New Bad Boy Truck Dwarfs the Hummer

[porkrind]

Yahoo News:

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050213/ap_on_bi_ge/bad_boy_truck

<snip ...>
By KRISTEN HAYS, AP Business Writer

JASPER, Texas - For some drivers, even a Hummer may not be enough. At a curb weight of more than 3.5 tons, the Humvee-inspired Hummer H1 is no skinny guy who gets sand kicked in his face. But the Bad Boy Heavy Muscle Truck, a dressed-up military vehicle more than twice as heavy, is being billed as bigger, badder and more bodacious

This monstrosity is a slap in the face to soldiers and the environment. It truly says "all I care about is myself and my poor self-esteem, and f**k the rest of you".

[PartyPooper]

1. I want one of these. I want to feel like a "real man" in America!

:crazy:

[NVMojo]

27. nobody needs a phallic enhancement this big, this is so damn ridiculous!!

How big can our appetite for oil get in this country??? They want to suck the Wyoming fields dry and move up to Alaska for this???

[Goldom]

2. listen to this idiot...

For $750,000, buyers can get the fully loaded "NBC" version that can, Ayres said, detect and block out fallout from nuclear, biological and chemical weapons by over-pressurizing the cab with filtered, clean air much like an aircraft.

Ayres said he isn't playing on post-Sept. 11 fears by offering the NBC option.

..
he just keeps going.. i was going to include next paragraph too.. then looked and was going to next one.. and next one.. his ass-ness just keeps going line after line, I'd have to paste the whole article... "CEOs who have to travel through unfriendly territory"? Omg, god forbid the commoners glimpse the almighty CEO!

[quaoar]

20. Don't scoff

A few more Bush-inspired wars and we may all need protection from fallout.

[sadiesworld]

45. "...isn't playing on post-Sept. 11 fears..."

The name of the company is Homeland Defense Vehicles LLC. I know this is sickening, but why am I giggling uncontrollably?!

[hilster]

3. It truly is repulsive

[Historic NY]

4. Imagine trying to parallel park the damn thing........n/t

[Ravy]

41. Parallel parking one is actually very easy....

...if they can climb a 60 degree slope they can park right over most of the girlyman vehicles.

/sarcasm off.

[BrklynLiberal]

5. Does it come with free penis enlargement surgery?

[VegasWolf]

25. ROFLMAO! Too damn funny! n/t

[w13rd0]

6. Since those driving these hideous behemoths...

...consider themselves so valued, it should be legal to hunt and kill them like big game. And if the driver is the only one in the vehicle, it's worth double-down points.

[porkrind]

19. Actually,

Shouldn't all the right-wing nutjobs who would buy this POS be fighting in Iraq instead? They voted for *, and they should enlist tomorrow to go fight in his corporate/empire wars. If not, they will just be chickenhawk whiners like Tucker Carlson.

[MADem]

36. Catch and release is more in keeping with a peaceful philosophy

Hunters who come across these eyesores and environmental nightmares should whip out a bumper sticker and plaster it on the back of the thing, saying something like "MY PENIS IS VERY SMALL SO I MUST COMPENSATE WITH THIS VEHICLE" or something along those lines...with luck, the obtuse owner just might be unaware of the sticker for a while and proudly display it while cruising down the highway at 8 MPG.

Can't tell you how many times I've wished I had something like that handy!

[charlie]

38. ASK ME ABOUT MY MIDLIFE CRISIS

MALE MENOPAUSE - TRAGEDY INTO TRIUMPH!

WEENUS PROSTHESIS MAXIMUS

MY OTHER CAR IS A DINGHY

[MADem]

39. Heh, heh!!!! n/t

[CoffeeCat]

7. That's nothing! Look at this new SUV!

Enjoy, the "Ford Exorbitant" ;)

Detroit, MI - Ford Motor Company announced today the new Ford Exorbitant. The Ford Exorbitant seats 50 comfortably, and even comes with a spare Ford Explorer. The Exorbitant, built on a standard bus frame is the largest SUV ever manufactured. Aside from the spare Explorer, other standard features include a full kitchen, 3 bedrooms, and 1.5 bathrooms.

"Many people have given up their own home and use the Exorbitant as their only living space. It's much more convenient than finding a place to park the Exorbitant," said CEO Jacques Nasser. He continued, "No longer will you be stranded if you run out of gas, or get a flat tire. Sure you could use your cell phone to call for help, but who wants to wait for help? Just unload your Explorer and take care of the problem when you want to."

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2000/6/exorbitant.html

[RebelOne]

44. That's satire, right? n/t

[MalachiConstant]

8. as if in the h2 wasn't retarded enough...

not to mention, it's a huge piece of sh!*.

[stevedeshazer]

9. Wow, that baby dwarfs even the Navistar CXT

http://money.cnn.com/2004/09/13/pf/autos/monster_truck/

[MnFats]

10. "I didn't know they made penises that small."

I wish I could claim credit for that line, but i took it from a "review" if it can be called that, about this vehicle. It cracked me up, but now i can't find the article.
clever, though, i thought.

[Bolo Boffin]

13. Definitely an innie.

[charlie]

11. Enlist for 4 years

You can get paid to drive one of those things. And gas is free.

Frivolous wankers.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

18. I'm not a tough guy. I just play one on the highway.

ymmv

[BrotherBuzz]

12. Let's see, 55MPH, truck lanes, weigh scales....

Oh, but the up side might be VIP treatment in the truckers lounge... ROFLMAO

[cosmicdot]

14. if he's not playing off 'post-Sept. 11 fears' ...

why is this Texas good ol'boy I'm a CEO bubba's company named:
Homeland Defense Vehicles LLC ???

"Now Hummers are a dime a dozen," Ayres said

yeah, sure, whatever ...

what a mindset ...

it is a slap in the face of the environment, our troops ... everything ... I'm pulling for the point of diminishing returns ...

what? no Bad Girl model?

[ConcernedCanuk]

15. Just looks like an old Cab Over 5-ton with a flat bed to me

.
.
.

[charlie]

21. Not just any old cab over 5-ton

This one has a gen-yew-wine military pedigree, for the discerning dickhead whose lifestyle choices must be authentic.



http://www.ssss.com/Home/Products/TacticalVehicles/FMTV/FMTVImageGallery.htm?pm=150

[burrowowl]

34. Lot of money

for a 5-ton flatbed.
Wonder how much extended cab adds to tonnage and price.

[noamnety]

16. does it come with

a huge tax break?

[regnaD kciN]

17. I wonder how many Ahnuld has ordered so far...?

:eyes:

[sasquatch]

22. Probably 3

One for each of his shrunkin' penis and testicles. You see steroids are real hard on his "package" and he has to do something to counteract the sideaffects.

[Up2Late]

23. How about this one?

<>

Vehicle of the Week
World's Biggest SUV Coming To Market
Michael Frank

According to a document leaked to Forbes.com, one of the big-three automakers is working on a revolutionary new vehicle.

The document--an internal design study with accompanying research brief as well as preliminary specifications--was leaked by a high-level Detroit auto executive. The executive does not wish to be named. However, he was willing to speak anonymously about the vehicle.

Here's what we know.

The name of the vehicle will be the Marsupial.

<http://www.forbes.com/2002/04/01/0401vow.html>

[punpirate]

24. With so much money accruing to the wealthy...

... I'm quite sure they'll meet their sales goals. But, it says something quite awful about the US's preoccupation with conspicuous consumption, doesn't it?

I had to laugh at the line about CEOs having to go through unfriendly territory... like the parking lots of their own companies. :)

[geomon666]

26. Homeland Defense Vehicles? Can I puke yet?

"It's exactly what the Humvee was all about — an absolutely useless vehicle for consumers," Spinella said. "It's a statement vehicle. I know people who would buy this and that's the only reason they would do it — because it makes a statement."


At least he didn't BS himself. All of those 'vehicles' are completely useless.

[oasis]

28. Another truck story out of Jasper, Texas. And it's Black History Month.

:think:

[merwin]

29. And because it's so heavy, it's exempt from many pollution laws

[MidwestTransplant]

30. Surely anybody who would buy one of those must have a huge penis.

[bluestateguy]

31. "Quick! We're having a baby! We need to get one of these!"

I can hear such statements already from Red State exurbs around the country.

[Boomer]

32. Just think...

>> consumers can get a basic version of the 10-foot-tall Bad Boy that can drive through five feet of water, climb a 60-degree grade, tow six tons and keep rolling even with a quarter-sized hole in the tire's sidewall. <<

All that AND it can drive you to the local mall. Which seems to be the most adventurous destination of half the rugged trucks and SUVs in my area. Wohoo, big man, needs two parking spaces to go shopping at Walmart.

[Crunchy Frog]

33. Are penises in this country getting smaller or something?

What the hell is the deal with this?:eyes:

[Dogmudgeon]

35. Giggle giggle. Snicker.

Someone is having a good laugh.

--p!

[d_b]

37. Oh fuck

That means I have to see more of those ribbons. Not to mention Calvin pissing on a hummer

[anarchy1999]

40. No one single poster here yet has made the connection with "Jasper, Tx"

Jasper, dear friends, was home to one of the most publicized "hate crimes" in this nation, just a few years back. Anyone here remember the poor, black man that was dragged on a rope behind a truck until he was in many pieces?

THAT WAS JASPER! Rest in peace, Mr. Byrd.

East Texas is collectively, mentally ill! Sorry to have to say so.

[Richardo]

49. First thing I thought of, anarchy1999

[MisterP]

54. 12K-lb. towing capacity--that's over 80 guys

and Gov. Ping-pong-ball-brain didn't even VISIT BYRD'S PARENTS!!!

[NuttyFluffers]

42. when i think buying cars, top of the list of req. is 'bodaciousness'...

indeed, it will sell oodles, i'm sure.

that writer needs a bonus for being able to pump out that alliteration:

"being billed as bigger, badder, and more bodacious..."

will they be able to make my chef's salad bigger, badder, and more bodacious too?

[bdot]

43. Can we get rocket launchers too?

I want to be able to blow these vehicles off the road!
It is American to be able to blow things up. ;)

[Redstone]

46. Uh, "drive through ten feet of water."

I assume that to mean driving through water ten feet deep.

From the picture, the cab appears to be just about 11 feet tall.

They'd beter make sure the windows are closed when they go through the 10-foot-deep river, yes?

Redstone

[livinginphotographs]

47. My suggestions for the vanity plates that can go with this vehicle:

TNY PNS
LIL DIK
WIFEBTR

That's all I can come with for now.

Oh, and: http://www.changingtheclimate.com

[Hand]

48. Meh.

One $10 RPG can put a hurtin' on that sucker that it would NEVER get over. It's been proven!
:evilgrin:

[porkrind]

50. Moderator: Why was this moved from LBN to the Lounge?

Is it not news?

[Wapsie B]

51. I'm sure we'll be seeing

some on the road soon. All that $$ filtering upwards to the 1%er's has gotta go somewheres. Plus playing on the public's fears will sell a product quite well. See y2k

[tonekat]

52. There's a DC lawyer who has a real semi "tractor"

I remember City Paper doing a story on it a few years ago, in pre-Bush days. This was pre-Hummer For The Masses time, and it was about a guy who was a Govt atty who just liked to do the truck drivin' thang, and he'd take it out and run it around the Capitol Beltway in the middle of the night.

[last_texas_dem]

53. Go Jasper County!

Woohoo! Maybe being the birthplace of a monstrous and unnecessary penis-extension of a vehicle will put y'all on the map for something other than the site of one of the most gruesome hate crimes of the last quarter-century.
:eyes:

Scary thought... living an hour south of Newton, I may be the closest thing y'all have to a Jasper County DUer; not sure how much I want to be their represenatative, though!