sitting with a dying friend

[ulysses]

In the mid-90s, Ms Uly and I were a young married couple and had several good-sized groups of friends of varying ages and backgrounds. One of those groups centered around Rainy Day Records, the best record store in Atlanta and a gathering point for people in the local folk scene back then.

One of our friends there was Jeff. We didn't have all that much in common with Jeff except a common friendship with the owners and a common politics, but we formed an easy friendship. He's a defiant southern hippie, mutton-chopped and cantankerous, with an exquisite understanding of both jazz and bluegrass audiophile recordings. He loved my dog Sonya, and is one of the best people I know. He's in his early fifties now.

Jeff and his sister were born with a degenerative bone condition that has left both of them disabled and in a great deal of pain for a long time. We always knew that that would likely shorten his life, but last year, Jeff was diagnosed with advanced emphysema, hereditary according to his doctor although he does smoke. Our friends who owned Rainy Day called us last month to let us know that he was dying and to ask if we wanted to go visit him in Hogansville, south of Atlanta, where he's staying with his sister and receiving hospice care.

We drove down Friday evening and stayed until after dinner last night. For a dying man, our friend hasn't changed so terribly much over the years - prednisone helps keep him "round". We were even able to get him out of the house for a couple of hours yesterday for a visit to a surprisingly good used bookstore in Hogansville. He enjoyed the bourbon we brought for him. His sister and brother-in-law are funny - born-again Christian hippies who curse like sailors.

I had never realized that Jeff is as much a book lover as he is. Shelves upon shelves, eclectic stuff. Good stuff. He bought another $40 at the used store, most of them to be given away immediately. I sat alone with him on the porch last night for an hour talking about politics, music and his nephews and niece.

Anyway. We're hoping to be able to visit him again soon, before the oxygen deprivation takes his mind. It's good, sometimes, to simply sit with friends.

[auntAgonist]

1. *nodding* .... thank you.

[fortyfeetunder]

2. what a good friend you are!

I bet your friend enjoyed the chance to visit you, it made a difference!!!

[mark414]

3. you're a good man

[proud patriot]

4. sitting with friends are the best of times

:hug:

[candy]

5. So many people abandon friends when they are very ill.

It is usually not out of maliciousness but out of awkwardness.

You are to be commended for taking your friend out and socializing because that's exactly what he needs.

He is lucky to have you.

[CatWoman]

6. you're such a good friend, John

Cheryl, too.

:hi:

:loveya:

[ulysses]

8. you'd like Jeff.

Actually, physically and temperamentally, he's a lot like Robbie. :)

[ikojo]

7. Thank you for sharing the story of your friend.

I think I stopped in at Rainy Day Records one time I was in Atlanta to see the Grateful Dead. Is it near Little Five Points? When I saw the Dead at the Omni I was impressed with Atlanta's hippie community. There was always a pot fest in one of the parks while the Dead was in town.

Your friend sounds like a guy I would like to have known. May his journey be made sweeter by the love of friends who are there to guide him.

:hug: :grouphug:

[ulysses]

9. L5P

No, Rainy Day was in the Toco Hills Shopping Center, up near Druid Hills. You might be thinking of Criminal Records.

Thanks. :)

[blondeatlast]

10. Life is so fragile; it shouldn't take times like this to remind us.

But I'm glad you did.

Thoughts to Jeff.

[mdmc]

11. a well recomended read...

I hope your buddy got a kick out of our new DNC chair.
Thoughts and prayers...

[JitterbugPerfume]

12. we should cherish our friends

you are a dear sweet man