Can lovers be friends?

[SCDem]

And what I mean by that is that if you had a hot relationship with someone can you decide to back down and just be friends. Does that sort of friendship after such a relationship really work?

[Wat_Tyler]

1. Nope.

It almost never does.

[SCDem]

4. Yep

I figured. I haven't ever been able to maintain a friendship after such a relationship ended or peetered out or whatever .... just wondering if anybody had any thoughts to the contrary.

[MAlibdem]

2. yup

works fine...my ex just dropped off a pair of pants i asked her to iron. and tonight a group of us are going to a hockey game.

[mark414]

3. i suppose it depends on the individuals involved

in my experiences, haha DEFINITELY not

but i have plenty of friends who remain friends with their ex long after the relationship went sour

[SCDem]

6. Maybe there is hope

for my friend and I then :shrug:

[LSparkle]

27. I certainly hope so ... just broke with boyfriend

and am trying to stay friendly. I'd hate to have to purge him from my life after 5 years.

[Magrittes Pipe]

5. The soon-to-be-ex-Mrs.-Hedges and I are friends.

:shrug:

[democracyindanger]

7. As the Great BB King says

When two real good lovers
become two real good friends
Baby, don't you know,
That it's the beginning of the end.

[SCDem]

9. LOL

I hadn't heard that one before

Sure is funny though

[sniffa]

8. i'm the opposite

aLL friends become hot reLationships.

[SCDem]

11. Wow!

Do your other friends know?!

[Cadence]

13. LOL! I'm your friend right sniffa? Wait!

Let me take my shoes and socks off and ask again! ;)

[sniffa]

15. my bestest friend now

:loveya:

[Cadence]

19. That's hot!

:loveya:

[sniffa]

24. i'm waiting

make sure you take your shoes off at the door. :loveya:

[Cadence]

28. Oh they're off baby!

;)

[Wickerman]

10. Maybe after time

At least in my case. Couldn't at first, got to friendship eventually. Can't say for sure, though, because we both moved out of town after we became friends and it was easier to stay "friends".

[rbnyc]

12. Sometimes.

It depends on both people being happy with their current situation, and a long history of trust and respect.

But even with those in place, sometimes, no. I had a great friend, and we had great sex, tho we were never a "couple"--but now that I'm married and there's just no possibility of us having sex again, neither one of us really know how to be friends. It's sad because I know we love each other a lot and I miss him, and we never wanted to be romantically involved in the first place.

:(

[Rick Myers]

14. Boy, do I have a story about this one...

I have to say NO... I've tried for years, but somehow it always goes wrong...

[Withywindle]

16. Sure, it can work...

I have three exes who are pretty close friends.

You usually need some time apart between the breakup and hanging out again. It varies of course.

You need to be honest with yourself about all your feelings: your anger, your getting-back-together fantasies, your jealousy when that person starts seeing someone else, etc. And you need to know that you CAN control them and change them if necessary. You are responsible for your own feelings; the other person is not responsible for your feelings.

In general, I see no reason to drop all the positive aspects of a bond with someone just because one aspect of the relationship (the romance/sex part) went south. If you truly enjoyed that person's company when you were "together", why would that stop?

[SCDem]

21. That's my theory

We had great political discussions and why shouldn't that continue? But even though we mutually broke up he still wants more (not out of me per se) but just out of some relationship in general

We'll see

[Withywindle]

25. Well, it doesn't always work out...

...sometimes the emotional incompatibility or the "hangover" is just too much. Other times it does. It depends on a lot of factors. But you never know until you try, and a good friendship is definitely worth trying.

Err on the side of giving more "space" rather than less, I think.

I hope it works out for you! Good luck.

[Magrittes Pipe]

17. Oh, fuck.

"How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?"

You've BOLTONWORMED me! You bastard! :grr:

[SCDem]

23. Sorry!!

I didn't think of that song until your post.

Shame on you now I have that wretched song in my head!!

[Magrittes Pipe]

26. It's karma.

For this:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2573181

Oh Lord, I am sorry for having offended thee....

[Cadence]

18. Yeah, It's possible but it takes a LOOOONG time

I have a friend currently that I dated ten years ago. It took forever to get that whole, not more than friends, we can see other people and it's still o.k. thing going. Not really worth it if you ask me. Very painful and exruciating way to have a friendship.

But if it wasn't hot to begin with and it just de-volved into friendship... probably different. Dunno.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

20. I don't know...

A couple of my friends dated for a while, screwed around A LOT, and then broke up. They're still friends, still sleeping together, and she just started dating someone else. It's screwed up, but they're only 20, so I guess she's supposed to be doing stuff like this right now. lol I don't know if it works. I think it could, if the people are mature enough. And if nothing else, you could always have a fuck buddy if you both liked it enough. :shrug:
Duckie

[MrScorpio]

22. It's always best to start out as friends first

Before getting into the freaky shit.

Then once you guys cool down, you can fall back onto that friendship.

This is much better attempted by mature adults than folks who are not as mature

[redqueen]

35. However, it's not absolutely necessary.

One of the best friends I have started out as nothing but a freaky fling.

[MrScorpio]

39. We pervs can get away with that

Remember, we're talking about civilians here

[redqueen]

40. hahahahahahahahaha!

OK, point taken. :7

[SOteric]

29. Sure, I've maintained good friendships with several exes.

It's not always easy, but it is usually possible.

[jswordy]

30. Sure...they call it MARRIAGE! ROFLMFAO! n/t

[Nikia]

31. It never worked for me

You might be alright, depending on both of your personalities and the circumstances of the realtionship and the break up. Some people that stick together as friends though go through a love/hate thing for quite a while and would be better off, for the sake of both of their feelings, to cut off all contact with each other for at least several months, if not indefinitely, and to never to rise above being aquaintances again.
When I was single and said "I don't want to date because I don't want to ruin a great friendship," I would have been telling the truth if it wasn't someone who I thought would be a marriage possibility. I never remained friends with anyone who I slept with (with the exception of my husband, of course) at all.

[sendero]

32. I think so...

... sometimes it takes some time - I get along with both of my ex wives just fine :)

What is nearly impossible for a guy is to turn a friendship with a woman into a romance. I'm sure it happens, but I'm also sure it doesn't a lot more often :)

[Withywindle]

37. Really?

Almost all my relationships have been with guys who were friends first. (Admittedly I'm a nerd girl so *most* of my friends are guys in general and I didn't hook up with the majority of them)

[redqueen]

33. Yes.

It depends on the people involved, of course.

[sundog]

34. no imo

[SarahB]

36. I don't know.

I'm in the middle of a divorce and we have to get along to a large degree because of the children, but it's difficult because his feelings and my feelings are different at this point. Sometimes being too close emotionally results in too much sexual tension only further complicating matters.

[4_Legs_Good]

38. Absolutely... but maybe only if you start as friends

at least that's the case in my case. Friends that I've ended up dating could later still be friends quite well.

Don't know if that's true if you start right out with dating...

david

[txaslftist]

41. Nope.

not unless they're lesbians. Women can get over it, men are too shallow and insensitive and jealous and territorial and always have screwing on the brain.