Guys and Girls; I need some LOVE advice... I'm a college student... and...

[battleknight24]

Today, after I got out of my statistics class, I was walking my friend to her car... I've known this girl since about September or so... we haven't gone out, but we talk quite a bit and we have studied together a few times... we walk and talk and hang out a lot after we both get out of statistics... I hopped into her car and she gave me a ride over to the library on the other side of campus... just as I was getting out and she was about to take off home...

She doesn't have a boyfriend, so...

The following is paraphrased

Me: Can I ask you something
Her: Yeah
(It always goes like this with me)
Me: Uh...
(Pause)
I was wondering if you wanted to get together sometime?
Her: What do you mean?
(Pause)
Me: If you want to do something together, outside of school, off campus...
Her: Like...
Me: Uh...
(Pause)
I don't know...
(Pause)
Just...
Her: Yeah...
Me: Uh...
(Longer Pause)
Her: I'll think about it.

I closed the door and she drove off.

Okay, I have several questions...
1. How badly did I screw up?
2. Girls only: She said "I'll think about it," which means no, right?
3. Is there anyway to salvage my bad... how do I say... performance/asking her out on a date.
4. If you are going to ask someone out, should you really think about what you are going to say, or should you just wing it?
5. If I call her or talk to her tomorrow or sometime in the next few days, what should I say?
6. Can you guys give me any advice in general when it comes to asking someone out? I'm 22, but I still got no game... pathetic, I know... but thats the story of my love life...
7. Any other comments? Well, gangsters of love, I have my notepad here and I am ready to take notes.

Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Peace,

[BigMcLargehuge]

1. you need more confidence, man

Take it from someone who FOOLISHLY let his lack of confidence tie his tongue. Just ask her out to a movie, no "uh" no "ummms" no "you know... duh"... Just ask, be confident and ask.

[battleknight24]

6. She not as into movies as I am... except for historical dramas...

... like Braveheart...

[BigMcLargehuge]

7. you're being pedantic

just like I used to be... forget the movie... it was an example. I don't know what you kids are into, but substitute one of those activities for "movie". Remind yourself that the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no. It doesn't mean you will be dragged off and fed to a shark. It just means she isn't interested in that activity. Find another activity and ask again, or find another girl and don't change proposed activities.

The key is to talk to them like you are comfortable talking to women, and stumbling over your tongue, is a BIG turnoff. Just be confident and ask. In fact, ask as if you already know she is going to say yes.

[tjdee]

2. Don't just wing it. Just say I'm going to X. Want to go with me?

Guys can be so ridiculous about things like this.

You didn't really screw up, though it's weird that you asked her if she wanted to do something when YOU WERE ALREADY DOING SOMETHING.

She obviously enjoys your company, which is why she talks to you after class, and drives you across campus (which obviously she didn't have to). You could have asked if she wanted some pizza RIGHT THEN. You were halfway there, dude. You were in her car.

One thing you can do is to say you're going to such and such a place anyway, does she want to go? That way you save some face if she says no (as, you're "going anyway").

Try not to worry so much about it. :) She's probably talking about this to all her friends too.

[battleknight24]

8. I was hungry... but she was tired and heading home to take a nap...

... she stayed up late the night before(?!) studying, or something...

"She's probably talking about this to all her friends too"

I hope you are right... she said that very recently she started talking to a guy... or something... Its not serious at all right now... but I think I gotta make my move...

[JohnnyCougar]

21. She's already talking to a guy?

Well it might be too late already. If she's already talking to this guy, she may have her heart set on him even if she is just talking.

My advice: Don't try and call her and patch it up...that looks desperate. Just talk to her after your next statistics class. You HAVE to be confident, though. Make fun of yourself a little. Say, "what I meant to say, if I wasn't acting like such a weiner last time, is 'do you want to go to dinner with me at {insert local low key restaurant here}?'"

Make eye contact if at all possible. Don't think about it, just do it, like pulling a bandaid of your hairy leg. If you act nervous and unsure, that makes girls feel nervous and unsure themselves. By making fun of your pathetic behavior before, it will help to diffuse that tension. Of course, don't overdo it and say "I REALLY sounded like an idiot las time..sorry....what I meant to say is..." Don't apologize, just laugh it off and forget about it. Practice saying it in your head before to put you at ease.

Asking girls out is more about how you present yourself than anything else, IMHO. If you act like something is wrong with you, they will think so. Some may not care, but others do.

Good luck, and don't be afraid.

[Sporadicus]

3. It's Been Some Time Since I Asked a Woman for a Date

but my advice is this: don't worry about it! I've found that your approach has very little to do with whether she accepts your invitation or not. Chances are, she's already made up her mind before the words tumble from your mouth. If she's into it, you could speak nothing but jibberish and she'd still accept. On the other hand, you could come off like James Bond, and if she's not interested, it's still no deal. BTW, 'I'll think about it' is a good omen.

[DIKB]

4. Here's how you approach it

SET A PLAN. If you can get some friends to go along too. Hopefully it'll be casual yet cool. Let her know your interested, but don't make a big deal of it.

If you're in college suggest bowling. Competitiveness can be VERY good. Just as long as you don't go overboard. Take your lumps well, joke about them, OR if you win, be casual about it.

Make it like a double date w/ a guy friend and one of her friends. NOT A COUPLE (too much pressure).

She will only agree to the "If you wanna go out sometime" if she REALLY likes you. You have to sell her on you. Which means you have to have a package. Know what you're selling. BE CONFIDENT, but not arrogant. Set up casual dates, till you feel that there's something there from the other side.

JOKE ABOUT THIS. What you just did, brush it off for now, but let her know that it made you a little nervous, that can be a compliment. If it disables you though, she'll become awkward too.

Something like. "Sorry about that thing in the car the other day, I didn't want to put you on the spot like that. I would like to do something. How about (name activity). Me and (your friend) were wondering if you and (her friend) wanted to get together and do (this). How about Thursday ?" (women are more available earlier in the week, less chance they have plans.)

Get together for lunch. Or find something you're enthusiastic about to share with her. You are selling a product, yourself. You just need to learn how to be a salesman.

[illini]

10. Sound advice.

www.thereisnocrisis.com ...

Social Security

[legally blonde]

5. well, as a girl

If I was in that situation, I wouldn't know exactly what you were trying to ask me--I would wonder whether or not you tried to ask me on a date or just go out as friends. I think the "I'll think about it" comment might mean no, but she may have been thrown off guard by the question and didn't know what to say.

I think that you should probably call her in a couple of days and try to patch up the situation--preferably before you will see her again in person.

Actually, that's sort of what happened when my boyfriend tried to ask me out for the first time three years ago. I thought it was cute. And, as you might guess, it turned out well. :loveya:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

11. I agree--your approach was too ambiguous

She's probably thinking, "Was he asking me out? But what if I assume that he was asking me out and he really wasn't? If I assume that, and I act like we're on a date or something, and I'm wrong, that will be so embarrassing..."

Have a specific activity in mind before you ask her next time. It doesn't matter what it is, but if you're trying to move the relationship into the romantic realm, something that could be construed as a date (a movie, a concert, a play, a dance) is your best bet. Come on, you're on a college campus--there's got to be something happening. Have a meal beforehand or a snack afterwards so you can talk.

[illini]

9. Just ask her out again and really ask her.

He lets go get some coffee always worked for me. It doesn't really seem like a date. Sit down and talk to her. When you are both ready to go home ask here to go somewhere "next Saturday". The catch is you need to find someplace to go. Dinner or a movie are good standbys. Try to pick someplace that has meaning to you. Some place that has a beautiful view. I dint know where you need to pick the place. Have confidence and "BE YOURSELF". Remember if she didn't like you she wouldn't hang out with you at all.



www.thereisnocrisis.com ...

Social Security

[legally blonde]

15. I agree

Just be yourself. It's pretty obvious that she already likes you--as was pointed out in an earlier post--she drives you to your car, which she doesn't have to do and you always talk after class.
Call her up.

[battleknight24]

20. I'm not sure... she might just be thinking of me as...

... a good friend.

[Floogeldy]

12. My Suggestion

The next time you see her, say: "Hey. How about you and me get a couple bottles of booze and go rent a motel room for the weekend?"

Whatever happens, happens. No big whoop!

[illini]

13. This is only if you just want sex.

www.thereisnocrisis.com ...

Social Security

[Floogeldy]

17. I disagree

Sure, there would probably be sex. But also a whole lot of talking, getting to know each other, bonding, understanding, and growing.

[EC]

14. Some good advise here

BUT you put her on the defensive to begin with when you said "I was wondering if you wanted to get together sometime?" That can be taken as an euphamisum, " for do you want to hook up?"

I'd say let it go for a few days, then ask her for a real date, dinner or to a club or find a historical movie since you know that's what SHE likes...then don't go overboard right off the bat, don't get flowers, don't get candy, don't kiss her, don't hold her hand...let her relax first and feel secure with you...

[Floogeldy]

23. There is a lot of reserved, timid, scared advice given in this thread.

The guy is already walking on thin ice. Now everybody is advising him to walk on eggshells too?

Dude, say what you want, think and feel. Don't dance around it.

Rejection won't kill you.

Don't be a wuss.

[SarahB]

16. My opinion.

All women are different, but I can honestly say I probably would make the internal decision if I wanted a guy or not within a few days of knowing him (if not a few hours). Not that I would do something immediately, but just an internal thing to myself of what type of relationship I could conceive of with that particular person. If it were me being asked out by a man I was into, you'd know it because my response would have been much more open and immediate. If I wasn't, no approach he made would make a difference in my desire (or lack thereof).

I'm only one person though, so you can't make an assumption of all women because of the opinion of an one of us (and I often have no problem in asserting myself with men, some women do). It's all subjective and rather confusing at times for all of us to a degree I suspect because people are so individual. Each woman is a unique soul in of herself. :)

[rockymountaindem]

18. Sound advice.

I've stopped thinking about it in personal terms. If a girl doesn't want to go out with me, that's up to her and there's nothing I can do to improve it. There are so many unconsious and hidden factors at work that I can't take it personally anymore.

Thinking of it in these terms really helps soothe the feelings of rejection, because it's not your fault. All over the place the handsome romantic prettyboys are getting rejected and unattractive, dweeby guys end up getting great women for no apparent reason. Go figure. Nothin' we guys can do about it, except maybe wear lots of cologne, lol.

On edit: You and I seem to be the opposite ends of the same spectrum. You didn't do enough planning, and I've been trying to figure out a way to ask this girl out for months. Although as some see it, we've been dating for a while, but I'm not sure. Kind of ambiguous... anyhoo, I think everyone needs to lighten up about relationships, including me.

[last_texas_dem]

19. Just try again

Like others have said, maybe try to come up with a specific thing to do and just think over what you're going to say a bit more and try not to get freaked out (belive me, I'm shy as hell and I think I know exactly what you feel; even asking a girl you're fairly good friends with to do something, as casually as possible, can be very scary.) If she's worth it she's not going to hold your nervousness against you. If she's interested in you you may even find out later she finds it cute; who knows?

I know from personal experience how hard it can be trying to project confidence when trying to do something (like asking a girl out) that you aren't exactly confident in your ability to do. I'm proud of you for trying (that's more than I even attempt anymore) and wish you the best of luck. :-)

[fujiyama]

22. What time is the class?

Ask her if she wants to get together for lunch sometimes. Coffee's good too...

Neither are very formal and there usually is little pressure for coffee or lunch.

Hell, even a bar is OK...granted, that's if she'd be interested.

[Dastard Stepchild]

24. Always have a place in mind....

A few peeople have mentioned this, but it's a really good point. Another poster mentioned saying, "I'll be doing this, did you want to come along?" I always did this when I asked a person out, and if they said yes.. good. If not, hey, to the best of your knowledge, I was going to this place with or without you anyhow.

"I'll think about it" doesn't have to be the kiss of death. Perhaps you caught her off guard. She may not be thinking of you as a potential interest at the moment, but that doesn't mean that can't change.

[medeak]

25. so what's her body language?

does she play with her hair while talking? (good sign)

or does she cross her arms and legs?

[Radical Activist]

26. If you get nervous asking a girl out

then yes, you should know what you're going to say. You're not going to suddenly become clever when you nervously asking her out, one usually ends up becoming especially inarticulate.

There were times when I went on two or three dates a week in college. I didn't think twice about asking a girl out if I liked her and it was easy because I was in practice. Other times, usually with the women I'm most attracted to, I become a complete idiot. That happens more often now because I don't ask many women out.

So yeah, sound confident even if you aren't. Always have a suggestion about what to do. You don't need to ask if she wants to go on a date. Tell her what activity you want to do (dinner, movie, whatever) and tell her you'd like her to go with you. I think you can salvage this. What you should do is decide exactly what you want the date to be, then call her and ask her to go. You don't need to bring up the other conversation or the "d" word. You might wait two or three days so you don't seem too eager.