|
According to Fox News an angry mob of liberals and homosexuals surrounded Lot's house, banging on the doors, wanting to gang-rape the fallen angels.
"Look," Lot said to the mob, "I have two daughters, both virgins! I will bring them out to you!"
One of the angels muttered sheepishly, "Couldn't hurt" and the other shrugged his shoulders expressing an indifferent agreement.
These being modern times, the two virgin daughters didn't like what they were hearing and they knew where the family's automatic weapons were kept.
They gunned down their father, the angels, and the angry Fundametalist mob outside.
Captain Anthony Van Horne, staring down into the black water at the Face Of God, saw just the slightest little twitch of a grin.
Maybe it was a trick of the wind and the waves and the current. Maybe it was hope.
But as the crying virgins stepped out into the carnage they had wrought, their tears fell to the earth and flowers bloomed there, and the bloody dead and dying mob rose up from the ground as squealing little piglets and ran off into the sea...
Lot and the angels rose up too, but the daughters threw the automatic weapons down at their feet and said, "Go fuck yourself daddy, we are SO out of here."
Later that night Lot spit in the dirt and told the pretty Fox News reporter that his daughters had always been whores and he was glad they were gone.
The reporter, who wanted to end the story on a more cheerful note, flirted with the angels. She asked them what heaven was like in the good old days, and if they'd like to be on "Larry King" show.
When the final Fox News video feed was done, and the lights were turned off, and as the crew was packing up the satellite truck, Lot and the reporter drove down into Sodom and hit all the best bars.
"She's a surprisingly good lap dancer...," Lot thought, just before he passed out.
|