Kleeb Help!! It sent me a letter and I'm scared to even look........

[bettyellen]

and I wish i was talking pennywise because i could deal with the floating down there, georgie.
:scared:
the person who we discussed a few days ago sent me a letter...because calling and emailing are no longer options for them.
what am i going to do? hide under the covers?
what if there's something in there I need to know? it's entirely possible.
this is the sneakiest person i ever met in my life......bwaaaah.
i used to send their emails and letters to a psychiatrist who was using exerpts in a textbook for a chapter on extremely psychopathic control freaks. i'm not kidding. it's that bad.
sneaky hateful vile lying mother fucker.
my least favorite person on the face of this earth.
i knew i shouldn't have made that phonecall, goddammit.

[lisa58]

1. Throw it Away!!!

I don't know who you are and I don't know what you are talking about or who sent you this letter but I have a crazy family member that sends me stuff every once in a while and is also a control freak and I learned to just THROW IT AWAY!

Think PEACE!

[realisticphish]

4. welcome to DU

:hi:


:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[lisa58]

5. Thanks

I've been here for months but incredibly shy - love the discussions - even as an eavesdropper!

[realisticphish]

6. stick with the lounge

we'll take care of ya :toast:

:hippie: The Incorrigible Democrat

[bettyellen]

9. sometimes she sneaks in important stuff... to see if i am reading.

a while back she mentioned she had mentioned she put my mom on a list for a nursing home. i'm glad i read that. jeeze.
it didn't occur to mention this to her children first.
ay yay yay.
i spend a lot of time undoing her machinations.

[lisa58]

16. Is there another relative that can intercept these messages

that doesn't have such a toxic relationship with the perpetrator? Some people are better at dealing with the insane than others - I personally can't take them - but I'm trying!

[bigwillq]

26. Hello Lisa58

Welcome to DU!:hi:

[lisa58]

28. Thanks

Love being here!

[bigwillq]

35. Cool! Hope to chat with you some more soon!

How did you find out about this site!

[lisa58]

42. I couldn't sleep after the last "election"

and needed an outlet - in 2000 it was Buzzflash but after 2004 I needed some real meat so although I knew about DU I never explored the message boards before. I'm just grateful I'm not alone. I actually think we're the "majority"!

[bigwillq]

43. This place is really good for venting as well as getting support

when you're having a bad day. I have never met anyone from DU(I hope that changes soon) but I can honestly say I feel like I am friends with so many of the DUers here!:hi:

[Bouncy Ball]

2. Got a shredder?

No lookee, no nightmares!

[bettyellen]

12. i have to look.... she might have done something. i also need to know what

hateful bullshit she has told my brothers.
becasue that'll come out sooner or later.

[lisa58]

18. I hate that family blackmail bs

I bet none of it's true. I know how disturbing this is - they attack your sense of duty and your sense of loyalty (how do you think the bushies do it?)

[bettyellen]

62. that's exactly what it is.......

when i was a freelancer making double my brothers salary and smoking two joints a week.
i was an unemployed crack whore.

[lisa58]

63. Tell me about it

I was the most responsible in the family (#6 of 7) and you would think from their perspective that I robbed them of their due!!! Excuse me????

[yvr girl]

3. Get a friend to open it for you.

If you need to know, they'll give it to you. If it's just crap, they'll let you know.

[bettyellen]

8. my best friend got sick to her stomach last time.........

when i fwd an email from her.
it's going to be pages of hateful stuff.
i want so much to spew it all back in her face. but i need to keep what's left of my family intact.

[JohnKleeb]

7. Betty, I am here

Sorry, I was still in DC.

[bettyellen]

10. hiya kleeb. what do i do with it......

i'm going to have to look.
but it's going to hurt. it's always so fucked up.

[JohnKleeb]

11. I dont know what to do

what you should do is crank phone call that psycho who calls herself your aunt.

[bettyellen]

13. i mentioned when i phoned her that Mom had been in the hospital

late last year...she didn't even ask how when why, nothing. she does not, in actuality, give a fuck. how sick is that?
no one told her that her own sister was given last rites. because she would have had them vent her/ shock her/ tube her against her own wishes. plus, she's so goddamned unpleasant.
my brother misplaced the living will.
guess which child got to sign the DNR and shat bricks for four days, waiting to be accused of attempted murder?

[JohnKleeb]

14. I really wish I could help out

God revenge can be so hard.

[bettyellen]

15. i would be tempted to do something really bad. as it is

i really want to tell her she almost missed being w/ my mom at the end.
but she would not admit to believing me.
i'm going to open it, if i don't she wins.

[bettyellen]

17. "the weekday girl never sees me"... her name is Enid, you fucking moron

and we need her to take care of my mom since you put her in the hospital and she can't walk anymore. Plus, Enid refuses to discuss anything about me with you and hates your guts, too. What she actually said was, that's not your business to ask me. That's been the stock reply for 4 years now.
4 years, it's Enid, you asshole, and she's ten times the woman you could ever be. Freak.

[lisa58]

19. You read it!

I know it's none of my business, but are you alright?

[bettyellen]

22. i am a little flipping out... but it helps to share the pain.

i need to vent before i do something stupid. like call her.
oh look, now it says that if i was with my mom that day, both me and my mom would be dead.
wishful fucking thinking, aunt peggy.
except that i know how to drive, you witch.

[lisa58]

27. Aunt Peggy

If it makes your feel any better - mine is a Margaret too! It's hard to not pay attention to their rantings - I've had to detach from many family members just to maintain sanity - Moms are tough to detach from. Is there some way she can be excluded from this scenario - she's not "next-of-kin"?

[bettyellen]

20. the weekend girl and i had a nice visit,,,, this must be why she called

in hysterics right after you left.
let's see..... she's faking her tears, i'm faking my concern, but ms sensitivity cried all the way home, did you?
oh wait, now her car accident is my fault!! that's right, my lousy driving crushed mom's hips into an L-pillar. interesting.

[lisa58]

23. These people have no idea how they effect the universe

They always have to blame someone for what makes them uncomfortable.

[bettyellen]

39. no idea, she's clueless. her husband died of sudden violent cancer and

my Dad was convinced her cruelty caused it. It sounds insane, I know.
Peoples mouth drop open when they meet her. I only called because she dropped in. flooded my Mom's house, again, almost lost the caregiver, again.
It makes me believe in demons.

[lisa58]

46. I agree with your Dad

and he sounds very cool. This kind of negativity (for lack of a better word because I'm sure you have better words) is harmful. Is there any way to cut this woman out? It sounds like you're making a huge decision here - does she really have to be part of it?

[bettyellen]

48. that's him in the pic.... times like this i really miss him. he would put

end to this shit. my brothers, not so much.
this is what aunt p does best-- divide and conquer.
she has close to destroyed my relationship with my brothers.
any of my friends would stick up for me. but they are frightened of her.
they have never quite forgiven me for cutting her off, because now she calls them instead.
my brother said it feels like his ear is bleeding when she calls. how the fuck does he think i feel?

[lisa58]

51. "divide and conquer"

an extremely effective tool to the terrified. I have alot of respect for you because you are really standing up to their fear. Cutting people off is a mental health decision and it seems your brothers are still caught up in the fear - they can cut her off too - you made the right decision.

[bettyellen]

57. thanks, yeah it's a lot of fun having more balls than either of your

brothers do. add my current state of resentment to whatever bullshit she is spreading about me at the moment, and it can get ugly.
i have have a spine here. i would never forgive myself if i didn't do the right thing by her.
i had a dear surrogate mom suffer too much w/the tubing the vents etc, it is inhuman to put a terminal patient with no sense of self and damged reflexes through that. they lie around tied up and choke on regurgitations all day. fuck, we watched my dad endure it as well. mom had regrets about that.

[lisa58]

60. Brothers can be soooo weak

I have two and I'll take me any day to get something done. Dying with dignity is important because the spirit lives forever - no need to hang on when someone is ready to go. I hope you don't think I'm being cold - I'm not afraid of death and I believe that only peace follows.

[miss_kitty]

21. Sorry bettyellen

I can see you are tortured by this. If there was anything I could do (Legally speaking, of course) I would. I will send you good thoughts in the meantime.

[bettyellen]

25. thank you , sweetie.....

i'm a little freaked at this last part. it sound like she wants to contest the living will.
she said i made it all up and i want my mom to die.
someone stop me from driving 50 miles to beat up a 75 year old woman.

[NV Whino]

24. Pardon me for butting in, but

This could fall under stalking. You might try getting a restraining order.

[HeyManThatsCool]

30. this bitch sounds NUTS

IS there anything you can do?? Meaning the law? Restraining order? Having her referred for a 72 hour evaluation?


Ack. Crazy people.


I feel for u!! Keep your chin up and DON'T strangle her. She isn't worth it.

[bettyellen]

31. i think a letter from my aunt doesn't qualify. i wish.

i have to have a serious conversation with my brothers.
she says i know my mom's living will is a lie, and that it's only about what i want.
i'm afraid she is going to try and act on that.
we discussed these issues with my mom while she was still judged mentally competant by the president of the american association of geriatric psychiatrists. my aunt tried to talk her out of it in the law office, but she didn't budge. the next day she called the lawyer and said my mom changed her mind. complete bullshit.
i have to go hide that thing better. good god my heart is pounding out of my chest.

[HeyManThatsCool]

36. There are some people who just dont get it.... ever

Sadly alot of us have people like that in our own families- so don't feel alone. My "father" is a card carrying member of the psychopathic dickhead club. His filthy vitriolic letters have fucked up many a day for me.


People say block it out- but its impossible in those first few hours, or days depending on how bad it was. It's a sickening, violating feeling to have someone your related to spill insanity as if it were gospel.

[bettyellen]

47. i know i know... and my mom is the most gentle soul. she used to ask me

why my aunt kept telling her the doctors i took her to were dangerous. my mom would tell me she would tell her not to take her meds. i believe my mom on that one. aunt p hated the doctors who she could not control. it's why she hates me.

[Donkeyboy75]

29. Oh shit.

All your base are belong to him.

[bettyellen]

32. i'd rather go live with pennywise than deal with this shit any longer.

[Debi]

37. I'm being stupid here...

but what does that mean?

bettyellen....I heart you for what you're going through....:loveya:

Good feelings are being sent your way!!:hug:

[bettyellen]

41. "It" refers to a Stephen King book/ movie that starred Tim Curry as a

clown that lives in the sewer. It has a very weird script, Kleeb knows "It" freaks me out.
Google some quotes, it's a dumb movie, but Pennywise the Clown plays into every fear you had as a little kid.

[ScreamingMeemie]

55. ...and adult for that matter.

:scared:

[Debi]

65. No, I'm sorry, I read the book and saw the movie (and now hate clowns

but love Tim Curry) (and am kinda scared of spiders and storm sewer drains)


I meant what does:

All your base are belong to him.


Mean?

[bettyellen]

70. i am not sure about the base, damn.. i'll have to ask around

it's not from It? I'm confused, too.

[DU GrovelBot]

33. ## PLEASE DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

==================
GROVELBOT.EXE v3.0
==================



This week is our first quarter 2005 fund drive. Democratic
Underground is a completely independent website. We depend almost entirely
on donations from our members to cover our costs. Thank you so much for
your support.

[bettyellen]

34. can't you see i'm having a fucking meltdown, goddamit.

[Debi]

38. Grovelbot is a heartless bastard!!!

:shrug:

[lisa58]

40. They couldn't have read the thread

or they wouldn't have posted that - it must be automatic during the "fund drive".

What's your relationship with your brothers - do they know this is bs from "aunty"?

[bettyellen]

45. they have believed some really wrong things....

there was a scare where it looked like she was going to need surgery--two days after the accident. she was moved back into intensive care and became unconcious again. they told me the surgey might well kill her. i couldn't track down my brothers.
her bleeding stopped, it was a tumor, not an organ and so it wasnt neccesary. one of my brothers told me i made it all up.i have muchausn's syndrome. becasue my aunt swore it didn't happen. my aunt had not been to the hospital at all, and i was there for three days straight. WTF? i have not forgiven michael for that yet.

[lisa58]

49. That sucks

'cause it doesn't give you any hope that your experience with your mother's condition as well as three days in the hospital creates a level of authority that your family respects - you are obviously the one that "knows" what's going on, but they are not ready to let go and so it gets ugly -

[bettyellen]

52. no, it doesn't at all. you got that right. she puts words in peoples

mouths, and i'm not certain it matters if they respond with an "uh huh". if she said it to someone, then they said it. i have never met anyone who lies this frequently. i wasn't joking about her being in a textbook somewhere.
she has a whole manufactured reality going on. it's a waste of time to fight it. i am not going to let my rot in a nursing home tubed for years because she wants to put that pain on us.
she is jealous of my mom. i've know for quie a while that her motivation here is questionable. fucking hag.
sorry. i can't help it. it's been a year or so since i got one of these.
i have to resecure the living will. get my brothers to put in writing the circumstances underwhich it was written, get a statement from the doctor, get a copy of all for myself.
and tell her to fuck the fuck off forever.
usually, i'm a really nice person. seriously.

[lisa58]

56. I know your are

you wouldn't be this concerned about the welfare of your mother and peacefulness of her last days if you weren't.

You can't reason with the unreasonable and I hope you can find some peace in that.

[bettyellen]

69. that's what he told me, if i wanted her to agree with me i'd have to lie

and say the opposite-- if i pretended to be pro- tubing, apparently, he believes she would fight me to the death to enforce the living will. it's too fucking confusing.
he advised cutting her out, and i id have 4 years of peace, interrupted only ocasionally by the letters. you have no idea how bad it was when she left recorded messages for me, hogging the whole tape, day after day for about a year.
when i changed to a machine that gave you 30 seconds, she started with the emails....
so i blocked her.

[lisa58]

73. That's insane!!!

She's only sucking down that last bits of life she can out of you and your immediate family (mother - brothers). Remember the line from the Godfather, "Nothing happens to Fredo while Mom's alive". What will she have when your Mom passes? It's sad that she is so afraid to agree.

[bettyellen]

75. she has other victims lined up, she keeps busy, i tell you...

but the book/movie that sums it up best is ethan fromme. i think it's wharton, but i am sure it's liam niessan and that arquette woman who was married nicholas cage, not rosanna... anyway, they were good, its very faithful to the story, which is about sucking the last bits of life, etc. it was a revelation to me. . i learned a lot from it. and it was quite beautiful to look at, too.

[miss_kitty]

44. Have you thought of going to a

mental health care professional to get good solid educated advice on how to deal with this person in a way that's least harmful to you, your mom and your brothers-and any of the family you care about?

At this time, when you are dealing with a really sick mom and it's been going on for a while-well, you are already plenty stressed. Adding 'Auntie Terrorist' to the mix is just not needed. A wrong step could start a family war. She needs neutralising, and you might be able to find out from an MSW or psychologist how to do that and how to retain the upper hand in the relationship.

And how to find peace for yourself, at a time when you need it most.

[bettyellen]

50. I cut her off on their advice, but my brother refuses to.

what's worse is he yeses her to death.
i believe that's how she ended up almost putting her in a nursing home, she said she discussed it with him. that means her babbling on, and him going "uh huh, uh huh, uh huh" she flatters my brother endlessly and tells everyone who'll listen that she and he are the boss. she believes that she has more say in things becasue she knows my mother longer.

[miss_kitty]

53. Well it sounds like that advice was faulty

there should be something else they can come up with. At least so you and your brother aren't at loggerheads over this. Like I said earlier, you need to find some peace at this crucial time in your life. Someone needs to help you do THAT.

[ScreamingMeemie]

54. Please be careful. Please talk to the police, or a family therapist. This

person sounds really dangerous, bettyellen. I'll worry about you. Take care and check your PM. :hi:

[bettyellen]

59. I need to make sure the paperwork is all still in order...

i'm afraid she would have grabbed up the living will if she came across it.
my brother is the police, the other has no energy, he is busy being p whipped upsate and does not have time alotted by his wife for this. it breaks my heart how they allow this to go on.
we lost three older siblings when we were kids, and we kind of raised each other. we used to be extremely close, so it's hard. i grew up in a big family, and these two schmucks are all i have left. i am going to have to calm down and discuss this with them.

[ScreamingMeemie]

61. I am so sorry bettyellen. I wish there was something we could do to help.

Do you know what hospital her wishes (if she has them) are on file at. We have something called "Advance Directives" here. Perhaps you could call her doctor? :hug:

[bettyellen]

67. there are too many hospitals she has, and may again be sent to--

and the EMS workers need to see it, too. I am going to email the doctor and find out how to best cover our asses here. having a copy that my brother can misplace again is too dangerous.
i have to forgive my brothers for being such goddamned wimps.

[RadicalMom]

58. Gosh, I feel for you! Have you made sure the Living Will/advance directive

are on file with any hospital where your mom might be taken? All of her doctors, too? Then, the people who actually need it, will, and you won't have to worry about keeping it out of sight. They also don't have to find an authorized person to make decisions before you could get there, for example. My husband's mother was a damaging rude control freak. It finally got so bad that we changed our name, and he even changes his first name. He didn't want to be that person any more. That doesn't apply to your needs, but I'm just declaring myself a veteran of the awful relatives club. Of course we changed the phone, too. You can use call blocking, or screen everything with an anwering machine. She'll not be able to get through whenever she wants to, and maybe she'll occupy herself with THAT obsession for a while. Sounds like your brother is in complete denial about your mom's condition. Maybe he should have a talk with her doctor. It would be helpful to not have to deal with that issue when you and your mom need it the least. Wishing the best for you and your mom.

[bettyellen]

64. she hasn't been able to call or email me for four years... that's why

she wrote me. and i endured so much critism for that, a years worth from my brothers.
she doesn't attack them ever, but they don't do much of anything to attack, either, they have not been much help.

it's really strange though, i had to read it becasue she always tips her hand.
i can never anticipate where the next attack is coming from. it's the will, of course. we had such a close call with that last year. we try to make sure she get to a particular hospital, but we can't file it at all of them, or control where she goes.but the DNR shld be presented if an ambulance comes.
thanks for the well wishes, it does help.

[progmom]

66. this sounds terrible

I have no advice. Just hugs. :hug:

[bettyellen]

68. i'll take em. thank you. i'm just venting and the doc will have the

best advice in the world for me tommorow,
i have to force my brothers to support me and hide my resentment that it takes such effort to get them to do the right thing. their wife/ girl firend could help with this, they seem to possess spines and hold me in high regard.

[ScreamingMeemie]

71. I would deal specifically with the wife and girl friend, it sounds like

they care more.

[RadicalMom]

72. I agree that you have to read those. You can't take a chance with a person

like that. It would be great if nobody would deal with her at all, and kept her out of the loop. It's hard when you see such a need for a course of acion, but have to fear that if you start anything with her or your brothers, it will cause things to flare up again. Maybe when you have another event with your mom, things will work out fine, because you have remained persisstant in accomplishing the legal tasks. I hope your brothers sign what is needed without getting too emotional about it. This is strictly for Mom's protecion, so that she wouldn't have to live a life none of you would choose for yourselves. You are just taking care of her the way she took care of you, by standing by you and doing what was best for you. My mom is 82. I understand the difficulty in this. How is your mom generally doing?

[bettyellen]

74. Mom's different every time, but for the first time since last summer, she

really knew it was me this past sunday and it was wonderful. she called me by name and tugged at my sweater to straighten it, which she always used to do.. that killed me. i fit clothing for a living. i tug at people all day. how'd that happen?
but she has been non-reactive for longer stretches too, and that's tough. she seems content and is very well cared for and has kept her gentle nature. she looks healthier than she has in a while.
all along the way, we've had good docs and lawyers and we are well cared for, advised, and fully documented on mom's wishes. my aunt forgets my brothers discussed and witnessed all this as well. they will need to remind her.
the thing is, in an emrgency, much depends on having that document in hand. and we screwed up last year by misplacing it. i guess i need to reassure myself it's out of her reach.
i'm going up to check on the flood and hide the docs, and breathe deep, and often and pull this off. and i have a little party planned with some close friends saturday,
thanks for asking about mom.
because sunday was good.