With the tax money on the way, and my other half plotting to spend it

[Not_Giving_Up]

I did a little graph in Excel. I want him to see the reality. I made 94% of the money last year ($25,097.76), he made 6% (1,720.45). He claims that I don't get more of a say in how the money is spent, because most of the refund is EIC, which has nothing to with was earned.

I keep trying to explain that EIC is there for the parents, who don't make that much, but are trying to support their kids.

Not only did I earn most of the money, but I also cooked most of the meals, cleaned the house most of the time, took off work to take kids to doctor's appointments while he slept all day, etc. Every year, he acts as though he's won the lottery, and all of the money is spent in a couple of weeks.

Last year, we moved at tax time, we moved, because we were living in a shithole. so the deposit and rent came out of the tax refund. I got one set of DVDs, and a pair of jeans. The rest, he spent on himself.


Just a vent, had to blow off some steam!!

[TrueAmerican]

1. DIVORCE

He ain't worth it.

[Not_Giving_Up]

3. I know

I contemplate that one daily, it seems. The problem is, he's quite unstable. I'd need a restraining order, and probably have to relocate. What a wonderful ordeal for the children!

I'm saving money to get away from this mess, by the way!

[gardenista]

17. Why not use the refund this year to move to a place with the kids?

You know what you have to do. You've talked about it before.

I know you have many, many challenges, not the least of which, a child with Aspergers.

I pray that you will be able to make this choice and act on it. Soon.

It sounds like he's getting worse.

Do whatever you have to do. Please.

[Radical Activist]

14. What if a man were claiming

he got to decide how all the money was spent because he was the one working while the wife was staying at home all day. I'm sure that would be sexist and also ground for a divorce.

[sbj405]

2. Gotta ask - Is he ill or is there some reason preventing him from helping?

Sounds like you deserve to splurge on something for yourself.

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. He's bi-polar, and refuses to take meds

(Oh yeah, and he's an asshole!)

[sbj405]

5. Not _giving_up . . .

:hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

12. Thanks

I needed that.

[ashmanonar]

6. yea, that's called a divorce.

i won't tell you you have to, but you need to get him away from the kids, if nothign else. if you're not happy, why stay with him?

[driver8]

18. Bi polar? That is rough...

I have a good friend whose father is bi-polar and rarely takes his meds. The house is always in turmoil because of the father. If he is "up" he is doing a million things at once and getting in everyone's way and making life miserable. If he is down, he is a prick and a miserable son of a bitch and makes everyone's life miserable.

[amazona]

7. why do you feel you have to buy a man?

You are doing all the earning, and you bear/raise the children too?

If you are married, divorce. If you are not married, have him evicted immediately.

I don't understand why good hard-working women tolerate "scrubs." Women buying men is a trend that needs to be stopped cold in its tracks.

OK, sorry, flame away, but I have never seen a gigolo situation end happily for the woman.

P.S. He DID win the lottery. Other men are expected to work and provide for their families, you know.

The conservation movement is a breeding ground of communists
and other subversives. We intend to clean them out,
even if it means rounding up every birdwatcher in the country.
--John Mitchell, US Attorney General 1969-72

[Not_Giving_Up]

11. We are married...

and I have given ultimatums before. As in, "Get a job by Feb 1, or you're out of here". The problem - I can't force him to leave the premises as long as he's not physically doing anything to make the cops haul him off.

[Radical Activist]

15. Yes, men are supposed to buy women

by paying for dates, then working while his wife gets to stay home and take care of the kids. How dare it work the other way around! Up with gender stereotypes!

[sandnsea]

8. There's another word

It's called NO. Or a couple more called Go Fuck Yourself.

He's going to be an asshole anyway. No matter what you do with the money. So you might as well do what's RIGHT with the money, for you and the kids. Whatever that is.

And YES EIC does have to do with how much money is made. You have to WORK to get it. There would be no EIC if you were on welfare or living on $1000 for the year, which isn't possibly anyway.

Trust me. Seriously. NO. We discussed it, NO. We're going to do this this and this. NO. And then get up and take a drive or walk around the block.

And do it again.

And do it again.

You have to get YOURSELF back, then maybe you can get your life back later.

[Not_Giving_Up]

10. He doesn't do NO very well

Tends to act like a two year old, but a big one. I've not produced my paycheck before, and the whole house was trashed looking for the cash. Not something I care to have happen. It just sux to be me.

[sandnsea]

13. So what

Let him. He's going to act like an idiot anyway. If it's not over the money, it'll be over something else. He'll make shit up to act like an idiot, and you know it. It only sux to be you because you're not living your life. Trust me, no more conversations about the check. When it comes, cash it and spend it. I've been there, I'm not talking out of my ass. You can get your life back. Toby Rice Drews. Doesn't matter whether he's an alcoholic or not. She knows what she's talking about when dealing with impossible men. Just trade the word alcohol for mental illness. I have a brother who is mentally ill and I tell my sister-in-law the same stuff. She has finally stopped taking responsibility for his illness and her and the kids are much better off for it. If he is or isn't, it's up to him.

http://www.gettingthemsober.com/excerpts.html

[shawcomm]

9. What a bum...

you deserve better.

So sorry for you.

[gardenista]

16. I've said it before. Time to leave.

Glad you have this outlet, but it's hard to say anything but "Get out of there. You are NOT better off with him than you would be without him."

Hope you can pull it together soon.

[SoCalDem]

19. Use it to open an account that he has no access to

and do find a place away from him. It sounds as if you would be better off without him.. Restraining order or not..
Putting the kids through all that drama is NOT a good thing.

Who knows? He might be a better parent if he was a "visitor" instead of a "live-in". If you have a son, that boy is learning how to be a man from HIM.... If you have a daughter, she is learning that it's ok for a man to be "just like Dad", since YOU tolerate him..

These things have life-long consequences for the kids.and every minute you are wasting with him is time you could be using in a better way. Don't "wait for the kids to grow up"..they will not thank you for it :(

Good luck to you , and I hope you have someone where you are ..to talk to and to help you when and if you do decide to make the break :)

[Skittles]

20. JAYSUS WOMAN

do you want me to come over and kick your ass? PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN ALREADY. This bum is walking all OVER you.