How do I tactfully tell someone email is not the same thing as chat?

[Bouncy Ball]

I have a friend who is totally new to the internet, believe it or not. He's only in his 30s, but is a big technophobe and just now got online.

He keeps sending me emails saying "are you there?" I send one back saying, "well yeah, now I am, hours after you sent that" and he said "I thought you were supposed to see it right away" which made me realize he thinks it's real time. Just got another one saying "are you there???"

I guess I just need to come out and say "this isn't chat, it's email. It's not in real time." Eh?

[HEyHEY]

1. "Hey, shithead, are you stupid? This is fucking email, retard."

"It's not that same as chat, if you weren't such a technophobe idiot you'd know that."

That outta clear things up ;-)

[Bouncy Ball]

2. HeyHey bringing the funny.

He's REALLY sensitive about it, too, as he feels a bit behind the times as it is.

Did I mention he got a VCR a few years ago? YEAH.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

19. then you must pepper your message with the word "dipshit"

should spare him some humiliation

[CanuckAmok]

3. You should send him a telegram...

...and while he's opening it, crack him in the back of the head with a hammer.

[Bouncy Ball]

4. You Canadians are on FIRE tonight.

And stop trying to turn this into a sex thread.

[HEyHEY]

9. haaayooo

[Spider Jerusalem]

5. Tell him "this isn't in real-time...

and I don't see it until I check it, which is either every half-hour if I leave my email client open, or possibly once a day." And then point him to a messenger program like AIM.

[yvr girl]

6. Give him your chat account

messenger or whatever.

[Cadence]

7. You could respond with "Can you hear me now?"

Everytime he asks if you are there. :)

[Bouncy Ball]

8. I'm tempted to get all obnoxious like that

and start answering "yeah, can you hear me???" and act all distressed.

But I think yvr girl and Spider had good ideas. Think I'll go for that. I'm afraid introducing him to chat will blow his mind a bit at this point. After all, he's still calling the internet "the email."

[intheflow]

12. It's not hard to explain either chat or email.

Chat is in real time, like a phone call. Only instead of talking, you're typing.

Email is more like getting an answering machine. You leave a message and the person will or will not get back to you.

Both literally are phone technologies, since the Internet connects over phone lines. So explaining online communication in telephone terms seems to be understandable by many people.

[salvorhardin]

10. This is sort of a hot button issue for me

Many people don't seem to understand that the web, IM, IRC, newsgroups, e-mail, gopher, etc. are all separate things that are layered on top of the internet.

[orleans]

11. hehehe -- in his 30's eh? -- hehehe

? (i don't know what that's suppose to mean exactly, but it sounded amusing the way i thought it, along with that nudging elbow i gave you)

[zann725]

13. Actually it's kind of cute...that in this computer-saavy day...someone is

still clueless about the "mechanics" of emailing. Though actually it sounds like what he REALLY wants to do is use (something like) MSN "Messenger" instead. With that, he CAN talk with you in the way he mistakenly thinks he can with email.

Be patient and polite.

[sandnsea]

14. I use email for short chats

I hate IM. With email if you don't want to respond to somebody right away, you can just ignore them and they'll think the phone rang or something. With IM you have to be all mannerly and make up shit to get off the thing.

But it sounds like this person just doesn't know the difference.

[Skittles]

15. tell him HEY DIPWAD GET WITH THE PROGRAM

seriously though, be kind to the newbies; we all learned at some time or another how to do everything. Just TELL him already.

[hickman1937]

16. Just explain it.

I bought my computer in July, and I don't understand a lot of the stuff you guys talk about. I wish I had someone to explain to me. Be a friend, clue him in.

[NJCher]

17. I've done that

Even though I have IM, I've written emails that say "are you there?" I have numerous friends with whom I email back and forth with all the time.

Anyway, it's beside the point. The correct term for e-mail is "asynchronous communication." Telephone and IM is "synchronous," meaning it takes up both people's time simultaneously.

I agree with the others about being kind. People are extraordinarily sensitive about being technologically out of it these days and as another poster points out, we were all newbies at one time or another.

When I was new to computers, my "computer mentor" was patient with me and spent much time helping me learn my way. He said, "Just do this for someone else some day." I have done that for many people. I hope that you kindly point out the terms and how to use them for your friend. He will remember you for that, just as I remember my friend who helped me so long ago.


Cher

[LynneSin]

18. I"d rather it be that then someone who sends me spam of everything

This one girl who I barely knew got ahold of a bunch of our addresses and would send us every bizarre story & tinfoil hat theory about Bush out there.

Now I'm not one to support that idiot Bush, but I don't have time to read every article sent to me. Finally I just politely had to ask her to please remove my name from the list.