So, the conflict at work continues

[gristy]

I'll try to give the short story. I really don't have it all figured out. Today at my urging, we went to a room and talked for about an hour (more than in a long time), then went to his office (more at my urging) to jointly view a design and make some edits. We've been working on the same project for the past 5 months but have not been collaborating very well. He seems to have more wattage in his bulb than I (certainly his memory is better), but his arrogance is a real hindrance to his production of consistent quality output (IMO). He reads something and if it fits his view of his technical world, then it is stored away and remembered. If it doesn't then it is discarded. I have never heard him say anything remotely like "ok, my mistake" or "that looks like a good idea". When you get anywhere close to "winning" a technical discussion, the best you can hope for is an "ok, whatever". It is very frustrating. The project manager (a very wise and pleasant man) says he has also observed this and it frustrates him too.

I have always been an introspective person, and too often do the Democratic thing of asking myself "ok what have I been doing wrong and how can I improve?" Of course, I only do this in between shouting to myself, "WHAT A PRICK!" I cannot quit (I am well aware of the challenges in this worker's marketplace), and besides, this project is hopefully going to be huge success and I'll get to give a paper and other great stuff. And it would be fun if it weren't for him. I get along very well with everyone else on the team...

In our conversation today, right after I said there was plenty of blame to go around, he said that he viewed our difficulties as mostly my fault. What a guy!

Oh, did I mention he's a Republican?

on edit: dumb typos

[Xipe Totec]

1. Just say "Thank you very much for your input"

It's a corporate euphemism for "shut up before you embarrass yourself again".

[slor]

2. After reading the story, my friend...

telling us he was a rethug, seemed redundant. I wish you well, in any event.

[roguevalley]

3. learn to persevere, honey. my guess is that you aren't the only one

thinking he's a dick. everyone else probably does too. don't let him bully you if you can help it. That invites more. but don't get into a brouhaha. its a fine line between fighting and maintaining your dignity. You will triumph in the end, I believe. Just hang in there and exercise a lot after work. Punch a bag with his face on it. Worked for me. :)

[ret5hd]

4. You should have said...

(with a puzzled surprised look on your face):
"Really? I'm sorry. I've overheard others saying that they view the difficulties as mostly your fault."

"Really? Who said that?"

"Oh, I shouldn't say. Maybe you should talk to the project manager. I shouldn't have brought it up. Excuse me, I hear my phone."

[gristy]

5. But I'm the democrat

and I don't think I would ever invoke what others say on this. I kind of feel like it would make me look weak, and it certainly won't help convince him of anything. And of course, he'd immediately start referring to or lieing about comments from others to support his view. Then the whole workplace would be poisoned for me/us. My point is that this conflict is between him and me and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Well, that's not true. It matters to me (hence my talks with the project manager and also my boss), but I just won't invoke my knowlege of the views of others in our arguments. The truth will set us free.

Once he sees it anyways...