What Is The Message On Your Answering Machine / Voice Mail?

[arwalden]

I hate the cutesy ones. I hate the ones with more than one person speaking. I hate the joke ones. I hate the ones with music in the background. I hate the ones that are more than 10 seconds. I hate the ones where you have to WAIT for the beep because the actual message is too short.

My message is direct and to the point. Nothing cutesy or clever... just a simple: "Hello. You've reached 301-123-4567. Please leave a message." (Beep) --- Only... My phone number isn't 1234567. And, I don't actually speak the word "beep"... that's the beep letting you know that the message has ended and it's now your turn to speak.

None of this "Your call is important to me." Obviously it's important to me, or I wouldn't bother having a voicemail.

No where do I say "If you'd like to leave a message, please wait for the beep, speak clearly into the mouthpiece of your phone, leave your name and number." --- COME ON!! My friends and relatives are smart enough to know what to do and they know to wait for the beep. This isn't 1972.

You'll be glad to know that my voicemail will record for as long as you speak. --- I think the worst part is when I'm leaving a message and the machine cuts me off.

-- Allen

[GOPisEvil]

1. My phone takes care of that for me.

The disembodied voice says: "Hello. No one is available to answer your call. Please leave a message after the tone."

Of course, once I cut my landline off, I'll just have whatever message plays on my cell phone's voice mail. I've forgotten, actually.

[trof]

2. "The number you have dialed is not in service at this time.

Please consult your local directory or contact your telephone information service."
I don't get many messages.
;-)

[arwalden]

3. What A Cool Message!!

-- Allen

[bbernardini]

4. Plain and simple...

Since I'm a teacher/musician, I keep it plain and professional in case anybody calls with a playing job. Besides, my wife hates the funny messages. I used to have one in college that was just a recording of the end of Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You" with me screaming in pain over the top.

[ProfessorGAC]

5. "Hi! Leave A Message At The Beep."

That's it. It's been that way since the early 80's. The one on my office phone is only slightly longer.
The Professor

[Webster Green]

6. None

Five or six seconds of tree frogs croaking, then the beep. Everyone loves it. We get a lot of comments when people leave their message.

[arwalden]

10. Cool... I've Got A .WAV File On My PC Of Crickets Chirping...

... maybe I'll change my message to something similar to yours.

-- Allen

[ACK]

7. The worst answering machine message ever...

One asshole I once knew had one where he said,

"Sorry I am not here right now. As soon as I get off your mother I will call you back. Leave a message at the f*cking beep."

[trof]

8. Sarah Silverman's

She and my daughter were friends in high school.
"Hi. This is Sarah. You know what to do. (beep)"

[xJlM]

9. I used to be formal

That seemed to encourage telemarketers to leave a long sales pitch though. And I don't really care what anyone thinks of me, anyway, so I started using ones I got off of the internet. I did the one for Pulp Fiction for a while, Answering Machine Hell, but I finally decided on the one from Star Trek. http://www.sillyhumor.com/answer/spock.wav really stops them cold in their tracks.

[scarlet_owl]

11. It's my husband's voice saying

"Hi. Jim and Ember are not in right now. Leave a message". So very boring.

[arwalden]

12. It Could Be Worse...

Jim: "Hi! This is Jim."
Ember: "And this is Ember."
Unison: "We're not in right now."
Jim: "So please..."
Ember: "leave"
Jim: "a"
Ember: "message."

[booksenkatz]

13. Quite straightforward

"This is the ( ) residence, please leave a message. Thank you."

*BEEEEEP*

I don't give out my number in the message because the last thing I want anyone to do is to effing write it down and CALL ME BACK. Ever. I love your clever idea of giving out the wrong number. Hmmmmm.....

I personally hate the ones with toddlers. A friend of mine let her toddlers do the ans. machine message for years, no one had any idea what they were saying. Precious. I think it's part of the reason I didn't have a child until age 39. Too many years of being subjected to that crap from the breeders.
:eyes:

[Aristus]

14. Okay, I admit: I had cutsie joke messages back when I was a bachelor.

One of them was: "Hi. This is Aristus' refrigerator. The answering machine is on vacation. Just leave me a message and I'll stick it to myself with a magnet."

Another one was backed by the chorus of Chris De Burgh's song "Talk To Me."

[NightTrain]

15. I spliced together two radio commercials from the 1940s

As such, my outgoing message says:

"Those hands, no matter whose they are, can spread germs. That's why it's important to wash your hands, and always before meals, with... sweet, chocolate-flavored Ovaltine."

[spinkbottle]

17. I love that!

I bet it confuses callers who have no business calling you

[spinkbottle]

16. A little bit of

"Welcome to the Machine" and the message "You've reached spinkbottle's machine. Talk."

[Padraig18]

18. Mine is my phone #, period. n/t