk.

[iconoclastic cat]

87. Yes! I split the scene, and occasionally indulged in REVENGE.

Mwhahahaha!

[greatauntoftriplets]

88. Not for very long.

n/t

[hunter]

90. I once loved a woman who implied she was divorced...

... and she wasn't. But we were friends, never "partners." She stopped seeing me mostly because she felt so awful about the lie. I moped around for months after that.

I had another similar sort of relationship which fell apart in a more devestating way. I actually jumped out of her moving car one night, and didn't see her again until a chance meeting years later. She was nice enough to send my stuff back to me, but with no note, no nothing. She did not invite me to their wedding, even though we'd been very close friends.

In both cases I might have been able to claim I was the victim of "cheating" but mostly we were all young and stupid.

It sounds trite, but if anyone is "cheating on you," they are mostly cheating themselves.

I eventually had the good fortune of meeting and marrying my true love. There were times I never thought that would happen!

[HEAVYHEART]

92. Oh shit

Don't mind me, I just realized something after seeing this thread. Dammit.

To answer your questions:

1.... and if so how did you deal with it?

In the past, I've never really dealt with it. If my lover cheated on me, I was done. That person was contaminated as far as I'm concerned and there was absolutely no going back.

2.... did you get over it?

Absolutely. I got over it very very quickly and I moved on just as fast. But, that was in the past. Now, I'm in a relationship with someone whom I love so deeply that I think I can even say that it's unconditional. I think I actually could forgive him if he cheated on me. But I also think that I'm saying this now because I trust him completely and I don't think he will ever cheat on me. He's just not that type of a person. I know, never say never. I do think I could get over it if it happened. Because I know he loves me and if he ever cheats on me, I hope that it would be for sex and not for love. I could probably handle him fucking someone else, but it would kill me if he fell in love with someone else.

[Bok_Tukalo]

100. That seems like circular logic

You could forgive him for cheating because you love him so much because he would never cheat.

[HEAVYHEART]

101. No

I'm saying that I think I can forgive him because my love for him is very deep, BUT... I think that I am only saying this because I know that he would never cheat on me.

Never mind. I was born in another country so I don't articulate my thoughts all that well, not the way I would like to. Fucking foreigners (not you, me).

[ContraBass Black]

93. I wonder

Maybe it's better that I not know.

[johnnie]

94. Nope

She was too busy with business trips, nights out with her girlfriends, staying late at work catching up, on the bowling team and accidental falling asleep about once a week at her friend's house while working on her cross-stitching to have an affair.

[hippiechick]

95. Nearly every one I've been in

...which is why I now avoid relationships.

Can't trust ANYONE.

:hippie:

[TroubleMan]

96. I've been on both sides of that issue.

I've been cheated on and I've been the cheater.

Usually if I'm the one that's been cheated on, I just break up with her, and then I don't say nothing else to her. It's pretty much over.

On the flip side, when I've been caught cheating the reactions have been:

getting slapped

she knocked over a aisle in a store and kicked a 12 pack of beer at me

forgiveness

breaking up and never wanting to see me again

apathy (she didn't care)


For me the best solution is just to break up, but that may or may not be the right thing for you. You have to look into your heart and see what's best for you. They have just committed a selfish act, now it's time for you to be selfish. If staying together is best for you, then do it (but keep an eye out, because 90% of the time, they'll do it again). If breaking up is best for you, do it.

[Piperay]

97. Yes

we are working on it, trying to get passed it but the problems are still there and what becomes of the relationship is still 'iffy'. :-(

[curse10]

98. yep, and I dumped him

he was outta there real fucking fast.

[youngred]

102. drank an entire handle of vodka

probably not the best reaction in hindsight. The kicker was I fell asleep hugging the toilet and had the foresight to set an alarm next to me so I could get up 2 hours later and fly to Europe.

I eventually got over it. The second time it happened to me I found out afterwards and was crushed but it was easier. Time heals all wounds

[Freebird12004]

107. the 'last' time

I drank 1/2 a fifth of Tequila. I still cry about it, so I'm not over him - yet.

[mac56]

103. Yes, yes, yes.

Deal with it? Not always well.

Get over it? Never completely.

It helps to believe in karma. For example, my ex went behind my back to sleep with this other guy. If he has an ounce of brains, he'll wonder from time to time if she's going to go behind his back to sleep with someone else. That's his reward, the world he'll have to live in.

[davsand]

104. I booted his ass to the curb.

THEN I told all his buddies about who he'd been cheating with and how I found out...

To give just a bit of illumination on this, the asshole gave me crabs--TWICE.

The first time I actually bought it when he told me he'd gotten them from the locker at his health club. The SECOND time he gave me crabs one of my gay buddies took me out for cocktails and explained that he and his lover had seen this guy doing the bookstores...

This was the same lover who had tried to make me miserable about my gay buddies and what useless people they all were.

Back then, HIV was not known thing. If it had been, I think I might have actually tried to kill the asshole. As it was I had a great time telling his redneck buddies exactly what kind of hypocrite he was.

I was not a kind person back then.


Laura

[alarimer]

105. Sort of

Actually the guy lied about being divorced (and everything else) so I supposed I was the one he actually cheated WITH so I don't know what that makes me. When I found out about all the lying (I am not sure he ever told the truth) I ended it but it was hard for a long time. I am still (after 4 years) not able to be in a relationship with anyone.

[Zech Marquis]

106. sadly yes

It was the Japanese woman I was about to go marry and live with in the Kyoto area. She had fallen for another guy, then started to say that she nd I were"only best friends, the passion was gone..." while he actually wnet and met her :grr:

So how did I deal with it you ask/ Simple, I re establsihed my link to a well off woman n Manila (a filipina from a good family). Same as myself--ex is 42, I'm 32--great looks, an angel in public, but a sheer demon in bed :evilgrn: I wou;dn't give the ex the time of day now, and the guy? If I eevr meet him in person, I'll knock him out on his sorry ass. An the ex too if she dares approaches me..or I'd let my gf throw her out of an office building window or something :evilgrin:

I'm not kidding.

[Debbi801]

108. I left him, we're divorced and I'm remarried...

But that was just one of the many problems in our marriage.

It sucks though when you're going through it.

Debbi

[Joe Power]

109. D * I * V * O * R * C * E

One of the best things that ever happened to me, in retrospect. Coincidentally, and to my eternal amusement, the divorce was final on Bastille Day.

[jdonaldball]

110. Does cheating at Monopoly count?

[JordanTO]

111. Yes.

I dealt with it by kicking him to the curb, when he lied about it, and I dealt with it by making it a rule to never date someone who is stil in love with their ex-.