Nicknames you should never give to your Significant Other, yet...

[Murphys_Unlawful]

would be funny! This came up in a conversation the other day. I was told of a few not to say. But when I heard them I was laughing my ass off!

1) Ball and chain
2) Old Lady
3) Trick

Please feel free to add your own!

[TlalocW]

1. I had a girlfriend

Who told me when we started dating that she hated pet names like dear and hon. I replied, "Fine. I won't call you those names... Cookiepants."

I meant it as a joke, but she loved it but wouldn't let me call her that around other people.

TlalocW

[Murphys_Unlawful]

4. Did ya tell her you were cookie monster?

[TlalocW]

37. It was implied

What's funny is how giggly she would get over it and would tell me to call her that again after I just did.

TlalocW

[Murphys_Unlawful]

39. HaHaHa! I gotta try this one!

[StopTheMorans]

2. I call the girl I'm dating right now (she's 30, i'm 25) the "old bag"

usually in a context similar to the following: we were walking to a bar last sunday to watch the super bowl, and my friend jose called me to ask where we were. i said "i'm just on my way to the bar with the old bag." she doesn't particularly enjoy it, but i find it quite amusing :P

[Murphys_Unlawful]

6. When's the wedding date?

[StopTheMorans]

8. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

good one :thumbsup:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

24. We could meet up in Las Vegas. Group wedding.

[SemiCharmedQuark]

3. Pfft, my partner already calls me a troll-goyle.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

7. What the hell is a troll-goyle?

[SemiCharmedQuark]

9. The hideous offspring of a troll and gargoyle

He says my mom found me under a bridge.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

13. Awwwww, when he comes home today crack him with a 2x4.

[Done]

5. War Department

[Richardo]

10. My father-in-law uses this one - I find it hilarious

"I'll let you know when we're going to be there as soon as I check with the War Department"

[Murphys_Unlawful]

14. Ha! At first that one perplexed me. Now that I hear it in a...

sentence, that's funny.

[Done]

25. A former boss of mine used it all the time.

...but not when his wife was around. :scared:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

26. Was the boss worried that she'd take half?

[Done]

28. From what I could tell, she really was a war department

[jswordy]

11. Richard Nixon

NEVER call her Richard Nixon, or say she looks like Richard Nixon...it's a real romance killer! Believe me, I KNOW!!!

:evilgrin:

LOL!

[Murphys_Unlawful]

16. Would Richard or Dick Nixon be better to use?

[jswordy]

20. I used "Richard Nixon" in 1987 and...

...we haven't had sex since. So I would say Richard Nixon would be an excellent choice! LOL.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

23. jswordy, How old are you? I thought I saw 27yo. 1987? 10yo?

[jswordy]

29. Murph, yer math skills are atrocious...

But still

:yourock:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

31. What 9yo? Do tell man! Where am I going wrong?

[BOSSHOG]

12. You sure do have a nice big butt

For some reason my wife doesn't like me saying that. And what's wrong with "serving wench?"

[Murphys_Unlawful]

18. Or one of my fave's, Beer B*tch!

[ContraBass Black]

36. But

"You sure do have a nice big butt" is a compliment! And a good one at that.

[jswordy]

47. A nice divorce-maker hint for men:

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.

The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, ''I know how to make them larger!''

''How!?!?!?'' she asks.

''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''

''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.

''They should expand over the years,'' he answers.

''How did you know that?'' she wonders.

''I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'

[Murphys_Unlawful]

49. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa! That's a good one!

[meti57b]

15. "battle ax"

[Murphys_Unlawful]

45. What's wrong with Battle Ax? You didn't like?

[Modem Butterfly]

17. Dinky

'nuff said.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

22. What's wrong with Dinky? Sounds cute.

[Magrittes Pipe]

19. I introduced my ex to my best friend by saying:

"Here, Tom, talk to the chick I've been fucking."

My current squeeze, I just call "mom."

[Murphys_Unlawful]

21. See, that was one of the other's not to use I was told, MOM.

[EstimatedProphet]

27. Onion butt

My ex really resented it for some reason.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

30. So let me ask, because of the smell or just sounds funny? Or...

because it was so white?

[EstimatedProphet]

32. Just because it sounded funny, and was very white. n/t

[Murphys_Unlawful]

40. Now what do you call her? Seeing how she is an EX?

[EstimatedProphet]

41. I refuse to call her at all

Haven't seen her in 15 years, and I'm thrilled with each day that I still don't see her.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

42. To confuse her, send her flowers on VD and say Thanks Onion Butt!

[EstimatedProphet]

43. LOL! I should do just that!

[eyepaddle]

55. I thought that term meant

"So nice you have to cry"

[redqueen]

76. I think that's how it's usually used, yes.

[guitar man]

33. Never call her

"Lard biscuit" And the answer to "honey does this make me look fat?" or "honey does this make my butt look big?" is ALWAYS no.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

34. You mean the answer isn't, "Why yes, It does Lard biscuit"?

[guitar man]

46. Correct

That could get me killed by "The Red Menace". She does think that nickname is cute, sometimes.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

48. But she enjoys Red Menace? Red hair?

[guitar man]

51. Yes

All natural redhead, when she gets fired up, it's a sight to behold.

[SarahB]

35. "Fucked-up Mutha Fucka" usually isn't too nice.

[BOSSHOG]

38. Reminds me of my favorite t-shirt

from the cheap t-shirt shops in the French Quarter. Its a black shirt with all white (large) lettering - FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCK

and another favorite - I'M HERE ABOUT THE BLOWJOB.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

44. F * ckhead always has a ring to it.

[redqueen]

77. FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!

is a quote from one of my favorite movies, Blue Velvet.

:thumbsup:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

50. Anything with WAD at the end. Example, F * CKWAD

[WoodrowFan]

52. She who must be obeyed

or "my current wife."

[Murphys_Unlawful]

54. She must like that one!

[WoodrowFan]

57. I just call her "hunny bunnies"

[no name no slogan]

53. "The Boss"

my wife hates it when I call her that. So I stick to "Honey Bunny" instead.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

56. Move it up a notch. Try "My lil Stank-Stank". Then when she...

comes around, pinch your nose like she smells. I bet she'll get hot for that one.

[no name no slogan]

89. Hmm, I'll try that. Better than "hey ya old bag" any day! (n/t)

[underpants]

58. Sherry Enema

she wouldn't get the joke anyway.

[GumboYaYa]

82. I dated her in college,

but she turned out to be a pain in the ass.

[lukasahero]

59. I know I should shut my mouth like a good little woman but

How many threads on this board are belaboring how horribly men are treated by women?

[Murphys_Unlawful]

60. It swings both ways. Us guys don't mind. We love our women.

[superconnected]

65. never , never, shut your mouth and be, "a good little woman"

it enforces the patriarchy.

And I know you were kidding :)

[Murphys_Unlawful]

66. I like for my ball and chain to call me Po lazy bastard. I do.

[lukasahero]

71. Hee.

Yeah, I'm sure if you've read anything else I've written, you'd probably have guessed that "good little woman" isn't really my style. :-)

[Dookus]

61. when my brother got married

I alwasy referred to his wife as "his first wife". And she was.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

62. Are you hoping for a second?

[Dookus]

74. oh, he's already got a second

and we all love her. The first one was troublesome, though, to say the least.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

75. You're not going to steal her away are you?

[Dookus]

86. nah

she's not man enough for me.

[superconnected]

63. I had a bf who started calling me princess and I dumped him immediately

for it.

When they call me "girl", I say "woof woof", because I feel like they're calling a dog. It's those dang militant feminists that got a hold of me in college.

I usually call my bf's by their real first names and not shortend ones society gives them. If their name is William and everyone calls them Bill, I call them William. I just like the sound of William better, and pretty much all the names before they were shortened. If I had a bf unconfortable with that, I wouldn't. But, so far it's not been a problem.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

64. Call your BF Lil Shorty. He'll appreciate you more for it.

[superconnected]

67. I'd expect to get dumped for that :)

Not that I have a bf right now. I'm in the "I'm FREE!" stage from my last bf, and don't want another anytime soon.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

68. When you do want one, call him something like Sorry Simon!

Or Pitiful Pete. Guys go nuts for that. You'll score a winner.

[dubyaD40web]

69. Bologna Head

I have no idea why. I think I was drunk and tried to say something else but that popped out. Been using it ever since.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

70. Ha, reminded me of MeatHead.

[Withywindle]

72. Well, I call our cats

"Stinkums" and "Poopy Pig."


Might conceivably have a slip of the tongue one day and apply one to the boyfriend.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

73. Try, Mr. Sloppy Slacks for the boyfriend.

[billyskank]

78. Turd Blossom

[Murphys_Unlawful]

85. Makes it sound pretty with the word Blossom.

[Strawman]

79. Tubby McButterpants

[Murphys_Unlawful]

88. That's not only funny but creative!

[Floogeldy]

80. Poontang

[Murphys_Unlawful]

84. Good one! Similar to Sn*tch.

[redqueen]

81. I've used:

fartknocker
fuckhead
shithead
etc.

I'm not very romantic. :P

[superconnected]

90. It sounds like you were dating GW

Sorry, just those names brought forth the image.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

91. You don't have to Date GW to call him that!

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

83. How about "Bring me a frothy drink now, Cabana Boy"?

:shrug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

87. My brother in law calls his wife "Lumpy" all the time.

Shame on him.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

92. Does MrsGrumpy hang out with Lumpy?

[ScreamingMeemie]

93. Heh. We don't really get along well. She's kind of a snobby, conservative

bitch (oops, did I say that) but sometimes I'm forced to. ;) :hi:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

94. It's ok. Lumpy is a bitch! Hey LumpyBitch!

[ScreamingMeemie]

95. Heh. She'd be banned inside of five seconds here.

:) I think I'll go invite her. :evilgrin:

[Murphys_Unlawful]

100. You can do it!

[Thor_MN]

96. HoneyPot will get you in trouble if the SO knows what it means.

Otherwise it sounds fairly innocuous.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

97. I don't know what honeypot means?

[Thor_MN]

98. HoneyBuckets is even more innocuous.

A Honey pot or honey bucket is what you use when you don't have a toilet or outhouse.

[Murphys_Unlawful]

99. Ha! That's great! So you say this often?