Wednesday joke

[Chilly_Willy]

I found this on a diet forum, thought I'd share.


Chilly

GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day /10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing but air of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"
Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day /20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.

For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs, as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years"

The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, YOU'RE mine."

[RobertSeattle]

1. Have fun with this one - Replace "A man/He" with "Rush"

LIMBAUGH GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

Rush was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As Rush wondered how in the heck Rush would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED "PAIN FREE" WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" Rush thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day /10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when Rush answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady dressed in nothing but air of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"
Without a second thought Rush takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, Rush finally catches her and has his way with her.

After they are through and she leaves, Rush thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, Rush weighs himself and is delighted to find Rush has lost 10 lb. as promised.

Rush calls the company and orders their 5-day /20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman Rush has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me." He's out the door or after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when Rush does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze.

For the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his delight, on the fifth day, Rush weighs himself and found Rush has lost another 20 lbs, as promised. Rush decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day / 50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," Rush replies, "I haven't felt this good in years"

The next day there's a knock at the door and when Rush opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, YOU'RE mine."

[happyslug]

2. Didn't Benny Hill do this years ago?

I beleive he did, quicker and better I may say (But still a good joke)