Its official, my family is dysfunctional

[JohnKleeb]

What a day. Straight out of a TV show. So I come home and I find out that my brother is suspended for being under the influence of alcohol and getting in a fight. He'll be out of school for the next 5-10 days. Christ, all mighty, the dude is only 14 and already addicted. BTW our dad is a recvoering alcohol and has been attending AA lately.

[Pirate Smile]

1. Details? Please share? We all have stories.

[JohnKleeb]

3. ahh ok

I'll put it in the top.

[Pirate Smile]

20. Hmmm, my family stories are about alcohol and a sibling (sister) too.

I hope yours ends better.

[JohnKleeb]

24. Thanks

We got a bad family history. My dad's aunt was an alcoholic, my mom's brother was and that played a role in his death along with Heroin, her father is one too but he drinks non alcholic beer.

[Pirate Smile]

45. Oh, we've got the family history. Grandpa on one side and others.

I sure hope there is a lot of research going on because I worry about my kids and the genetic predisposition.

I'm going to try to scare them away from it with stories about their deceased Aunt but kids never think it will happen to them.

[JohnKleeb]

46. I dont know if my dad's dad was one, he drank I know

but I dont think he was an alcholic, same with my nana who is still living at 92 but she had sisters and a brother who were alcoholics.

[Pirate Smile]

54. Grandparents on the other side may have been but they didn't stop and

go in AA like the one I mentioned.

I hope things get better. :hug:

[JohnKleeb]

58. Thanks

[jonnyblitz]

2. are you the only normal one?

:hi:

[JohnKleeb]

4. Of course not

but I am the only male over 12 without an addiction.

[jonnyblitz]

10. wow

i don't dare to ask...:scared:

[JohnKleeb]

12. I edited it

If you wanna know what it is.

[progmom]

poor kleeb

:hug:

[JohnKleeb]

11. Thanks

Its been a tough day.

[Spider Jerusalem]

5. Of course.

There's no such thing as a family that isn't dysfunctional...except on old television shows...

[JohnKleeb]

9. Yes like the Cleavers

God that was such crap.

[EC]

32. Weren't they disfunctional too? n/t

[JohnKleeb]

40. I thought they were a happy, go lucky typical 50's family

[Kathy in Cambridge]

6. All families are dysfunctional

there are just different levels of dysfunction.

[shesemsmom]

7. Right on!!!

[JohnKleeb]

8. of course but sigh my brother, *shakes head* my brother

[shesemsmom]

13. DAD made a step in the right direction

your brother needs help too I hope he gets it For all your sakes

[JohnKleeb]

14. Yep he's at stepping stones right now actually

But it's interesting, since around the time dad began to quit, my brother began to start.

[shesemsmom]

17. Yes it is

but it's learned behaver. How did your dad take this news and by the way cudos to Dad

[JohnKleeb]

18. He's angry of course

Because my bro has come home drunk before.

[shesemsmom]

22. Its harder I'm sure for your Dad

he has to know he must shoulder part of the blame. But then again I know parents who don't drink or smoke but their kids do it. So there you go. My own experience is kids will be kids and we can only be there for them when they fall. Your brother is gonna need you. Hang tough. Remember we are here too.

[FuzzySlippers]

15. I'm sorry, John.

:hug:

[JohnKleeb]

16. Thanks

Its just been a tough week, so much is bothering me sigh.

[FuzzySlippers]

19. What else is bothering you

besides your family?

[JohnKleeb]

21. School

Its nearly the end of the semester, and I haven't been placed at my internship, everyone else has been placed by now and I haven't been yet. Plus everyone is getting their college acceptances and stuff and I am forced because of my mistakes Ive made over the years to go to a comm, its not a bad thing really, but it does bother me. Plus the fact that I want to be less shy and stuff but I can't help it, I am. Plus school is just overwhelming the hell of me.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

26. I don't know how much things have changed since 1980-82

But I went to a community college and I turned out okay. You're very bright and will do well. You know the expression, "Bloom where you're planted"? Good advice.

I was INCREDIBLY shy until I got contacts when I started college. Suddenly I had much more confidence. It wasn't just the contacts; I forced myself to make conversation with people.

[FuzzySlippers]

27. Well, you'll really kick ass at the community college

and go on to a good four year college. And there's nothing wrong with being shy.

[Left Is Write]

23. I'm sorry it's rough times at your house.

My oldest daughter's father is an alcoholic and bipolar to boot.

[JohnKleeb]

25. I sometimes feel like my dad is bipolar

He was trying to help me get over my bad day earlier then he got angry at me.

[DaveinMD]

29. my advice is

to go away to college. That's how I got away from my fucked up family.

[JohnKleeb]

31. I can't afford to really

and my GPA sucks. I am gonna be leaving home as soon as I can though. I love my family and all, its just, I wanna get away.

[DaveinMD]

35. then

go work on a political campaign in another state and go to school after that. Get away from that unhealthy situation.

[JohnKleeb]

38. I don't think, I am ready to live on my own, anothre reason why I am

staying.

[DaveinMD]

47. keep yourself busy

and don't let them get you down.

[JohnKleeb]

49. I don't think my family is the problem man

I think it's me. I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger.

[DaveinMD]

57. don't worry about those mistakes

as long as you learn from them. You seem to have a good head and a good heart. That's what matters.

[JohnKleeb]

59. True that

[Left Is Write]

34. With K's dad, his ups are so high and his lows are horrible.

When he's up, the next big deal is always around the corner. His ship is coming in. This'll be a real moneymaker for sure! He promises K things like a new car, more vacations, a full ride at college. Things he cannot possibly give her. And every time, he sets her up for a huge fall. At 17, she's finally figuring him out.

His lows lead to bouts of binge drinking, telling anyone who will listen how worthless he is, and what a disappointment he is to his family and children. He has called K several times threatening suicide, which is a hideous thing to do to your teenage kid.

I split with him when K was less than a year old, and it's only in recent years that she can see the way he really is. I'm sad for her, and feel guilty often.

Anyway, I didn't mean to dump all over you in your own thread.

I hope things settle down for you at home. I'm glad your dad is going to AA, and I hope your brother gets the help it sounds like he needs.
:hug:

[Kire]

28. don't let it get you down

I really used to think I had a "sitcom family" growing up, but as time goes by we just keep getting further and further from that. I'd say we're almost to the moon, by now.

[JohnKleeb]

30. I know, its just hard

[Kire]

53. pretty soon, you can choose a new family

i'm not married, but I've "chosen" a "family" out of some of my really close friends. I've got uncles and aunts, mothers and fathers (when I need them), cousins, and lots of sisters and brothers. I know we've never really talked personally to each other, but I consider you, and all of the other DUers who post in the lounge as much as you, my "brothers".

You might say, "aww, that's corny", but this kind of affection has saved my life in the past. Coming from a "dysfunction family (i.e. the planet earth), I have my own addictions and associated depressions and insanity.

Incidentally, I spent a few weeks in Ghana, in West Africa, and it is a common custom there (or at least among the people we worked with) to call each other by some kind of familial relationship.

In fact, my roommate was our guide, and when he walked into our room for the first time, he said "we are brothers". I remember being very cynical, like, "I haven't even said a word to this guy, he doesn't even know me." Not openly, just thoughts in my head. It didn't take long for me to be returning the complements. At the time, he called me "Twin Brother" (Nye Bro, in Ewe, I think), but I have started calling him "Elder Brother" (I don't know the Ewe word for Elder, sorry), because (a) he's 15 years older than me, and (b) well, I think I need an older brother in him right now. In fact, he and a friend of his from Botswana drove about 9 hours last May to watch me graduate from college. I met her once when I drove the same distance in reverse to meet him the previous summer, and, in an African kind of way, she has become my "wife", which is, kind of weird to me (and I regret that it is), but it is also comforting.

Anyway, I hope you read this. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write it. I'll probably bookmark this thread just so I could save what I wrote in this post.

Things will get better. Not that your family, in the long term, isn't going to disintegrate completely. But, you'll learn to focus on the beautiful things about them and all of the new people you will meet in your life. (all right, now you can say, "that's corny").

Warm regards,
Erik

[JohnKleeb]

56. I like my family ok, its just damn

its tough.

[Kire]

66. How tough is it?

Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were. "I'm so tough", said the first boy, "that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week".

"Well", said the second little boy, "I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day".

"That's nothing", said the third boy. "When my parents take me to see my grandma and grandpa, I can wear them out in a hour".

[JohnKleeb]

68. Hard to explain really how it is

[Kire]

72. so tough that you're not reading the bodies of the messages in this thread

that's what I think

[JohnKleeb]

74. Well, my eyes are killin me a bit yes.

[AuntiBush]

33. So, you're related to the BushFaMilY.

Poor guy. My condolences.

:nopity:

[JohnKleeb]

36. nope

We're Pennsylvania Irish-German-Slavic Catholics who have been here since the 1860's.

[Misunderestimator]

37. What got me through my teens was knowing that it "could be worse" and...

knowing that I could leave at 18. Doesn't help much when you're in the thick of it, I know. All I can say is that the years after that have been easier by far... and they haven't always been that easy.

[JohnKleeb]

39. I dont know where I could go at 18

I am not ready to live on my own, god life comes and goes so quickly.

[Misunderestimator]

41. Then maybe 20, 21, whatever it takes... there is a way out...

Yes, it comes and goes quickly... however... the first 18 years of my life are now, at 42, pretty much a blur... life really happens after all that stuff... and it's worth getting to.

[JohnKleeb]

42. I just hope its true what people say that social situations get easier

after high school.

[Misunderestimator]

43. I never would have believed it myself...

but it is true... it really is... I was an outcast and terribly shy in high school... No one would recognize me now. When you get past hs, you start to see your life as your own, you stop trying to please people who cannot be pleased, and you find those who understand and support you. It will get better.

[JohnKleeb]

44. I hope so,

I am not one of these people who hates high school and regards everyday as a struggle, certainly everyday has the unexpected but I don't regard HS as hell but I Don't believe these are the best years of my life, god if these are my best years, god lemme see my worse years. I am so shy, it's not even funny sometimes, hell they even wrote that down on my records which I saw today, "QUIET", god.

[Misunderestimator]

48. They are not your best years... your best years are coming...

you have a great head-start being interested in progressive politics... as for the shyness, my advice is that you force yourself to not be shy... go up to people at parties, talk to them, ask them questions about themselves. It will be excrutiating at first, but think of it as learning something... and you will. After some time, it will become natural to you, you'll feel more confident in your opinions and be able to express them.

Every year that goes by, I shed more of my own shyness, and every year of my life, as much strife as comes with it, has been better than the last.

[JohnKleeb]

50. Thats part of the problem, I am hardly invited to social events

I plan to continue to get involved politically.

[Misunderestimator]

51. Then that's where you start... go to political events...

they are social events too. It's a great place to practice, because the starting place is a group of people who want the same things.

(I was never invited to anything until I was in college... do NOT let that get you down.)

[JohnKleeb]

55. Yes thats how its been for me as of late

I like socializing at political rallies.

[progmom]

67. John

You are obviously not shy in this forum, which leads me to believe that given the right circumstances, you will be just fine. High school can be hell. I swear to you - SWEAR that you will find your groove, and soon.
But here's some unsolicited advice. Take it or ignore it, ok. I don't want you to think I am preaching.
You have talked a lot about how great it felt to get high last week. I imagine, being shy, that it helped you shed your inhibitions and be more open. But please don't let it become a crutch.
Ok, I'll stop being a mom now. :)

You're a really cool guy, JK. I know you're going to be just fine.

[Hans Delbrook]

52. Believe it.

I was shy, extremely self-doubting, other problems too mundane or personal to list but suffice to say a mess. A lot of it came from family dysfunctionality too. It took ~ 10 years (after high school) to really come into my own. Therapy helped but time and experience did a lot of it.

Do NOT believe those people who tell you these are the best years of your life. :eyes:

For me the 20's were better than my teens, and my 30's were MUCH better than the 20's. The 40's are so good so far. :7 Have faith - your life will get not only easier but better.

[GRLMGC]

60. I think everyone's family is dysfunctional

one way or another. Mine sure as hell is

[JohnKleeb]

61. Yeah,

That could be true. Its just been such a tough week for me honest. T

[fluffernutter]

63. hopefully that means it's only uphill from here

:pals:

[JohnKleeb]

65. things seem to be getting a little better fluff

I hate to admit this but i am very jealous of my dad in many ways, he's always been such a people person and I am basically his opposite in that regard, yet in many ways we are similiar.

[fluffernutter]

62. geez, that bites, i'm so sorry.

hang in there, sweetie. maybe your brother will get some help now. i'm glad your dad is in AA.

[JohnKleeb]

64. I am too, I just finished talking with him

Its just that tough but I think we got an understanding and thats important.

[saltpoint]

69. Well, John Kleeb, look at the response you got tonight on this.

I don't know any of these people personally, but they seem to me like a hell of a great bunch.

And they're responding to you not out of sport but from the heart, and that means you're the one who inspired that caliber of response.

My family and yours sound awfully similar. I am very sorry it's a rough patch for you, although everything about your posts on DU suggest somebody who's able to navigate through turbulent waters.

For what it's worth, I add my name to the list of people here who have voiced support. In this day and age, it's well worth having. Also worth having is the brains and personality that inspires it, and from the length of responses here, I'd say you more than qualify. It's a list of real good people responding to somebody they obviously respect, and rightly so.

You can PM me anytime you want.

Hang in there, good person.

[JohnKleeb]

70. They are good people

Just like everyone is, we're all flawed.

[saltpoint]

71. I grant you -- we are surely all flawed, but in the --

-- wake of all these people talking to you like this tonight, John, is the hard fact that you must be generating a lot of good will.

I betcha I'm not the only one who thinks so.

[JohnKleeb]

73. You know what I realized on the way to school today

Despite the fact there's a lot of fucked up shit in the world, there's a lot of good people too, this woman offered me a ride to the back of the school today, and we talked, and it turns out she's the mom of a aquaintance I had in classes back in the day.

[saltpoint]

75. Ah, good. The car ride lessened the walk on a cold --

-- day, and you got a conversation to go with it.

You're right -- there are some good people out there. There's a quotation I like that I'll just pass along and you can like it or not like it, whichever is best for you. But your last post back to me reminded me of it.

"While admitting to the worst of all possible worlds, we must behave as if we could be the best of all possible people."

--Peter de Vries (novelist)

Good tidings, John Kleeb.