Punxsutawney Phil to be Sent to Guantanamo

[Dr Batsen D Belfry]

Punsutawney, PA Feb 2, 2005

Investigators acting on a tip sent remotely guided probes into Punxsutawney Phil's lair while he was on display. According to unnamed sources, they found satellite communications equipment, 10 shoulder-launched missiles, a laptop, and over 300 MREs from Kellog Brown and Root.

One investigator was quoted as saying "At this time we are not sure of the material's origins, nor are we sure of Phil's intent. We did find blueprints of various buildings in downtown Punxsutawney, and we are looking further into the existence of bombmaking materials, including nuclear."

DBDB

[Jack Rabbit]

1. The charges are obviously trumped up. How did he offend the Bushies?

Is it because he is the remnant of a pagan ritual and draws the ire of the most extreme elements of the religious right?

Or he saying that there will be six more weeks of winter (which may be true), while Bush will declare in the SOTU tonight that it is obviously spring? In this last case, I don't know why Bush would fear the rodent. It's not like Phil's long-term weather forecasting is any more reality based than Bush's foreign policy.

[Dr Batsen D Belfry]

2. In further news

government geologists are investigating whether the rock formations present in Phil's lair are similar to the backdrop of early Osama bin Laden videos.

DBDB

[dean_dem]

3. I hear..

he also greets people with "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." And he says the pledge without saying "under God."

Sounds like a 'Merica hater to me.