Worrying for All the Wrong Reasons

[neebob]

Inside the Mind of My Bush-Loving Wingnut Mother (Or as Close as You're Gonna Get)

Late Friday night, I picked up a message that my mother had left on my answering machine at 3:30 pm.

"I know you're not home," she said (and rightly so, since I was at work), "but I just heard on the radio that there's been a big {snow} slide over at The Canyons, and a bunch of people are buried. I know you said {my 15-year-old son, who's about as obsessed as it gets with snowboarding} is careful, but I just really want you to impress upon him the danger of {going out of bounds} and make sure he doesn't enter those areas."

I don't remember her exact words, but she sounded all distraught and said a lot of things twice. She rambles when she's upset. What I posted is only the gist of the message, and it may sound normal to those who don't know Mombob. Believe me when I say it's not.

So here's me at 11:30 or so, realizing my mother had spent her afternoon worrying about my son, who's 400 miles away, when I had assured her just a few days earlier that the resort near our home isn't fraught with avalanche danger, and even if it was, he knows not to go out of bounds and wouldn't do the backcountry without a beacon. Mention snowboarding (or anything else that seems innocent but Mombob perceives as dangerous or immoral), get a lecture. Never mind how many times we've discussed her constant second-guessing of my parenting. It's infuriating. And it concerns me that she sits around worrying about so many things she has no control over. I think she has an anxiety disorder.

My dad used to say that her mother (my grandma) was a worry wart. At least she worried about things that had a fair chance of happening.

Not that I think it's a dumb idea to use an opportunity to reinforce a message. Because my mother had decided to do it for me and had spent the time and money leaving the message, I played it for my son - and of course he thought Grandma was nuts.

So now I'm screening calls until the avalanche story drops out of Mombob's consciousness - which could take a while, since it happened near her home. Otherwise, I might tell her to worry about something more realistic, like my son and my brother's three sons being shipped off to die in the next greedy bullshit war or the one after that or the one after that, and start an argument.

[roguevalley]

1. you are always a mother/grandmother. it comes with the territory

I hope your kid has a great time.

[neebob]

2. I know. I just wish she'd worry about rational things

that are likely to happen, or things that need worrying about, like the actions of her hero, George Wonderful Goodpersonbush. Instead, she worries about avalanches and lightning and stuff. I don't tell her about my business trips anymore, because she worries about terrorists attacking wherever I'm going.

[sweetladybug]

3. Hey neebob, just try and overlook your Mom. She probably means well

and I bet she loves you and your son(her grandson)very much. If you know she's just a worry wart just try and accept how she is. If she worrys about your son doing things that she thinks is dangerous just let her know (politely) that he is your son and he has been taught the dangers and what to do and not to do. Hey look at this way, even though she might get on your nerves, at least she cares about your son. There's alot of parents and grandparents who are so wrapped up in themself and are so selfish they only care about themself and no one else. And love her even though she's a Bush lover after all she is still your Mom.

[neebob]

4. Oh, she definitely loves us

and a lot of it is just wanting to talk. She's just coming out of what I thought might be a terminal downward spiral after my dad died in April 2003. I think she's still suffering from Caregiver Stress. It's just really hard to talk to her, because of her political and religious beliefs. We did nothing but argue for like a year, and then she shunned me for three months. I ended that, by biting a bunch of bullets.

So we have a few successful conversations, and I imagine she's making some concessions or is at least beginning to respect if not understand my position, and then she gives my kid Bill O'Reilly's book for Christmas.

So I let that slide, because I'm getting good at letting things slide, and we have a few more successful conversations, and she leaves me this wiggy message - not one week after I had basically told her what you suggest I tell her. She's impervious to a clue.

[sweetladybug]

6. neebob, I didn't know about the O'Reilly book she gave your son

for Christmas. You said it was hard to talk to her about her political and religious beliefs. It sounds like she might get alot of her political knowledge from Fox news. Did you ask her what she thought about the Fox news employee that put sexual charges and a lawsuit on Bill O'Reilly? If she is a very religious person perhaps this might wake her up if she thought highly of Bill O'Reilly and she might realize that Republicans aren't no more perfect than Democrats. The only difference is Republicans want to judge others while they forget about their own sins, while Democrats are more accepting of others since we know we aren't perfect our selves. Democrats choose to love and respect others regardless of their faults, while Republicans choose to hate and condemn others because of their faults. Maybe bring this up to your Mom is a nice calm conversation with your Mom. Just remember though, somethings you might never change about your Mom and maybe her political and religious beliefs are 2 things she won't change, but she's still your Mom and love her anyway. But if you get to upset with her talking about these issues just make it clear to her that you choose NOT to talk about these issues with her. Good luck with your Mom!

[neebob]

7. Good guess

She gets all her information from Fox News - "her" Fox News, she calls it. We've had some nice, calm conversations, and frankly, they aren't much more fun than the arguing ones. The only way to have an enjoyable conversation is to stay completely away from Dad, religion, and politics or anything that might lead to one of those subjects.

Well, at least she didn't call to talk more about avalanche safety. Maybe she realizes how nutty it sounded ... or not. :)

[skygazer]

5. I have a sister who is like that

She's lived in the same miserable third floor apartment for over 20 years now. When I asked her why she doesn't find a better place (she can afford it), she told me it's because she is within walking distance of her job so if her car broke down, she could get to work.

I said, "Is your car giving you trouble?" (surprised because it's a fairly late model car in what I thought was good condition).

"No," she replied, "but if it did break down..."

That was odd, I thought. And one day when her son was about ten, he mentioned that he'd never been to the ocean (she lives in Vermont). I asked her why she'd never taken him to the beach and she told me the same thing - what if her car broke down?

Now this woman has never been stranded anywhere far from help so I don't know where this stuff comes from. In addition, years ago when she was only 17, she and a girlfriend drove all the way to California and back on about $300 and had a great time.

Like you, I suspect some kind of anxiety disorder but she doesn't see anything illogical about her worrying.

[neebob]

8. Is it possible she isn't really that worried about the car

and stays in the place for some other reason, like she likes the extra money, or maybe she's just Stable Mabel?

Sounds like she might get along with my ex-husband, who's been threatening to move since about 1995, but he never does. He does the same thing with jobs. It's as if the thing he hates is better than some new, unknown thing. He'd rather be unhappy than take a risk. In the end, he does what he wants, and I'm no longer convinced he's so unhappy.

[gardenista]

9. This happens to my mom, too. Comes from too much cable TV.

When she gets like this, I just say, "Step away from the Cable."

She has learned not to spew her MSNBC-induced fantasy disaster world all over my voice mail. She also has Jerry Springer/Maury-induced fantasies, which are now directed at my newly single sister. (If you're married, none of these things can happen to you.)

It's sad, because she's a good Dem, and she comes under the influence of this crap, and I just don't know how to get her out of it. I keep extoling the virtues of a TV-free household, but my folks are addicted to the tube. Loud. Can't stay at their house because of it.

Well, good luck. She is trying to help.