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I was on the job three days, and these guys started saying things like "Women are bitches" and they're "Good for two things. And one of them ain't cooking, and the other one ain't cleaning", while I was working with a lady customer.
I was devastated, because it brought up a lot of issues of being molested when I was a kid, and am I only thinking of reporting because of all the favors I would get from women who hear about it? I was told to do "what feels right". It didn't feel right, so I just sat on it for a week and half. I thought that maybe this guy comes from a place that I don't come from and I should be tolerant. Then, it kept happening, so I asked for a meeting with my manager and the general manager of the store and another senior manager. They said "you should have come to us sooner" and "we'll take care of it".
Because I was crying, I told my new bosses that I was in therapy for being molested as a kid. And the senior manager started talking about how "if he were my father" and stuff, and then started telling me I am going to be in the workplace my whole life, and I should ask my therapist how I could "shut it off" and tell him the answer. I though about it later and the only real ways to "shut it off" are to dissociate, split off or develop multiple personalities, so I think if he asks again, I'm going to politely tell him to see his own therapist if he really wants to know.
It happened yet again two days after I had this meeting, and the manager I had was on the other side of the kitchen, so I went to her and told on him again, because I was feeling scared, spooked, haunted and I couldn't hear my customers because this guy was saying things and I was hyper-conscious of what he was doing over everything else.
They talked to him again, but he was still there today. It was just me and him, today at one point, and he started making comments about old people, and I said "don't talk like that to me", and then I had a little conversation, like a big brother, I guess, and he said "I didn't mean to be disrespectful." "Yeah, but you are." I told him. Later, he said something about not wanting to look at 'heifers' with another guy. I told him to "take it easy", and he told me that he was really talking about cows.
I don't think he's long for the job, anyway. Today, he got called into the office because he didn't punch out for his breaks, which he said that he has never done since he got the job.
It really feels like the Wild West in a lot of ways behind that Deli counter, so I'm wondering about management, and I've never been a member of a union before, so I don't know how that works in this kind of situation.
So, that's that story.
I haven't actually told anyone at DU about this, even though I post here often. I started with a new therapist, and we're going to work on how I can stop being such a victim.
I know what it's like. Playground politics dictates that you can't be a 'snitch'. But, this isn't a playground, it's a workplace. But, at the same time, I can't save the world, even in spite of what Jane Fonda says. One of the questions I'd like to explore in Therapy, is how being a Democrat works into this. Because, all I see is protests and cynicism and fighting injustice and everything. But, I'm hyper-vigilant, and I can't fight every fight, otherwise I'll be a paranoid schizophrenic again, scared of my own shadow.
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