This may be an indelicate time to bring this up...

[Dookus]

but I'm running for Pope. I hope I can count on your support. And believe you me, there'll be some BIG changes when Pope Dookus I dons the ring.

[Wat_Tyler]

1. I hope you'll defend the seperation of Church and Lounge?

[Dookus]

Yes

I promise to take off my hat while posting here. I'll just be plain ol' Dookus to you guys.

[On the Road]

48. So You'll Keep the Stage Name "Dookus"?

That will be quite cool. You might want to keep that quiet until you it's official, though. They prefer the names of other popes.

[Dookus]

49. eh...

every pope name was new once. I will be the first of a long line of Dookuses.

[Wat_Tyler]

59. I'm suspicious. I believe I'll vote for an alternative Pope.

Maybe Robbie Coltrane, the fat Giant from the Harry Potter movies.

[Dookus]

61. go ahead

it's your soul. Enjoy hell, ya heathen.

[JohnKleeb]

2. and youre the archbishop of what?

You need experience first silly. You think they just make you pope just like that.

[Dookus]

5. no you don't!

The College of Cardinals can pick ANYBODY - one needn't be a Cardinal. It's the perfect job for me.

[JohnKleeb]

17. Well youre not married so I bet they like that

but I am liking this Francis of Assisi dude, he sounds like he'd make a good pope.

[Dookus]

23. Kleeb...

get on board, and there's a nice archbishopric for you. How does Hawaii sound?

[JohnKleeb]

27. Oh I dont wanna be celibate

I have me a girl I like.

[Dookus]

31. oh pshaw...

like your life would change....

but the Dookus papacy ain't about celibacy, baby. Imagine the Vatican turned into the world's largest Playboy mansion. I'll tear out the Sistene Chapel and put in a hot tub and grotto.

[JohnKleeb]

35. But she's so damn special

Rather would live humbly with her than in a big palace.

[Dookus]

40. well

i'll make her your Special Assistant for Procreative Affairs. Anything's possible with Pope Dookus.

[JohnKleeb]

43. I really dont have a desire to be involved in religion

Though private prayer gets me through and the belief that there is something beyond the tunnel. Its made the last couple days easier.

[Arkana]

Hell, they appointed Idiot Son as President!

Who are you to tell Dookus he can't "just be pope?" ;)

[TaleWgnDg]

3. hear, hear, hear !!! n/t

[GOPisEvil]

4. What color will the smoke coming from the Vatican be when you're chosen?

:shrug:

[Dookus]

6. lavendar, baby

[GOPisEvil]

13. A lovely shade of pink while they're still deciding then?

;-)

[NNadir]

7. Me too. You may be ahead of me since I'm not catholic, but my wife

went to Catholic School and she can help me catch up.

Be prepared for a tough campaign, Dookie boy.

[Dookus]

11. aha!

I was Catholic for my whole childhood. I got a leg up on your wife. Oh wait.. that sounds rather unpopely.

[NNadir]

20. Well get used to being unpopely because I will be pope.

Get your leg off my wife by the way or I'll infalliably have you struck dead by the intercession of the blessed virgin.

[Dookus]

24. feh

you'll be the anti-pope at best. Don't make me get all smitey.

[NNadir]

46. Smite what? From the old dusty catacombs at Avignon?

You need a serious mitre to be a smiter and the mitre will go on the head of this fighter and don't even think that the race will be tighter cause man in votes for pope you couldn't possibly be lighter.

Ali ain't got nothing on me.

[Dookus]

47. oh, smack-talkin' the next Pope

is a big no-no. You are SOOOO going to hell.

[NNadir]

50. I'm on the phone with Peter, Pope number uno, right now, lining up

support.


Not only is Pete a key supporter but he's a key supporter with a key. If you don't get through Pete's Gate, well man, there's only one place for a failed Pope wannabee man, and, let's put it this way, they're keeping somtin' warm for ya man.

[Dookus]

52. oh please

Peter is the equivalent of DNC chairman.

We need some new blood, not some heavenly insider.

[NNadir]

56. Let's just see who gets the smoke from the chapel, OK?

You young ones never get it...

You shouldn't step on the wrong toes. Things get done the old fashioned way, pressing the flesh, curing the sick, performing miracles and condemning sinners.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get some Hail Mary's said and shrink some rather nasty tumors...

[montana_hazeleyes]

93. Hmmm

I wonder, just what kind of smoke is that ,eh?

[Sannum]

8. Since the vatican allegedly

has the worlds largest collection of pornography, will you be releasing that to the public?

[Dookus]

14. yes

you can view it on the vatican website for only $19.95/month.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. I'll vote for you!!

Or, I guess more rightly, I'll send letters to the Cardinals to vote for you.

[Dookus]

18. thank you

yes, people, PLEASE email your cardinals.

[mondo joe]

10. A shame for me. Since I learned I am a religious bigot, I will have to

A shame for me. Since I learned I am a religious bigot, I will have to oppose you, regardless of your actual policies or positions.

That said, I hope you will consider implementation of Gin & Tonic as a replacement for sacramental wine, if only during the humid summer months.

[intrepid_wanderer]

22. awhhh Mondo...

They didn't call you a bigot.. they said spigot

:bounce:

[mondo joe]

25. Oh. Well that's very different. Okay, I'm in.

But I still want to suggest gin & tonic to replace sacramental wine in the summer.

[Dookus]

78. sorry

G&T is a bit WASPY for the Catholic church. But I CAN promise a decent Merlot.

[Rabrrrrrr]

28. Yeah! And none of that sippin' crap - full glasses!

All around! With more, if you feel you didn't quite connect with the Holy Other the first time.

[Beaverhausen]

12. Pope Dookus I - I like it!

[DrWeird]

15. what's you're position on pre-marital gay sex with condoms and BC?

nt

[Dookus]

19. I'm all for it

but what's BC? The comic? I will excommunicate Jonny Hart immediately.

[DrWeird]

26. birth control

and I didn't mean that kind of position, either.

[Dookus]

33. ah

yes, birth control will be mandatory. I've met precious few people whose genes need passing on.

[sundog]

16. there's almost 12 votes... you can have a group soon

:7

[AlCzervik]

21. I'm jewish, can i still vote for you?

[Dookus]

29. indeed you can!

We'll be having a membership drive as one of my first acts. I think the church has been too exclusive of non-Catholics for too long.

[AlCzervik]

42. Excellent your future excellency! Now if you could

see your way clear from changing the communion wafers to matzo and the service to Saturday...i'm there.

[acmavm]

30. Does this mean you'll be moving to Rome and living in the Vatican?

That's one awesome crib you'll have there.

[Dookus]

34. oh hell yeah...

and the parties will be awesome.

[hlthe2b]

32. Sorry, but I think the only choice must be female, lesbian, and married!

Preferably dark-skinned. Time to shake up the institutions.

[Dookus]

37. baby steps... baby steps

I don't think the faithful will want to go much further than a gay atheist this time around. But I will pick a married black lesbian as my successor.

[hlthe2b]

75. Glad you have a plan!

LOL

[GOPisEvil]

36. Your Eminence...may I ask a question?

Will you re-insitute the practices of "indulgences"?

[Dookus]

41. yes

Even the most heinous sins will be forgiven if you help me score the right bling.

[dolo amber]

38. You will be the Best. Gay. Pope. EVER!!

:bounce:

[Dookus]

44. bless you my child

[ScreamingMeemie]

39. You don't gotta worry about me...you got worry about the color of the

smoke, babe.. ;) :hi:

[Dookus]

45. oh,

we'll have some awesome smoke.

[Misunderestimator]

51. I'd kiss your ring...

Hope you win!!

[Dookus]

54. thank you, my daughter

I will put your picture on the front wall of the Sistine Chapel.

[Misunderestimator]

57. Ew... the daughter thing just gave me the heebie-jeebies

:scared:

[Dookus]

63. oh, that's just pope-talk

once I get in, I'll call ya sistah.

[terrya]

53. Do something about the outfit, will you, Pope Dookus?

That frock the current pope wears is so...TACKY. :-)

You'll have my support.

T

[Dookus]

55. I'll be getting

Cher's costume designer to work on it. Mine will be known as the Fabulous Papacy.

[miss_kitty]

58. Damn I'll bet you'd look great all kitted out in Pope gear

I don't think we've ever had a 'Pope Dookus' before. that sounds really classy!
Good Luck Dookus! i hope you get it. I'll look for the lavender smoke...

:hi:

[Blue-Jay]

60. You realize that the pope hat looks like a giant schlong?

Just wondering.

[Dookus]

64. I'll be replacing it

with a cheese-hat. Just as classy.

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

62. I'll vote for you if you make Molly a Cardinal

Or give her a cardinal to play with.

Oh wait, aren't cardinals songbirds?

:evilgrin:

[Dookus]

65. Molly will be

put in charge of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

[PartyPooper]

66. Oh, "Holy Father-To-Be", Please bless all of us at DU when you are Pontiff

And, by all means, invite us all to the Vatican for a BIG party!

:party:

And, I especially wanna see all of the "museum quality" artwork...and, those cute Swiss Army guards that protect you...up close!

O8)


:yourock:

[Dookus]

67. yes

we'll be rockin' St. Peter's Square, that's for sure.

But keep yer hands off the Swiss Guards - they're my personal detail. BTW, did you know you can use them for bodyguarding AND opening a bottle of wine? And they have a phillips-head screwdriver on 'em.

[PartyPooper]

69. But, we want the Swiss Guards! They're so adorable!

Surely, your "Holy-Father-To-Be" can grant us at least one wish!
Can't you? Pretty please?


:D

[baldguy]

68. Are you looking for campaign contributions?

Or do you call them "indulgences"?

[NV Whino]

70. Oh, Dookus, you light up my life!

DOOKUS FOR PRESIDENT... uh, I mean, Pope.

[Dookus]

71. suck-up

Dookus likes that. One Get Out of Hell Free Card for NV Whino.

[NV Whino]

72. Can I get some more of those?

I'm gonna need a lot of them.

[Dookus]

73. It all depends

on the frequency and quality of the suckupitude.

[NV Whino]

74. I'm sure I can make it on quality, but

I dunno about frequency... I'm pretty busy these days. Can we compromise?

[Dookus]

76. the Church wasn't built on compromise

I expect frequent, high-quality suck-upitude, or it's the fiery pits of hell for you.

[NV Whino]

101. I'm doomed, doomed I say

But thanks for the one timer. I'll save it for when I reeeealy need it.

[immoderate]

77. What does the Pope do anyway?

He says no war. They ignore him.
He says no sex. They ignore him.
He says no contraceptives. They ignore him.
Is there anybody more superfluous?

--IMM

[Dookus]

79. That's the old popes...

my papacy will be quite different. For starters, mass will feature Mojitos and cheesecake.

[immoderate]

85. Ok better catering is a start, how about entertainment?

After you give us back sex, of course.

--IMM

[leftofthedial]

80. white smoke

white smoke

[Dookus]

81. whoohooo!! Abbiamo un Papa!

Did I win? Huh? Did I?

[leftofthedial]

82. Pope Dookus the First

You win

[Dookus]

83. awesome!!

Where's my smitin' wand?

[Rockerdem]

84. Pick a name with a lot of MMMCLVIXs behind it.

Keep those Vatican reporters on their toes.

[Dookus]

86. Pope Dookus MMMCLVIX the First?

[Radical Activist]

87. If elected will you encourage lots of pre-marital sex?

I mean, for the world, not you personally, but that's fine too.

And what about plaid skirts for catholic high school girls. You'll keep those right?

[Dookus]

89. I will neither encourage nor discourage sex

but I will demand people be educated about contraception and STDs.

[barb162]

88. so what do you think your chances are of being pope? By the

way are you catholic. That helps

[Dookus]

90. well

I admit, it's an uphill battle. But according to the polling I've done here on DU, I'm the frontrunner. In your FACE, Ratzenberger!

Oh... and I was baptized Catholic. If they're gonna claim me as one, they gotta accept me now.

[barb162]

91. right, so when is the last time you were in church...a catholic

one. By the way I am a baptized catholic too but for some reason or other I don't think I will get named as a candidate

[Dookus]

92. I looked inside a very pretty church

just a few weeks ago.

And no, you won't get named cuz you're not running. I intend to win this thing... next I'm going to New York... and New Hampshire... and Washington... and Virginia... and North Carolina....

[barb162]

94. I think you might want to show up in Rome

[Duncan Grant]

95. Pope Dookus I : If you need any help managing all those Peter's...

I hope you'll consider this business proposal:

I've been cleaning church properties for many years; mostly St. Paul's and St. Xavier's but I think I might be able to polish an extra Peter from time to time. I understand that your organization is full of sizable Peter's but I don't want to get my hands too full here.

In my business, it's easier to satisfy the needs of the more modest Peter's. I'm sure it comes as no surprise to you that I can do more with 2 or 3 medium sized Peter's than an especially large one.

I look forward to meeting with you to discuss your needs. If you happen to have St. Catherine's or St. Mary's that need janitorial services; I can make a referral.

Respectfully,
9_S_F

[Dookus]

99. bless you

on behalf of all the church Peters.

[Misunderestimator]

100. LOL !!

[miss_kitty]

96. I forgot to say

Of course I'll vote for you, Dookus!

:hi:

[meegbear]

97. Drop out now ...

and I won't call on my "Cardinals for Truth" friends.

[ProfessorGAC]

98. Too Late!

God already told me that i'm the next pope. The destiny is already decided, and about to be fulfilled, and YOU WILL FAIL IN YOUR QUEST!

Boy, there's gonna be a new sheriff in town when i hit Rome.
The Professor