what do you feel is *most* important in a serious relationship?

[fluffernutter]

Poll question: what do you feel is *most* important in a serious relationship?

i know it is most likely a combo of these things, but what would be at the very TOP of your list?

[Left Is Write]

1. Trust.

[Zebulon]

11. Trust

I'll second that.

[fluffernutter]

17. good addition - how could i forget Trust?

that is the basis for so many things in a relationship - like feeling safe and comfortable with your partner.

[MercutioATC]

19. Agreed. Trust.

Almost everything else can be dealt with.

[Raenelle]

36. Another vote for trust.

[Seabiscuit]

47. Trust to me is included in "true love/soul mate bonding".

There appear to be a lot of "romantics" here. :)

[kick-ass-bob]

2. assuming you have trust,

I would go with morals.

[kick-ass-bob]

10. to expand,

Everything in your life should be based on what morals you have. If you don't have the same type of morals, then you compromise yourself and your identity (or they do) by doing something that fits their morals but not yours.

If you don't act in accordance with your morals, then you are unhappy, which means being unhappy in the relationship.

[fluffernutter]

28. so you're saying be true to yourself

and everything else will fall into place?

[drdtroit]

3. Other:

Truth, Honesty and Respect.

[GR]

4. A Sense Of Humor About You and Your Partner's Own Foibles...

without the ability to laugh at yourself and each other...forget it...

[yardwork]

5. Being able to talk about anything for hours

[SCDem]

6. Combo of chemistry, intellect and humor

[Chovexani]

7. Enjoying the same things IMO

I'm such a geek that if my partner isn't at least sympathetic to some of my hobbies, it could cause a serious problem. Luckily my current partner, who I've been with for about 6 years give or take, is just as big a geek as I am. For instance, not only does he not mind going to sci-fi/anime/comic conventions with me, he demands to have an outfit too.

Now that's love. :D

[DS1]

8. All of the above

:D :crazy:

[Ezlivin]

9. After 26 years with the same woman I'd have to say it was

Communication

Sure, we have good sex and all that other stuff, but communication is the key to it all.

Especially during sex.

"Dammit, I told you I don't like to do that."

"I saw it on a porn tape."

"Well, it can stay right there."

[Misunderestimator]

13. LOL

[fluffernutter]

14. rofl! yes, communication is a good one!

and you should know - 26 years is a long time, congrats :toast:

[Bonhomme Richard]

12. Have to go with soulmate because...........

that covers all the other areas like sex, communication, physical, etc.......

[0007]

15. Truth, Honesty, Trust, Respect and a hell of a lot in common.

Even with those attributes it is goddamn hard.

[fluffernutter]

35. you got that right, it's work.

[0007]

42. Some can do it and some can't! Why, I don't know?

:shrug:

[fluffernutter]

44. maybe it's what tjdee said below: commitment to each other

and the relationship. it means a lot to both of you, so you keep plugging on ... who knows?

[0007]

46. If you pick the right one? Give me a break, there is no such thing

as choice whom to love and for what reason. Love possesses you, you have nothing to do with the process. We are only led to believe we are in control. Through the great law of attraction loves rules. Many many times that love disappears as mysteriously as it had come. Especially when we began to know that person better.

[fluffernutter]

48. i'll give you that. love has no rules.

and really makes no sense. who knows what makes it happen when 2 people connect in this world and stay together for a lifetime and still love each other at the end of that lifetime.

[Rainbowreflect]

16. Corney as it sounds I would say friendship & humor are

the most important for long term.

[hippiechick]

49. I vote for this one !

:)

[XNASA]

18. When you make each other better.

When the sum of your relationship is more than just the sum of the two parts.

I've been in relationships with other people who I've had better chemistry with, with people who were a lot like me (not always such a good thing).

But Mrs. XNASA makes me a better human being. And I consider that very important.

[fluffernutter]

20. *sniff* i love your answer.

you are both very lucky.

[XNASA]

25. Yep. I am.

I'm not so sure how lucky she is. ;-)

[johnnie]

21. Trust

No doubt.

[txaslftist]

22. consistency

[forgethell]

23. Trust, without it

it's not a serious relationship.

[tjdee]

24. The same level of commitment.

Your serious relationship might be my friends with benefits.

If you are in for the long haul, you're more willing to compromise, communicate, and work at making it work.

Of course, if you pick the right person, you don't have to *work* so much.

[fluffernutter]

45. hmm, interesting, you could be right

this could be the one thing that really keeps people together through the long haul.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

26. I don't know about being a "soul mate," but definitely being on the

same wavelength.

[Ron Green]

27. The ability to allow yourself to be changed by the relationship.

[underpants]

29. A b**ch that will shut up and listen

and I mean REALLY listen.

Sorry just kidding. I would say respect for each other.

[trof]

30. Other: Large amounts of cash money,

or negotiable instruments.
Preferably negotiable by "bearer".
Next time I'm marrying for money instead of love.
Just to see.
;-)

[fluffernutter]

32. but why marry?

just be a kept man and love it!

[skygazer]

31. Shared goals

I think this is something that people tend to overlook. Love, affection, humor, trust - those are all important but if you're on two different wavelengths about where you want to head in life, it's not going to work very well.

People really need to discuss the future and what they want to accomplish - whether they want kids and when, career or school issues, where they want to be located, how they feel about saving money or investing. The ideal is to forge a partnership that will allow you to reach your common goals together. IMO

[A-Schwarzenegger]

33. Lots of matching outfits.

[tigereye]

34. I would say similar sense of humor -

if he or she doesn't get your sense of humor, you are up the creek.

And ability to communicate.

[Bunny]

37. Separate households.

I'm only half-kidding. The misanthrope in me comes out from time to time! ;)

[SarahB]

38. I can't believe no one else said "emotional compatibility".

Speaking from a place of a strong, inherent understanding of some of my own relationship mistakes, I'll tell you why:

chemistry/physical attraction- This is important, but it can't be the foundation of a relationship. It's something that needs to be there, but there are plenty of men I find physically attractive I wouldn't fit with at all.

enjoys the same things you do- I think people should at least enjoy a few of the same things, but people don't have to enjoy everything that a person does to have a successful relationship with someone. It might even make it kind of boring.

true love/soul mate bond- This is a tough one. Many of us have had feelings for someone that was almost instant and undefinable in nature. It's hard to say if it's just the circumstances that makes them understand one another or something more "cosmic" per say. Perhaps it's just part of an overall bigger picture.

understands you completely- No one will ever understand another person completely (in my opinion). I think hoping for that is unrealistic. Alternately, to be able to communicate your needs well with someone who understands you well is probably a better alternative. It takes two people to make this work in unison.

intellectual attraction- I think that it's something that, if missing, is a hindrance, but like physical attraction, there's plenty of intellectually interesting people I'd have no interest in being in a relationship with for a variety of factors (either not physically attracted, emotionally attracted, or perhaps disagree with various attitudes or behaviors).

moral and political similarities- Another necessity for most of us that in of itself is just one factor.

emotionally compatible- The most important one (in my opinion anyway). People need to be able to talk and feel comfortable with one another in order to have a relationship. If that type of communication breaks down because of one or both parties, it's very difficult to find exactly what the point of continuing said relationship is- I mean, if your emotional needs aren't being met, what else is there? (Yes, sex maybe, but just sex by itself probably isn't all that hard to obtain for most of us.)

[Bunny]

39. Separate households.

I'm only half-kidding. The misanthrope in me comes out from time to time! ;)

[Bunny]

40. Oh my. Did I say that twice?

Whoops! :D

[sundog]

43. lol

my morning laugh :7

[madison2000]

41. showering and flossing

well actually the moral and political thing too