Parents: should kids make it on their own or should you help out?

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

Poll question: Parents: should kids make it on their own or should you help out?

Financially speaking, when your kids are just starting out in the world (post-high school), are you of the philosophy that they're on their own and whatever happens, happen or do you feel like you should help get your kids to the point where they can make it on their own without going bankrupt (so long as they're being responsible)?

[Maple]

1. High school

isn't enough anymore.

[Xipe Totec]

2. Till they have children of their own

Then shift focus to grandkids

[mopinko]

3. depends on why you are helping them

and what you are helping them do. but i think that if you have a happy and successful multi generational family unit, you can have a great deal of success. takes a lot of work, i know. but.

[lcordero]

4. if i had children...even if they are all grown up

I would rather keep them in the house or at least near.
At the very least, I would try to keep them from paying exhorbitant rates on car insurance and keep them under the same plan for healthcare.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

5. I don't have kids, but if I were a parent

I would see them through college, since it is now nearly impossible to work one's way through college. (I had students who tried it, and something gave out, either their health or their studies or their money.)

Once they were out, though, I would not help them out unless it were a matter of survival. In other words, if they were about to be put out on the streets, I would pay their rent. If they wanted a new state-of-the-art stereo, too bad. They need to develop the confidence that they CAN make it on their own.

A member of my stepfather's extended family has been "helped" all his life. He is now fifty years old and has never held a real, full-time job. He's not disabled in any way, just over-indulged.

If I were wealthy, I would set up my will so that none of my heirs could inherit anything until they were age forty, unless they had catastrophic medical problems or a comparable disaster. Struggling to establish one's self builds character and a sense of accomplishment.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

10. as for inheritance: what about buying a home?

It IS the best investment you can make, and it certainly would help out a lot with a very mature purchase.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

15. No, I wouldn't do that

Because part of the maturation process is struggling. If you buy them a house, that frees them from one huge budget item, and they'll feel that they can coast.

If they bought a starter home or anything else on their own, then they could pay it off with their inheritance when they turned forty. :-)

[Worst Username Ever]

6. I would not be where I am without the help my parents gave me, and I

will continue this for my children. High school is not enough anymore.

[jpgray]

7. A college degree is like the new high school diploma

And with the rising costs, it's pretty tough for a kid to make it wholly on his or her own.

[The empressof all]

8. I was not helped

Parents did not help me even with college expenses. It was not because they didn't have-- but more done out of control issues and expressed desire to teach me "how hard it is out there".

It pretty much destroyed any relationship I had with them. It was mean spirited.

Never the less I have done well for myself. I would have done just as well with their support.

I plan to do what I can to help my daughter.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

9. I feel like only the truly TRULY spoiled need such treatment

I think very, very few actually need such a lesson.

[The empressof all]

12. Agreed

I know in my case, I was far from spoiled. My parents were very withholding throughout my childhood. I worked since I was 16 when I was legal to get a job. I was rebellious but never disrespectful or hostile.

Even now it drives me crazy when others feel the need to act on a desire to teach anyone a "lesson" just because they don't agree with them.

[guitar man]

11. I left home at 17

for the military and have been on my own ever since. Hasn't hurt me one bit. I know everybody might not be as hearty an individual as I, so a little help might be in order, but self reliance is best taught at an early age I think. Especially with the asshats we have running this country now, survival skills are going to be a must.

[HEAVYHEART]

13. I will never stop

I will help my kids make it on their own no matter what age they are.

[sybylla]

14. Yes, but....

as long as the help is directed at them becoming independent units. I have friends who helped too much, essentially raised their own grandson while they were waiting for their son to get his shit together. The problem was that their assistance wasn't directed at getting him independent. Now, finally at 31, they're kicking him out of their house and off the family dole. They've had to do the cold turkey thing and push him out of the nest like birds of prey do.

So my answer is yes, support them, but keep it focused on getting them independent. Always bailing them out of trouble may mean they'll never learn to do better.

[murielm99]

16. We help our kids as much as possible.

They knew we could never foot the entire bill for college, but we give them as much as we can. They provide the rest through work, scholarships and loans. We give them a few thousand dollars a year, whatever we can spare.

My oldest is through with grad school now. My son goes part time, and has a great job. My youngest is in her junior year, and is studying abroad this year.

They have asked for help with car repairs and general living expenses. My son had a tough time when he lost his job, and had a gap in income between his new job and his unemployment checks. I paid his rent.

My kids are independent, and that is how it should be. But families should never be afraid to ask each other for help.

I will have failed as a parent if any of them are living at home in their thirties, unless it is a temporary situation. I wouldn't mind having them around, but that is selfish and unhealthy. I don't think it will happen.

I wish I could give my kids more. They know it, too.

[SarahB]

17. I will help my children through college.

Even after, using my judgment depending on various situations. I was on my own right after high school and while things could have gone worse for me, it also lead me down a path I wasn't ready for at the time out of my own vulnerability.