Informality by strangers really chaps my ass

[midnight armadillo]

I just picked up my car after having minor work done (my apt. parking lot is muddy and dirty and I didn't feel like crawling under the car). The service guy, whom I've never met, proceeds to address by my first name. Now, the service manager had already irritated the heck out of me for other reasons so perhaps I'm overreacting. Am I the only one bugged by this sort of thing? What ever happened to "Mr" or "Mrs"? Especially for strangers in some sort of business interaction?

[redqueen]

1. Yeah it bugs me a little... just a little.

What really gets to me is when clerks familiarize themselves with your account informaiton and make what they THINK are chatty comments about it. This one woman has a problem with me now because I complained to the manager after several such comments. I'll still walk right up to her and ask for help, but if I walk up to the counter, she asks someone else to help me. :eyes:

[jdots]

2. sales training midnight,midnight ,midnight

In sales training you are told that if you ask the person thier name and repeat it like a mantra they will buy what ever crap you have in stock that has a high profit margin. So Midnight, are you buying today ? Midnight if this nagahyde statue of Laura Bush came in green would you buy it today ? Midnight,we found a few things your car needs.........Midnight are you aware that you could finance your purchase ?

[Lavender Brown]

3. A stranger called me "baby" on the phone two days ago

It was a semi-famous person, too, and I think he thought he was giving me a thrill or something. :eyes:

[StopTheMorans]

19. baby, that ain't right

[Lavender Brown]

20. Nobody puts me in a corner

:P

[StopTheMorans]

21. that's for damn sure!

:silly:

[Pithlet]

4. I don't address strangers by their first name

Unless they ask me to. But, it's so common practice now that I don't think disrespect is intended, so it doesn't bother me.

In a retail environment, it may just be that employees are told to do that. Some marketing suit higher up may have decided that it makes customers feel like buying stuff. In my years of retail, I've heard them all, and there was no end to the hoops they'd make us jump through if they thought it meant increased sales.

[Solly Mack]

5. bugs me too

mine probably stems from a childhood of needing permission before addressing someone by their first name

until they said you could call them by their first name, it was Mr/Mrs/Ms/Ma'am/Sir.

there are "rules" of introduction/interaction...goodness knows I had them drilled into me as a child.

[trof]

6. Maybe it's my "senior" status, but I don't like it either.

The Japanese are downright fanatic about it.
I have some close Japanese friends. At least as close as you can get by Japanese standards. They must give you formal permission to call them by their first names. After over 15 years I still haven't been given "permission".
I call them "Tanaka-san", or "Suzuki-san", and they call me by my last name-san.
I once asked who could use their first name.
Only their mothers.
Even their wives called them by a nickname, and only when the two of them were alone.

[SarahB]

7. I agree.

And I'm relatively youngish. To someone I don't know, call me Ms. Belle, well, really, Ms. _______. Maybe because I grew up with a southern gentleman for a dad, but words and language do matter. My first name is for friends, acquaintances, family, co-workers, etc.

[tigereye]

9. and then there are the restaurant folks

to whom everyone is "You guys or guys." When I was a waitress, I would usually say, "folks." I don't mind informality even though I was raised to call people Mr. and Mrs., but I really don't like being addressed as "you guys."

[Patiod]

12. Who are you kidding, Tigereye? Out there, you plural is "yo'ins"

As in "where yo'ins gawn?" or "did yo'ins go the Gian Iggle yet?"

In Baltimore, it's "hon" and with black waitreses, it's "baby", both of which don't bother me at all.

But hon, baby, you'all, you guys or yo'ins are ALL better than youse.

I physically cringe every time a waitress in Phila asks me "are youse ready order yet?"

[tigereye]

15. here in SW PA, it's yunz or yinz

but I don't think I've ever heard that from a waitstaffer in a restaurant here. I must not be going to the proper yinzer restaurants.
;)

[Patiod]

22. Sorry about mis-spelling yinz. BTW, your shirt needs ironed.

B-)

You Pittsburghers led me into a turn of phrase that I get abused for out her in SE PA - "That shirt needs ironed" "The car needs washed".

4 years in Happy Valley with you people ruined my perfectly good speech patterns.

[tigereye]

25. Happy Valley probably ruined a few more things

than that. j/k

I'm a Pitt grad so I am required to say that. ;)

[Patiod]

27. How true - 35K horny 20 yr-olds w/nowhere to go on wkends

really sucked....

While you city school folks were home with Mommy and Daddy, or visiting your hometown honeys, we were stuck 3 1/2 miles from the nearest city, and had to find ways to entertain ourselves. Poor us.

Quick Pitt story: My best friend was from Altoona area, and owned a lovely yellow t-shirt with "Shitt on Pitt" in dark blue letters (nice, I know).

She came rolling in one morning, claiming that she had stayed the night with some guy but that "nothing happened". We told her it was obvious she was lying. How did we know? she asked

Because the t-shirt read "ttihs no ttip" because it was inside out. So that became the new anti-Pitt motto with us: Tish no Tip!!

<a friend of mine is head of career svcs at Katz, so no more disrespecting yinz anymore>

[tigereye]

28. nah I lived in a vegetarian group house while I was at Pitt

and I rarely went home. Pitt was the big city for this small town girl.

:hi:

[Floogeldy]

41. Good post, Sugarbumps

[Beware the Beast Man]

8. I know what you mean there, middy!

[yvr girl]

10. I hate when people change my name

If I say my name (for example) is Cynthia, don't call me Cindy.

[arwalden]

11. I Dislike It Too...

I don't care if I am the same age or younger than the person I'm speaking too. I don't care if I'm "only" in my 40's. --- Addressing someone in the formal instead of in the familiar is a sign of respect and professionalism.

Please, give ME the option of saying "that's okay, please call me Allen"... don't just assume it's okay because everyone at your business is on a first-name basis that it's okay to call your clients, patients, customers by their first names as well.

-- Allen (Grumpy Old Man In Training)

[Floogeldy]

42. Allen

Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen Allen

[arwalden]

45. Ya Big Screwball!

LMAO!

[Floogeldy]

51. Ha ha!

Forgive me?

:D

[ScreamingMeemie]

47. May I call you Allen, Allen...

or is it too late for that? ;) :hi:

[arwalden]

56. Just One "Allen" is fine Laura Laura!

But if you want to call me Allen Allen... go right ahead... if it makes you happpy! :hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

57. I'll just call you Allen, Allen...It's easier that way.

:silly: :loveya:

[Patiod]

13. On the other hand, strawbridge's and the Catholic Church

always call me Mrs. And I'm not Mrs.

Even if I were married, I wouldn't be going by Mrs. (well, by PA common law, I probably am married, but still...)

[Feathered Fish]

14. Tu vs. Vous

The most confusing formality in France. If it's a stranger or an authority figure, you address them as vous. Otherwise it's tu. The problem is that now the younger generation in France doesn't really care, so you tend to address everyone as tu. That really pisses off the older generations.

[TahitiNut]

18. "Du" oder "Sie." ("Dich" vs. "Sich")

Same in German.

[redqueen]

26. And in Spanish - Usted (formal) vs. Tu (familiar)

And they have different verb conjugations. Do German and French as well?

[jpgray]

16. Excuse me--do I know you?

Do you always just throw profanity around with strangers like this?

:eyes:

:D

[TahitiNut]

17. My friends and family call me by my (legal) middle name.

So, when someone on the phone or in business calls me by a diminutive of my first name, I know for certain they're using fraudulent familiarity.

Let's say my full name (which I don't publicize on the net) were "William Michael ______." Everyone who knows me, even casually, calls me "Mike." I occasionally get calls where the caller (usually a sales call) opens by saying "Hello, Bill!" The fraud alarms go off.

It is, quite literally, pretentious in that it's a pretense of familiarity. I very rarely do any business with anyone who tries this - and I regard it as (literally) presumptious and offensive.

[SW FL Dem]

23. Personally, I hate being called Mrs ______

That's my mother in law. I hypenate my name and wish people would either call me by my full name (Ms. _____-_____) or by my first name.

[tishaLA]

24. It does sometimes

for some reason, if it were a mechanic, it wouldn't though. But I hate when I talk to people who presume to be professionals and they address me as "Tisha" or, even without that address, speak with undue familiarity to me. I have been known to say "I'm sorry, but to whom are you speaking?"

Once, I was talking to someone from SBC, a company I hate with a white hot passion. When I spoke with the representative, he said to me, "May I call you Tisha?" and I said "No," just because they irritate me so damn much. Well, the representative was completely taken aback by my response. "Well, what should I call you then?," he demanded. "What's my name?" I asked him. "Tisha _____." "Right. You should call me Ms. _______. By the way, don't they train you to call people by their last name when they object to your familiarity?"

It was unbelievable.

[Book Lover]

29. I am so with you

I work with professors on a nearly-daily basis, and we are told that we should address them by their first names; this was in order to break down their I-Am-God mentality. I however, always address someone as Professor so-&-so, and when I am addressed back by my first name, I make it a point to say, "I'm sorry, Ms. _____, please." I have not yet had anyone complain, probably because they are unused to being addressed with their title.

[Merrick]

30. it beats being called 'boss' or 'chief' though

[Lydia Leftcoast]

31. As one who grew up not being allowed to call adults by their first names,

and who started college at the end of the era when professors didn't call their students by their first names,* I find the whole first name business irritating.

In my grandmother's generation, only the closest of friends were addressed by their first names.

*Yes, for the first year of college, I was addressed as "Miss Leftcoast." Okay, I lied about the "Leftcoast" part, but you know what I mean.

By the way, Japan still operates on a family name basis. Where our sales clerks and waitrons have name tags that say "Michael" or "Ashley," Japanese service people have name tags that say "Yamaguchi" or "Tanaka." As far as Japanese culture is concerned, if you have to ask an adult's given name, you don't deserve to know it. Unless you're a family member of close friend, you address an adult by family name+san or by job title.

[Book Lover]

34. My Latin/Greek teacher did that in college

In his class we were all addressed by our surnames. Must be where I picked it up - I loved being treated like an actual adult!

[Floogeldy]

32. You can call me anything you want

Just don't call me late to dinner.

[DU GrovelBot]

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35. I feel I have to

say "I don't know your surname", and apologise for calling the person on the other end of the phone by her first name, if the occasion arises - which is not always, even though they proferr it. With women on the other end of the line, it sounds more presumptuous. If it's a bloke, he's just the bloke on the other end of the phone, and there's seldom a sense that personalizing the call is called for.

[Dastard Stepchild]

36. I always refer to myself by my first name...

even when I am introducing myself to others, so it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I don't like people calling me by my full name. :)

[Ediacara]

37. I, on the other hand, get annoyed by overformality

I am 26, and I don't think I look very old, although I'm clearly not a teen anymore, but come on! My coworkers actually guessed my age at 22, which is RAD! But people calling me "sir"? It makes me feel old. People calling me "Mr (insert dinoboy's real last name)" Come on! Sir is not necisary.

[nemo137]

38. I'm 18, and I try and be polite.

Mr. and Ms or Mrs (as the case may be) to all customers, "sir" or "ma'am" as applicable. I carry this on to complete strangers, too, as it's, well, appropriate. Some people don't like "sir" or "ma'am," though, which makes things tricky (I got reproached for calling the pheloblotolig...nurse? at the blood bank "ma'am" the last time i went.)

[Floogeldy]

39. You're on the right track there, Shortstack

A good kid you seem to be, Smiley.

[skygazer]

58. Rather than "ma'am"

I suggest "Miss". I work retail and I've never had any woman, young or old, get offended at being called "Miss".

I also avoid "Mrs." and simply use "Ms." indiscriminately. It can be used for either a married or single woman and I know I, as a single woman, get annoyed at being referred to as "Mrs."

[Floogeldy]

40. I hear you, midnight armadillo

From now on, you shall be known to me as "Deep Purple Squashed Huge Rat Looking Thing," named after all of the dead armadillos I've seen on highways at night.

So sorry for the informality, sir.

[StrongbadTehAwesome]

43. I tend to use a nickname with family and friends, so

being called by my full first name feels even more formal than "Miss ________" I don't really care which people use, though. I always address strangers by "sir" or "miss" - the latter just so I don't have to make age judgements as to who's a "ma'am". They're both respectful, who cares? I have definitely MADE some ladies' days by doing that, too. :)

EDIT: typos, argh.

[Floogeldy]

44. I use nicknames, too. I make them up.

I was at a party a few weeks ago and a band was playing real loud. Someone introduced me to an elderly gentleman who had a full head of white hair. I didn't catch his last name, so all night I called him "Snowball."

I met a chick whose last name was "Capillos," or something like that. I couldn't remember it so I started calling her "Cajones."

Everything went just fine.

[Rabrrrrrr]

46. I frickin' hate it. Call me "Mr. _____" you shitknocking leach-rapers..

Especially if you are a store clerk or selling me a car.

[ScreamingMeemie]

48. People think because MrG wears his name on his shirt, they can call

him by his name where ever he goes. Not only that. They shorten it. His name is LEONARD...the whole thing, not Lenny or Len or Leo. God that irritates me. :mad: :hi:

[intrepid_wanderer]

49. doesn't matter to me....

it just makes me more curious to the persons motivations... errr something

[DawgHouse]

50. Sweetie

I don't like it when the teenager handing me my food at the drive through says "thanks, sweetie." Maybe I should be glad someone said thanks but I'd rather she act like the other teenagers I know and just give me a sullen stare.

[intrepid_wanderer]

53. seriously??

com'on... you're not really that self- important as to 'dis-recognize' someone's effort to be something more (less?) than typical/annoying....???

[Kat45]

52. I get the impression young folks don't know to use formal names.

I've heard children addressing their friend's father by his first name. I was a bit taken aback by that.

Personally, I prefer to be addressed by my first name; always did. But informality has taken over so strongly that sometimes I'm not sure how to address people. I feel weird calling elderly folks at church by their first name, but everyone else does and I've never heard them correct anyone. And I try not to address my friends parents by name because I'm not sure what to call them. My mother introduces herself to my friends by her first name.

It does bug me when people are introduced to someone and immediately start calling them by the typical nickname for that name. I find that extremely presumptious. And oftentimes, the person goes by the actual name, not the nickname.

[intrepid_wanderer]

54. I'd have to agree on the 'typical' names NMP...

ugh... James... Oh, Hi Jim

Richard... Oh, Hi Dick...


annoying!

[Bouncy Ball]

55. You just can't win.

When I worked in sales, I had people get offended that I called them Mr. or Mrs. whatever and I had people get offended when I attempted to use their first name. I lost both ways.

The only thing to do is to ASK how the person prefers to be addressed.

Otherwise you are just guessing and you never know which kind of person you are getting. Hell, one woman raised a stink because I said "ma'am" to her. Sheesh. I was just being polite.

[skygazer]

59. It bugs me too

I find it both rude and presumptuous. I also dislike it when people presume to tack a nickname onto you - people at work tend to shorten my name and that irritates the hell out of me. If I wanted to be known by a nickname, I would have introduced myself that way.

I am required to thank my customers by their last name at Safeway - when I notice that a person's name comes up on their credit card receipt with a "Dr." or other title on it, I use that. I figure if someone went to school and paid the tuition and time to become a doctor, they deserve to be addressed by that title.

If a person prefers to be known by their first name, all they have to do is say, "Please call me Horatio" (or whatever their name is). At least I have shown the courtesy of addressing them properly.