Wow, I give up

[TheZoo]

I admit something that I haven't, and am completely ignored again.

[Don_G]

1. Admit What?

I'm clueless here and haven't ignored you.

[LuLu550]

2. I just got in here today

so I don't know what you previously posted, but people usually ignore my posts, too. But I don't mind...I like reading what people say and I know people in here feel the way I do...maybe someone will respond sometime.
I hope your other post wasn't earth shattering!

[WilliamPitt]

3. ?

[karlschneider]

4. But do you feel more like you do now than you did before?

;-)

[TheZoo]

6. Ironically, I do

There's a post that someone is talking about their co-worker being "Manic Depressant." And I replied:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=255180#255230

Well, since I was forced into being a bachelor, I have been diagnosed with being a M.D. (no, not a doctor). The funny thing is that when I spent some time at the "place" :-(, my room was in direct view of the hospital where Marie went to her "better place."

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

I think this will be my last post on DU for a while. No Skinner, I'm not going to do anything "smart." I think I just need to take a break from the depression on the board.

[Fridays Child]

5. This?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=255180#255230

It was buried in the middle of a thread, and the title of your post didn't exactly hint at the content.

If you started your own thread about your fear of being manic-depressive, I can guarantee you that the best and nicest group of people on the Internet would post to it in an effort to offer you their advice.

[TheZoo]

7. That's the one

And see the above post.

[caledesi]

8. Who could ignore that face????

How are you feeling lately, because I remember your post about a week ago and you were feeling down about the loss of your wife.

{{{{ }}}}}}

[TheZoo]

9. I'd give ANYTHING to have that face...

Oh wait, I already did - Marie is gone. Two years ago on 9/30.

Forget it, forget me and this post. I give up. :cry:

[roughsatori]

15. Have you been diagnosed bi--polar by a psychiatrist?

If so, does your illness have "features," (such as psychotic, etc.)? Are you in weekly psychotherapy? Are you on Medication being prescribed by a psychiatrist? (A primary care physician may prescribe for you but does not have the training needed to best help you.)

I have bi-polar disorder (Axis 1) and have been hospitalized many times for the condition. I also have been a trainer for mental-health organizations to assist in implementing newer strategies in treatment planning when working with bi-polar patients. So, I have been on both sides of the equation.

[GURUving]

10. No one is manic depressive anymore

Bipolar, with or without other symptoms.

If you're young, don't assume without verification from a medical source.

Also, don't assume it will necessarily be a progressive problem. Over time, you may find methods for dealing with it.

Also, there are various medications designed specifically to diminish the symptoms of this illness.

I hope you search for more information from medical sources.

Be happy - but not TOO happy!

Most people understand this type of illness these days. Don't hesitate to seek help from a community mental health center or private practitioner.

[Brucey]

11. I give up too.

Everyone says it's wrong to give up, but I don't agree. As Kafka said, "When it's you against the world, bet on the world."

[GURUving]

12. It's not you against the world

It's you against you.

As long as you're struggling, you have a chance.

Take whatever steps are necessary to get to to the mental place where you feel you have at least a small chance. Then, you'll be surprised how the steps, with the help of others, will get easier.

Give up, and all is lost. The thing is, I believe that as long as one is breathing, it is impossible to completely give up, and all is never lost.

Everything changes. If you feel at the bottom of a pit right now, believe me, it won't stay that way.

[TheZoo]

13. Great post

Now GURU, do me a favor.

Rip your right arm, your right leg...heck, rip everything out on the right side. Robert E. Lee had it easy when he lost "Stonewall" Jackson ("I have lost my right arm").

No? Ok, think of something that you lived for, something that you knew was right. Now imagine it gone forever.

I don't know you from Adam / Eve, and I appreciate the thought. When Marie had her first cardiac arrest that put her in a coma, I prayed to God (sorry, I'm being sexist) every moment. I asked for her to be better, I prayed for a resolution.

I guess I got it. Now I'm praying to see her as quickly as I can.

[rbnyc]

16. I'm so sorry.

I have had 2 lovers die, and I know that doesn't even come close to what it must have been for you to lose your Marie.

I work in a community center and one of our regulars is an elderly woman who lost her life partner over 10 years ago, and has been in deep mourning ever since. Her life is difficult and painful, but there's no way to tell her to move on. I just don't know what it feels like to be her. All I can do is be kind to her, treat her in a loving way, make her feel at home at the Center. But I wish for her to learn to be happy again, and I wish it for you too. But I don't really know how either of you feel or how long it will really take.

My heart goes out to you.

[never cry wolf]

17. I cannot be presumptious

and I realize that there is no way that I can possibly fathom what you feel and the depth of your loss. I too am separated from who I believe is my soulmate but she is still alive and there is still hope for the future.

I think that maybe first; you should try to think about what Marie would want for you given the circumstances, I am sure she would not want you feeling so much pain. This leads to second; should you not exult in the time that you did have with her that was so precious and special?? Finding one's "soulmate" if there is such a thing is really very rare and from the sound of it you were blessed to be in that minority, even if it was for too short a time.

It is not up to us to determine God's plan and bear in mind that she will be waiting for you and when you are finally rejoined, it will be for eternity. Live out your mortal years as a celebration of what you had together, tell everyone stories of how wonderful she was, help others to find what you were lucky enough to experience. What a wonderful gift and testament to give to her when the time comes.

[GURUving]

18. I could mumble a lot of things, but

they won't matter. Because of your frame of mind, it would all seem like foolish efforts to get you to "snap out of it" even though I know that's not possible.

I do wish you the best, and stand behind the idea that nothing stays the same - and it will get better. It will.

Is your life anything like it was 5 years ago? Why give up when 5 years from now it may be as you would, as a person, an individual, want it?

Give it five years, then we'll talk.

happy face for hope - :)

[TheZoo]

19. Five years from now

I hope not to be talking to anyone. But then again, none of my wishes work out.

[rbnyc]

20. Listen...

...if you feel you're in danger of hurting yourself, call 911. Or try this number, 1-800-SUICIDE.

Please call someone if you feel you're in danger of hurting yourself.

[Metatron]

14. Resources

Here are some links for information about bipolar disorder/mental health:

http://www.mhsanctuary.com/bipolar/

http://www.pendulum.org/

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/

http://www.mentalhealth.com/

http://mentalhelp.net/

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/index.cfm

You really are not alone, TheZoo. I am so sorry about the loss of your wife.

[Booberdawg]

21. Zoo, I can relate to your grief over the loss of your wife

As I understand it has been two years since you lost her. Since I'm not familiar with your history so I don't know if your grieving and depression has been up and down over the last two years or continuous. You do mention that you have been diagnosed with M.D., but not by a Dr.

The despair you convey is what compelled me to respond. I, too, lost a loved one 5 years ago and for a time felt hopelessness and despair that I thought would never end. I lost my son to an accident, an incident that was further complicated by news coverage and a trial that not only added to the grief and anger could barely live with, but interfered with my grieving process.

For me, it was literally a struggle for approximately the next 2 years to resist suicide, because I too, was looking forward to the day I could see him again. My life revolved around him and I was absolutely devastated when I lost him. I mean, I literally, and physically, when to hell, and it shook me to the very foundation of my soul. I'm sure you can understand what I am saying.

But what I want to tell you is that it DOES get better, but it takes some time, and it takes some work. It was probably over 3 years for me before the despair and hopelessness began to lift, and it has been getting better for me ever since then. During all those years I had to work CONSTANTLY. As in workaholism or busy work. I had the most STERILE house in town. Especially in those early years, I couldn't let my mind idle for very long without something to occupy me. You have to have outlets to get your grief out. And by staying busy you can deal with the grief in pieces and not all at once and it's easier to process.

This mention of M.D. that has not been addressed by a physician does trouble me though, and I encourage you to follow up with a physician on that. I take antidepressants and they make a TREMENDOUS difference with me. Some grief counseling might be beneficial as well if you haven't already, or maybe go back for more if you already have because grief does come in many stages and levels.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel, my friend.

Linda

[gully]

22. Zoo, I am so sorry. My mom is MD

and has other mental illness complications as well. She is helped greatly with medication.

I would imagine even someone who is 'not' manic, would struggle under your circumstances however.

I do hope you will get help/counseling.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Booberdawg, I am also sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine the pain 'both' of you have endured.

[Booberdawg]

23. What 'cha doin' Zoo?

[Loyal]

24. Huh?

nt

[Booberdawg]

25. kick

[elcondor]

26. You are NOT being ignored

If you feel you need help, ask for it. There are probably more than a few people here who have gone through something similar. Losing a loved one, especially a spouse, is one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences a person can go through.

"Every person grieves differently. Your grief will affect all of your relationships including relationships with your family members. Don't try to handle it on your own. Reach out for help. Ask your friends or your doctor or staff at your place of worship for the name of a preferred professional counselor. Look in the phone book for your local United Way or Family Services chapter, both of which usually offer grief-counseling services. You may also want to check with your health insurance to see if they will reimburse you for the total cost, or a portion, of the counselor's fee." (www.unwantedchange.org)

If you truly believe that you have a mood disorder--here is a mood disorder quiz from Web MD:

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/50/40560.htm?lastselectedguid={5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}

That quiz should be a starting point to getting some help--not to be taken as a scientific-diagnosis. Only your doctor can diagnose a disease.

"Feeling depressed" from the same source:

http://my.webmd.com/content/healthwise/125/31075

If you are feeling as if there is no way to stop the pain besides ending it all--PLEASE CALL 911 NOW. Or 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or go to www.suicidehotlines.com and click on your respective state.

We care about your well-being, Zoo, and I'm sure Marie would want you to keep going, as dark as things may be now.

[VelmaD]

27. I responded in the other thread...

as soon as I saw your post (had been out of town for a couple of days). I'm going to say the same thing here I said there...talk to a professional please. Your doctor if you have one or call your local help line or something. We would hate to lose you.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can tell from the responses on this thread that we're all concerned for you and hoping for the best for you. I'm not going to offer any trite advice or chiches about it getting better. I haven't been through what you have and even if I had I wouldn't want to belittle what you've gone through, even accidentally. I will only say this - take care of yourself.

[Brucey]

28. Read this book:

An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison.

[DrWeird]

29. Hey, ya wanna get high?

:smoke:

And have a cookie. We'll both feel right as rain.

And don't forget to bring towel!