Women of DU, ever been sexually harrased?

[Cheswick2.0]

Poll question: Women of DU, ever been sexually harrased?

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. Yes, and it was my boss in the mid 1970s.

He was very blatant about it. I wished something bad would happen to him. It did. He got MS, and now is dead.

On edit: I had done something re work that he liked, so he rubbed up against my back and rear end as what he saw as a reward. He said that if I did something else even better, he would start rubbing up against me on the front. I froze. This was in front of other coworkers, all male, who went white in the face, to their credit.

Thanks, WindRavenX for going into the detail you did. It made me add this edit.

[Cheswick2.0]

4. When I was in college the first time. The food service director

who was my boss for my work study job and a married man, hit on me all the freaking time. He would tell me I'd be happier in my job if I would be "nice". It was really creepy.

[Loyal]

11. I'm so sorry that happened to you!

Did you kick his ass? You should have!

[Cheswick2.0]

26. I was too young then, to understand that I could have and should have

What I really should have done is report him. But I just shut up and put up with it.
Thank you

[Loyal]

70. You're welcome

:)

[WindRavenX]

2. Yes

Sophomore year in High School, I worked at Burger King during the summer to make a few extra bucks. Last day of work, some creepy 50ish guy was touching me and grabbed my ass when I was making french fries.
Thank God I never went back and it was the last day of work.
It's really creepy....:scared:

[flamingyouth]

3. Yes, numerous times at various jobs

One guy was my editor, and kept grabbing at my breasts. One day I told him that if he ever did that again, I'd cut off his dick and shove it down his throat.

Strangely, he left me alone. Very sorry that it came to that. He did it to a lot of other women, though, and sadly, quite a few ended up "dating" him. Sick.

[Skittles]

37. NOTHING STRANGE ABOUT IT

threaten or physically confront these guys and they back off like the f***ing cowards they are. And they learn a lesson a lot quicker than any "filing of formal complaints" does.

[flamingyouth]

82. Yeah, he backed off pretty quickly!

I googled the bastard the other day - oddly (NOT) he's still single, I see! And holds a very important state job here.

[foxy]

5. 10th grade second week

Got caught drinking vodka by the principal. He told me if I gave him a blow job he would not expel me. I didn't say anything to him I just went and got a cart from the library and proceeded to clean out my locker. Then I called my dad and told him I just quit school. The principal was not worried he said no one would believe me over him and I was dumb enough to believe him, so I never told my dad what really happened to make me quit. But I did get grounded for drinking in school.
:shrug:

[VolcanoJen]

56. OMG, foxy.

What a horrific story. How ugly that you had to be exposed to that kind of predatory behavior at such a young age.

:-( :-( :-(

Very, very brave of you to share that story with us.

[truthseeker1]

6. yes

by the CEO of the company I worked for in 1987 (I was 19 and a receptionist) - and it was more than harassment

and by a co-worker when I was 20.

It's a very real issue and it may sound stupid that it happened more than once before I finally got smarter.

[readmylips]

7. Yes...my landlord...

He insisted his rent be paid in person. I thought it was strange since his wife had given me a PO Box to mail the check. He came over to my apartment and asked to see my stove. I walked back to the kitchen with him. In a second, he through me against the sink and started to put in tongue inside my mouth. He was an ugly bold-headed fat pig. I pushed him away and called for my kids who were in the bedroom doing homework. The guy ran away.

I noticed that he rented to quite a few single moms. One day I asked one of the ladies if she had experienced any sexual assaults from the landlord. She said that she couldn't talk about it because she couldn't afford to move. And told me to mind my own business. I told another woman about my experience with the landlord. She said that he sexualy harrassed all the women in the complex, even the married ones. We got together and spoke to his wife. The following month, they doubled the rent on all the single women, and we were all forced to move out. The bastard got away with it.

[Kahuna]

8. In the mid 70s my boss, a VP at a bank used to chase me..

One time he cornered me in the coatroom and kissed me. I smacked his face. Within six months I was fired.

[On the Road]

9. Cheswick, It Would be Nice to See a Similar Poll in a Couple Days

with more than one option. I'm interested in the stories, but I'd like to know what proportion of DU'ers really have been harrassed.

[truthseeker1]

13. and you should add rape to that poll as one of the options

[Cheswick2.0]

32. Hi, let me explain a bit

I think most women have been sexually harrassed. It is not that I am not interested in the ones who have not. The point of this is not to find out what percentages at DU have been harrased or not,you could never get an accurate picture anyway.

But I think I will start a poll in a few days that gives options for harrasment, molestation, rape, physical abuse, financial intimidation and mental abuse. I hope you drop back in for that one.

[Darth_Kitten]

45. Thanks for sharing your stories.....

I haven't been sexually harassed, but I've been groped and intimidated and humiliated by too many jerks. :(
When I was much younger and very naive, I would just leave the situation. I mean, I would be in shock and know not what to do. :(

I'm better able to handle myself nowadays, nobody insults or degrades me without getting quite a verbal lashing from me. I've even chased some cowards away, all 4'11 of me. :thumbsup: (not saying that's what everybody should do, could get dangerous)

[noiretextatique]

72. it really does depend of the situation

because some people are really CRAZY. sometimes it's smarter NOT to directly confront someone. one time i was at bus stop, and this guy came up to me and started talking...i figured he wanted some money. so i told him "look, i don't have any money, and i really don't want to be bothered." he went absolutely ballistic, and started yelling and screaming. it was at night, and there weren't a lot of people around, so i figured rather than escalating the situation by responding to him in anger, it made more sense to try to calm him down. which i did. at the time, i used to carry a big bowie knife in my bag because i travelled on public tranportation or walked a lot...and if i had to, i would have used it. but, i was able to diffuse the situation to such an extent that the guy actually apologized, eventually.
i was really happy when that bus arrived :D

after that incident, i got much better at sending out my "don't even THINK about it" vibe, but i try to keep it all in perspective. i've had some really great conversations with people on the street who a lot of folks would be afraid of, and would never dream of talking to. my motto these days is: expect the best, but be prepared for the worst.

[cally]

85. Add academic intimidation to that poll..nt

[Booberdawg]

10. No, I haven't

And I pity the first one to try it with me if that day should come.

Lotta things I've had to put up with in this life that I had no control over, but that isn't going to be one of them. Life is too short.

[devilgrrl]

12. Does being treated like shit because you're not attractive enough count?

Because that happened all the time when I was younger.

[rppper]

14. omfg...i thought i was having a flashback.....

what is up with that bush pic....where is that evil face from...not bush's, the one that pops up every ten seconds or so and goes away after...say...a nanosecond......neat....

[devilgrrl]

23. I was inspired by the re-release of 'The Exorcist'

William Friedkin edited in all these subliminal shots of the demon Pazuzu, so I grabbed a unflaterring pic of * and created my own version. Yoou can check out the subliminal shots here: http://www.captainhowdy.com/

[sweetladybug]

15. yes in the early 80's

my boss followed me into a supply room and grabbed my breat. I quit that job the same day. Again in the late 80's I had a saleman who worked for our company, come up behind me and kiss my neck. I went and told me boss and he was pissed at the salesman and he was never allowed in my office again. And several times I went to job interviews and was interviewed by men and instead of looking at my face and talking to me, I noticed they were looking at my boobs and talking to them, needless to say I didn't except those job offers since I was a very happily married woman, BY THE WAY TODAY IS MINE AND MY HUSBAND'S 33 YR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY (he is such a sweetheart and I think God I married him, his the love of my life)

[FDRrocks]

16. Happy Anniversary!!

Good for you. Fuck men like that, seriously. (edit: don't take that literally)

[GOPFighter]

17. That's a whole 'nother can of worms!

Where I work, I've noticed that the attractive women definately seem to get the good details and the promotions faster that those who are less attractive (or who dress more casually). Damn unfair!

[Cheswick2.0]

27. yes that counts

I am sorry that happened to you. That certainly counts.

[Skittles]

38. WHO DID THAT

I'LL KICK THEIR ASS

[Lady Freedom]

18. No I haven't!

I know that sounds crazy, but it's ture!

[Lori Price CLG]

19. Yes.

Mike Tirico, on-air 'talent' at ESPN, he was the worst. Tirico eventually got suspended for (approx.)one month for six sexual harassment complaints. (I was not one of the complainers, but could have been.)

-Lori

[noiretextatique]

20. LMAO, cheswick...you're KILLING me tonight!!!!

:7

i haven't experienced sexual harrassment a work, but elsewhere...indeed i have. once when i was in college, i invited this male friend over for dinner. it was during the summer and there were very few people on campus, so i thought it would be nice for us to hang out...strictly as friends. i had a boyfriend and he knew it. well, we had a nice dinner, but when i returned to the dining room after putting the dishes away...this guy had taken his pants off! so there he was, pantless, and expecting me to get pantless as well. i told me to pull his pants up, but he tried to grab me instead. this guy was no bigger than me, so punched him in the chest, and told him to get the fuck out of my house. then i pushed him towards the door, opened it, and pushed his sorry ass out. never spoke to that asshole again, and i told al of my friends about him.

also during this same summer, another classmate was stalking me...he had been doing so for almost a year. he would follow me everywhere, and show up at my door or window in the middle of the night. he was never violent or really threatening...just really, really creepy. one night i woke up (heard a noise or something), and there he was... standing over my bed watching me!!! scared the living SHIT out of me, but i was very calm and just said "hello" to him like everything was normal. then, i got up and we talked...he was a very troubled individual. i tried never to show fear with this guy (even though he did scare me), and eventually he found someone else to stalk.

a friend recently told me this story:

when she was a manager at a major credit card company, one of her managers used to make comments about how "sexy" she was. one xmas, this jerk gave a her a bra and panty set from victoria's secret...with a signed note. in the note, he wrote that he couldn't wait to see her in his "gift." my friend went straight to his manager, then to human resources, and they fired his sorry ass on the spot. and apparently....he wasn't the only one...just the most stupid and offensive one.

my cousin, who is in her mid-fifties and clawed her way up the corporate ladder in the insurance industry, has A LOT of sexual harrassment stories.

[Sideways]

25. Hey Karen & Cheswick Happy to see you two!

And yes I have been harassed at almost every job I have ever had. And no I am not a sleazy dresser or flirt. QUITE the opposite. Once I had a gay friend in high school explain it like this to me, "Mary you have a look that people want to touch, you're gonna have a lot of problems with men because of it."

She was right. One instance was when one very rude boss (during the late 80's in Newport Beach CA) began mauling me in his office as I was using the copier. I needed the job and I was so shocked I just walked out of the room. Really creepy thing was that one day a few months later his wife came into the office and she was a dead ringer for me but 20 years older. Her eyes cut me the death stare and I knew she was thinking that hubby had probably been putting the moves on me. Yet she directed her anger towards me. I quit that afternoon.

What FUCKWITTAGE.

[Cheswick2.0]

65. Hi Mary, happy to see you too!

Isn't if funny what shock will do to you? You are just totally taken off guard and forget to respond.

[Cheswick2.0]

30. Hi NB!

I knew you would "get it".

You college story is very similar to something I experienced my first year in college. My room mate and I started to hear noise out side of our room around Christmass. We heard the noises several nights in a row and got freaked so we went out back of the dorm and sure enough there were foot prints that lead up to our window. When It would snow there would be fresh tracks. After several days we started pinning our curtains closed to that only a tuny triangle at the top was open. Sure enough the next day some one had built the snow up high enough to climb up and see through that tiney opening. We called campus security and they set a trap for the person.

It turned out it was a retarded boy from town (an IQ of about 70) who had been egged on by some other local teens. The town pressed charges and I felt horrible because he really needed help not punishment. My room mate on the other hand was this petite girly type who was really upset by the whole thing and felt better after he went to trial. I don't blame her, I have just always been rather fearless, sometimes to my disadvantage.

[Booberdawg]

33. That really troubles me

A retarded boy with an IQ of 70 being charged with a crime and sent to a trial. My memory is vague on this - I'm thinking an IQ of 70 is on the lower end of the moderate range of functioning.

That just doesn't seem the appropriate way to deal with that incident, and to be honest it scares me to think mentally disabled citizens would be charged with crimes. Obviously it depends on the degree of functioning and severity of disability, but at what level would they consider not filing charges and instead consider social services or other guidance or support?

That is not to minimize the anxiety you and your roomate experienced, but I think under the circumstances the action taken was overkill and the boy should have been dealt with on a human services level rather that a legal, punitive one.

I'd like to think the rights of mentally disabled citizens are being considered and respected as well.

[Cheswick2.0]

47. it was not our choice

Once he was caught, we had no say.

[rasputin1952]

57. This is sad on several levels...

1. That local teens would use this individual to their advantage.

2. That by doing so, they put you and your roomate in a very precarious predicament.

3. That the local officials would try this individual, as opposed to finding him help.

4. It seems like there was no "winner". You feel a little guilt, the kid was put into an even worse situation, the teens that started the whole thing apparently got off scott free.

All you did, was the right thing, by informing security for your own protection. Then, the system fell flat on its face.

Sad.

[Cheswick2.0]

62. Thanks Rasputin, we did what we had to do

We didn't know who was doing this, it could have been someone more dangerous. I agree the system failed. This boy would be in his late thirties/early forties now. I wonder what became of him.

[rasputin1952]

91. Well...

let's hope that he is alright, and not doing anymore 'snooping'.

Fortunaely, you came out of that situation without any danger, to you and your roomate.

In any case, you did the right thing for protection, I'd much rather hear someone was caught before an incident got out of hand, than to find out something really bad happened first.

:hi:

[Booberdawg]

75. To be clear

I understood that you had no choice in the matter and I was not casting any reflections on you for how the boy was handled. I have many years of personal involvement with special kids so that is why I may have waxed a bit long on the topic. ;-)

[Piperay]

21. No, actually I haven't...

one time some guy tried to grope me in the library but I don't think that would classify as harrasement.

[HEyHEY]

22. An obviously flawed approach

If you were joking..I get it, if not. You gotta have a no colum. Or how can people take you seriously?

[Cheswick2.0]

28. I am not sure you do get it

But that's okay, you not a woman right? I don't expect everybody to get it and I don't really care if you take me seriously on this.
Think about it.

[retread]

29. Sorry. You don't "get it." Try again. It's not really that hard even

for us guys!

[Cheswick2.0]

31. hey guy that gets it... thanks

:hi:

[HEyHEY]

48. No no, I understand what you're saying even if you aren't joking

Bold statement. But still I just think you need a no colum

[Cheswick2.0]

63. Why?

I see you are very upset that I don't have a no column? Why is that? Is there some personal issue you have with this thread? Di you want a chance to vote for the no answer?

If in fact you do get it, then your insistance doesn't make sense to me. Is there some way I can help you with this dilemma?

[HEyHEY]

69. I'm not upset

I figure you are making a statement that men are pigs and all women have been sexually harrased..you know one of those things. Or I figure you're making the same statement as a joke. If it is the serious stance you take, while I see your point I am offended as a man. Sorry I usually don't get this sensitive but there seems to have been a lot of man-hating posts since Arnold's busy hands came to light and I take exception to it.

ANyway don't sweat it just me being a baby I supposed

[Fight_n_back]

24. Hey...I was harrasssed and Im a guy

I was a temp working in the mail room of the State Bar of California (the mailroom is the best job EVER...right below rock star)

I got moved into a new position underneath a hot 40 year old lawyer. She asked me out and we ended up having an "affair". She was married so I ended up breaking it off and she said to me "Its going to be difficult to work together if we aren't having sex." I said, "I think we can handle it" but that isn't what she meant. I ended up losing the temp gig (the next day) and then, somehow, somebody found out about it and the temp agency lost the contract and the lawyer was canned.

But the sex was REALLY, REALLY good.

[Skittles]

34. NEVER MORE THAN ONCE BY THE SAME GUY

One guy, I broke his nose and teeth. Anther guy- his toes. They seem to lose their ardor after that, very much proving to me that they CAN "help themselves".

[Booberdawg]

35. LMAO!

[Skittles]

36. IF THEY DID TRY A SECOND TIME

I'D TARGET THEIR JEWELS AND THEY F***ING KNOW IT. Funny how all the sudden they'd BEHAVE around me. This was ESPECIALLY true when I was one of the 4% of women in the military a long time ago. IT IS A TRIED AND TRUE TECHNIQUE.

[Booberdawg]

42. I can't imagine they thought they could test you the first time!

[Skittles]

53. hey

imagine this: walking by a formation including him, in uniform - the stupid schmuck with his nose taped, his eyes kinda black - I would wave at him. HA HA, HA HA HA HA. I really played it up. That f*** never messed with ME again.

[Booberdawg]

76. ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!

You may have cured this one for LIFE!! :thumbsup:

[trof]

50. OK, that does it.

Now I'm afraid to ask you to dance.
:scared:

[radwriter0555]

39. Now you're talking. I was hoping not everyone was a victim, and that

some of us had FUN stories.

Like when I was working on a dwight yoakum show doing lights and electrics. There was a GUY on the crew, a temp, who thought it would be great fun to chase me around, ask me for sex and generally make a real real pain in the ass outta himself. Saying shit like a chick doesn't belong on a stage crew, was I there to fuck the band, would I go down on him, that kind of shit. So I finally threw down the whomper socket wrench I was putting trusses together with so it made a REAL loud ka-BLAM, got everyone's attention.

And I called the guy out. Said I'd had enough of his bullshit, got up in his face and asked him to step outside so I could beat the shit out of him.

Told him if he wouldn't let me do that, then he had to shut the fuck up.

He did. I never said a word to the boss, who DOES NOT put up with that shit, but I don't let others fight my fights. BUT dude wasn't there for load out the next day, and Mike told me he fired him and apologized for the twit's actions.

And I'm 5'5, 125 lbs. Kinda hot with a great rack...

I had a boss at a studio who sort of pulled a clinton on me. I was temping, he calls me into his office, he's seated on the couch waving his willy at me... I just burst out laughing and pointing and left, closing the door behind me. He didn't come for the rest of the afternoon, since every few minutes I would burst out laughing, REALLY LOUD. (It was a one day temp assignment answering phones)

Men are SOOOOO silly. How desperate and pathetic is the fool who has to resort to willy waving and propositions, threats, intimidations -- to TRY to get SEX? Us chicks HAVE TO LEARN TO NOT FEAR THE PENIS.

I'm still astounded by chicks who are traumatized over some idiot waving his penis around.. That's a real shame because we need to not be afraid of such situations, and take control of them.

And what's with these guys anyways doing that kinda thing, all waving their little dicks around? like we're going to leap on it in a desperate frenzy? What ARE they thinking? It's a penis! It's not a weapon, it's not a gun. If some guy tries to press himself on you FIGHT BACK, good grief, the worst that can happen is death and thats NOT real likely.

I'd like to see the stigma of sex crimes minimized. Take the power away from the guys, and LAUGH AT THEM. Laugh at what IDIOTS they make of themselves. We have to laugh at them, because it takes the power they have AWAY.

[radwriter0555]

40. REMEMBER: Sexual harrassment is nothing more than MEN TRYING TO GET

laid.

How pathetic is that?

Poor things.

[Booberdawg]

44. I see some power and control issues

in sexual harrassment. In the stuff I've read about arnie there seems to be intention to humiliate as well.

[noiretextatique]

74. Some Facts on Sexual Harrassment...starting with the legal definition

Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitutes sexual harassment when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment.

http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html

Sexual Harassment Statistics in the Workplace and in Education
Studies suggest anywhere between 40-70% of women and 10-20% of men have experienced sexual harassment in the workplace.

Approximately 15,000 sexual harassment cases are brought to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) each year.
Advertisement

According to the EEOC, the number of sexual harassment complaints filed by men has more than tripled in recent years. Currently, approximately 11% of claims involve men filing against female supervisors.

A survey conducted on Minnesota high school students (reported by Susan Strauss, Sexual Harassment and Teens) revealed:

80% were aware of sexual harassment occurring in their school
75% were aware of sexual harassment between students
50% were aware of sexual harassment of students by faculty.


http://womensissues.about.com/cs/governornews/a/sexharassstats.htm

here's an interesting article about the costs of sexual harrassment to business:

According to Working Woman Magazine, a typical Fortune 500 corporation can expect to lose $6.7 million, in 1988 dollars, annually. Losses can result from absenteeism, lower productivity, increased health-care costs, poor morale, and employee turnover.22 These losses do not include litigation costs or court-awarded damages. Also not included is damage to a company's image. Bad press, which often accompanies such cases, can cost a business not only its reputation but also its customers and revenues

http://www3.uakron.edu/lawrev/robert1.html

[Cheswick2.0]

78. Thank you, you have your smarty pants on today

and I mean than in all sincere and complimentary ways! :hug:

[noiretextatique]

83. thank you for this thread, cheswick

it's an important issue, one that should not be trivialized. and of course, the numbers don't reflect the cases that don't get reported. of course, the kind of sexual harrassment i recounted is not illegal...it iwas just a few jerks behaving badly. but, let's not forget that sexual harrassment in the workplace, and in educational insitutions is against the law.

[trof]

41. Thanks, ches

My first laugh of the morning.
You DO know how to skew a poll.
;-)

[Cheswick2.0]

49. welcome Trof!

:evilgrin: ;hi:

[DemExpat]

43. I came very close to being raped by a date in the 70s.....

Fought him off and never saw him again....

:puke:

My first experience though was being touched by my older brother when I was 11 - 13. At the time I "enjoyed' it, (it was pleasurable attention) but felt horribly guilty about it as well.

The last time was 2 years ago (!) from an aged man :wtf: I was helping in my volunteer work!
He started talking very explicitly about sex to me.....and at first I didn't know whether to be offended or amused as hell.

I felt offended and cheapened, and told him so.
I asked for other people to visit after that incident, but I heard later that that is a pretty common occurrence with some old men with nurses and caretakers.....

DemEx

[amazona]

46. you're missing the "no" and "not sure" on my screen but...

...perhaps they are not needed. I would be amazed if there was a woman of my generation anywhere who didn't experience sexual harassment. Young women today may not realize how much times have changed. In years gone by, grabbing at T&A was not even considered particularly rude, although as a private person, I found it so. Older men in particular seemed to think it was their duty to squeeze everything they could get. It was a part of the culture. Grabbing at your clothes, trying to pull them off, squeezing and tickling...all this was seen as harmless flirting. Virtually any man over 40 seemed to assume he had a right to grab at you if by some misfortune you found yourself momentarily alone with him.

One thing this whole scandal with Arnold has brought home to me is how old he really is. Because his celebrity isolates him from consequences, he has become frozen in the 70s, and he seems to have no real idea of what decent human behavior really is. You'd think he might at least have read in the paper or something about all the sexual harassment suits of the 1980s.


he is an old man with a sick brain, his handlers should encourage him to decently withdraw

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

51. Sort of

A guy grabbed my butt at the Dave Matthews concert I went to in August. Does that count?

[TeacherCreature]

66. It matters

I hope you elbowed him.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

71. well

he was stoned out of his, so i sort of felt bad for him. i think he thought i was his girlfriend for a little while but then got confused. :D

[cally]

87. Hey LPFF

Never feel sorry for a guy who feels your butt without your consent. You are the victim!!... Never forget that and kick his ass.

[populistmom]

52. I used to deal with a lot of crap in high school

Mainly because I was blonde, cute, and had semi big boobs. However, I did not go for the jock types who would hoot and holler at me. I liked the more quiet, smart, artsy types, so therefore, I was a rude, stuck up bitch to many of them. When I was 15 or 16 I just ingored it, but by the time I was 18 and after a little reprieve from it throughout my senior year (it was mostly my sophmore and junior year this stuff went on), I had enough, and turned the tables and humiliated one of my worst offenders (longer story). No one bothered me in school after that. As an adult, I've been hit on at times, but nothing too blatant from someone in a position of power over me.

[Cheswick2.0]

61. I hear ya

I got the same thing in college for different reasons. One time a guy was flirting with me as I walked past him to class. I did't respond because it never occured to me that is what he was doing. So he yells after me.. "tightass". Geez, I was just walking to class.

[RobinA]

79. Similar Experience

In college I had a guy throw a glass of beer on me as I left a party. Earlier he had talked to me briefly. I made small talk with him and then he went away. Apparently he had been trying to pick me up, because as I was leaving he walked up and tossed his beer at me. Very attractive.

At another party the RA of my dorm came walking up and tried to strike up a conversation. I knew him and thought it was pretty well established that I didn't particularly like him and that he wasn't crazy about me. Apparently he changed his mind under the influence of beer, but I did not. I couldn't figure out why he decided to make conversation on this night, but I am not the type to stand there and flirt with someone I don't like, so I tried to discourage the conversation with polite but short answers. Later, as I'm walking out the door, he starts screaming curses at me.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

54. Yes...

I'm so glad you did this, Ches. I was going to put up a poll myself, so that DUers of all sexes could be reminded of what it is to walk on this planet when you have breasts and a vagina. It ain't pretty, no matter how you look at it.

Totally ignoring all the gals I know who have been sexually molested and/or raped, I would say even most of the very lucky ones (like myself) have had run-ins with sexual harrassment of some sort.

I went to Catholic school and wore a short uniform for 12 years. I stopped counting how many times I was riding the crowded bus home and had some man rub his erection against my back/buttocks.

Then there was the guy who, in the parking lot of a club, ran up to my car, tried to open the door, than put his dick against the window and jerked off onto it.

And there are the guys who pull out their dick in public for your "viewing pleasure".

Lest we forget, there was the doctor who ran his hand down my back and started massaging the top of my buttocks.

Gosh, are the guys who would call out to me or make "kissey" noises as I passed then called me a "fucking bitch" because I didn't respond even worth talking about here?

Like I said, I am one of the LUCKY ones...

[Cheswick2.0]

59. Wow

I remember in highschool when someone told me I was should be grateful that he wanted to f**k me because, "after all you aren't that pretty".

Well now I know I wasn't traditionally pretty. I am more the tall and striking type than pretty and that is okay with me. However in highscool that was really painful. Needless to say he never so much as touched my breasts much less got laid.

[VolcanoJen]

55. Oh, geez, YES.

Months and months ago, there was an excellent discussion in GD about this topic. I wish I had bookmarked it, because it was fascinating.

You know, when Anita Hill first came forward and blew the lid off the sexual harrassment issue, I was so proud of her, mostly because at that time (and I was young, and new to the workforce) I hadn't worked a job yet where I wasn't sexually harrassed. Thank God for her.

[Cheswick2.0]

58. remember how rude the senate was to her.....even some of the Democrats?

It made me sick. I have remembered Arlen Spectors's snear all these years and now he is my senator! UGH

[rasputin1952]

60. Arlen Spector is one of the most hideous...

of creatures that has ever walked the face of the earth.

I have despised this man, ever since he came up with the "magic bullet theory" during the Warren Investigation of JFK. Back then he was some kind of lunatic lawyer, and he hasn't changed a bit.

My skin crawls every time I see that smarmy slug.

:grr:

[Cheswick2.0]

64. Spector is a complete weasel

He blows with the wind which means he votes against the hard line conservatives at least some of the time. But he is so rude and smarmy. Next year I expect to be working my butt of for whoever is running against him.

[goobergunch]

68. A Washingtonian poll

rated Specter as the third meanest Senator.

[Cheswick2.0]

73. the third meanest? I can buy that

He has a conservative running against him for 2004. They are already hitting him with radio commercials about abortion. I hope they distroy each other on the campaign trail.

[DemExpat]

67. Does excessive hugging by good 'ol 'Texas boy' suncles

count...

My sisters and I had plenty of innappropriate touching growing up.

Now I would know what to do if that happened to me or my daughter....
but back then I only felt confused and slightly dirty!

:thumbsdown:
DemEx

[nannygoat]

77. Yes, I was 21 years old

and working a summer job for Manpower in a law office. One day I was in the law library and I climbed up a ladder to get down a book. The managing partner (must have been 60 years old) walked in and this old fart grabbed me down off the ladder and pulled me into his lap. I jumped up, probably stammered something like "what are you doing?", finished the day and never went back. I can't remember what he said. It turned out that this guy was the grandfather of the guy I had gone to prom with 3 years earlier. I don't think sexual harrassment was even talked about at the time so I didn't even think about it as sexual harrassment until many years later.

[davsand]

80. I had a bar manager rub on me one time.

I needed the job a lot, but I sure as hell didn't need that from him. He'd wait till a woman was bent over getting ice or standing there pouring a drink and then he'd come up from behind and rub against her.

After the first time he did it, I turned around and warned him that it was not a good idea to get in behind me since I was really jumpy and had been studying martial arts. Stupid asshole didn't take the warning seriously, because a few days later he pulled it again.

I stomped back on the arch of his foot, and elbowed him in the gut. Then I made sure to turn around really fast and dump a drink on him while he was bent over trying to get his breath. I then apologized profusely--as loudly as I could--so all the bar could hear me.

That stopped the physical stuff, but then the verbal shit started. He'd tell me how much money he thought I could earn as a hooker.

I finally got real tired of it and had a quiet talk with the club manager. After I explained to him that I was sure they didn't want a messy law suit over soemthing stupid like sexual harassment, they fired the guy.


Laura

[rene moon]

81. yes,I think most women have...

I have been harrassed in almost every single job I've had except my current one because it would not be tolerated. It seems to me that if owmen speak up about it, she is looked poorly upon. As if we really wanted it.

It's really sad that women are hated that much. sigh

[Chovexani]

84. Oh I have

The worst was when I sold computers at a large department store chain, the AC was always jacked way up during the summer. Should I mention there were a lot of women working on my floor (in mostly non-commission jobs, btw--I was one of the few working on commission)?

Then there was the "good ol boy" behavior among the managers. It's funny, the manager that hired me was the best boss I had there, probably cause he was too busy stealing to bother us. His replacement was always making comments about the female employees. A good friend of mine in the audio department said she used to hear them talking about which women on our floor were "fuckable". My favorite comment was from one of the assistant managers, he said he couldn't stand us "commission chicks" cause we all looked like dykes. This same guy always found an excuse to brush up against me whenever I had the misfortune of being at the register kiosk with him.

[watercolors]

86. Most woman have at some point

No matter the age, Maybe you should ask who hasn't been? I still get angry about it, something that stays with you forever!

[blm]

88. All my life, unfortunately.

Because I always worked in boysclub type environments. But, not after I learned to be caustic in return.

A year out of high school, I was working at my first job in sports, and a certain famous bodybuilder was on a book tour. That was my first and ONLY grope at work. The rest were outside work in the odd, social structure of the music industry where the social and business lines can get blurred, and the men are very aggressive. Much more so than the athletes I worked with earlier.

[cally]

89. To be honest, no

but I have plenty of friends and co-workers who sexual harrassment happened to. I have experienced sexism in promotions and assignments. Why was I so lucky, I'm not really sure except that I was an ardent and outspoken feminist from a very young age. I think it scared predators off because they knew I would not keep quiet, ever. My first after school jobs had groups of feminists organized to change the work environment. I just got lucky. I'm not talking about the random subway or bus predator but the ones in my school or work. I know I was lucky because I had supportive parents, a supportive social structure, and the economic luxury of speaking out. I knew feminists who would support me in early high school. When you look at rape statistics, the female most unlikely to be stranger raped is the one who is hanging out with female friends.

I am happy you started this thread. Sexual harrassment and silence is too prevalent. We need to speak out and get support.

[annagull]

90. Yep-weirdest was by a doctor

I used to go to this clinic when I was uninsured because it was cheap and I got pretty good care there. A doctor named Dr. Horrorwitz (MY spelling) started treating me. No matter what my ailment he made me get undressed. I didn't think much of it until he started rubbing on me the last time---I jumped up and ran to the door, told him he better stay the hell away from me. He didn't charge me for the visit, and I got all free samples of meds. Weird, huh? I still should have told, though. I was only 21yrs old, and I just wanted to forget it.

[radwriter0555]

92. Your story made me remember the root canal dentist at my regular

dentist office.

He's done two root canals on me, and the first time, he told a WILDLY inappropriate sexually oriented graphic story, and the second time started talking explicitly about yeast infections... you could see his nurse get uncomfortable, and I loudly shut him down saying I was quite familiar with antibiotics and yeast infection issues THANK you.

I did mention to the other dentist (who is way cool) that this guy was a real creep, but the comment was brushed aside, embarrassedly.

I think I should write a letter... I mean dammit, the guy does good work, and I'm a tough chick, stuff like that doesn't really BOTHER me, it just irritates me. But some other chick is going to get real intimidated, and that's not right..

Yep, THANKS, gonna go write me a letter to their board or someone....

[noiretextatique]

96. doctors and dentists...oddly enough

well, probably not so odd...but when i was reseaching sexual harrassment on the 'net, i found a site that devoted a section to the sexual harrassment of patients.

[Nikia]

93. All the time

I read this thread earlier and have thought about it more. I have been sexually harassed in my workplace more than any other job I have had and maybe even worse than high school, which was bad. I have heard other women complain about sexual harassment as well. I haven't said anything to anyone in charge, but perhaps I should. Luckily the man that suggested that I draw naked pictures of myself on the reports that I shared with him was fired for another reason. None of this harassment has been by anyone who remotely could be called my boss. If it was, I'd definitely complain. Sexual harassment is just so pervasive where I work that I think that reporting particuliar individuals will just make thing worse because none of them really think that sexual harassment is a serious thing. The people around here seem to hold to a sexist culture and say that men are just that way.

[Cheswick2.0]

94. that is too bad Nikia

and the reason it stays that way is because we often feel trapped. If you complain you get a bad rep. They love to say they do not condone the behavior, but they do.

[noiretextatique]

95. does you company have any sexual harrassment guidelines?

or policies? if not, you might suggest that they implement some...that's a way to bring up the issue without accusing anyone. if they don't have a written policy, it could be a potential liability issue for them, since employers are responsible for their employees' conduct in the workplace.
i keep a work journal now also...to record any suspect comments and conversations. i learned to do this after having some problems with a 'supervisor' making crude racial remarks.