DU Women: What freebies / benefits have you received

[yvr girl]

simply because you're a woman?

I've received a few warnings instead of tickets. I'm not 100% sure if this was because I am a woman or because the cop was nice, but I'll include it anyway.

Free food and beverages.

I've had several tires changed for me.

I had a tire fixed for free.

A repairman came out to fix my garage door on a weekend and only charged me a beer. (It was really old, but it was the only one I had.)

Various things carried and moved.

A stranger on the street just gave me some flowers one time.

[Beaverhausen]

1. here ya go

the benefit of having my period every month.

the perk of being paid less than men.

the sheer joy of being told I can't be in someone's band "unless I fuck" him

oh...I could go on and on...

[Tsiyu]

7. I'm trying to start an all female band

since my drummer did the bait and switch: Again. Asked me to reform our band only to go back to the sots he's been miserable with for a few years.


If you're anywhere near Tennesse, you can be in my band and you don't have to fuck anybody. ( Unless a few of the groupies appeal to you later on down the road:))

[DrZeeLit]

2. Tires changed, yes. Warnings instead of tickets, no.

But, once a guy in Paris, stopped me on the street and then took me to dinner. That was cool.

I think my height (5'11") makes me seem self-sufficient, so I don't get too much free help. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. But then again, I don't feel compromised.

And no... the guy in Paris just got a great dinner conversation. I practiced my French, he practiced his English. Then au revoir.

[Sanity Claws]

3. My list

A stranger (male) once gave me an umbrella when I was walking in the rain without one.

While trying to drive over a mountain pass after a sudden snowfall, a male police officer directed traffic so that I could get behind a snow plow and drive safely. My car did not have chains on it and he probably felt sorry for me.

I'm sure there are other things -- just can't remember them right now.

[Book Lover]

4. None

And if I were offered a freebie because of my uterus, I'd refuse it. Seriously - I don't believe in sexism even when it works in my favor.

[yvr girl]

5. In all situations?

You would have insisted on a ticket? (I didn't flirt either, but was contrite for my offense.)

The biggest one on my list was the repair job. We had told by the dispatcher that it would $300 - $400 dollars. My roommate and I couldn't afford it, but our house would have been wide open, we had no choice. The guy was super nice to do it off the clock. We were shocked when he gave us the price. We considered it a gift from heaven.

Are all your dates Dutch Treat?

[Book Lover]

9. Well let's put it this way

I don't flash my boobs in order to get out of a ticket. I consider that sexist behavior.

[Blue-Jay]

10. You don't need to flash your boobs to get out of a ticket.

You just have to be upset, polite, and a woman. I'm not saying that women don't get the short end of the stick in most other situations. They certainly do; try getting an honest estimate for an auto repair.

Male cops will give a woman a break more often than they'll give a break to a man. I doubt that there can be any argument to that statement.

[Book Lover]

13. Maybe because I speed instead of run stop signs

but I have never gotten out of a ticket. On the other hand, because I don't put up with bullshit in the shop, and I know how much things cost, I don't get screwed when it comes to auto repair.

[Blue-Jay]

16. Actually, a lot of people get out of stop sign tickets.

When a cop pulls someone over for something dumb and minor, they're usually looking to get lucky with another better charge. I come from a family of fine policemen, and they admit to pulling people over for a "nothing" infraction just so that they can go trolling. Such is life. They get bored sometimes.

[Book Lover]

18. Well, like I said

I get pulled over for speeding on the highway; I don't imagine the CHiP-ies let anyone wiggle out of that (unless you're Mario Andretti, of course :-) )

[Undercover Owl]

46. I've never gotten out of a ticket, either.

:(

[bettyellen]

19. be very apologetic, do not lie and say you didn't do

something that you did. claim it was an accident. you wouldn't have intentionally done whatever.... and if you can sneak the words "respect" and "the job" -(his-- not yours) and mention a realative who was "on the job"-- which is why you respect them so much. your golden.
this also works for men.

[yvr girl]

12. The only thing I flash is a smile

Like I said, I didn't flirt at all. I was polite.

[Book Lover]

20. I didn't say you did

And it is absurd to suggest that I think you should demand the cop ticket you. If a cop pulled me over and then didn't ticket me, I don't know how I'd react. I would be very confused...

[yvr girl]

24. I never expect it, but I am always releaved and thankful when it

happens.

[bettyellen]

15. So, do you ask people when they are generous to you......

it's not because of my uterus, is it? cause that's really charming!
and what's with the tit flashing? mardi gras is over sweetheart. some people just like to play nice. i think men are more comfortable being gallant with women.

[Book Lover]

23. Maybe it's because I'm a New Yorker

but I'd be very suspicious of someone who offered me free things off the street, or of someone who pulled up behind me and offered to change my tire.

[bettyellen]

41. I'm a New Yorker, and it happens all the time. I guess I'm just a

friendly person. I don't work the girly thing or ask for special treatment. I also don't accept things if I feel the person wants/expects more than thanks in return. I turn down 90% of drink offers in bars, because I don't want to feel obligated to talk to most people. LOL. But nice gestures? Ha, Bring em on.

[Book Lover]

44. To paraphrase Douglas Adams

I am guessing we get invited to different sorts of parties.

[Blue-Jay]

25. I think you answered your own post.

It's not because of tit-flashing (OK. Not always! heh heh), but is instead due to a showing of faux gallantry that women get out of a ticket here and there.

I'll admit that I got out of a few tickets in my younger days. It was because mom was a highway patrol dispatcher, stepdad was a detective, and brother was a city beat cop. I knew all the police in the area, so I got out of a speeding ticket here and there. I would've flashed a man-tit had they asked, however. :D

[Bunny]

39. HAHAHAHA! Flashed a man-tit!!!

Good one! That made me laugh out loud! :D

[miss_kitty]

17. you don't necessarily have to flash some tit to get out of a ticket

my sister cries. I've never been pulled over, but I'd beg. And smile.

[Book Lover]

27. Crying on cue

is not my style. I guess if it works, that very nice.

[miss_kitty]

30. It's not my style either

though I tend to get very wobbly on some occasions. My sister-out and out fake though.

[Tsiyu]

6. How do you know they only did those things cuz of gender?

I know guys who have changed other guys' tires and such for nothing. They are just nice people who like to help others. Not doubting your perception, just thinking out loud. Okay, maybe they wouldn't hand out the flowers, but...

As for me, I'm pretty sure I earned my first driver's license for teenaged female cuteness, but the rest of my achievements I worked for and often lost or had compromised because of gender.

[yvr girl]

11. I don't know for sure on all things

I wouldn't consider anything on my list accomplishments.

The reason I started this thread is because many guys in the would you try being the other sex for a week thread said they would for the free stuff. I didn't think I had received much free stuff, but then I reconsidered a bit.

I totally agree that there are nice people who help out other people regardless of their sex all the time. I just think women do get more offers. I sometimes take advantage of it. It's not that I can't change my own tire - my dad wouldn't let me get my license until I could - but it invariably happens when I don't want to get dirty.

[Tsiyu]

67. Yes, and I've found myself doing "female" stuff for guys

Cleaning their nasty kitchens and watching their kids and helping them out because well, "they're guys and I, as a female, can be more efficient."

That's not true. But in my mind at the time I'm thinking this, so i do believe you are correct in believing men helped you because well, "She's a girl and I, as a male, can be more efficient."

And come to think of it, a one-armed man reset my fanbelt once when I couldn't figure out how. I told one of my sons that there were times in life when a man with one arm was better than a woman with two. This was one of those times.

Missed the other thread. My dialup is so slow, but I'll have to check it out. :)

[bettyellen]

8. my car was shoveled out of the snow.....

i always get my first beer free at two of my locals. but that's also for other reasons that are related to being a woman.
i got a free 1/2 hour emergency consult with a man who runs a fabric testing service. my dentist keeps a can of nitrous just for me becasue i squirm and he has a crush on me.
hey, i'm nice to people. i'm generous and friendly and am good at making them laugh. i bake incredible brownies and give them to friends. why not?a people enjoy being generous. i'm not going to take that away from them, but i did offer the shovler money, because it was a lot of work, and some guys do expect money. He just smiled big, as if I had done something great for him, and laughed and shook his head.

[Nikia]

14. I am not sure

I do always accept help if offered, but I can't really tell what is done for me because I am a woman. I did let my husband pay for most of our dates but only because his parents paid full tuition for him and gave him a monthly allowance while I had to pay my after aid tuition through summer work and work part time to pay for my everything else that I needed.
I do remember recently though going to a concert with my husband and a few male friends. We ended up parking a distance away. It was a little chilly, but I left my coat in the car since there was nowhere to put it inside. My best male friend and one of his longtime friend both wore their jackets in. On the way back, it was even colder and had started to rain. I was shivering. My best friend mentioned that I should have brought my coat. His friend offered me his coat, which I accepted. My best friend said that he shouldn't have done that because we were all equals here and that I shouldn't have accepted. I don't know. I was cold. Was that being a hypocrite to feminism though?

[yvr girl]

21. I think a lot of men like the opportunity to be gallant

If he offers his coat, I see no problem in accepting it.

[redqueen]

22. I got a free drink once laced with rohypnol,

and my idiot bitch roommate let the guy drive us home, and let him carry me upstairs.

WHOLE lotta fun being a female, ayup. Love that free shit. Yes indeedly do.

[Blue-Jay]

28. Are you being sarcastic?

Sometimes I can't tell.

;)

[redqueen]

29. I wish like hell I were.

[yvr girl]

31. I don't accept free drinks from strangers

but I've certainly let a date pay for one.

[redqueen]

32. Good for you.

I was young.

[Undercover Owl]

45. if a stranger buys you a drink, get it straight from the bartender.

Don't drink it if it doesn't come straight from the bar.

[Jessica]

26. One instance sticks out ...

During my freshman year in college, one of my courses required me to attend so many of these workshops throughout the semester. Well ... I didn't really fulfill my requirements - I only went to about two. Near the end of the semester, the teacher (a young guy) was reading through all of our names & saying who needed to attend more, who had completed their's, etc. My face was turning red just at the though of what he'd say about me - and when he finally got to my name he said, "Jessica .. ummmmm ... You're okay." He then looked up & smiled at me.

I got an A.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[Fleshdancer]

34. a warning for a 2yr expired car registration and inspection....

he should have given me a ticket. I had no excuse and no proof of insurance on me either.

On my first trip to Japan, my husband was already there and was suppose to meet me at the airport, but he got the date wrong (don't ask). I literally depended on the kindness of strangers. Someone paid my $40 train ticket to Tokyo, another person paid for my local train ticket and a cab ride to the town where my husband and friends were staying, and then he escorted me at night to the house where my friends lived (the only place I had an address to go to). He had plans that night, he knew I was happily married, and yet he dropped everything to help me out.

Needless to say, the people in Japan are incredibly nice.

Other freebies include stuff like food,drinks (especially when I was under 21), VIP passes to nightclubs, changing my tires, etc.

I have the luxury of living in TX and even though this state gets a bad rap, the people here are extremely nice. I took a trip back to the states from Japan and a fellow Texan gave me $20 because I didn't have time to convert my Yen prior to getting on the plane and the Austin airport doesn't have a money converter. He had no expectations, said it happened to him before and wouldn't give me a number or address to return the money later. He was incredibly nice...many of the men are down here. (Just talk to GOPisEvil and you'll know what I mean) :)

[redqueen]

35. GRR. I got a ticket for my registration being TWO WEEKS past due.

:grr:

[Misunderestimator]

36. Let's see... I've been quoted MUCH higher prices for car repairs...

been totally ripped off in fact, replacing a fuel pump when a $10 fuse would have fixed a problem I had...

I've been passed over for promotions that have gone to less deserving men...

I've had a steel garbage can thrown at me by a man, almost breaking my leg...

I've been mugged twice by men...

I've been condescended to too many times to mention because I'm a woman...

And, yes, when I was 17, I once got a traffic warning because I cried... doesn't really balance out for me.

[yvr girl]

37. Don't get me wrong. I know that women get a raw deal in many

regards.

[Misunderestimator]

38. Ok... just wanted to add some perspective...

:hi:

[Patiod]

79. The "Car Talk" guys cited a study proving that

I can't remember if they did the study themselves, or someone else did it.

But they had a man bring a car into a repair shop, and there was something easily repairable that they broke on purpose (something that wouldn't require any work to fix, just tightening it up or something).

Then, two weeks later, they had the same car brought into the same shop by a woman.

They did this at several different shops.

Every time a mechanic tried to pretend something was seriously wrong with the car, it was the woman who was the victim. They never tried to pull this stuff on the guy testers.

Sometimes I think it's women's small size that puts them at a disadvantage in work environments, but that's another issue entirely (I say this as a tall woman, sort of an outside observer).

[HuckleB]

85. Indeed.

I've had too many experiences similar to this. It seems like every time my wife stays home when a repair person is stopping by, they try to push things we don't need and try to say things are broke that are working just fine. Luckily, she's cynical and doesn't believe a word of it. After all the experiences she's had, she'll probably never believe a mechanic or repair person again in her life. Luckily we've got a good auto mechanic who doesn't try to pull crap on either one of us.

[Misunderestimator]

88. I'm a tall woman too... and probably have more positive experiences

than more diminutive women in similar situations. But it is still a fight to be respected... they don't care about your size, just your gender. If you are not a confrontational type, there's a good chance they will take advantage of you... at least that's been my experience.

[lukasahero]

92. You nailed it for me but I think both come into play to some degree

I'm both "diminutive" (as you say) and non-confrontational. Needless to say I get treated like a child or they try to take advantage of me alot and I'm uncomfortable with putting them in their place. (PS - I admire Heddi's ability to stand up to these people as she notes in some of her posts here.) As a result, I think that to some degree physical presence is an issue. If you look at non-verbal communication, height can in some ways represent stature.

If you just happen to be taller than the guy you may be confronting, you lessen his (or her) power over you (to a certain degree - I know it's not across the board and there are some guys who will even be more inclined to "one down" you out of their need for control) even if you are a woman.

As a short woman, I get folks who quite literally "look down" at me and see it as a place of power or see it as a call to "protect" me. It's infuriating at times.

On the other hand, I'm a rather grumpy "diminutive" person so I think I get a lot of people to back off just by looking at them. ;-)

[Skittles]

40. I don't accept "freebies"

don't want to feel like a 'ho

[bettyellen]

42. unless you are talking drinks in a bar, i find most want nothing more than

a gracious thank you and a smile. Some people like to be nice. I know I do.
Nothing wrong with that.

[Skittles]

59. I never accepted drinks in bars either

nt

[bleedingheart]

43. None...in fact I have been offended many times

like the time I went to buy a mountain bike and the guy at the store spoke to me like I was retarded...I loved how he was explaining how the bike was designed to handle stress...(all very slowly...) and then it was priceless as I explained how I understood mechanics because I was an engineer....and his face turned redder than a beet...

As for freebies...nothing is free...I remember my lab partner in college who begged me to accompany him on a group outing so he would have a date...he bought me a glass of wine and a piece of cobbler...and was indignant that I wouldn't sleep with him when he dropped me off at my place.....

[yvr girl]

47. Maybe nothing is free, but some people get a kick out of being nice

I've had lots of people be nice to me with no expectations.

[Heddi]

50. But are they nice to you because you're a person

or are they nice to you because you're a female?

According to your original post, you've gotten all of these free things because you're a female.

That's not right. That's not equality. That's not what my mother marched for in the 60's and 70's. That's not what I fight for today.

How can we expect to be equals in society when we 'expect' free tire changes because we're just dainty little women who :sob: might break a nail if I changed that big ol ugly tire :sob:

Sorry. I don't think you're to be commended for exploiting your own gender --and, in the reverse, doing a disservice to every other able-bodied female who is capable of doing these things on her own but continuously looked at as the 'weaker sex' by men because of all the women who 'expect' to get out of tickets (because they're a woman), or 'expect' to get people to help them change tires (because they're a woman), etc etc

[bleedingheart]

51. I have to agree with you Heddi

[Heddi]

53. Thanks...msg below

I work very hard at my education (nursing). I maintained a steady 3.5GPA through 1.5 years of pre-req's (Bio, MicroBio, Chem, Anatomy, Physiology, Calculus, etc), and now I'm in a nursing program keeping a steady 3.7GPA in my nursing classes.

I'm smart. I'm able bodied. I think I've earned my academic stripes. I'm 29 years old, married, no debt, no kids, and living a wonderful life.

But I'm supposed to WANT to be treated like a half-wit who can't open a door just so I can get a free tire change? Or a discount on my car repair bill? PUH-LEEEZE.

And all this behaviour does is REINFORCE the "stupid women" stereotype that still pervades our society to this day. I go to get the bumper on my car fixed after some asshole drove into my car. I walk into the repair shop and this greasy motherfucker slides up to the counter and says "Whut can I do fer you today, honey?" --- all the while showing his ignorance of human anatomy because he thinks my eyes are located on my nipples :eyes:

So I said "Well, I need to get my bumper repaired and I was referred here by my insurance company." He goes outside, looks at the bumper and sez "WEll, hon, it ain't just yer bumper...see, you got a dent in yer quarter panel and you may need to be..uh..ah huh huh.."readjusted" ah huh huh huh".

I looked him square in the eyes (which was difficult considering I had to lower myself to boob-level to do so) and I said "No. I just need my bumper repaired. Not the quarter panel. Not this. Not that. And I'm not the one who needs a readjustment, although you may if you continue to speak to me that way. If you have a problem with that, i'll be more than happy to take my business and my repairs, which by the way are estimated to cost nearly $2,000, to another establishment who will treat me in a respectful manner."

He puffed up and sucked in his breath and said "Yes Ma'am. I'm real sorry 'bout that. Yer car shuld be fixed in 2 days. I'll call you, okay...I mean about your car. I'll call you about your car".

My car was done by the end of that day.

I didn't get my car done quicker because I was a female. I got my car done quicker because I took no shit from his ignorant ass and let it be known clear and plain that I wouldn't take his shit. THAT garners respect. Acting like a mental fucking midget with tits does not garner respect, and only encourages mouth-breathers like that asshole to treat me as if I'm nothing more than a walking fuck-hole.

[bleedingheart]

55. Oh I completely understand

I went to engineering school and there were a lot of pigs that I had to deal with who felt that women weren't smart enough to be in the program...that experience made me a very strong person.

My current pet peeve are the women in the office who volunteer to throw parties for holidays, who arrange list to "clean the kitchen" (when the company has a cleaning service) ...the ones who want to mother the rest of the employees.....funny how the men don't do this shit...the company pays me to do engineering work...not play housemother...

I am 36, put myself through college, married, have two kids and I really don't like being considered as a pet....

[Skittles]

64. thanks Heddi

you get it.....

[yvr girl]

56. I couldn't say for sure if I've received things because I'm female

but I have strong suspicions on a few of them and not because of how things transpired.

The tire changes all occurred at the side of the road. It's not like anyone was going to be paid to change the thing. I was generally in the process of getting the job done. I've found that anytime I've been parked on the side of the highway with either my hood or trunk open, someone always stops to see if you need assistance in pretty short order. Maybe it's a Canadian thing. I can change my own tire, but I don't mind getting assistance either. Sue me for my crimes against feminism.

In more business type situations I've always been at the point where I was ready to pay the bill. I asked how much. They said not to worry about it. I protested. They insisted. I said thank you.

There have been plenty of times when I've paid. I don't expect things for free. I don't flirt, cry, make a scene or play any games. I am; however, willing to accept other peoples' generosity. I also help other people too.

[hippiechick]

91. Bravo !

Excellent post, Heddi.

[Nikia]

57. Ok. maybe I shouldn't have accepted the jacket

In post 14#.

[AlienGirl]

48. Nothing (except when I have a baby or a bird with me)

I'm not exactly what you'd call attractive, so men don't do things for me based on that; but when I had young babies, or when I'm out with my bird, people (mostly women!) take *that* extra bit of cuteness into consideration and do stuff for the babies/bird.

Tucker

[Heddi]

49. Nothing...but then again, I don't play up the stupid/helpless female ploy

I guess...I don't know....I'm a woman's libber...that means I expect equality, not special treatment.

I know how to change my own tire
I know how to change my own oil
I know how to flush my radiator
I know how to change spark plugs

I've never gotten out of a ticket, but then again, I've only ever gotten 1 ticket in my life and I fully deserved it (going 48 in a 30).

If I've needed help moving, it's because it would be an arduous task for one person to do alone (male or female), so I'll ask for help from friends---not because I'm a weakling female who would break a nail if I dared to try to move the douvet cover---but because it's hard for one person to move an entire apartment on their own.


I don't get screwed when I get my car done because I don't go in acting like an airhead begging to get ripped off. I know what's wrong with my car. Fix it for a reasonable price or I'll take my business elsewhere.

I've known several women who are very intelligent, academically adept, but turn on the 'bimbo act' when they go out in public. "Like, can you, like, help me, like, fix my, like, tire, or something? tee hee hee" :gratuitous hair flip:

That's insulting to me as a woman. How can we expect to be treated as equals (wrt men) if we continue to rely on "feminine charm" to allow others to treat us specially? And not just "nice", but "nice because she's got tits and acts like a stupid whore"

Sorry. I've been in situations where things have been offered to me for free or discount because I'm a "little lady" or whatever. Fuck that. I exepect to get the same treatment my husband does. If he gets a discount because he's got a penis, then give me a discount because I've got a uterus. HOWEVER---don't shaft my husband because he doesn't have a vagina or because he doesn't act like a fucking moron just to get a free tire rotation.

I've seen women i've gone to college with turn on the bimbo act when it comes time for tests or exams. They start batting their eyelashes and wearing short skirts and sitting at the front of the class and acting all "Oooh! Teacher! Pick me so I can ask a completely moronic question! Ooh! Ooh!" It's sickening. Be graded on your merit, not the closeness of your bikini wax.

Be treated to things because you're a deserving person, not because you're an effective flirter.

[bettyellen]

52. wow, i can see you have serious issues with charm. it's insulting to

assume anyone here is playing the dumb bimbo. I would never, I find it repulsive myself, But I'm warm, friendly and generous with complete strangers except when i am in the darkest of moods. it adds a lot to my life. and i've found that most people respond in kind.
it's funny, i'm from the bronx and i've been slipped a roofie, too and worse... i just didn't let it change who i am.
you seem to expect the worst from people, that could give off a vibe that reinforces your basic assumptions. I think it's kinda sad. I assume people have good intentions and am often enough proven correct.

[Heddi]

54. I think it's fine to be charming

and I think it's fine to treat people with respect and courtesy.

Ex:
I don't think it's demeaning for someone to hold a door open for me if they've entered the door before me. That's respect and consideration. I do it myself and am AMAZED at how few people actually say "Thank You" when you hold the door open for them, or hold the elevator.

I have no problem with charm.

But that's not what the OP was talking about. She's talking about getting things FREE because she's a female. NOT because she's charming. NOT because she's polite. But because she's a female.

I don't expect the worst from people at all, although it seems that as time goes by, rudness has become the lay of the land and consideration and respect are as abundant as the Dodo.

What I do not expect, however, is to be treated special BECAUSE I'M A FEMALE. That is insulting to me. It insinuates that because I'm a female, I'm incapable of X, or that I'm more deserving of Y. That's not nice, that's not consideration. That's reinforcing negative stereotypes that women are weaker, inferior, and always in need of a man's help.

And I'm sorry if you've never experienced capable, well-bodied women who turn on the "stupid act" JUST so they can get 'freebies' from men, businesses, police officers, etc.

Again---give me the same 'freebie' or 'special treatment' that my husband would get. He shouldn't get special treatment because he has a penis, and I shouldn't get special treatment because I have a vagina. Treat all people the same and there wouldn't be a problem.

As a woman, I don't want special treatment, I want equal treatment. If you take that as my having an issue with "charm", then I feel we have very different opinions of what 'Charm' is.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

58. thank you, heddi

I agree.

[yvr girl]

61. I am the original poster and you misunderstand what I meant

From another thread, I gathered that men assume that women get many things for free simply because they are women. (Mostly free drinks in that thread.)

I didn't so at first, but then I considered my experiences more closely. I concluded that I had received things (most likely) because I was a woman.

In no way did I try and play an angle or act a part. That's just not my style. In person I would say that most people would say that I'm friendly and nice. I also have 4 brothers - if that doesn't teach you to fend for yourself, nothing will.

I'm just willing to accept the fact that more people are willing to be nice to women.

If I saw a car pulled over on the side of a quiet highway I would not think twice about stopping to help a woman or a family. If I saw a man pulled over I'd think twice and I would excessive a lot more caution.

I don't expect special treatment. I just think women are the recipients of more kindness. I also think more people will try and gift us the shaft. It's a double edged sword.

[Heddi]

62. I'm sorry that I misunderstood your position

I was reading your OP as if you were...uh...maybe EXPECTING these free things because you're female..or I don't know...almost gloating that you'd gotten these things for free for being a female and were happy that playing the 'female angle' allowed you to get free things.

If that's not your position, then I'm sorry for misunderstanding you and ascribing traits and personality types to you that are incorrect.

But I still stand by the opinions I've made in the thread and I think it's wrong to EXPECT special treatment because of being female.

I agree with you about the double-edged sword. We're treated like dainty flowers (can't change a tire), but like morons at the same time (let me charge you $500 extra for that brake job).

People *ARE* willing to be more nice to women, but I wonder if it's more out of sincere concern for our well being (stranded alone on a highway when your car has broken down), or out of a paternalistic drive to make sure we do things right (the way we're treated at the hardware store, auto part store, etc)?

It's hard to judge, and I think that (at least for myself), I can tell if someone is being polite/concerned/respectful, or if they're being paternalistic/mysogonist.

I have no problem with courteous treatment of other people, and I wish there were more of it. However, I've found that SOME (not all) men can't separate concern with 'making sure you're doing it right' OR 'trying to squeeze the last penny out of this stupid broad'

Story:

I went to get spark plugs for my husband's motorcycle one day. I'm not a moto mechanic, but I knew how many plugs he needed and what type.

So I go to the counter and tell the guy I need 4 of X brand spark plug. He gets all smug and says "Well, what are you using these for?" and I told him that my husband was changing the plugs on his moto. The guy says "Well, his bike needs 6 plugs of Y variety. These won't do. You must have misunderstood him. He needs 6 plug, and not this brand".

I was so furious. I've seen his bike--it was a 4-cylinder. I had the box of the old plugs he was replacing...but this guy was trying to get me to spend $40 that we didn't need to spend on extra plugs (Of course I could have returned the extra two and gotten a refund, but that's beside the point).

I don't know whether the guy really really thought he was being helpful, or if he was being an asshole. I told him the make, model, and year of the bike. IT WAS A 4 CYLINDER. I HAD THE OLD SPARKPLUG BOX. He just refused to give up (Look, lady, I'm telling you this is a 6-plug bike) and I refused to back down (Look, sir, you're wrong. This is a FOUR plug bike). He gave me SUCH a runaround that I eventually left.

Got home--told my husband what the deal was--HE was furious (he really wanted those plugs so he could go riding). HE got in the car (got grease all over the seat...grrr), HE went to the auto store and completely RIPPED this guy a new one. The guy was all shook up and said "The computer says it's a 6-cylinder" and my husband basically said "SO WHAT? If she only needs 4 plugs, then what's the big fucking deal? Maybe I have 2 at home! Maybe your computer is wrong! Maybe it's none of your business". The guy just wouldn't back down and was REFUSING to sell us 4 plugs of X variety because he was SO CERTAIN we needed 6 of Y variety.

Again--I'm still not sure if he was really being an asshole to me and had to 'save face' and be an asshole to my husband, or if he really really was trying to save us hardship by preventing us from getting the wrong plugs.

At the end, we went to another store, got our 4 plugs, and he went riding into the sunset....

...while I stayed home and cleaned wheel grease off of my beige car seats

:cue romantic music:

:)

[yvr girl]

65. No worries, Heddi

The situation in the store sucks. I'm pretty lucky, because I don't have to deal with car issues very often. I get a deal because I'm a woman, more specifically a sister to someone in the business. I'm more than willing to accept favours from my brother.

As for other situations I expect to be treated fairly. If I think someone is trying to screw me, I will fight or more likely leave - why give them the business. If someone is nice to me, I accept it.

In social situations, I hate to feel like someone is trying to pick me up. It's a very rare occasion when someone doesn't crash and burn when they try.

[Heddi]

66. Ah! THe pickup

I had a guy sidel up to me in a bar once and say "Hey honey, can I kiss ya where ya pee?"

I laughed so hard I snooted my martini through my nose. Poor guy.

I love that line, though.

Worst
Pickup
Line
Evah

[Tsiyu]

68. LOL!

:toast:

[yvr girl]

69. I can't believe guys actually use lines like that

Who do they work on?

[lukasahero]

73. Is it really that they're "more willing to be nice to women" or

that they actually think women need more help? Is it really "just being nice" to give women free drinks or free service? I don't buy that.

Some of the special kindnesses I have received:

I pay more to have my clothes dry cleaned regardless of the material or need - women's shirt $4.95, men's shirt $4.50 -- I guess if they wanted to "be nice" they could at least charge us the same amount...

I pay more to have my hair cut regardless of the style - women's haircut $20, men's $12. (BTW, the most eggregious example of this was when I had an inch removed from long straight hair and my boyfriend has his long hair cut and styled. I made it clear why we would no longer be patrons of that particular establishment.)

Yes, I've had the door held open for me, as have many men. It's polite to hold the door for the person behind you regardless of their sex.

I change my own tires and would (politely) refuse help from a stranger because I don't need help, thank you anyway.

I agree that women are offered more freebies because we are women but I don't agree that it's just because people are nicer to us. I believe that people think we need more help or, in the case of the occassional (note guys, OCCASSIONAL) male that they may "get something" in return for their "kindness".

[bettyellen]

63. i am warm and freindly enough for it to possibly be misjudged as flirting.

by some people, some times. and i guess sometimes it's wishful thinking. but i am the same with women also. i don't dress provocatively or play dumb, but I assume people are more generous, as yver just explained again, because i am a woman. whether they feel safer, or question my motives less or whatever it is, it is different because i am a woman. and you know what, it's fine with me, becasue yeah, in so many other ways the deck is stacked. i kinda feel sorry for men that they don't get the same treatment, but hey, i just accept that's how things are. but i'm not automatically suspicous of men either, men with drinks, yeah, but a nice gesture? no. i don't care about people's motives. I think it's rude to judge someone for a kind act. I was rasied that way. My brothers are quite warm, generous and gallant as well, and not just to women. My closest friends are the same way.
Feels like it's time to thank my parents again.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

60. Not really anything that I can think of

My mom has gotten out of several tickets because she's been polite and apologetic, take with that what you will. Maybe it was because she's female, who really knows?

I'm quite sick of the fact that everytime my mother and I go into a "man's" store, we get hawked. Going to the hardware store knowing exactly what we want seems to be an absolute miracle to the guys behind the counter... "Are you sure you don't need help? Is that going to be strong enough for what you're doing? Another gallon of paint will finish the job...."

When my dad goes in, he tells them what he needs if he can't find it and they don't ask questions. If my mother does that, they'd ask "OH WHAT PROJECT IS THIS FOR, DID YOU MEASURE IT ON ALL SIDES? etc."

It's not that I don't appreciate people doing things for me or giving me help, by any means. I just think it's somewhat demeaning to get "special treatment"... because we're too fragile for the regular treatment. Or men are too rough for special treament. Whatever.

[InvisibleTouch]

70. I can change my own tire too, but...

...if someone is nice enough to want to do it for me, I certainly won't object. :)

Likewise with other things. I like to think I don't need anything from anyone, but I won't turn down a freebie if it's offered, either. I've been given quite a lot of things by friends - but more because we were friends (and platonic ones, in most cases) than because I'm a woman. I give stuff to my friends too. It's a mutual give-and-take.

Never have managed to get out of a speeding ticket, though. (grumble)

[Tracyjo]

71. nothing

EVER!!!

[SarahB]

72. I get doors held for me all the time.

I just find that polite and gentlemanly. I don't act stupid. I just say "thank you".

I have likely gotten out of a few tickets being a woman. I'm really not much of a bar person, but have had drinks bought for me on occasion even when out with another man. (Again, direct from the bartender- be safe.) Probably more I'm sure, but I can't think of any right now.

[bloom]

83. I hold doors for people all the time...

Guys like it just as much as women do.

(who wants a door slammed on their face anyway... :crazy: )

[SarahB]

84. Cool!

Me too. I figure manners is a good thing to have. :shrug:

[RebelOne]

74. Lots and lots of freebies.

Wiggled out of a few tickets, too. And it also helps to be a blonde.

[Samurai_Writer]

75. Never...

Of course, I'm tall, old, fat, non-white and in society's eyes 'unattractive'. I notice that most women who pull that 'crying to get out of a ticket' crap and who get men to do all these things for them are younger, thin, white, and 'attractive'.

I agree with the other poster, if you're doing something nice for me just because I have a uterus, I'd rather you just go away and let me handle it myself. If you're doing something nice for me because you are the type who does nice things for ALL people, that's a different story.

[ElectroPrincess]

76. Glad you asked ...

In the business world we get to perform twice as good as a man for three quarters of the pay. :thumbsdown:

We get to tolerate language that degrades our entire gender: bitch, pu**y, throw like a girl, etc.

Yeah, the great perks of getting free drinks on "ladies night" and some thoughtful man once in a while kindly opening a door for me ... well, now that I think about it - Sure! those little amenities more than make up for my gender's good traits being blatantly disrespected in public, if not OVERT promotion as women's qualities being overall inferior to men. :P /sarcasm off

[ScreamingMeemie]

77. As a newlywed, in Niagara Falls, I got into everything for free.

That's about it. :hi:

[ElectroPrincess]

78. Well I hate to break it to you but once a woman inches toward 50 y.o.

Unless they've had remarkable plastic surgery and like that airhead gal on the bow-flex commercials ... well, the boys are not so quick to change your tire, fix your garage door or even give you a second glance as they drive by your broken down car on the highway.

In a way, I do feel sorry for pretty young women because starting at 40 y.o. they spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture their youth and NOT developing the beautiful person inside. Guess there is justice in this world after all. ;)

[Patiod]

80. Bingo!!! Ding Ding Ding!!

Those freebies and goodies sure do slow down after 35/40. And women who were beautiful when they were young are a lot more unhappy as they age -- I remember reading a study about it in Soc class in college:

What the researchers did is have people look at high school senior pictures from their own time, and rate the attractiveness of the women on a 1-10 scale (they made sure that the evaluators were the same age as the high school seniors, since standards of attractiveness change over generations). Then, another set of researchers, blind to the attractiveness ratings, called and surveyed the women 30 or 35 years later.

When the attractiveness averages were correlated to the happiness scores, there was a strong inverse relationship. Turned out that the higher the women's high school score, the more unhappy they were as they passed 50. The less-attractive women weren't really losing anything, any advantages, as they aged, so aging wasn't getting to them as badly.

[SarahB]

82. Bitter much?

"In a way, I do feel sorry for pretty young women because starting at 40 y.o. they spend the rest of their lives trying to recapture their youth and NOT developing the beautiful person inside. Guess there is justice in this world after all."

:wtf:
Who a person is on the outside may have nothing to do with who they are on the inside. If a person is pretty on the outside, it doesn't mean they never have their heart broken, a helpful or functional family of origin, or otherwise not suffered in life. It doesn't save them from loss or illness or any other of the myriad of things that affect our souls and cause us as human beings pain.

It may mean strangers, not knowing who they are, but for some perception based on their exterior appearance, hold doors for them more, but so what? If a woman has half a brain she knows it doesn't mean more than what it is. It has nothing to do with having an overall easy ride. I have had times in my life where I've been perceived as very attractive based upon cultural perceptions and times when I haven't been. My life wasn't any easier in terms of the substantial things when I looked better.

Next time, try not being so judgmental. You have no idea as to what level a person has evolved to, their life's experiences, or what their inner beauty is based upon what you see on the outside.

[yvr girl]

89. I grew up in a small town, maybe that makes a difference

I've never been one of the beautiful people, but I've found most people to be nice.

In school I was a goody-two-shoes (where does that phrase come from anyway) and a brain. I never expected to get anywhere in life on my looks.

I do know what you mean though. I remember when I was about 25 and I went home for Christmas. I spent one day helping my mom at a craft fair. I saw girls that I had gone to school with look like old hags. These had been girls who had been popular and pretty. They'd made a few bad decisions and their tough lives showed in their faces. I'm sure the transition was hard for them.

[Samurai_Writer]

95. Ask and ye shall receive!

The origin of the phrase "Goody Two Shoes" comes from the title of a rather twee and moralistic nursery tale called The History of Goody Two-Shoes, which is thought to have been written by Oliver Goldsmith, and which was published in 1765 by John Newbery, one of the earliest London publishers of children’s stories. Goody owned only one shoe. When she was given a pair of them, she was so pleased that she showed them to everybody, saying “Two shoes”. The phrase now refers to a self-righteous, smugly virtuous person. Goody was short for "Goodwife".

[tjwmason]

81. Not a woman but my perspective

Every office that I've worked in, it has just been assumed that any moderately heavy lifting will be done by the males present (such as large boxes of paper &c.); in some places alongside this (in return as it were) women would make the drinks, at the moment i'm in an office with 2 women and I make drinks the most (because I'm a rabid caffeine addict).

I tend to hold doors open for women, mainly because I was raised that way and don't even think about it; but I also hold them for men at times too.

[CornField]

86. Nothing

I've never accepted food and/or drink unless it was from someone I was dating (i.e., we went out to dinner or to a club)

My father required that I learn how to change my own tires, oil, spark plugs, belts and what-not before I was allowed to use the vehicle.

The one time I thought I was going to get out of a speeding ticket, my mother insisted the officer give me one.

So, outside of doors being held open for me (which I totally adore), I can't think of anything.

[lukasahero]

93. Hate to say this but bravo for your mom. :-)

You probably didn't think so at the time but she was right. ;-)

Oh and your dad sounds great too!

[HuckleB]

87. I'm a man.

I've received six warnings and one ticket in my life as an automobile driver.

Dang. I must be cute 'r something.

:eyes:

[Hardrada]

94. Also a man . I think getting older

Has helped me not get tickets since I look like a bewildered old droopy-mustached "absent-minded professor" when I am stopped and must be apparently an object of pity!!

[luvLLB]

90. Just about anything I ask for....

with batting eyes and a smiile