Some help for the lovelorn ?

[hippiechick]

Ok here’s the deal.

I haven’t seen Hippie Slacker Dude since our ‘incident’ back in November.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=2096587

:(

We have talked a few times via email and briefly on the phone.

I apologized for bailing on him that night, and in the aftermath of losing Kef, I told him how I truly feel (yes I used the "L word") and I’m sure it freaked him all the way out, even though he didn’t bat an eyelash.

I don’t want to be pushy – especially since it’s the week before Valentine’s Day :puke:

I just really, really miss him A LOT.

What should I do ?


O8)

[Spinzonner]

1. Mourn the loss and stay away

I doubt he needs the complications and you don't need the danger.

[crispini]

2. Oh, man.

When they don't come around anymore, you can't make them want to. :cry:

I'm sorry. It totally sucks. :hug:

Plan something nice to do with your single girlfriends on Valentine's day and THROW yourself into something interesting that will distract you and require lots of time IRL -- not on the internet. Politics, plan some big-ass function, start going to DFA meetups, take a class.

It's time to not think about him at all. He apparently needs to get his shit together and he doesn't seem to want your help.

edited to add: call all of your girlfriends, and demand that they distract you. this is what girlfriends are for, and they are a great help!

[hippiechick]

4. I've got a concert ticket for VD

:) Taking myself to see Ray Lamontagne :)

Thanks for the thoughts :hug:

[crispini]

5. Good deal!

:hug:

[BrklynLiberal]

3. Can you make arrangements to meet him someplace for dinner or

lunch where it would be impossible to be alone afterwards? Just enjoy some public time together? Be very cautious and slow about going private again.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

6. Get some jujubes, some rat fur, a Swedish pickle, four plum pits,

a hank of tulip pollen, fifteen pips of ganmaoling, and one malted
ball, and mix them all in a coconut with a crystal mortar. Let it
sit out in the sun for five days until it's a moldy paste,
then smear it under your armpits and leave it there for
72 hours. And that should do it.

[hippiechick]

8. mmmm ...yummy ....

:puke: All the neighborhood hunters will be tracking me down, eh ?

[jswordy]

7. I read the thread you posted, and the dude is fucked up...

...and you will be getting back into a fucked up situation if you go back to that. I have women friends who tell me they love to get into these situations because they feel some need to save the guy, and they are open enough and together enough to admit that to themselves. They tell me they kind of thrive on the up and down nature of it, cuz when it is UP, it is really great.

That in itself is manic/depressive in nature, and therefore the relationship can NEVER be normal. I can tell you some awful horror stories of women addicted to this kind of cycle in a relationship.

If you desire a normal relationship sometime in your life, STAY AWAY FROM HIM.

Get yourself some flowers for Valentine's Day, find a single friend you know will also spend the day alone, and invite that person to spend it with you. Go out as friends and see a movie, maybe have dinner, and celebrate yourselves.

[hippiechick]

10. Lord no, I don't want to SAVE him.

I just miss hanging out with him, going to movies, chillin' at his place.

I want to flop down on the sofa, pick up whatever obscure book he's reading at the moment and leaf through it with Ray Charles or Sarah Vaughn playing in the background as he tells me about his co-worker Filipe's latest baby-mama-drama from the kitchen while he's creating some imaginative and tasty meal.

[GOPisEvil]

9. Absence is to love as wind is to flame.

It extinguishes the weak and emboldens the strong.

My feeling? Move on, as tough as that can be.

Good luck.

[tjdee]

11. Aren't you sick of begging for crumbs?

I mean, aren't you?

All this heartache so you can go and sit on his couch and listen to his stories? Are his stories that exciting?

He's got "manic inclinations" according to you, you said you loved him and it probably freaked him out...

Time to find a guy who doesn't freak when you say you love him.

Although saying "I love you first", as a woman, is another way of saying "Please leave me right now." IMO. He knows he's got you.

You don't have to do anything. If he wants you, let him be a man and come to you.

on edit: I don't mean to be overly harsh. It's really hard when you love someone. :hug: Just, you're a loveable person too, and why cast your pearls before swine and all that...

[hippiechick]

16. Now that you put it that way ...

Not begging for crumbs so much as ... waiting for crumbs. But yes, I AM tired of it.

I won't actually call him, and maybe (or maybe not) he'll call me sometime in the future ...

.. but I'm just really friggin' lonley right now. It's been a very rough coupla months & I could use some strong arms around me.

It would be nice to be able to be a 'weak woman' and cry on a comfortable and familiar shoulder for a little while.

:hug:

[Thtwudbeme]

12. I don't know why you don't know this already

But, face it; you are cute and well educated--

You do not need a man with problems--you can do so much better than that.

This one can't control his emotions--it will take you a week or two to find another boyfriend.

Stephanie

[jswordy]

13. ALL of the "leave him be:" comments are right on, and...

...please don't forget the physical violence in your first post. It scared you, remember?

Well, don't be scared to death.

[fishnfla]

14. Well

I'm a helluva a one to be giving you any advice :hi: Or anyone else for that frickin' matter

But, I say, but, you dropped the L-bomb on him and he didnt reply at all? Nothing? Not a cool sign.

You can only wait. These affairs of the heart are always such a struggle, dont let it tear you asunder.

[hippiechick]

15. You just want to write that phone number on my hand again

:silly: I know it. :hug:

[fishnfla]

19. I told ya

If I had to do it all over again.....ah, crap, youth! :hug: back atcha

[hippiechick]

20. ROTFLMAO !!!

I'd never marry a man who wears long underwear, though. :P

:hug:

[HEyHEY]

17. My solution for all romantic problems

[hippiechick]

18. Mmmm ... polar bears ... warm and fuzzy

oh, wait ... mmmm ... whiskey ... warm and fuzzy :loveya:

Got somma dat' planned for tomorrow night.