They're starting on cats now!:" Are cats for true Christians?"

[mr blur]

http://dbhome.dk/carlo/cat.htm

Well, ours sleep all day Sunday.

[ronnykmarshall]

1. Are these mother fuckers for real?

:wtf:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

4. May be satire (although you can never be sure nowadays). Check:

"vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony"

Yes, it IS cats he's talking about.

[Archae]

15. It's serious.

Seriously fucked up as well.

"PAY ATTENTION
TO YOURSELVES
AND TO
ALL THE FLOCK"
ACTS 20:28

Kingdom Ministry School
Textbook

A copy of this textbook is issued to each appointed elder,
and he may retain it as long as he continues to serve as an
elder in any congregation. At such time as he should cease
to serve in that capacity, his copy of the book must be
handed over to the Congregation Service Committee,
since this publication is congregation property. No copies
are to be made of any part of this publication.


© 1991
WATCH TOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY OF PENNSYLVANIA
All rights reserved
Publishers
WATCHTOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY OF NEW YORK, INC.
INTERNATIONAL BIBLE STUDENTS ASSOCIATION
Brooklyn, New York, U.S.A.
Prior editions in English: 1977, 1979, 1981

Unless otherwise indicated, New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures - With References is used.

"Pay Attention to Yourselves an to All the Flock" English (ks91-E) Made in the United States of America

[Zuni]

21. Is this some Jehovah's Witness stuff

them people are weird. They used to harass my grandmother

[TrogL]

35. It's a hoax. this has been around for awhile

[China_cat]

20. I guess he's never heard of bonobos.

[boomboom]

43. I just skimmed, but.....

that's a TON of verbage for satire. Regardless, my cats are blessed God's creation. Actually, so are my dogs.

[JVS]

Absolutley not. Cats display no virtues and acknowledge no master

Devilish things! We should not suffer cats to live among us

[rocktivity]

2. CHRISTIAN SUPERMACY ALERT!

Cats have been around a lot longer than christians have. I rest my case.

x(
rocknation

[Squeech]

3. There's precedent

There was a time when cats were considered to be familiars of witches, and good Christians were supposed to drive them away or, if nothing else would serve, kill them. This is part of why such times were known as the Dark Ages.

[mongo]

12. which in turn created an overpopulation of rats

which spread the plauge.... hmmmmm...

[Goldmund]

5. Whoever wrote this should apply for a job at The Onion

[Sanity Claws]

6. Must be sarcasm

I like the writer's style, if indeed it is sarcasm

[Modem Butterfly]

7. My cat made me an atheist

Many conscientious ones among Jehovah's people today have wondered if Christians should own cats in view of their somewhat sordid symbolic history and the many health risks associated therewith. While we would not wish to state an opinion on what must remain a matter of personal preference, what is acceptable to one person may, although unintentionally, stumble another. This can become a life-or-death issue since to move the steps of a brother away from the path of Christ's ransom sacrifice is tantamount to 'putting a millstone around the neck and being thrown into the sea.' -Matt. 18:6.

[dean_dem]

46. Mine too...

she was all, "C'mon, you don't really believe in all that God crap, do ya? Do ya? C'mon, don't ya just want to sleep in on Sunday?" And finally I just gave in.

True story.

[Kikosexy2]

8. Not the ...

black cats--they're satanists--really--truly---just ask those "moral values" Christians.

[Taverner]

9. Wasn't Asscroft afraid of Calico cats?

Thought they were agents of the devil or something?

[Kali]

16. darn

not really true - been meaning to look that one up for a while now.

http://www.snopes.com/critters/gnus/calico.htm

[Zuni]

18. I never believed that anyway

Even for a man who cover statues with blankets because of his puritan sensibilities and was defeated in a Congressional race by a corpse...you have to give him that little shred of credit. Being afraid Calicos were the devil was just too far out and didn't make any sense

[KamaAina]

28. Gee, that's odd. That page used to say Undetermined.

Hmmm.....

[Kikosexy2]

34. More afraid...

of Andrew Lloyd Webber's CATS.

[Zuni]

10. that is the stupidest thing I have ever read

[koneko]

11. Pardon me while my head explodes

I can only HOPE that this is a joke.

That is so farked, really. :freak:

[Bouncy Ball]

13. Well, cats ARE lazy ass bastards.

[Coastie for Truth]

14. What kind of heresy is this - never heard of St Patrick or St Gertrude?

Then there is the story of Mohammed's cat. In the Islamic world, the cat was respected and protected because cats were loved by the prophet Mohammed, the founder of Islam. Muslims teach that Mohammed's cat Muezza once fell asleep on the sleeve of his master's robe --instead of disturbing his beloved cat when he had to leave, Mohammed cut off the sleeve of his robe. So, be careful what you wish for.....

Because in 1348, the Black Death or bubonic plague swept across Europe in successive epidemics with an overwhelming loss of life. In England, more than half the people died; in some parts of France, only one-tenth of the population survived. Modern epidemiology-bacteriology {"public health") has clearly proved that Black Death or bubonic plague was carried by rats and mice (for creationists of intelligent designs, the scientific term is "disease vector -- but creationists and intelligent designers aren't bothered by science) and that the remaining cats, by bringing the rodent population under control, probably saved the humans from complete extinction.

However, Europeans of the Middle Ages, however, did not appear to make the connection or they would have been much nicer to cats. If they had followed the teachings of Saint Patrick and Saint Gertrude of Nivelles God would have spared them the Black Death or bubonic plague.

What kind of heretic is this dude.

[Zuni]

24. I looked up Cats and Christianity on Google

and found some real fundy, real hardcore pro-cat sites. It seems this is some delusional anti-cat ranting that does not correspond to any real religious teaching

[Coastie for Truth]

27. That's the fundie mindset

take one interpretation of one clause in one verse totally out of context -- mix with some mis-understood folk legend applied to a totally inapplicable fact situation, and build a doctrine around it.

I don't mock or belittle anybody else's faith -- cause mine has some pretty strange and inconsistent things--- (I just disregard what doesn't make sense - besides I love shrimps wrapped in bacon, and bacon cheeseburgers).

[Zuni]

36. the claims in this are beyond comprehension

take.... faithful servant of Jehovah would quickly notice that the nature of a cat is so marked as being 'beastly'. The Bible makes clear reference to this condition when describing parts of Satan's organizations, both past and present

of course a cat is beastly, it is an animal, not a human. Are all beasts satanic? The Bible never says that and never even hints that.

Clearly, the Bible - by using this kind of terminology - shows beyond any reasonable doubt that the basic nature of cats, while created perfect by God, has become evil or 'beastlike' since the fall of Adam six thousand years ago, and more probably, since the Great Flood of Noah's time (c2350 B.C.E.). This is a development of the condition borne by the 'Original Serpent', the 'Great Dragon' Lucifer himself. (Gen. 3:1) Indeed, modern studies of classification of cats, while not necessarily being reliable as they may be based on the discredited 'theory' of evolution, strongly associate felines with serpents (despite some external differences in physiology and morphology, which confuse those who do not study these matters deeply).

I have never heard of the idea that cats are related to serpents, anymore than a dog is related to a serpent. It is not in the Bible or science. Certainly science does not classify cats as serpents. Serpents are reptiles and cats are mammals

Still more bizarre...
It was a common practice in ancient Egypt to worship or idolize cats as 'gods'. Indeed, after death many cats were mummified, venerated and sacrifices were made to them. As Christians we observe not only the Mosaic Law, but also the 'necessary things,' identified by the Apostles at Jerusalem, to include the following edict: '(1) Abstain from sacrifices to idols'. We are to 'guard ourselves from idols' and 'worship no other gods'. Such feline influence could lead to idolatry and thereby 'grieve Jehovah's Spirit' with tragic consequences. May we never take for granted Jehovah's wise and generous counsel brought to you by your spiritual brothers in the pages of this magazine!


so because pagans worshipped cats, the animals were at fault. So I assume Cattle, because of their veneration among Hindus (and the Golden Calf) are satanic as well.

the worst is here...
Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. What sort of example does this give our young ones endeavoring to faithfully serve Jehovah? The Bible clearly shows that 'neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.' (1 Cor. 6:9-11)


...when do all other species of animal, much less people wait for the sanctity of marriage? Catnip is a sin? The sins of the cat are the sins of most animals...and the Bible quote applies to people, not animals.

I really want to know what other animals get married before humping.

[LDS Jock]

17. the WTF article of the month

I can't even quote it, since the entire article is filled with :wtf: statements.

[China_cat]

19. Oh good grief.

[Sydnie]

22. Well, the next time the JW knock on my door

I will be sure to greet them with my cat in my arms. That should be enough to get them to leave me alone.

What about dogs? They lick themselves in "unholy places" too. These people are really wacked!

[Gemini Cat]

23. This has to be a joke.

Snip...


"Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. What sort of example does this give our young ones endeavoring to faithfully serve Jehovah? The Bible clearly shows that 'neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.' (1 Cor. 6.9.11)..."

I think it's a joke, well I hope it's a joke!
If it's not, DAMN!!

[CatBoreal]

32. Obviously has never been around...

the primate house when they're bored.

[BiggJawn]

25. Isn't it a bit of a stretch....

...to apply Deut. 21:18-21, which i think was written to address the problem of mouthy slacker offspring who won't get off the sofa or let you have the remote, to CATS.

My Goldfish won't "obey" me, either. should I take it to the next meeting of the City Council and request that the Council members smash it with rocks?

Man, I'm biting my tongue SO hard here, trying to spare those sensitive Xians, that it's bleeding....

[Zuni]

37. I am a Christian, and I feel this is absurd

applying human laws to animals and clearly delusional ideas about animals in general (the idea that all other animals get married before mating)
The Bible was meant for humans. Cats, Dogs, Pigs etc. are not capable of sin nor holiness. Man has reason, and animals do not.

[BiggJawn]

42. And doesn't the issue of "souls" come into it?

I believe a lot of Denominations teach that animals don't have "souls".

The author of that page is a whack-job for SURE. But I'll bet they think they're RIGHT and we're all going to "Hell"...

(I think we've been there already since 1-20-01)

[0007]

26. I think cats have high morals compared to most humans

[KamaAina]

29. When Jehovah's Witnesses say "Christian", they mean only JWs

The other couple of billion Catholics, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Methodists, Baptists and so forth are lumped together as "apostates". I used to read lots of their crap just before depositing it in the nearest garbage receptacle as part of my Urban Beautification Program.

Thus, cats are only deemed unsuitable (by this crackpot, anyway) for Jehovah's Witnesses. All you "apostate" Christians can breathe just a little bit easier...

Meow.

[Blue-Jay]

30. This bit explains all you need to know about Fundies.

"The cat has a rebellious, independent spirit. While the animal itself may be unaware of this tragic condition, it serves only its true master - Satan, the Devil."

Don't ask questions.

[donheld]

31. what will they come up with next

[ContraBass Black]

33. This is disturbing.

"Clearly, in a matter where our eternal salvation is involved, the mature Christian will not pursue a purely selfish course based on his own personal choices, but will adopt a congregational viewpoint as scripturally prescribed."

When Christians don't think, bad things happen.

[flvegan]

38. I think that the context of the "lion lying down with the lamb" is one of

peace over all inhabitants of the earth. In other words, said lion ain't eating the lamb because he doesn't need/want to. Maybe it's because he just ate a fundie and the lamb found it funny.

[VOX]

39. I kiss my cats on the nose and mouth -- look out Hell, here I come!

Seriously. this is the biggest crock of shi* I've read in many moons. What freakin' century are these people living in?

Does it even occur to the JWs that their ***GOD*** made cats????????? :grr:

On edit: I see now that the piece is fiction, but in googling around, I also see that it's included in various JW sites as *fact*. The fact that it confuses JW themselves is telling!

[Schema Thing]

40. It's a parody for Jehovah's Witnesses

The problem is, if you knew how dead-on the language usage in the parody is, you'd be just as shocked at the reality of Jehovah's Witnesses as you are at a parody of them.

For every outrageous thing you read in that parody about cats or pets, I could find you an mirror excerpt in a Watchtower or Awake about some other various topic.... hell, I could even find you a few quotes about pets that you'd find very weird.

[melnjones]

41. HELLO

It's satire.

"The careful student of the Bible will acknowledge that nowhere within it is any species ('kind') of cat referred to in favorable terms."
Neither of dogs.

"The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod's birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of."
Guys, clearly satire.


edited for spelling

[ContraBass Black]

44. Very apt satire, then.

[realisticphish]

45. ITS. A. JOKE.

c'mon people, brains open


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat