I just lost my best friend

[SiouxJ]

Rocky was the dog I had for almost 18 years. Just a couple of hours ago I had to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I let my friend go to sleep forever. I didn't want to do it for selfish reasons, but I could tell he just didn't want to be here anymore. He finally stopped eating in an effort to get that message through loud and clear; that was it. I could not let him starve himself to death.

I'm gonna miss him most in the mornings as he used to sit behind me in my office while I worked here on the computer. For the last year or so he mostly just slept. His arthritis bothered him but he tried not to let it show. He would just smile and put on a good front. Even now it seems like he's still here, just sleeping in another room.

I knew I was going to let go of him on Monday so it was good to have this last weekend at home with him. I spent the whole time making him comfortable and letting him know I'll miss him. Yesterday I was brushing him and stroking him and he looked at me as if to say, I want to go, I can't do this any longer. I know he was just hanging on for me. This morning was hard, though once I got down there it wasn't so bad; it just felt right. I'm just glad I only live about 3 miles from the Vet's office as the drive down was the hardest part.

I feel like he's still here. I know it's only been a few hours but I just feel his presence here. I know that will fade in time but I wish I could hold on to that feeling forever.

I don't know why I'm posting this here except that I just wanted to sort of document his passing some place that I know will be around for a long, long time. Also, there are a few DUers who have helped me through this so I wanted to thank them as well. Thank you Forrest, Jen and Brett, you have no idea how much you have helped me through this. :loveya:

I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense but it's hard typing, thinking and crying at the same time - lol.

Thank you Rocky for 17 and a half years of love, friendship and companionship. There will never be another like you.



The Rock 1986-2003

[Aristus]

1. I'm sorry, SiouxJ.

Big hug for you.

:hug: ((((((((((SiouxJ)))))))))) :hug:

There's nothing I can say that would make you feel the loss less severely.

[KCDem]

2. I'm so sorry about the death of your dog!

I'm tearing up reading your post. It sounds like you did the right thing. My condolences.

Best,
Rebecca

[ronnykmarshall]

3. ((((((((((((((((((((SiouxJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry about Rocky! :loveya:

[LuLu550]

4. I'm so sorry for your loss

he looks like a great dog!
In April, I had to put down a very young (less than two years old) but brain damaged dog. It is never easy, and my heart goes out to you.
If you don't know about it already, I suggest you try www.petloss.com. Wonderful compassionate message boards, a place to write a tribute and post a picture. Give it a try. It has always helped me.
And again, I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend.
:hug:

[trotsky]

5. My condolences

Always be grateful you had that last weekend with him, and cherish the memories forever.

I lost my cat of 7 years to a kidney problem. I had to have him put down after he had spent the last week of his life at the vet's office and the emergency animal hospital. I know what you mean, about it feeling like he's still there, just in another room. We moved a month or so after he died, and so I kind of feel that if I go back to our old house he'll be there, waiting for me.

[XNASA]

6. Deeply sorry to hear about it , Sioux.

I know that it can be hard losing a beloved pet, but it sounds like you and he shared a lot of great times together.

Here's to Rocky!

[pmbryant]

7. That is so sad

I totally understand the feeling. Rest in peace, Rocky.

:-(

--Peter

[Drifter]

8. I did the same thing ...

to my faithful companion (Charlie) a year ago. Your story is amazingly similiar to mine. Charlie almost made it to her 15th year.

It was the hardest thing I knew I had to do. Her kidneys shut down, and while the Vet (bless his heart), was eager to discuss alternatives, I asked if it was the BEST for her. He said no.

When the time came, I brought the whole family down to say good bye to her. It was a very sad time (it happened to be my oldest daughters birthday).

When I looked into my faithful companions eyes, I know I had made the right decision. She knew it was time to go, and she encouraged me.

Hang in there as time heals all wounds. I have nothing but fond memories of my girl. Rarely a day goes by without thinking about her.

Mans Best Friend
My Best Friend
Charlemaine (8/30/87 - 6/20/02)

Cheers
Drifter

[ronzo]

9. I'm so sorry to hear that.

It sounds like you did the right thing by him. I know how tough it is...
Hang in there.
Ron

[Corgigal]

10. Sorry for your lost

When I lost my friend, HoneyBear I could swear I heard her bark for months after she left us. Maybe it was her.

[MuseRider]

11. My dogs have all stayed with me

and I would just bet Rocky is right behind you. I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. You did the kindest, most unselfish thing is the world this morning. It is too bad you can't feel good about that but then that is grief. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[indigo32]

12. I'm sorry to hear that

it's always so hard. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing you did the right thing. I'm betting he'll always be with you in some way. Take Care.

[Rick Myers]

13. So sorry for your loss

I know how close one can be with their pet. Rocky is in a better place, running like a puppy! And he'll always be near you in your heart...

:loveya:

[GainesT1958]

14. I'm very, very sorry for you...

A little over ayear ago, my wife and I had to do the same thing to ( and for) our brother/sister Persian cat duo, Max and Mitzi, who were 15. They suffered from kidney failure and, like Rocky, couldn't eat for their last two weeks. We knew it was time, and they were telling us that, just as Rocky was telling you. :-(

It's the hardest thing. It wasn't "like losing family members"--it WAS losing family members! :cry:

Just know that Rocky will always be there for you, watching over you, and that he still loves you. I've never been one to question whether amimals, especially pets, have souls; God made them just as He made you and me, and that's enough for me to be sure of it!

But know that you did the right thing, and the thing that Rocky wanted you to do. He'll never be sick again, and you WILL see him again someday. Take care of yourself; he'll help you with that, too, I'll bet!

B-)

[mac56]

15. I'm so sorry, SiouxJ.

He was lucky to have you in his life, as you were lucky to have him. Dogs trust us to do the right thing for them. I'm glad you had that last weekend together. Loving memories will carry you through, and you'll meet again at the rainbow bridge.

:hug:

[Kat45]

16. I'm so sorry to hear that.

You did the right thing for him, but I know that was a very hard thing to do. Of course you'll be sad for a while, but eventually you'll be able to concentrate on all your happy memories of your times with Rocky.

[Dookus]

17. I'm so sorry, Sioux...

I just put an old cat to sleep last week. It's really tough.

But it helps to know we did the right thing by our pets. They rely on US to make these decisions, even the hard ones. You did the right thing, certainly, but I know that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm really sorry.

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

18. SO sorry

I'm so sorry. My beloved kitty Fergus died in late August, so I understand your pain. It sounds like you gave Rocky much love and affection, and he returned it to you unconditionally. Try to think of the happy times with him, but also let yourself cry and grieve as much as you need to. Take care.

[roughsatori]

19. I'm so sorry. I'm not much of a pet person

but when I was a kid my brothers and sister had a dog. We made it clear that it was their dog since I did not like pets and wanted none of the chores. Yet when Jake died about 10 years after we had him, I was inconsolable. It felt like a piece of me was ripped out. I was so shocked at how attached I had become from going for long walks with Jake in the woods. Jake has been dead years now and the other night I was talking with my father. I told him that sometimes I still pray for Jake. My father is a strict Catholic church goer. I thought he would mock me--he said "I pray for Jake sometimes still too." He then told me he had a long talk with a Priest after Jake died and the Priest encouraged him to pray for Jake. Anyway, your story just reminded me of that--best wishes.

[catpower2000]

20. Oh my god Sue, I'm so very sorry...

I am in tears writing this. What a sweet face in that picture. Thank goodness you had the last weekend here with him to love him up and say goodbye.

If there's anything I can do, let me know. Big hugs to you :hug:

Cat :loveya:

[demnan]

21. What a sweet dog he sounds like!

You know we people who love our pets are so blessed with their love and presense, but we do have to go through the extreme pain of letting go.

Your dog was happy and lived a long life.

You'll never forget Rocky, but in time you will want to get another companion animal and make that animal's life a happy one too.

[Divernan]

22. That's a great picture of Rocky

I'm very sorry for your loss. That last visit to the vet is the hardest thing to do but you saved your friend from further suffering.

[Boudicea]

23. Thank you for posting this

It's something I'll be facing soon. (((SouixJ)))

[Susang]

24. I also got my best friend in 1986

He had to be put down in 1997. I still miss Roscoe every day. I'm glad that you and Rocky got so many wonderful years together. Hope you feel better soon. :loveya:

[populistmom]

25. I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself.

Sarah

[papau]

26. Losing the dog is right after losing family in the pain that only time

can heal.

You have my prayers - and good thoughts and sympathy - He was a beautiful dog -

The fear of this pain is what has stopped from getting another dog - plus the fear that I will die long before any new dog - sort of a catch 22 situation.

But my grandkids are demanding I get another dog - and that they will care for it after I am gone. God - the tie to an animal can be so wonderful - and so hard to lose.

God be with you - and your dog.

peace.

[SiouxJ]

27. Thank you everyone

I wish I could reply to every one of you but I just don't have it in me at the moment. I've read your stories and it's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I need and appreciate all your hugs and well wishes. :-) Thank you!

It was hard letting him go when he seemed pretty healthy still. His bowel and bladder were fine but he had problems you couldn't easily see. His arthritis was getting really bad and the meds I had him on weren't helping much anymore. I took some pictures of him yesterday and just uploaded them. I was shocked at how skinny and stiff he looked and I couldn't see it until now. I just knew he wasn't eating for a reason and that reason was that he wanted to check out and it was the only way he knew to do it. I suppose a wolf or other wild animal would just go off and waste away until they died and I think that's what Rock wanted to do. He was just hanging on for me and finally couldn't do it anymore. I'm happy I could help him not have to go through the "wild animal" version of this situation.

I just miss him so.

Thanks again everyone. :loveya:

[chemenger]

28. I am very sad for you

and for the loss of your beloved Rocky. It is a very difficult decision. I know ... because I too am facing the reality that my little buddy Bugaboo's time is coming near. But to say that "it was hard to do it for selfish reasons" makes the reality of just how difficult a decision it really is very clear.

My condolenses.

[Iverson]

29. heartfelt condolences, SiouxJ

I am sending good thoughts your way.

[ps1074]

30. I am so sorry

I know exactly how you feel as I had to do the same thing 2 weeks ago. It's hard losing a friend... The first week was very hard for me. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was thinking of my doggy all those days. I still think of her daily and I miss her very much but now I am thinking more about the wonderful years we spent together and I feel better. Knowing she is not suffering anymore makes me feel better.

Stay strong, SiouxJ... :loveya:

[Lorien]

31. (((((Sioux)))))

It's been such a difficult week, but you've done the right thing. Rocky will be greatly missed, but he made lives better while he was here, and you gave him everything in return. I know how much you did for him; the medications, the cleaning up, the burgers and mayonaise covered hotdogs in an effort to get him to eat (and our Sioux is a vegetarian, so this is no small devotion!) you helped him live well beyond his life expectancy, and he loved you for that and more. You were the best dog mother a canine could ever wish for. Rocky knew how very lucky he was to be yours.

Rest in peace, sweet Rocky.

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[SiouxJ]

32. Aw Jen

Thank you. That was beautiful.

Yeah, I remember when he quit eating dog food; going down and buying that ground beef. I haven't cooked any kind of meat in over 10 years but I made him a special concoction with rice and stuff and he ate it right away. That only worked for awhile. Eventually I would feed him anything he would eat. Towards the end he would only eat greasy cheese quesadillas that I would make for him. This morning he didn't even want that.

Thank you friend. Thanks for being there with such wonderful wisdom through this whole ordeal. I'll never forget it.

:loveya: :hug:

[Lorien]

39. Doing no more than returning

your kind words and support throughout my similar ordeal with Peewee (my 15 year old kitty) just two months ago.I don't know how I could have made it through without such an understanding friend. We share so much in common already; it's so terribly sad that we had to share losing our "fur children" in 2003 as well. :-(

I'm having trees planted in Rocky's memory. I know how much he loved romping in the outdoors. Now "his" trees will bring beauty and life to some small corner of the world-and shelter and habitat to other living things. It seemed they would be more lasting than flowers. (If other DUers are interested in honoring someone-furry or otherwise-in a similar fashion, the information is here: http://www.arborday.org/join/TixTim/TIM.cfm )

If there is a "Rainbow bridge", I think Peewee was waiting there to show Rocky the way.

:loveya:

[BurtWorm]

79. You two, stop it! You're making me cry!

I'm so sorry for both of you!

[Beetwasher]

33. I'm so sorry!

I know how hard it is...You gave him an awesome life!

[Skittles]

34. sweet Rocky

he was as lucky to have you as you were to have him.

"'TWAS HEAVEN HERE WITH YOU"

[BarbaRosa]

35. I'm so sorry SiouxJ

We've gone through this several times, and know we will again someday. It's not easy, but it is for the best.

At times like this I think of the saying..Dogs break your heart only once. How true.

Peace

[Rowdyboy]

36. It's always heartbreaking....

You did the right thing. God bless...

[TEXASYANKEE]

37. Beautiful dog!

And what a good person you are to have made such a difficult decision. Rocky was one lucky dog and I'm certain he is now chasing butterflies (and probably my old cat, Buster) on the other side of the Rainbox Bridge. My thoughts are with you.

[ulysses]

38. oh, Sioux

I'm really sorry. Been there with a special dog - it never goes away, but it does subside after a while. You know you did right by Rocky. Seems like it always comes down to that.

All peace.

[proud patriot]

40. such a beautiful tribute to Rocky

:-( ...17 and half years is a long life . Last january
I lost Jake my 19 year old Cat ...The one in the gallery
next to my dog ... I know your pain ..I still miss my jake.

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
((((((((((TEARS))))))))))))
(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
and more tears ...

[Seneca]

41. I am sorry SiouxJ

I am thankful Rocky had such a great companion for his time on Earth. A beautiful dog, and my heart goes out to you.

[GOPisEvil]

42. I'm really sorry to hear about this Sue.

You have my sincerest condolences on Rocky's passing.

Take care, big hugs!

:loveya:

[KG]

43. sorry

:(

[kayleybeth]

44. So sorry SiouxJ

I've had to do the same for several of my pets. It's so hard, but it really is the right thing. Rest in peace, Rocky.

SiouxJ, may good memories comfort you.

[ReadTomPaine]

45. Rocky will never leave your side.

It’s been over 10 years since I lost my own longtime companion. We were a team and helped each other through the deaths of most of my family, and she was the last to go. She was always such a stalwart little one. I still think of her every day, and I still miss her so. She comes back to me when I’m sleeping, to sit near me and put her head in my lap. Don’t worry, Rocky will never leave your side.

"Beau"
by Jimmy Stewart

He never came to me when I would call
Unless I had a tennis ball,
Or he felt like it,
But mostly he didn't come at all.
When he was young
He never learned to heel
Or sit or stay,
He did things his way.

Discipline was not his bag
But when you were with him things sure didn't drag.
He'd dig up a rosebush just to spite me,
And when I'd grab him, he'd turn and bite me.

He bit lots of folks from day to day,
The delivery boy was his favorite prey.
The gas man wouldn't read our meter,
He said we owned a real man-eater.

He set the house on fire
But the story's long to tell.
Suffice it to say that he survived
And the house survived as well.

On the evening walks, and Gloria took him,
He was always first out the door.
The Old One and I brought up the rear
Because our bones were sore.

He would charge up the street with Mom hanging on,
What a beautiful pair they were!
And if it was still light and the tourists were out,
They created a bit of a stir.

But every once in a while, he would stop in his tracks
And with a frown on his face look around.
It was just to make sure that the Old One was there
And would follow him where he was bound.

We are early-to-bedders at our house--
I guess I'm the first to retire.
And as I'd leave the room he'd look at me
And get up from his place by the fire.

He knew where the tennis balls were upstairs,
And I'd give him one for a while.
He would push it under the bed with his nose
And I'd fish it out with a smile.

And before very long
He'd tire of the ball
And be asleep in his corner
In no time at all.

And there were nights when I'd feel him
Climb upon our bed
And lie between us,
And I'd pat his head.

And there were nights when I'd feel this stare
And I'd wake up and he'd be sitting there
And I reach out my hand and stroke his hair.
And sometimes I'd feel him sigh
and I think I know the reason why.

He would wake up at night
And he would have this fear
Of the dark, of life, of lots of things,
And he'd be glad to have me near.

And now he's dead.
And there are nights when I think I feel him
Climb upon our bed and lie between us,
And I pat his head.

And there are nights when I think
I feel that stare
And I reach out my hand to stroke his hair,
But he's not there.

Oh, how I wish that wasn't so,
I'll always love a dog named Beau.

-----

[Mandate My Ass]

46. I'm sorry to hear that

Having read your many, many threads about how much Rocky meant to you and you to him, I can only imagine how difficult this must have been for you.

He's smiling in the picture you posted of him and I'm sure he's smiling wherever he now resides.

The oldest dog we had to put down was my childhood dog Snoopy who I got when I was two and was put to sleep at the ripe old age of 21 yrs. He's still missed but our family talks about him to this day although he left us almost 20 years ago.

Peace.

[welshTerrier2]

47. your words and your feelings

touched a place in me where i too have been ...

my heartfelt sorrows are with you ...

find comfort in the knowledge that you offered Rocky a lifetime of love ... what greater gift could their be ...

[RebelOne]

48. My deepest sympathy

I feel the pain of your loss. Dogs are just like our children. I lost a dog, my Bear Bear, in 1999. She was a 12-year-old Rottie. The only consolation I had was that Rotties' life spans are 10 to 11 years and she made it to almost 12. But she had a good life with me as she was spoiled rotten. I adopted her from a "friend" who was going to have her put down when she was 9 years old because she was too old. I now have another Rottweiler that I adopted when she was 2-1/2 years old from the same "friend." She was going to put her down because she was not aggressive enough. My Legend is now 6 years old and I hope she will live another 6 years. She is another spoiled, rotten Rottie.

My heart goes out to you. I would like to think there is a doggie heaven because as the Disney movie title states "All Dogs Go To Heaven," but alas, I am an atheist.

I don't know it this is any consolation, but getting another doggie right now will help heal the pain of your loss. I adopted Legend about a month after my Bear Bear died, and it helped my grieving.

Again, you have my heart-felt sympathy because losing a dog is like losing a close member of your family. :cry:

[Coventina]

49. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

I've been there.
It is one of the hardest things to do. My deepest, sincerest condolences.
Keep in mind, your grief is real. You need to take time to heal. Rocky would want you to take care of yourself.

[Lorien]

50. Please keep it kicked

until the morning. Sioux usually can't get online much in the evenings. She'll need our good thoughts and wishes most when morning comes.:grouphug:

[Mikimouse]

51. Kick

Sorry to hear about Rocky, Sioux.

[mikita]

52. (((((SiouxJ)))))

I am so, so sorry. I feel like a kindred spirit and smile through my tears for you, as a vegetarian who is now feeding my arthritic old best friend Boots (15yrs +) a daily diet of cottage cheese, canned chicken (eewww) mixed with Lunch Bucket chicken and dumplings. I can understand how hard this is for you, especially when your friend "looked" ok in some sense but was hurting. I keep wondering how we're going to get through the winter with snow and ice when Boots can hardly stand on mulch anymore. Make me cry just to think of it, so I know it's hurting you so right now. Take care. Your friend Rocky was lucky to have you too.

Mikita :hug:

[philosophie_en_rose]

53. I'm so sorry.

He was a wonderful friend. I admire how much you're honoring him.

[mitchum]

54. I'm so very sorry, SiouxJ

rest in peace Rocky

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

55. Aw Sioux I'm so sorry

I am glad you had all that time together and am glad you knew when to let go for Rock's sake. Thanks for making his life...well...a dog's life :thumbsup:

I am really sorry for your loss.

[serryjw]

56. Rocky will always Rock!

I am so sorry for your lose. My cat Einstein just celebrated his 15th birthday and I started thinking how difficult is will be when the time comes. There is only the 2 of us and we have been best buds theough alot. Rocky and the years you shared will always be with you. He knew you loved him and in this screwed up world that is all be can treasure.:yourock:

[Lorien]

57. One more

:kick:

Let us know how you're doing in the morning, Sioux. We'll all be here when you need us! :loveya:

[Valerie5555]

58. Am sure my kitty Midnight may be just "play chasing" your doggie or vice

versa on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge as I write this.


On edit it was a little more than 3 years ago that we had to help him across the Rainbow Bridge due to kidney problems. He was 15. Meow. meow. Meow. meow.

[KT2000]

59. Oh dear..

I am so sorry. He's a beautiful dog.

[trigz]

60. Respect for doing the right thing

You have my deepest sympathy. I know the feeling of losing a pet, it can be as hard as losing a close, human friend.

Hold your head up high, you'll never walk alone.

[WillParkinson]

61. Oh, hon, I'm so sorry!

Paul and I send your family best wishes and loving thoughts.

[Myra]

62. SiouxJ; ohmygod I'm so sorry

I don't think there's very much that's harder
than the loss of a pet. It's such a pure and
special relationship.

And over 17 years...
That's a lot of time together.
I know it's not enough time though.

Thank you for letting us see his picture.
What a handsome guy. He looks so sweet.
You did good SiouxJ. You took care of
your dear friend when he most needed it.

Now take care of yourself.
It's a tough time.

Do you know if you have a pet loss support
group or phone line in your area?

[salin]

63. So very sorry....

I know there is a very empty place today. My "Hope" just turned 10, and we have lost our goldens at 10 and 13. While she is in great health, I have become accutely aware of her health - and try each day to intentionaly enjoy when we share space, time and love. Had a scare earlier this year (but it was cool.) I can only hope to have the number of years and the time for that much more love that you have shared with Rocky. The words are hard to find to express the connection to the loved companion. Rocky, I imagine, was a companion, a shadow, a comfortor and a cheerleader among many other roles. Many hugs to you. I am sorry for your loss.

[LibertyorDeath]

64. Rocky sounds like he was a wonderful friend & he'll always be in your

thoughts. Cry your heart out & then remember all the great times you shared. Nothing can ever take that away.

Sorry for your loss.

[VOX]

65. Dearest SiouxJ -- thank you for giving The Rock such a good life...

I am so very sorry for the loss of your cross-species friend -- it is such a special bond built solely on trust and love, and it hurts so much when it's time to say farewell.

You did all the right and loving things for Rocky, and cared for him so much that you helped him when he needed you most.

The Rock will always be with you -- in your heart, forever. And that is a gift greater than life itself.

Wishing you well --

[laylah]

66. I am sorry for your loss,

Sioux :hug:

jenn

[Democat]

67. Very sorry for your loss

.

[Buns_of_Fire]

68. You lost a good friend; Rocky lost a good master

My respects to both of you. Godspeed to you and Rocky in your travels.

[rasputin1952]

69. I am so sorry to hear of this SiouxJ...

:hug:

I have often wondered why dogs think their human co-habitants are the greatest things in the universe. I too am a dog lover, and have always been amazed at how dogs can make our homecoming such a wonderful event. We're just coming back from the store, and yet a dog will make you feel like you just got back from a year in combat. It is always a great event for them!

One of the greatest things we can thank our ancestors for, is their insight in domesticating canines.

My heart goes out to you. I know you are a kind warm and loving person. This was not an easy decision, but it was a humane and loving way to show dedication to your best friend.

May the pain of your loss go quickly, and the memories be sweet and salve the wound.

:loveya: :hug:

[ProfessorGAC]

70. Sorry Sioux

Man that's a drag. Chin up! Hope things feel better soon. Rocky was a good boy!
The Professor

[bearfan454]

71. Very Sorry Sioux

I had to do the same thing 3 years ago to my beautiful Daisy. God I loved that dog. One time my exwife told me I loved Daisy more than her. I did too. I took Daisy to get 3 double cheeseburgers from McDonald's on the way to the vet. She knew what was going on too. That made it worse for me. She is waiting for me on the rainbow bridge.

[SiouxJ]

72. Oh my god you guys!

I did not imagine I would get this kind of outpouring of love and support when I posted yesterday. I mean, I suppose I should have - sort of saying, "duh" to myself now after writing that. I mean, this is DU, home of the most caring people in the world. Like Forrestgump pointed out to me the other night, it has something to do with the "D" in DU. But I was stunned to see all the replies here this morning. I read every one and and I'm sure I'll read them all again and again. Thanks to every one of you for your support and also for sharing the stories of your beloved furfaces. You guys rock!

Last night was a bitch. Three rather large bourbons helped when I first got home but after I went to bed I just couldn't get over the feeling of the big hole at the foot of the bed and that kept me tossing and turning until about 2 a.m. I finally managed to sleep until 6.

I knew the morning would be even harder as that was when I was alone with The Rock. I got up and just started writing down my memories of him as there are some little things that I just don't want to forget. It's funny how one memory will lead to another and before I knew it I had written quite a lot. I just don't want to forget those little things, like the little "oof" sound he made after he finished drinking water in his later years. I think he would get water up his nose and he had to blow it out - lol. Just some little things that were rolling around in my head last night. I thought if I wrote them out then I wouldn't have to try to embed them in my memory and maybe I'd get some sleep. Probably won't work but it's worth a shot and it feels good writing it out anyway.

I know I really need to get out of the house. I may start going down to my office earlier. There's just so many memories here. Right now it seems like he's still sleeping in the other room. In his later years, he sometimes slept until noon or later if I'd let him. I never had the heart to wake him up so I'd just let him go. Right now it just feels like he's back there sound asleep.

Thanks for the "Rocky Tree" Jen. That's a wonderful idea. It's very generous of you. :loveya: :hug:

Thanks again for all the ideas and suggestions and beautiful messages. You guys have quite a way with words and I was crying a lot as I was reading them, but that's ok, it really helps to know I'm not alone.

:loveya: :loveya: :loveya: :hug:

[ProfessorGAC]

73. That's What We're Here For Sioux

The Professor

[rasputin1952]

75. In every way, and at any time...

the people of DU are always here. That's what families are for.

:loveya: :hug:

[GOPisEvil]

76. A lot of us have been in your shoes.

We know how hard it is losing these family members.

:loveya::hug:

[Myra]

78. How you doing the day after SiouxJ?

This is really difficult stuff, so I hope
you're patient with yourself.

You mention there being a big hole at the foot
of the bed. That's exactly how I feel on those
awful occasions when I lose a beloved pet; like
there's a huge hole in the planet. And right
through my gut.

Maybe you'll feel like sharing more insights into
Rocky's personality, and more photos. Or maybe you're
not up to it. Either way, please keep in touch and
take care.

[SiouxJ]

80. Thanks Myra

I finally managed to drag myself out of the house for a walk and now I'm gonna go down to my office and maybe work real late or something; anything but come home to this empty house. Been crying on and off all day. The walk was good - a little Elvis Costello in the walkman to keep my mind off things.

I should have shared more about Rocky's life before he got near the end. He had an incredible life and was a very tough dog. I almost lost him once before about 6 years ago but he was too stubborn to go.

Anyway, I have to go but I'll post some of what I was writing early this morning. Maybe more tomorrow but I have to get off:

His favorite toys were a yellow and blue mini basketball that he loved to chase through "Rocky’s Meadow" (up in the mountains that surround San Diego); his green froggy that he loved to play with as well as chew up – hence we were always on an endless search for more identical froggies - lol; later his yellow gator; his big rawhide bone that he would proudly carry around the house but never actually chew on. He had a habit of finding his rawhide bone Christmas present before Christmas and opening it early. He also loved chewing on rags, particularly old pillow cases. He loved the texture of sheet material. Up until his last Christmas, he loved tearing up the wrapping paper and laying in a pile of it. He always thought the paper was better than the gifts. Sometimes he would find a box too and commence shredding.

Tricks he knew: sit, down, waaaay down, rollover, say “woof,” gimme a hi five! Give me a hug.

A couple of pictures I took Sunday:

[blm]

74. I understand every word you wrote, SiouxJ....

It has been a tough year for many of us pet lovers.

My beloved Pawl Newman is buried just under the window where I am sitting now...just about 5 feet away, and always in my heart.

[nini]

77. I am soooo sorry..

I just put my cat down a couple weeks ago and the feelings are still raw!! It's the hardest thing to do and it hurts like hell.

Take care and know you gave Rocky the best life and he'll meet you at Rainbow Bridge :-)

[geniph]

81. I am so very sorry

I know this won't fill that Rocky-shaped hole that will forever be in your heart, but 18 years is a good long life. May your happy memories of him live forever, and may you meet again at the Rainbow Bridge (any afterlife that doesn't have my pets, I ain't goin!).

You must have been a really really good momma for him to live such a long, happy life. And I believe sometimes the presence lingers for a bit - I don't know how else to explain the strange cat that came into the house, climbed straight into my lap, and slept there for four hours the day I put my beloved Fractal to sleep. I never saw that cat again, but it saved my life - I was in complete despair. I truly believe my Fractal sent it to me to tell me it was all right, she was ready to go.

Rocky loves you still.

[Mz Pip]

82. So sorry

You gave him love and companionship for 18 years and then had the courage to not let him suffer. What a lucky, lucky dog. Cherish your memories.

MzPip
:dem:

[Loyal]

83. I'm so sorry, Sioux.

I know what it's like to lose a pet, and it's just soo heartbreaking. If you need anything you can PM me. Take care.

Loyal

[thebeaglehaslanded]

84. The Boys and I are saddened by Rocky's passing.

Oliver the beagle and Toby the spaniel and I send licks and hugs to SiouxJ.

[sonias]

85. I can tell Rocky was a wonderful companion

His love really comes through on all your pictures SiouxJ. I am so sorry for your loss. I have been down the same path you are now on. May Rocky find a wonderful playground where he can roam as lively as when he was a pup. He knows you loved him and you both gave each other the best of times. Cherish those memories.

Peace

Sonia

[roguevalley]

86. What a pretty dog.

I am sorry, honey. It will get easier with time, I know that sounds like heresy. But it will. Until then, HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SiouxJ]

87. Hey you guys thanks again

This really helped. I'm bookmarking this so I can read your posts when I need that support.

I'm doing better though I know breakdowns at the drop of a hat will continue to happen. I went out for dinner and drinks and a little NTN trivia last night and it seemed to help. It was just hard coming home. He was always there waiting. I lost it for a few minutes when I got back, but other than that and a few minutes when I first went to bed, I was pretty good yesterday afternoon. The morning was the toughest.

I know I need to get another dog eventually but I also don't want to forget Rock's little nuances and I know from past experience that those do tend to slip away when you get a new dog. You start to love the new one's personality and it gets hard to remember the one you had before.

I know that Rocky will always be the one I miss most, no matter how many dogs I end up having in my life. He was just such a character. He never was very well trained and through most of his youth, he fit the word "brat" more than any other in the dictionary. I mean, they should put his picture next to that word. But it didn't matter, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

So anyway, I'm doing better now, thanks to you guys and your suggestions. Yesterday Myra suggest I post some more pictures and at the time I was in a rush and all I had at my fingertips was his most recent pictures which were taken the day before he left me and though that image will always be a part of my memory of him, I thought I'd post a few more from his younger, healthier days. He was such a handsome dog. Mostly Border Collie with some German Shepherd. He had the energy of a BC. You just could NOT wear him out. It's hard to remember when he had all that energy now as he mostly slept in his last two years, but at one time he was unstoppable. It actually got annoying - lol. It didn't matter what you did, you could not wear him out. I'd take him to the mountains so he could play in the snow and I'd try to exhaust him for the ride home (so he'd be good in the car), but it just didn't happen. I'd throw his ball across the meadow and he'd trudge through deep snow and it never phased him a bit.

Again, I want to thank every one of you for replying. I'm sorry I didn't respond back to everyone of you but I found myself crying when I would try to, at the thought of you guys caring enough to write something and I just couldn't do it at this point. I did take mental notes on names ;-) and I'll try not to forget your thoughtfulness when I run into you in future threads.

:loveya: :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[Myra]

92. Ohmygod he has the sweetest face

A big ol' grin on his muzzle.
Those are fantastic pictures.
I get the impression he was used to being
the subject of a photo session.

I saw a dog today that reminded me of Rocky,
trotting thru the apt complex on his leash.
Had an expression like the Joker out of Batman.

A brat eh? Yeah, he looks like he was a handful.
:)
My favorite cat is a brat.
I just love her attitude. So I can appreciate the
admiration for an animal that has a lively independent
spirit.

Thank you for posting the pix SiouxJ.
I esp *love* the one in the snow with the ball.
What a sweetie.
What a tounge! He could have draped it over his
shoulder like a scarf.

Hope you're doing...reasonably well.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

88. I'm so Sorry, SiouxJ

It's so hard when we have to say goodbye to a furry companion. You gave him a good life. Take care of yourself!

[noonwitch]

89. I'm sorry for your loss

What a pretty dog Rocky was, too.

[RetroLounge]

90. So sorry for your loss...

I lost my best friend Nikita this year after 13 years. She was German Shep, Black Lab, Pit and Wolf. Big and lovable.

After my divorce and a bout of homelessness, I found myself in a small room sharing a house with friends and Nikita came into my life and loved me before I could love myself again. We shared a futon on the floor for the first few years. She was there for so many changes in my life, including finishing grad school, getting new jobs, moving and getting married. She became my wife's dog immediately and turned her from a cat person to a dog person (well, somewhat). And when the kids were born, she was their friend and protector.

I miss her.

Hang in there, and hugs from Wisconsin...

[Pale Blue Dot]

91. Oh God Sue, I'm sorry

What a horrible 48 hours this has been. As always, I'm thinking of you. :loveya:

P.S. He looked like a great dog.