Fuck Valentine's Day.

[coloradodem2005]

It is THE worst holiday of the year. I have never had a girlfriend and I know that women hate me. 25+ years and there has NEVER been a woman who has liked me. I know that for a fact. Why the hell do we need this piece of shit holiday? Just so the candy store can sell its candy? So the flower shop can sell another set of flowers? So Hallmark can sell another teddy bear that says "I love you" on it? One thing I have learned is that love is there for some and not others. I am one of the others. I hate this fucking holiday. It is a piece of shit of the worst order. So, happy couples, enjoy the cespool of love and commercialism. Hopefully, I will have my affair with a 6 pack of Heiniken's or Sam Adams. Add to that some rocking music. Like Led Zeppelin, classic Aerosmith (before love songs became too prevalent), classic Van Halen (before they had love songs), Black Sabbath, Metallica, Dream Theater, Rush, etc.

Fuck Valentine's Day. February 14th is THE worst day of the year.

[Kikosexy2]

1. Hmmm...

25 yo and bitter. What a shame! Well after reading this message..I can see why women wouldn't give you the time of day nor gay men for that matter. Well love yourself first before you can love others! Happy VD!

[coloradodem2005]

4. If you went through what I went through...

...especially the last two years, you would be bitter too. And in the past, I used to be quite nice. Really nice. All the girls told me "You're such a nice guy." Before they fucked me over. You don't know what I have been through. Thank you for your judgemental attitude.

[Kikosexy2]

10. For me being gay...

and 42 honey--I've been thru the mill, so I understand what you've been thru--it's no different with gay people. You're still young--keep your chin up--women (and men) they come and they go. Unfortunately, you do have to go thru heartbreak before you find that ONE. But you live and learn thru it all. As for me I've learn to accept the fact that relationships are meant for some and not all. Even I though I don't care to date much anymore, I still leave the door open for the ONE. It's okay to be alone, single--it's not the end of the world--The Chimpie and his evil minions haven't destroy the earth just yet.

[SW FL Dem]

16. So true - you can;t find love until you are comfortable with yourself

I found mine at 26 after several heartbreaks. My sister didn't find her ONE until she was 36 and he was 42.

[Kikosexy2]

25. Patience...

patience.. patience--which I don't really have.

[Kikosexy2]

27. Now...

pretty much I just enjoy life as it comes..and not make finding the ONE a priority anymore. Stop and smell the roses--it's alright!

[Susang]

20. I'll bet you've seen everything

Glad you've survived and still have a little optimism left to spare! :toast:

I'm always amazed when people think that they're the first to experience pain and loss. There's always someone out there who's suffering as badly; whether it's because of economic need or because of a failed love affair. Thinking that your specific pain is unique and special only serves to cut you off from the love you supposedly wish to attract. And that's only useful if separating yourself has really been your true intention all along. ;-)

[forgethell]

18. Unfortunately, it has

been my observation and experience that women, and yes I am generalizing here, so what? do not want a nice boy, but a bad man. Maybe it's the "man" part. Maybe it's the "bad" part.

At least, not at first. Just like men go for looks first, and develop an interest in what a woman has to say only after they get to know her a little.

There are some exceptions, of course.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

57. Oh, no! Not that old cliche again!

Young men gravitate toward the psycho shrews and the masochists, get rejected, and then complain that women want only bad boys.

:grr:

No sensible women, no woman who has her head on straight, wants a bad boy, at least not as more than a fantasy figure.

Look at the women whom you think are not your type. Look at the women who are attracted to you. They don't look like the women on TV. Then again, you probably don't look like the men on TV.

I've often watched in frustration as men that I am attracted to go off trying to win back some psycho shrew who has chewed up and spit out their hearts.

Then they go to the bar with their buddies and sit around griping about how all women are bitches.

[coloradodem2005]

61. Kind of like the women who...

...talk about how there are no nice guys because they date these wretched horrible guys.

[medeak]

68. don't give up

my brother didn't marry until 51...and he found his soul mate. Broadway star.. he walks the poodle and lovin it.

[forgethell]

67. Cliches get to be cliches for a reason.

I'm pretty sure, that if you read my post carefully, you will note that I said there are exceptions. I married one.

As for the men, well, nobody said they were any better than the women. The dating scene, or whatever it's called nowadays, just plain sucks, and I'm glad to be out of it.

All that being said, I don't know what first attracts women to specific men, but I'm pretty sure that for 99% of the straight men, it is looks that first attracts them to specific women. I stand open to correction by men only.

[realisticphish]

82. looks draw attention

but i wouldn't ask a girl on a date unless i had talked to her, and had a good conversation. i go for intelligence and wit. of course, im alone on vday too; maybe i should alter my strategy :shrug:

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[forgethell]

86. Well, at some time

you DO have to ask them. Faint heart n'er won fair lady. Or anything else worth having.

Including, just to change the subject, the Presidency.

[Xipe Totec]

110. You're right, but not the way you mean it.

"it is looks that first attracts (men) to specific women"

You bet. Men are egocentric by nature. We are attracted to anybody who gives us the least bit of attention. All a woman has to do is look at us and smile, and we are deer caught in the headlights.

There is nothing sexier or deadlier than a woman's come-hither look.

[Misunderestimator]

99. Nah.... There actually do exist women who don't want men at all.

:)

[TXlib]

2. At least buy it flowers first.

[Dorian Gray]

3. Don't let it get you down...

I never celebrated V-Day. Even when I was dating someone, I'd choose to go out together in a group of friends who just wanted to hang out. Now that I'm married, we're saving our money for a trip to Vegas in two weeks, so we're not gettting each other anything.

I can see how it would make someone feel lonely, but I spent 29 out of my 33 years alone on V-day, and it never bothered me all that much. Do something special for yourself on that day. :) Something that makes you feel good.

[DrWeird]

5. Include "Happy Valentine's Day" by Outkast in your playlist.

It's the best "fuck Valentine's Day" song out there.

[Az]

6. Then simply get yourself tanked on Darwin Day (Feb 12) and don't sober up

for VD Day.

[catmandu57]

7. Dude go buy a hooker

don't let it get to you, if I had the net when I was twenty five man oh well always too fucking late for something. Somebody help get this guy a date or something.

[Shadow Drifter]

28. oh yes a hooker

a hooker will solve all his V-day problems....*sighs*

[catmandu57]

39. Nah it won't do that

but, it will get him the physical relief he's looking for, and with that out of the way he can start working on getting himself paired up.
Colorado maybe you should set your sights a little lower, there are plenty of women who are in the same boat, and just because they don't measure up to an artificial level of attractiveness that does'nt mean they are'nt every bit as good as the blow up models.

It's like I told my brother they don't come knocking on your door saying here I am. You've got to go where the ladies are, go to school, get your hair done in a beauty salon, there's ten zillion chat rooms and personal sites, you'll get out what you put in it.

[Shadow Drifter]

42. I was being sarcastic

you know funny haha

[catmandu57]

46. I know

don't worry about it, I'm just trying to get colorado some help.

[AVID]

8. Hey! How'd you get into my iPod?

I like your music choices. :yourock:

I don't like Vday either - too much red everywhere, you can't go out to eat because of the crowds, and bad candy gets left everywhere.



(but, for us old married dudes, its a chance to get lucky on a week night!)

Good luck finding your soul mate someday.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. CO Dem

I didn't find my soul mate until I was 30. You are still young, don't give up on yourself. From what I have read from your posts, you are a thoughtful, caring guy who just hasn't met the right woman yet. Give it some time, you will, and probably when you least expect it.

[Beaverhausen]

11. I didn't find mine till my 40s

I spent many Valentine's Days feeling the same way you do. Don't give up. Go out and have fun for yourself. The right woman will come along at the right time.

:hug:

[coloradodem2005]

22. Add to that can't find a good job either.

In 2003, I applied for a lot of jobs and after months, I got one in mortgages. The problem was that I had to cold-call people and try to get them to buy what I was selling. I lasted 3 weeks and I didn't want the job in the first place, but it was the only offer made to me.

[Midlodemocrat]

111. You will.

I am a lot older than you and if I ran through the list of crappy jobs I have held, you would be bored to tears.

The right situation, the right woman will present themselves in time to you. Just watch.

[Xipe Totec]

12. Uh, I think that's the general Idea...

:evilgrin:

[Beware the Beast Man]

13. Dude, I was 27 when I found "the one"

And it was, in all places, a chat room. Believe you me, I've been on the receiving end of the "your time will come" shpiel too many times to count, but hell, it will. Even if it's not "the one," then perhaps it can just be "one."

And if all else fails, hire an escort.

[bobbobbins]

14. maybe they flee from your taste in music

[ashmanonar]

15. boycott valentine's day!

wear all black and a beret. make sure you make other people's day worse. in general, be an asshole.

:D

[name not needed]

17. That's a good idea

If I'm gonna be in a shit mood, so will everyone else!

}(

[Rob H.]

19. Hey! I'm 11 years older than you and still single

Although at this point I've pretty much given up. I've been on the receiving end of the "You're Such a Nice Guy" speech (You know it, it's the one that begins, "You're a great guy and I love spending time with you, but..." and ends with "...I hope we can still be friends.") more times than I'd like to admit, but I found this posting on the web that I like to dust off every once in a while. If I could remember where I found it, I would give the poster full credit and a hearty thanks.

This is something that I read recently that exactly sums up my experience in this department back when I was dating. It's an analogy, but one I can relate to.

"A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way.

This is roughly the equivalent, from the guy's point of view, of going to a job interview and the company saying: You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."

[hfojvt]

101. I think I saw that guy on Leno

or last comic standing. He did that as part of a stand-up routine.

[RedCloud]

21. How does one copulate with Valentine's Day?

I mean do you ask a calendar if it is interested? Consult some muse of holidays?

I have this "friend" who may just try to copulate with the day itself, ahem. So how does one do that?

[plcdude]

23. I am actually planning it

the other way around Valentine's Day Fuck

[Shadow Drifter]

32. and we are so happy for you *rolls eyes*

[plcdude]

37. thank you

and hopefully you'll get a sense of humor for Valentine's day

[tjdee]

24. You're not going to like this, but this is your fault.

If a woman hasn't been interested in you, why not?
Do you take care of your appearance (this has nothing to do with weight)?
If you are not happy with your weight, are you taking steps to change that?
Do you seem friendly and approachable?
Do you want Jennifer Aniston and not the (probably smarter and more worth your time) girl who you see on the bus everyday?

ARE YOU ASKING WOMEN OUT?

We know you've been having a tough time lately, and no doubt that has affected how you sit/look/walk, which is affecting your attractiveness. If you feel like your life is a black hole, a woman isn't going to go "YUM, get me some of that!"

And I can guarantee that at least one woman has liked you. Could it be you were too stuck in your "Woe is me" mode to notice?

[Shadow Drifter]

30. but

what if you do take care of your appearance and all that stuff yet the opposite sex still ignores you. (or the same sex w/e you go for) And what if you are shy and dont have the nerve to go up to random people and ask them out. Its not always completly your fault. Society is the one that creates the opinion that this person has stated above.

[RedCloud]

38. Okay Shadow, I'll try to be serious here.

There are billions of people swarming all over the planet. Sometimes a change in environment makes you the unique and highly desired person.

If you like a certain type of personality, go where they tend to hang out.

People of other cultures are often very open to new relations but will have their cultural idiosyncrasies as well.

If you have a particular interest go to places where others may share that interest.

The worst place to wait for that dream person is at home. They are never going to come over. But the UPS lady in my area!!! Oh baby, do I have to start ordering all kinds of crap I don't need.

Sometimes there are mixers you can go to. Think it through: Wine tasting? Ice cream social? Polar plunge? There are many organizations where you can meet people of similar interests. So what do you say?

[lazarus]

50. yup

I went from geek (first 23 years of my life) to highly desirable (for a couple of years) with just a change of scenery.

Then I got married. Oy, vey.

[tjdee]

53. Shyness is a different issue than ColoradoDem has.

Methinks he has shyness + insecurity + depression + bitterness.

Shyness sucks all by itself though. Unfortunately for hetero men, the burden of "asking out" seems to be on you even today, which is one (!) thing I don't envy you.

In that case I wouldn't say it was "all your fault". It's very hard to find someone, which is why when you finally do, you act all dopey and excited (and by you I mean everyone).

[RedCloud]

31. I agree with this.

I also think you need to hang out with cool dudes. Maybe some of that coolness will wear off on you.

What's that personality like?
Do you seem approachable?

It is not a good idea to start talking about past problems like, "I was with this really hot gal the other night... I start getting frisky and pounced on her... then her air valve broke open..."

Or maybe you are too direct when approaching,"Excuse me ma'am. Could you direct me to the nearest porno establishment?"

[Shadow Drifter]

26. I dont care for it either

V-day has always been depressing for me. I aint never had an actually boyfriend that would stick around long enough to celibrate V-day with me. Or he would break up on V-day with me. Its so had to find love these days.

[plcdude]

40. perhaps

lightening up one's attitude towards others and enjoying each other might be helpful. Relax if someone shows an interest in you and you in him don't feel as though you need to evaluate him.

[coloradodem2005]

59. FYI, I am a straight guy.

And No woman has ever shown any interest in me.

[plcdude]

80. FYI

check out to whom I am responding.

[redqueen]

91. That simply *cannot* be true.

Perhaps you are missing some signals?

[SmileyBoy]

49. My ex-girlfriend dumped me on Valentine's Day.

She was the only girlfriend I ever had.:cry:

[Pithlet]

29. Valentine's day sucks when you're single.

Talk to a close friend, and ask them to be honest with you about what might be the problem. You may be unconsciously turning women off somehow. Or, it may just be a long dry spell. Almost all of us go through one at some point in life. It sucks.

Hang in there. I know you probably hate to hear it, just like I always have, but you're young. Also, I think there is something about being in your mid twenties that sucks for a lot of people. It did for me. I think it is a common age for a major transition period in life.

[coloradodem2005]

33. But what period of your life do they say is not tough?

They talk about how hard it is to be a teenager. Now they are talking about how hard it is to be in your twenties, especially early to mid. Then everything after that sucks because you are just getting old.

[Pithlet]

45. True.

Life can suck at any age. Mid twenties happened to be one for me. Teenage years weren't all that great, either. My 30's, however, have been fabulous.

[intrepid_wanderer]

43. VD

I agree... it aint all that desirable.


VD whether venereal or Valentines... neither is much fun & both tend to have something to do with sucking.


and for all this group-think/pep-talk/nicey-niceness.... thanks, but stuff it. Loneliness hurts, and venting ... well I don't think it's an invite for drivel and comfort.


31 and I'm a bit bitter myself... can ya tell (but I still like the bouncy)


:bounce:

:P

[MissB]

34. V-day becomes very insignificant when you get married

Oh, maybe not for the first few years, but after that. Meh. Maybe you'll exchange cards or candy or flowers. But then, later, you realize that it is all mostly bullshit and that your love for your mate does not change from day to day. It does not suddenly get exponentially larger on V-day. One does not need to buy a bunch of mass-marketed shit or shiny jewelry to make V-day about love.

All this expectations crap is aimed at the not-quite married or the still single but dating.

So relax. Ignore it. It's all just bullshit anyway. V-day isn't a make it/break it day for love. It's some false holiday made up to sell more shit.

*** And then you have kids and you have to start that shit all over again with little kid valentines and candy. Sigh. ***

[Red_Viking]

35. Some advice my dad gave me years ago

I'm 38 and have quite the track record. I've been married and divorced three times. I spent many dateless years as a single mother--try THAT on for size--desperately looking for the right guy. And I DO mean desperately. When I think back on my 20s, I am truly embarrassed for myself. Instead of enjoying my daughter when she was small, I was spending too much money and time out with my friends in bars, drinking a lot and looking for something I never found. All my life I've been different, but never had anyone, even my parents, acknowledge the fact that I was odd and encourage me to march to my own drummer. The message was fit in, be like your friends, get married, have a career, kids, a car, house in the 'burbs...gag. So I pursued this goal with great zeal, only to be disappointed over and over again. Not with my daughter--she's a GEM, and, at nearly 14, is one of the greatest people I know. But my marriages were for every wrong reason you can imagine. I was pathetic, and ended up hurting so many people. Crazy, too, because I had lots going for me, college educated, good job, good friends. Just couldn't get focused.

So, now you're wanting to know what the advice is...! My dad told me once, when I was between marriages, "when the student is ready the teacher will come." It's Confucius or something. So, four years ago, after the end of a marriage I thought would last to a guy I really loved, I met someone wonderful by accident. We met in a chat room, and I was convinced he was an axe murderer, because I'd never met anyone on line before. Turns out he was newly single, a couple of years older than I was, intelligent and warm and all the things I really wanted. It took me a busload of heartbreak to find him, but I did.

What you have going for you, I think, is a strong sense of who you are. I never had that. I spent years thrashing around before I said hey, it's OK if I want a tattoo and a nose ring at 30, it's OK if I don't give a shit about owning a house but would rather see the world, it's OK that I hate working in a corporation because I don't like the boundaries...you seem to already be there. Someone else hit on the key--you have to like yourself. Who cares what others think--what do YOU like about YOU?? Start there.

And, I'm not lying when I say this--for every ass, there is a seat, my friend.

Peace,

RV

[hfojvt]

103. made me think of another romantic comedy

"So I married an axe-murderer"
I found the open-mike poetry thing to be hilarious, and I love the Bay City Rollers.
I just remembered another classic lonely-song:

"People are strange, when you're a stranger
faces look ugly when you're alone
women seem wicked, when you're unwanted
streets are all evil, when you're down"

See, it is true, when some Doors slam shut, others will open.

[MsAnthropy]

36. I agree with you about Valentine's Day

It permeates EVERYTHING! You can't get away from it. It's in every TV and radio commercial, the newspapers are 90% ads with hearts, flowers, jewelry and teddy bears--a societal drive to infantilize relationships.

Hang in there, you'll find her. You've got lots of time.

[last_texas_dem]

41. I know what you mean

I'm twenty-one and have spent eighteen of the twenty Valentine's Days I've lived through without a significant other. It's a nice day if you're in a relationship, but even then it's all dependent on how the relationship you're in is going. Of my two Valentine's Day experienced in a relationship, one was beautiful and sort of made up for all the ones I'd lived through before as a single guy, but the other one was totally depressing and made me realize how the relationship I was in had deteriorated. It was probably worse than any I've ever experienced as a single guy. Relationships can be good and bad, obviously. I don't even try to get into them myself, although I'd love to be in one eventually, I've just given up trying and decided it might happen if it's meant to happen. Bad attitude, but better than stressing about them.

I do have one suggestion for you, though... If you have any friends who are single, hang out with them on Valentine's Day rather than spending it by yourself. Being blessed with unpopular friends, I usually manage to do that. Being alone on Valentine's Day can be very depressing, but finding others to spend time with, even if you're not romantically involved with any of them, is far better than being alone on that day.

[u4ic]

44. I was 33 when I finally found love

after going through years of not even having a date.

Not all women like bad boys. I've always liked *nice* guys, but unfortunately didn't meet a heck of a lot of single ones. Most of my friends were looking for them, too.

And I agree about too muss fuss for the day. It's all about $$$. We just have a nice dinner at home for Valentines...the wonderful times can't be planned for a specific date.

However, I think you are buying into the day as well, if you feel the need to drink it away. I bet there's been women who have fancied you and didn't mention anything...haven't we all been there? Too afraid to say anything?

Don't give up...and good luck. How about spending the evening making a list of all the things you have to offer, instead of mulling over past disappointments? I bet you have a lot more to give than you realize. :-)

[coloradodem2005]

55. As my experiences with women have taught me...

...I don't have much to offer. Furthermore, the experiences I have had trying to find work have really emphasized that I have nothing to offer.

[hfojvt]

104. I know how you feel, but that is untrue

I have an MA, and I mostly get hired when nobody else wants the job and am put to work emptying trash and toting bales. Just because nobody has a decent use for me, does not mean I am useless. I feel like a laptop computer which is being used as a paperweight, but I make myself useful away from work, or try to.
Especially as the snow falls, someone could probably use your help shovelling.

[sendero]

47. Here is some cheap advice.....

... that took me forever to learn.

Women do not want a nice guy. They say they do, and most even think they do but if you are one you will get left behind for an asshole every time. (this applies to your age range only, once women reach their late 30's or so, the things they are attracted to change)

When you think you are simply trying to treat someone the way you would like to be treated, to many women you look weak and needy. Just like guys don't generally like women with a coarse mustache, women don't like guys who seem weak and needy.

And one last thing, self-pity will really get you no where. It's an ok and perhaps necessary place to visit, but you really don't want to live there. You are in a time of your life that you will never get back. Don't look back in regret. Dust yourself off and go for it again - but develop a "I can't take you or I can leave you" attitude - and live it. The attitude you have right now is working against you.

I know, I've been there :(

[Rob H.]

52. True. Some women are *always* looking for the bigger, better deal

but don't always realize what they're doing is at odds with what they say they want. I actually had a woman tell me once, "I just want to meet a nice guy." Considering who she was seeing at the time, I just thought, "Well, you might want to tell that to the unemployed, abusive, alcoholic prick who's been living on your couch for the last three weeks."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

58. You're correct only in one sense

Women don't want a doormat. They don't want the guy who gets too romantic too fast, the guy who agrees with everything they say, the guy who stands around looking as if he's going to burst into tears if the woman he has his eyes on doesn't say "yes."

That doesn't mean they want the "bad boy." They want someone who has some self-respect, not what I call "the whipped puppy look."

To me, that attitude says, "potential stalker." I had a stalker, and he started out as just that kind of wimpy "nice guy."

A nice guy who knows who he is and likes what he is is extremely attractive.

In the meantime, make friends with women (with no intention of getting into their pants) and ask them to match you up with their friends.

[Bok_Tukalo]

63. I think the key is finding the female that doesn't confuse being treated

with dignity and respect with their partner being weak or wimpy. You gotta find a girl that actually LIKES being treated that way.

But, good luck with that.

[Phentex]

70. I married a nice guy but he is far from a doormat....

and I know the type of which you speak. I call them Klingons and it's just not attractive.

I agree with your assessment in this thread. If you have to carry the conversation with a guy, then it's hopeless.

PERSONALITY will get you everywhere.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

76. Example of a guy I didn't go out with twice

It was a blind date, and when we talked over the phone, arranging where to meet, he had no suggestions, even though we had both lived in Portland for the same length of time. I finally suggested something, and he agreed.

Arriving at the restaurant, he didn't know where he wanted to sit and asked me. Then he didn't know what he wanted to order and ordered what I ordered.

We had an interesting conversation (he had grown up in a European country), but he was afraid to express an opinion.

At the end, he asked me to call him if I wanted to go out again.

I didn't. He was too reminiscent of the potential wife who is presented to Eddie Murphy at the beginning of Coming to America: "What kind of music do you like?" "Whatever you like, my lord." "What do you do in your spare time?" "Whatever you like to do, my lord."

I currently have my eye on a gentleman who is clearly a "nice guy," in the sense of being kind and socially conscious, as I have observed him over the months. But he's more than just "nice"--he's also bright and quietly funny and has opinions that don't necessarily agree with mine, as well as some intriguing quirks.

If we were to get together (and that's definitely an "if"), I would anticipate being treated well, but not smothered or worshipped or constantly deferred to. That's the Promisekeepers model in reverse, and it's no healthier if the woman dominates than if theman dominates.

[coloradodem2005]

100. Klingons? You don't like warriors?

I had no idea those fierce fighters could be such doormats. I thought honor was everything to them. I guess I was way off base.

Oh well.

Quapla.

:P

[SmileyBoy]

48. Amen, brother.

22, still a virgin, and not getting any right here.

[MadHound]

51. Ease up a bit friend, both on yourself, and life in general

I'm forty four years old, and spent the first thirty three single. I've been where you were, got knocked around, beat up, fucked it up when I had something good, been cheated on, was the "homewrecker", etc. etc. Pretty much about like most people on this planet. Finally said fuck it, I'm going on with my life as a single guy, 'cause I'm just not going to find that special woman. I even went out and bought a small house, perfect size for the single person.

BOOM, four months later, the right person walked right through my front door, literally. And we've been together ever since, for eleven years now.

Sometimes you're just trying too hard, spinning your wheels. Rather than going out and doing the single scene, running around like a hound in heat, just step back for a bit, and chill. Forget about the whole thing of finding love, stop and let life catch up to you. Life has an amazing ability to give up the most wonderful gifts, if you are just patient and still.

[SarahB]

54. I wholeheartedly agree.

I don't know if letting myself open my heart is worth the pain it keeps bringing me.

(Maybe my edit is a bit less cynical than the substantial "f*ck everythings" of my initial post.)

[tjdee]

56. "No more I love yous....

The language is leaving me..."

We should all buy the Annie Lennox album that song is on!

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

60. It's just a day...not any worse than any other day.

I have never been depressed by Valentine's Day. I was always too focused on reaching other goals to care whether or not I had a boyfriend. I never really ever dated in the way that most people did. I didn't have boyfriends in high school. It wasn't because there was anything wrong with me, but rather I felt I just hadn't found any guys that I wanted to be with. I never was actively looking for a boyfriend, because I was too busy pursuing my own interests. I ended up meeting my husband in college through the classes I was taking. I totally wasn't expecting to meet someone then.

I think you'll also met someone when you least expect it. You'll never know when that will be. Until then, do what makes you happy. Join up with some group activities that you would enjoy (because you aren't going to meet anyone if you never leave the house). Concentrate on making friends, instead of girlfriends. You will be disappointed less if you aren't always expecting to find a girlfriend.

[seabeyond]

62. i have always liked you dem and i am a girl, grinnin n/t

[HEyHEY]

64. Thank you - I feel much better about myself after reading that.

;-)

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

66. Boy,

You sure are a smartass. :)

[Nikia]

65. Stop thinking of yourself as destined to fail

At finding a job and at finding a date. A lot of people pick up on that attitude. Why should anyone want to date someone whose body language is screaming, "I am not someone that anyone wants to date." For men, this is probably even more important in the dating world. Many women still expect the man to be the stronger one, not just physically but emotionally as well.
Another thing that could hurt your prospects is that you are not too far out of college and don't have a decent job yet. I don't know if you live with your parents, but that can make things worse as far as being a desirable potential boyfriend. Women that age are often seeking stability and may less eager to date men who they view as less stable than themselves.
Regardless of your situation, I think that most women are more interested in guys that exhibit confidence and display that they believe that they, themselves, are desirable.

[entanglement]

69. Sorry about that

I'm in a very similar position (25 yo male, chronically single), and I understand how you feel. I deal with my loneliness by trying different things like going for a jog, reading books, lurking on DU / slashdot. Hard rock + lots of beer is not a substitute for female company, but it's better than nothing.
:beer:

[BlondieK143]

71. With that attitude,

I can't see why we women aren't all over you. :eyes: Here's a hint, women don't like a guy that doesn't have any self-esteem. Don't you think a lot of the world is feeling lonely around this time of year? Spend time with friends or family, do something to bettr society. There are lots of other ways to better yourself before you can try to complete someone else.

[hfojvt]

107. you know what I hate about that

is that lots of women spend alot of time and energy slashing my self esteem to shreds, and then they are like, "you know what's wrong with you - you have no self esteem!"
"End up like a dog that's been beat too much, 'til you spend half your life just covering up"
I seriously think I have felt alot better about my life since I got a dog in 1996. At least they will love you and play with you even if you have no self esteem.

[fujiyama]

72. Valentines Day

is a stupid holliday, but hey you're not the only 20 something year old guy to not be in a relationship.

I say calm down. Reasses all that is important. Why are you thinkin of Valentine's Day? It's 6 days away. It's irrelevant. Ignore it.

Do you have friends? Go hang out with them. Watch a movie. Play video games. Read a book. Or hell, come on and chat here on DU. Those are good diversions.

[catmandu57]

73. You've got some good advise on this thread

Yes, attitude is very important, if you go around throwing off pheremones that keep people away, that's what's going to happen. Lighten up, take a break, if you want to have some fun type in valentines day sucks into your browser, and you'll find many, many people who feel the same way.
Hey, who knows you may even find someone feeling the same way, that a spark flys.
Get out into the world, meet people, go to meet ups, hell, organize a DU gathering in your area, there's plenty of people here who like and accept you for who you are, you never know there may be someone reading your thread now who can end your search.
To borrow a phrase Just do it.

[Wat_Tyler]

74. ...and with that attitude, expect permanent singledom.

Women do not hate you.

[AntiCoup2K4]

75. To quote the British philosopher Joe Jackson.....

I've just been to see my best friend
He's got another girl
Says she's just about the best thing
In the whole damn world

And he says can't you see what the little lady's done for me
Says it like he thinks I'm blind
But the things that you see ain't necessarily the things you can find

Happy loving couples make it look so easy
Happy loving couples always talk so kind
Until the time that I can do my dancing with a partner
Those happy couples ain't no friends of mine

People say I'm too damn fussy
When it comes to girls
Happy couples say I must live
In a lonely world

Wanna be, wanna really be what my friends pretend to be
Be it in my own good time
Being kind to myself till I become one of two of a kind

Happy loving couples make it look so easy
Happy loving couples always talk so kind
Until the time that I can do my dancing with a partner
Those happy couples ain't no friends of mine

You ain't no friends of mine

You know what I mean
Happy loving couples
In matching lamb turtle-neck sweaters
Reading Ideal Homes magazine
Yeah!

Wanna be, wanna really be what my friends pretend to be
Be it in my own good time
Being kind to myself till I become one of two of a kind

Happy loving couples make it look so easy
Happy loving couples always talk so kind
Until the time that I can do my dancing with a partner
Those happy couples ain't no friends of mine

You ain't no friends of mine
You ain't no friends of mine
You ain't no friends of mine
You ain't no friends of mine
You ain't no friends of mine

Right, that's enough

And for the record, add me to the "Fuck V-Day" column. But I feel that way about all the Hallmark Holidays.

[Frogtutor]

77. Wow, sounds like you're just in an over-all slump right now...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down! I think you should lighten up on yourself, and realize it's probably just a temporary set of circumstances causing this rut you're in. And, only you can pull yourself out of it.

If you're trying to find a job, concentrate on that for now and forget about women or dating. If you're worried about your job prospects, have someone else look at your resume and see if it can be improved. Take a class that will be helpful in your field. Take care of this part of your life, and the rest will probably take care of itself.

Once you have a job, you'll feel better about yourself, which will instantly make you more attractive. Taking classes can not only give you a boost in self-confidence, but can also be a great place to meet members of the opposite sex! Like others have suggested, get involved in activities that interest you. This will improve your outlook, and provide opportunities to meet new people.

And just forget about Valentine's Day--it is a pretty stupid, commercial holiday--and think about how many people out there DON'T have a reason to celebrate it! A lot more than there are that do, I'm sure.

I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone. Love comes when you least expect it, AND it can be at any age. 25 is VERY young; stop beating yourself up!

[2bfree]

78. Have you thought about talking to someone about this?

A counselor might be just what you need, you may be depressed and could use some meds to help you get over this rough spot. Is there any female that loves you? Your Mother or a sister or grandmother perhaps? You need to learn how to be happy with yourself and have a positive attitude. I think there is someone for everyone so don't just give up but at the same time I think a person can be happy on their own. Take care.

[Frogtutor]

79. Just got this info from another DUer on another thread...

A website for liberal singles.

Democratic Singles Network

www.www.democraticsingles.net

Couldn't hurt to check it out!

[fit4life]

81. I don't get it.

An unemployed bitter man with a defeatist attitude and the women aren't flocking to you?

Lighten up, quit looking for it and relax! Women can sense desperation and it turns them off. If you're going out, just ignore the women unless they talk to you first. Have fun, smile a lot, and just enjoy the fact that you're alive and healthy. You have to seem approachable! If you're sitting around with your head down looking like you want to injure the first person that looks at you, nobody's going to want to be around you.

[realisticphish]

83. its not that easy

when you're depressed, you're fucking depressed. its not like you can flip a switch to "happy." though you DO make a good point about just chilling for a while. it is very easy to try too hard

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[fit4life]

88. If he's depressed he should back off the dating scene.

I never could find anyone when I was actively searching. It always seemed to happen when I finally said "Fuck it, I'm just going to party and have fun!". It took a while to figure out, but I'm happy now! lol

[rbnyc]

84. You had my sympathies until you mentioned Rush.

Man, they suck!!

But seriously, it is a grossly comercial holiday that's set up to make single people feel like there's something wrong with them. You can either try to transform it into a celebration of love in general, or ignore it, or griping about it is a perfectly valid option.

Personally, I tend to enjoy it. I am happily married, but even when I've been single, I've always condoned any excuse to eat way too much chocolate. I have no problem treating myself.

[coloradodem2005]

87. Sorry you don't like Rush.

I saw them back in 2002 and they were great.

[rbnyc]

90. I'm just giving you a hard time.

I don't like them, personally. But I wouldn't come between anyone and the music they enjoy.

;-)

[alarimer]

85. I hate the gooey sentimentality

It is all fake. I can't stand all the hearts and flowers nonsense. If someone really cares about me, they would show by washing my car or something.

[EstimatedProphet]

89. Yes, it does suck. Be above it.

Man, you sound like I used to for so long-until I woke up and realized that my worth doesn't come from what other people think.
OK, so you're clearly attracted to the wrong personality for women. So, now you know this. START GOING AFTER WOMEN THAT AREN'T LIKE WHAT YOU USUALLY PICK. Believe me, it works. That's exactly how I found my fiancee. I realized that I was only attracted to women who were attention-hungry, because they would come onto me first and get my emotions involved, then dump me when they wanted attention from someone else. After I realized that that was the pattern I had set myself in, and that that was the reason that I only seemed to run into women that treated me badly, then I woke up and realized that there were women around me at all times that were making themselves available to me, but I wasn't seeing it. Wake up and you will see the same thing.
Quit listening to Rush and put on Styx "Angry Young Man". They wrote it for you. Me too, when I was there.
But, Valentine's Day does suck. Crass commercialism. I used to have an Anti-Valentine's Day party, and have tables with rose stems (blooms cut off), boxes of candy with a bite from each one, and play "mash the candy heart" with those godawful Valentines hearts and a mallet. Have some fun with the holiday since it sucks.

[Lisa0825]

92. I don't know you very well, but

I have seen you post about how miserable you are at least a few times now. Misery can literally drive people away from you... even when you don't think you are projecting it.

I went through a few years when I was very depressed, and all but one close friend gave up on me. I was like an energy sink. No one wanted to be around me because I was a drag.

Now, I don't know what you are like in person, but you have given me the impression here that you have a lot of depression and bitterness, and I doubt that you hide it well.

I think you may need to get some help with your emotional state, and then maybe you'll do better socializing.

And honestly, I am not trying to hurt you. I hope it all works out for you eventually.

[Xipe Totec]

93. COWARDICE

She walked with her mother
what heavenly beauty!
what long golden tresses
the color of wheat!

what rhythm of step!
what royal demeanor
what shapely proportions
beneath that fine dress

She walked with her mother,
and turning to see me,
she pinned me in place with
a single blue gaze.

she left me in ecstasy.
With fevered urgency
Follow her! came the plea
of body and soul.

But I was afraid
to love her with madness
to open the wounds
that bled in the past

So despite all my thirst
for love and attention,
I cast down my eyes and
I let her walk past.

COBARDIA
by Amado Nervo

Just remember that it matters little if hundreds reject you. So long as one of them doesn't. And be honest, I'm sure there's been one or more who were interested but went under your radar, either because you were not interested, or was not paying attention.

[redqueen]

94. Nice poem...

thanks for posting it. :)

[Xipe Totec]

96. My Pleasure, Queenie!

It's hard to do poetry justice when translating. This one was tough. Amado Nervo is my favorite obscure poet. :hi:

[redqueen]

97. You translated it?

Well then thank you even more! :thumbsup:

:hi:

[flamingyouth]

95. It's a silly holiday

I don't love my beloved any more or less on some random date on the calendar. And I certainly don't expect gifts or all of the hoopla.

My advice is to treat yourself to something nice. :)

[hfojvt]

98. As Charlie Brown said:

"I already know nobody likes me, why do we need a Valentine's day to rub it in?"

In the past, I have used Valentine's day to show my interest in a particular girl, without much success, but it is something just in case the girl is bumming about not getting any Valentines. Also I sent my unmarried 60 year old Aunt a Valentine and she seemed pleased about it.

Have you ever seen the Steve Martin movie - The Lonely Guy. I just got it as a $5.50 Dvd at Wal-Mart. It is quite funny.

The really pathetic thing is that my mom sends me a Valentine every year, although I told her to stop, and that it really did not mean anything when I took her to the prom.

I would say keep swinging, most people manage to connect, and if you do not, you can always shoot for my strike-out record.

[ContraBass Black]

102. Velentines day holds a special pain for me this year.

I am freshly single. My ex-girlfiend is part of the same social group that I am primarily involved int, and recently became closer to many of my closest friends than I am. Valentines day is my birthday. I met her on Feb. 14th last year.

If I could, I would simply dissapear on Friday and not resurface before Tuesday.

That said, have a happy Valentine's Day.

:nopity: :cry:


Edit: Forgot to mention that she is my first love. I know it isn't the end of the world, but I do sometimes wish it were.

[kwassa]

105. How did you get ALL the women in the world to hate you? Good trick!

Do men hate you, too?

Reason I ask has to do with socialization, as many of the social skills that get us places in intimate relationships are also used in more casual friendships.

You might try group therapy, and I'm not saying that to be flip, but it is a great way to find out how others see you and why they see you that way. Very instructive to get that kind of feedback.

And I agree, VD is a big commercial abomination designed to sell products, and I will dutifully buy those flowers and that champagne because that is the kind of guy that I am.

[jswordy]

106. GREAT IDEA! I THINK I WILL, if s.o. is also willing!!!! n/t

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

108. Valentine's Day can go to hell!

:grr:

[northzax]

109. dude, it's a day

just another day. the more you care, the more it'll bother you.