If you were conversing with a person from a dating service and he asked

[Deja Q]

"How do you feel about black guys (or Hispanic or Asian)?", how would you respond?

I just got asked this.

I created a detailled response and filed it for later delivery. But, right now, I am compiling a response that essentially says "They're just as human as the rest of us" in a transparent attempt to find out his reasoning for asking before I let him know that I'm a big liberal. For all I know, he could be a liberal. He could also be the head of a KKK and is also pretending to be gay. Something about the question seems very odd indeed. And while I'm odd, that question is too odd.

[Bok_Tukalo]

1. "How do you feel about black guys (or Hispanic or Asian)?"

Response: "Which one?"

[supernova]

2. I would say it's fine with me

but lots of people don't want to have a relationship outside their own ethnic group. Conservatives don't care, and will say this outright. So I guess it's better to ask right off the bat.

[intheflow]

3. You are right to see the red flag in this question.

On the other hand, perhaps this person has an inter-racial family and wants to know up front if you're going to slam them before getting involved.

Still, if you go on to meet this person, I'd have it be in a very well lit, very public place. Be careful, my friend! Safety first!

[Cadence]

4. That is odd. Not a question you normally hear

from a liberal...it doesn't occur to us that there would be a difference. Fishy. :shrug:

[Deja Q]

5. Agreed. I did not want to tell him right off that:

I have friends of various ethinicities.

I have friends of various ethinicities who are in multi-ethnic relationships.

I have friends who have relatives who are of a different ethnicity.

I'd consider being in a multi-ethnic relationship.

And so on.

In order to protect myself, and those I know, I am definitely going to be coy and answer that question of his very cagily. (I already gave him my phone #, which was stupid but it can be changed if he turns out to be... unsavory.) Now if he's a liberal and simply not sure of me, that's cool. There are two possible reasons for him asking that, and the good reason had been said; maybe he's got family who are in multi-ethic relationships, and so on.

I'll know soon enough, unless he's hip to my square, in which case he'll attempt to be just as ambiguous, which then suggests he's got something really unsavory to hide. (Just by me saying "We're all human" kinda spells me out, doesn't it?)

[tjwmason]

8. The point on which we differ is appearance

That cannot be denied, and appearance is a component of attraction in dating terms.

Personally, I find the colouration of Latinos attractive, also Indians (along with Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, and Sri Lankans), and Arabs; but not so much other Asians or Blacks.

As long as this is a personal taste on appearance, I see no problem. It's a whole different ball-game to planting a burning cross in an inter-racial couple's garden.

[davsand]

6. "What makes you ask that question?"

Find out WHY he even asked that. If he comes back with a reason--say he's maybe multi ethnic himself or maybe he's not wanting to DEAL with a bigot--then you are good to go.

If he answers in a way that makes you uncomfortable then run like hell--leave SKID-MARKS, in fact.


Laura

[jmm]

7. Do you know anything about his background?

My freshman year college roommate asked me how I felt about Asians the first time we talked on the phone. I let her know that when I meet everyone one of them if should form the same opinion I'd let her know. Turns out she was Korean and wanted to protect herself from a rude response during our first encounter.

[Rowdyboy]

9. I dated a guy once who refused to see me again after finding out

that I had previously dated a couple of black men. He was horrified, and I was horrified that he was horrified.

That was the end of that.