It's Jan 23, 2008 & I'm president, tell me which cabinet pos. you want...

[LynneSin]

...and why you are the most qualified for it!

[ogradda]

1. eeerrrr...

just how slimy do i have to be to qualify?

[LynneSin]

2. Are you willing to put out or what?

:eyes:

[BamaLefty]

3. Sec of Interior

Out with Norton. Please!

[LynneSin]

4. and what makes you qualified for this position

I don't want to know what you want, I want to know why you should get it

:P

[BamaLefty]

15. My Name is not Gail Norton

That will suffice! :D

[LynneSin]

28. Damn, you're hired

:bounce:

[Solly Mack]

5. Because I'm sneaky, petty, resourceful, spiteful, vindictive

and can keep a secret...I'd like the NSA please.

[LynneSin]

6. You'll take care of all those memos for me so I don't have to read them?

right....

[Solly Mack]

11. Oh yeah

most definitely

[terrya]

7. Secretary of HHS.

3 words: universal health care. I want to be the point person in your administration to help make it happen. The shameful fact that 44 million working Americans not having access to health care has got to end.

[XNASA]

8. Secretary of Funk

'Cause, if need be.....I can bring da Funk.

[LynneSin]

9. But can you bring in the noise?

I need you to do both or I'll have to look elsewhere

[XNASA]

10. Yes. I have the ability to do both when called upon to do so.

[LynneSin]

13. Well, there's going to be alot of that in my administration

I'll end the world and bring world peace & funk to everyone!

Hope you're up for the job

[XNASA]

17. The very first thing I'm going to do......

Is give Larry Blackmon a call and see if he will perform "Word Up" at your Inaugural Ball.

[LynneSin]

29. You better make sure Clinton is at my Inaugural Ball

George Clinton that is!!

[russian33]

12. Secretary of State!

Why am I qualified? My resume says only this:

"Can't be worse than Colin and Condi, right?"

[LynneSin]

31. I have a dead hamster buried at my parents house that would be...

...more qualified that those 2 combined!!

[russian33]

39. Ok, I don't know if I can be better than the dead hamster...

..but definetly can be better than the 2 C's :)

[HawkerHurricane]

14. SecNav

20 years experience on the deckplates. I know what works, what doesn't, and I know how to find out the truth about any program...

(Hint: don't ask the officers in charge of a program whether or not a program works or is needed. Ask the enlisted guy who has to make the system actually work. And definetely don't ask the contracter anything, ever.)

[LynneSin]

30. Can you figure out why toilet seats cost $600 each?

If you can - you're hired

[HawkerHurricane]

52. Easy...

There's this system called 'MilSpec'. 'MilSpec' stands for 'military specifications'. Things made for certain missions and equipment must meet specifications for that equipment. So, someone wrote up a set of specifications for aircraft... he did his research, and found that fighter planes could do loops, 360 degree rolls, negative 3G manuevers, and positive 10G manuevers... so he wrote the MilSpec for airplanes and put all these things in them.

10 years later, some guy needs to design a toilet seat for a large cargo plane... so he looks up the MilSpec for airplanes, and now this big cargo plane has a toilet that can take loops, 360 degree rolls, negative 3G manuevers, positive 10G manuevers, all without spilling or failing to operate... Never mind that if this plane actuall attempted any of these manuevers the wings would tear off, the toilet can take it...

So why didn't the contractor point out how stupid this was? Again simple: he makes 10% profit no matter how stupid the design is in a 'Cost Plus' contract... 'Cost Plus' being a clever idea left over from WW2 that stated that the cost of any purchased military equipment was what it cost to build plus 10%... the contracter is quite happy to build the most redicoulous things, because he's guarenteed that all of his costs will be covered, plus 10%. So if the Air Farce is paying $600 for a toilet seat, it cost the contractor $546 to make... including the cost of materials, pay for the workers, pay for the CEO, medical benefits for workers, sandwhiches for workers, massuese for CEO... And the owner pockets $54, free and clear.

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. Secretary of The Artistic/Intellectual Great ReAwakening

I think it's pretty obvious - I'm a fuckin' art snob, but also have a very serious desire to bring art and intellectualism and a profound love of knowledge into the American consciousness. I've long thought that if I were ever elected president, I would immediately add Arts and Letters as a cabinet post and appoint myself an Ambassador of Art. I had hoped it could be Frank Zappa, but of course that's not a possibility.

But for your administration, I think I'm just the dude.

And I need a huge budget.

And - this might be the tricky part - I also need to have control of some of the CIA to, ummmmmm, oh, how do I put this delicately...there are certain people who seem to have taken the initiative in keeping America stupid and, ummmmm, if they were considered, let's say - hypothetically speaking - enemy combatants or enemies of the state or something - then I could have, ummmmmmmmm, maybe, ummmmmmmm, a possibility of perhaps, you know, sort of influencing these particular people's, ahhhhhh, ability to, uhhhhhhhh, have an effect on others, in the, ummmmmmmmm, future, after the particular, ummmmmm, influence I'm thinking of, ahhhhhh, applying, and I think you can see the, uhhhhhhhh, importance of certain, let's say, operations,. or maybe even, ummmmm, extractions or perhaps, uhhhhhhh, amputations of such, uhhhhhhhh, people.

[LynneSin]

33. Works for me!!!

I'll make budget cuts at the Pentagon to help fund the NEA

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. Thanks! You're totally the best!

You're way better than MATCOM or GOPisEvil or DS1 or any of those lesser idiots.

In fact, you rock! And for proof, you can read it on the Internets, right here:

:yourock:

[kitkatrose]

18. All I want is EPA chairman

cuz, dammit, I care. :D And even as an undergrad student, I'm still better than Christie or that other guy from Colorado?

[LynneSin]

34. Can you figure out why my tap water tastes like shit?

If you can - you're hired!

[kitkatrose]

48. Bush shat in it.

He took a big dump on the country, it's a wonder why the air isn't saturated with it. :D

[shesemsmom]

19. I understand that you have already accepted me as your vice president

can we talk a pay raise. I wont have Halliburton to fall back on

[LynneSin]

35. Sure, but you'll be expected to not be hiding in an undisclosed location

m'kay?

[shesemsmom]

51. Me ???

You obviously don't know your vice to well yet.... I am every where. I make myself seem very imposssing!!!! lol

[Az]

20. Science adviser

The individual responsible for advising on matters of science must have a passion for its process and an understanding of its nature. I believe this is an area I have a particular flare for. Plus I get really upset when movies screw up science. So there.

[LynneSin]

36. Just get that whole stem cell research moving ok?

:D

[Rabrrrrrr]

43. I would like to second that nomination!

It's important for the country to have a science advisor who doesn't get his "science" from the book of Genesis and whatever shitbile is being spewed either by those useless braindead fuckheads Dobson and Falwell and that stupid fuck creationist (though he calls himself an "intelligent designer" or some equally non-descript title of bullshit obfuscation) from Australia.

[GOPisEvil]

21. I'd like to be Ambassador to Switzerland.

I like chocolate and watches, so it's a win-win.

[LynneSin]

37. Well, then I guess I'll give that ambassador to Tahiti to someone else

:shrug:

[barackmyworld]

22. Secretary of Appearance Praise/Criticism

resume is on my website.

[LynneSin]

40. Look just make sure I am never EVER caught in public like this...

[hickman1937]

23. To the right of the likker cabnit, with the only key.

I will be the Key Master of your Cabinet.

[LynneSin]

41. I'm sorry, that position is filled - by me

:shrug:

[hickman1937]

47. O.K. I'll settle for assistant.

But I'm way over qualified.

[Blue-Jay]

24. Secretary of Masturbation.

I won't delve into the obvious details of why I'm the most qualified for the position.

[greblc]

25. It's not a crime.

[Arkana]

26. No, but remember, everytime someone does it, God kills a kitten.

Please, think of the kittens. :evilgrin:

[Blue-Jay]

32. I always wondered why my cat gives me the "stink eye"...

I just figured that he was hungry.

[LynneSin]

42. The horrors of the fates of the kittens

[greblc]

27. Secretary of Silly Walks

Secretary of Depends

[LynneSin]

44. Not sure if that's a cabinet position, but we'll make it one

:D

[NightTrain]

45. Secretary of Rhythm and Blues.

And I think you already know why I'm qualified for that position! :headbang:

[LynneSin]

46. We already have a Secretary of Funk....

...won't this cause dissent between my cabinet?

Can't have that now

[NightTrain]

50. Oh no! The Getuplicans will keep fighting with the Downocrats.

:evilgrin:

[deadparrot]

49. Secretary of Finding GWB a New Job.

Ambassador to Iraq?

[driver8]

53. Which ever one does the least amount of work and has no...

responsibilites. Something like Homeland Security...

I would be good at that job because I want the Homeland to be secure and I like telling people what to do.

When do I start?

[Radical Activist]

54. Secretary of Labor

So I can organize every sector of the economy into unions and bring corporate America to its knees while creating a more equitable and prosperous economy.

If you have any questions about my qualifications for the job there are some Teamster friends of mine who would be glad to stop by your house sometime and explain it to you in great detail...with a crowbar.

I was also thinking Secretary of Peace if you create that Department.

[FreepFryer]

55. Secretary of Defense.

Because I'm a crotchety, unpleasant kind of person, but I'm good with the media and, although I don't like to fight, I'm very comfortable using overwhelming force. I'll make a good show of fending off Pentagon budget cuts for NEA programs, while in fact I revolutionize Pentagon efficiency and the cuts stand.

{edit}Also, because I've seen your file.{/edit}