"Latest Bin Laden Videotape Wishes America 'A Crappy Valentine's Day'"
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Bin Laden called for "romantic humiliation for all Americans of courting and betrothal age."
"Allah willing, embarrassment and tearful rejection shall rule this day," bin Laden said. "Paper hearts shall be rent and trod upon, and dreams of love delivered stillborn. Body language shall be misinterpreted, crushes unrequited, and sincere expressions of affection mocked. Invitations to dinner will be rejected, just as Americans have rejected Allah, the one true God."
Whole story, as can only be told by The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4106
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