Official DU SURVIVOR - POLITICAL EDITION thread!!

[derby378]

This is it, folks! Yours truly has turned 18 political types loose in the Republic of Palau to see which one winds up the DU Survivor! Even I don't know how this is going to end, so come join me in the fun! The game begins - NOW!!

Roll Call for DU SURVIVOR - PALAU

REDNEK TRIBE
Karl Rove
Condoleezza Rice
"Jeff Gannon"
Mary Matalin
Ann Coulter
Tom DeLay
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rush Limbaugh
Britney Spears

BLUDOG TRIBE
Howard Dean
President Bill Clinton
Ariana Huffington
James Carville
Randi Rhodes
Barbara Boxer
Zell Miller
Al Franken
Michael Moore

What the hell are you pundits waiting for?!? Out of the boat, all of you! Game time! GO, GO, GO!

[derby378]

1. Swim for the shore

First member from each tribe to reach the shore gets immunity! Go, go, GO!!

Condoleezza Rice takes an early lead swimming for shore, buoyed by the air bubbles trapped in her indestructible hairdo. But wait - Ariana Huffington just edged past her, leaving Rice choking on Huffington's wake! Rice recovers and throws an elbow at Huffington, catching her in the forehead! Oh, this isn't going to end well...

In the meantime, Ah-nuld is actually putting his bulging Austrian muscles to use, plowing through the water on his way to the shore. Randi Rhodes is right behind him, carrying a list of campaign promises Ah-nuld has already broken in a waterproof fanny pack slung around her waist. But wait - Schwarzenegger has turned and managed to steal the pack and is swimming away, chanting "Hasta la vista, baby!" Randi is seriously pissed...but wait! Ah-nuld just crashed into Britney Spears, who was apparently to preoccupied with chewing her gum to concentrate on her swimming! In an open show of solidarity for his fellow Air America pundit, Al Franken has snatched the pack away from the Governator and tossed it back to Randi!

Condi and Ariana are taking turns dunking each other in our first DU SURVIVOR fight. The Big Dog himself, Bill Clinton, has apparently abandoned the swim and is devoting his full attention to the catfight. Meow!

Here we go - Barbara Boxer, no longer weighed down by the "old-boy" mentality of Democratic Party "lifers" in the Senate, has just clinched immunity for Bludog Tribe! On the Rednek side, Tom DeLay has redistricted the ocean to make it easier for him to swim through, allowing him to cut across the waves and clinch immunity in his own tribe! Wow - what a finish!!

[derby378]

2. Immunity - Tom DeLay and Barbara Boxer

Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove are the last to stagger onto shore because of their combined bulk. God, what a beautiful sight.

Bill Clinton has managed to separate Condi and Ariana, and is talking about how they should show more love for each other - "That's right, try holding each other around the waist, gazing into each other's eyes" - requiring yours truly to break out the firehose to cool the Big Dog down. Sorry, folks - we got a "no sex threads" policy here!!

DeLay, Boxer - you have immunity! The rest of you must fight to earn your keep in this game!

To which Rush Limbaugh responds, "Feed my fat ass!"

Time to separate the two teams. Team Rednek will set up camp at a beach with security access gates and a Neiman-Marcus, which won't do you any good because we confiscated all your cash. Team Bludog will set up camp at a beach with universal health coverage paid for with taxes on everything you eat on the island, payable with said food because we took all your cash as well. Go set up camp!

The two teams grumble and curse my name to Heaven as they trundle off...

[derby378]

3. That's enough for tonight - now suggest a challenge, DUers! (n/t)