3 "Little Johnny" stories

[Padraig18]

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic
light. Next to him was little Johnny on his shiny new Christmas
bike.
The cop said to Johnny, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa
bring that to you?
Johnny said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on
that bike."
The cop then proceeded to issue Johnny a twenty dollar bicycle
safety violation ticket.
Little Johnny took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By
the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that
to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
Johnny said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the PRICK
underneath the horse, instead of on top of him."


A first-grade teacher was having trouble with Little Johnny.
The teacher asked, "Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My big sister
is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I
should be in the third-grade too!"
The teacher had enough. She took Johnny to the Principal's office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the Principal what the situation was. The Principal told the
teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any
of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and
he agreed to take the test.
The Principal said, "Johnny, what is 3 x 3?"
Johnny said, "9".
Then the Principal asked, "What is 6 x 6?"
Johnny answered back, "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
third-grade student should know.
The principal looked at the teacher and tells her, "I think
Johnny can go to the third-grade."
The teacher says to the Principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agreed.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only
two of?"
Johnny, after a moment said, "Legs."
Then the Teacher asked, "What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?"
(The Principal wondered to himself, why does she ask such a
question!)
Johnny quickly replied, "Pockets."
Then the Teacher asked, "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Johnny quipped back, "Pants"
The Teacher asked, "What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Johnny answered back, "Coconut!"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Johnny was taking charge.
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" asked
the Teacher."
"Bubblegum," shouted Johnny!
"What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog
do on three legs?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop
the answer Johnny said, "Shake hands."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Johnny in the fifth-grade. I missed those last questions myself!"


Little Johnny is hanging out at the local grocery store. The
manager doesn't know what Johnny's problem is, but the boys like
to tease him. They say he's just about two bricks short of a full
load, or two pickles shy of a full barrel. To prove it, sometimes
the boys offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. He
always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him
off to one side and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of
you. They think you are stupid because you don't know the dime is
worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because
it's bigger, or what?"
Johnny answered back, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit
teasing me and I wouldn't get any more nickels!"


:silly::bounce:

[zbdent]

1. Too bad little Johnny disappeared when the recess bell

rang 20 minutes early.