A dog that craps all over the house ain't a cat, folks.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

Looked at a rental place today owned by the late-50-something couple from HELL.

The husband was a 56-year-old yuppie worm who would remind you of Bruce Dern...that sort of whiny, monotone drone. He paraphrased every other sentence with "I'm sure you understand that AS A BUSINESSMAN, I have to..."

I thought to myself "If he says "businessman" one more time I am going to skullf**k him right where he's standing."

The wife was Tammy Faye...right down to the bad eye makeup and whiny voice. I talked to her on the phone prior to meeting them. I told her about my cat. The one I brush every day. The one who uses her box and won't leave it until everything is covered. The one who's cleaner than 98% of the PEOPLE I KNOW. She said OK.

Then I met Bruce Dern, and it started.

I got the story about the previous tenant, some f**king slacker moron POS dude who had a BRAND NEW PUPPY and brought it home to this guy's house and left it alone while he went away for the weekend. The dog crapped and whizzed on EVERYTHING (but unfortunately, not the landlord or his wife).

I'm listening to this story, which...as Shakespeare would say, "I giveth not a f**k about," and this dickless whining bastard is going ON and ON and ON and ON about how he is not a "slumlord" landlord, he is a "level above" all other landlords, he believes in giving that "something extra," his "investment, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH frikkin' BLAH. Telling me how the money he made on renting the place put his kids through college. LIKE I GIVE A F**K.

So I'm currently renting a unit in the same complex and I invited him and Tammy Faye over to see how my SPOTLESS, IMMACULATE cat crapped all over EVERYTHING...NOT.

He said "What do you think, honey? Do you want to go over and look?" And she paused for a minute and looked like she wanted to cry and said "Yes...yes, I think I WOULD."

So they came over, and folks...while I hate to admit this...I am NOT Felix Unger, but if you saw my home, you'd think I was, and that I had Felix Unger's cat. I've lived here a year. The house looks ALMOST EXACTLY THE WAY IT DID WHEN I MOVED IN...and the BOTH OF THEM SEE HOW CLEAN IT IS...and what do you think happens next?

I HEAR THE F**KING DOG CRAPPING ALL OVER EVERYTHING story again, I hear about him being a BUSINESSMAN again, I want to skullf**k him AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.

SOMETIMES...just SOMETIMES...when "twenty-somethings" say "old people SUCK," they're RIGHT. The place was a NICE place, and I regret that I will not be living in it, but I have already climaxed several times over the fact that Bruce and Tammy Faye will NEVER see a SINGLE RED CENT of my money.

:grr:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. That sounds like torture!

[Catch22Dem]

2. Dude, that's funny as hell

It's not funny that you got screwed out of the place, but the way you tell it. Classic! I wish they'd have been more reasonable.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

4. You're right, the story was (almost) worth it...

...and it's 100% true. You CANNOT make this kind of stuff up.

This one's goin' in the BOOK.

:evilgrin:

:toast:

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. So if they are already your landlords, I don't get it -

you say you are already renting a place from the same complex. But for some reason you aren't getting the other apartment. And then you say that they won't ever see a dime of your money.

:shrug:

The yuppie bastard sounds like hell to be around, though, and I applaud you for not skullfucking him and managing to keep your well-earned anger in check.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

5. These are townhouses, individually owned...

My landlord rented to me a year ago. She moved in with her boyfriend. They planned on buying a house. They broke up three months after she moved in. She's given me until April 1st to move out.

The one I looked at today is a different townhome in the same complex, owned by different people. I was driving out yesterday and saw a "for rent" sign on the front lawn of the property, called the number, and made an appointment for today.

And thanks, yeah...I kept the anger in check, and I was DEFINITELY on "low boil / simmer."

:toast: