Top ten things we singles can do to make Valentine's Day easier!

[liberalhistorian]

I don't know about you, but if you're single around Valentine's Day, you often feel like a Jew at Christmas time. And sometimes I feel like the world's telling us singles to "sit down, shut up and smile", because we don't want to hear it. I mean, how dare you spoil the day for those who have eyes they can gaze into over candlelight, anyway? We're made to feel guilty if we express ANY feelings of negativity at all.

So, to make the time pass a little bit easier on the ultimate anti-singles day, I've come up with a list of things we can do to. Some of them will be more fun or easier than others, of course. And feel free to add your own, as well! Here we go:

10. Go to the store and buy several of those heart-shaped, velvet-covered boxes of candy. Then stand outside the store and proceed to stuff your face like there's no tomorrow. When people passing by start to look at you a little strange, you can say something to the effect of "hey, I've got a great night planned tonight. My guy/gal used to work for an escort agency, so he/she's going to have a lot of energy. I've gotta prepare somehow, you know!"

9. Go to a jewelry store (I know, I know, ladies, right into the belly of the beast and the heart of the enemy, but work with me here!) and pretend to be looking seriously at the engagement and wedding rings. When one of those hovering, hopeful, overly-friendly sales "associates" approaches, point to the display and ask "is that the best you can do? (ladies): My first three husbands had much better taste than that, and this isn't what I want my soon-to-be-fourth husband to give me, either. (gentlemen): I've been through this three times before, and none of my wives ever complained. They will if I give them one of these, though."

8. Alternate jewelry store scenario: Go to one and take along a very small tape player. Pick out someone who's selecting/picking up an engagement ring or a couple who's come to pick out their wedding ring. Hover near them while pretending to be looking at one of the displays and then play Barry Manilow's song "Even Now" a few times.

7. Call an escort agency and ask the nice receptionist if Brad Pitt (gals) or Jennifer Aniston (guys) is available yet. Tell her you'll make sure she's in their next movie if she's able to get Brad/Jennifer for you for the evening.

6. Buy one of those damned ubiquitous "Valentine's sweetie" displays at the store that they always shove in your face first thing when you walk in, take it home, and stomp it to death to the tune of "I Will Survive."

5. Call the florist and order a delivery for that evening. Order TWO bouquets with TWO separate cards for the same address and tell the clerk it's for your two husbands/wives at home.

4. Call your mother and tell her you're finally engaged. Tell her it's to a crack-addicted former prostitute/pimp who just got out of jail. When she starts to protest, start to cry and say "but I thought you'd be happy for me, and would finally get off my back and leave me the hell alone about getting married! Is nothing good enough for you anymore?"

3. Go to the store in the late afternoon and have fun watching panicked and desperate guys try to find anything amid what's left of the strewn-about and picked-over Valentine's Day cards, and watch them grow more and more panicked and desperate. Hope that one of them is an ex-boyfriend, or that the recipient of such a "gift" is an ex-girlfriend.

2. Go to another area of the store in the late afternoon and watch panicked and desperate guys fighting over the last few dying, wilted flowers. Hope that one of them is an ex-boyfriend, or that one of the recipients of such "gifts" will be an ex-girlfriend.

1. And finally, last but certainly not least, and my absolute favorite: Buy the BIGGEST heart-shaped box of candy you can find, go home, take a hot bath, put your feet up and relax on the couch, pour a glass of your favorite wine, rip open the box of candy, and enjoy to your heart's content and WITHOUT GUILT!

Happy VD Day! :evilgrin:

[KG]

1. Happy VD Day?

what a wonderful sentiment!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Not giving a shit is another useful technique.

Works for me.

[liberalhistorian]

5. Easier said than done

for a lot of people! Especially when you're surrounded by it 24/7.

[nytemare]

12. LOL, you beat me to it!

You were faster at not giving a shit than I was. :)

[Longgrain]

3. No comment except...

:hi:

[liberalhistorian]

4. Hi there!

Are we having fun yet? :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[Longgrain]

6. Not yet...

I haven't lit the fire...

maybe tomorrow night...

Tho I will be looking for ya.

You are my Valentine this year after all. :)

[liberalhistorian]

7. I am?

Cool! (or hot, if you get the fireplace burning!) :bounce: :bounce: :toast:

[Zomby Woof]

8. I am having a great Valentine's weekend

We've already dined at a nice neighborhood Italian restaurant on Friday, then the next night, a favorite Thai place... exchanged chocolates, and watched DVD's... just a nice, simple enjoyment of each other's company.

It was great, and there is still one more day to go!

[liberalhistorian]

10. Well, good for you,

ZW, really, I'm not being sarcastic. Just realize that not all of us are that lucky.

[Zomby Woof]

11. A person creates their own luck

[InvisibleTouch]

9. What Kinda Day?

I have to admit, I've always been totally baffled at the people who get so upset that they're single on Valentine's Day. It's like they've been conditioned by outside forces to feel bad. I don't even know what day it is unless someone else mentions it. I mean, who honestly cares?

So, what can we do? Live the day like any other. Because it is. And be happy that you don't have some clingy significant other tangled up in your life.