The line for the Pity Party starts here

[SoCalDem]

I just found out today, that our middle son (the troubled one:(..) , the one who had been telling us how well he's doing in Seattle, is actually homeless:(.. We have not heard from him for a while, and in fact he asked us to hold his Christmas presents until he moved to his "new place".. He kept telling us when he called us (collect, which was usual for him) that he was staying at a friend's house, and he was not sure of the address.. I asked if we could sned it to his work address, so he could at least have his stuff.. hemming and hawing, which set out radar off, be he assured us that he was ok..

Our youngest even went to visit him a few weeks ago, and everything seemed ok (but now we think it was an elaborate ruse to make us think he's ok)..

He called his oldest brother and asked him for $300 to "tide him over" til he got settled, and no one heard from him for 3 weeksd afterwards.. He's 27, so he's not exactly a kid, but of the 3 boys, he's always made the "wrong choices" so we are always worried about him..

Apparently, he called his brother again today, and Scott wormed it out of him.. he's sleeping in his car, and occasionally crashing at an ex-girlfriend's place. he was laid off and has no idea what to do next..

So... I guess I have a roadtrip ahead of me, as soon as I hear from him.. I have no idea where he even is, and Seattle's a big place..He has no credit cards, and will need me there to rent a trailer so we can get what stuff he has in storage home. I have no idea how to even get there by road.. I guess I just keep heading north.. I think it's a 2 day drive from Southern Ca..

My son found an old email from his ex girlfriend, and on a whim called it to see if she had any idea where he was.. She thinks he still has his job and place, so he had to be careful not to "sink his only lifeline" ..because he must be lying to her too..

This is the son who has great "difficulty" with the truth, so we don;t know what to think..

I am afraid to just keep sending him money, if what he really needs is an intervention and a trip back to the Mom & Dad Motel, to get his bearings again..


Whew !! Thanks for hearing me out !!

Feel free to add your own Pity Party Events.. Misery luvs company :)

[Lil_Stinker]

1. "The line for the Pity Party starts here"

I know it's hard and difficult for you because he is your son. But he's 27 years old and the decisions he makes are his, even if they are all bad decisions. But to be brute honest, if you keep bailing him out, he'll never kick his own ass and straighten out... he'll always live off of you because he has no reason to live for himself..

You need to cut him loose and tell him that's it's time for him to grown up and take care of himself. Three hundred here and there adds up to quite a bit. I hope you find him and use tough love on him and cut that string and make him fly on his own. It's not going to be easy for him, but if he has the strenght inside that you seem to have, he'll do it...

I send prayers to you and him...

Lil' Stinker

[SoCalDem]

3. We encouraged him to go and for a while he was doing ok,

but he had a history of drug use as a teen, and had some scrapes with the law, so with his past history in mind, we are obligated to at least get him back here where he has a job waiting for him.. My youngest has lined up a guaranteed job for him @$15 an hour, so we will "charge" him rent of about $600 a month, for a time no longer than 12 months, and whatever is left after his "brotherly" debts are paid from that money, he can have back as a fresh start..

It's hard for us to not let him crash here for a while, since each of the other two did the same ..one time.. and each of them for about a year, so fair is fair, and he can have "his turn", but that's it..

He has not "asked" us to take him in, but I cannot have him sleeping in his car, jobless, when there is a job here..

Believe me, we have been to hell and back with this one, so I think that's exactly why he didn't come to us..

[RadicalMom]

6. Sorry, but I can't agree with the "tough love" thing. I think you are

doing what you need to do to try to save him from danger. Family, especially your own kids, aren't replaceable. He won't get the chance to straighten his act out if things deteriorate further. First, you protect your child, then you can try to rehabilitate him. He'll need to heal, and so will you.

[xchrom]

2. it happens

not everybody's life is pretty.
and we all make bad choices.
some make a lot.
have faith that you are a good parent and that eventually your child will settle down to one extent or another.

this is just this period of time -- and does not reflect on his whole life.
though it can be difficult to hold on to that perspective.

i'm sure he's a decent human being who gets a little lost -- try not to let this overwhelm -- this too shall pass.

[RadicalMom]

4. My heart goes out to you. I don't have anything to add to the pity party,

for once. You must be frantic, but where will you start? Do you have any addresses to start with? It's a very big city, all right and probably going to be pretty rainy. It's a good 1200 miles or so, maybe a bit more. A beautiful drive if it weren't under this circumstance. We've always gone up there, from southern CA, towing a trailer and with kid and 4 dogs, so you can't guage drive time by me. Go to MAPQUEST.COM, and it will give you pretty good directions and maps, and I think drive times, too. If you belong to AAA they wi;; give you great maps, routes motel guides, everything. I have nothing but praise for them. If you don't have a cell phone, you can get prepaid cards quickly, if there is any problem with credit, etc. You might call the police dept., up there and see if they can give you some suggestions. Keep us posted when you can.

[NYC]

5. Best of luck.

I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice, but we do have a DUer in Seattle who can possibly help you with directions, and information about getting around once you are there.

Send a DU mail to Andy Stephenson.

[izzie]

7. Sad but they will only do what they think right when they wish to.

I know how you feel I have 5 children and they would do as they wished when they wished.Just as I sort of did. I was a little more into duty as a mother has to be.