Gay Guys Shock Me With Their Hetero-Friendliness

[trumad]

I thought they were some evil cult trying to convert me. ;-)

[NNadir]

1. I briefly had a romantic relationship with a Lesbian. She lived with

a gay man, and I always appreciated the kindness and friendliness with which I was treated when I visited their home.

A few of my girlfriend's lesbian friends and ex-lover's were hostile to me of course, but most of the gay people I met there were simply outstanding individuals. Still I am always impressed by people who experience oppression based on nothing more than who they are and still manage to retain their humanity and decency for themselves.

Before that time, I'd had very little exposure to the gay community, except when I was young and had to beat off a rape attempt.

Those very fine people I met during that brief fling really enlightened me.

[Misunderestimator]

4. I'm sorry for your experience when you were young...

but the way you worded that .... that an attempted rape was your only exposure to the gay community, just doesn't sit well with me. Rape is a violent crime, and rapists are not part of our community anymore than they part of the community at large. I have experienced attempted rape as well, from men... I wouldn't say that that was my exposure to the straight community.

Also, sorry that anyone was hostile to you in that group... but since you were a straight man having a "fling" with a lesbian, I suppose that is to be expected.

[NNadir]

5. Um, I was very young.

Young people are not very sophisticated in their analyses of events and tend to jump to conclusions and generalizations. There are many things that I believe and know now that I do not hold earlier in my life. In fact the process of maturing involves exactly that: Learning that things are not black and white.

I've agonized enough over my mistakes in the past, and in making these remarks I am not justifying my mistakes, but merely reporting them. I did a lot of things I regret. I used to smoke pot for instance. So what? I know not to do it now.

I do know women who hate men in general because of near rape or rape experiences. It's really not all that unusual. In fact there is quite a bit of literature that involves exactly that plot element. I understand women who hate men for reasons like this on some level, though of course, I do not approve of generalized bigotry in any form.

As for my lesbian girlfriend, I think you are under the impression that I sought her out for the purpose of "dating a lesbian" like it was some sort of conquest game initiated by me. That is not the case. The lesbian in question was closeted and did not tell me about her sexual orientation out of the box. She was attempting to advance her rising career and in that time, when antigay bias was far more pronounced than it is now, having a boyfriend made her life less questionable professionally. I was quite attracted to her as she was bright, personable, and generally quite a bit of fun. By the time I realized that she was using me for professional advancement purposes, I was beginning to take her rather seriously, so seriously that I persisted in the relationship after recognizing all of the facts. Of course it didn't work out and the failure involved some pain on my part. By that time however, the pain did not involve the attachment of her behavior to all gay people. I was older.

I phrase my relationship with that woman as a "fling" now, because I've been married for twenty years and, in fact, all of my past relationships are now best thought of in that way, with heterosexual and homosexual women alike, as "flings." They all were flings, compared to what I have now.

[Misunderestimator]

7. It was your saying that the attempted rape was your exposure to the gay...

community... I understand that that is what you thought as a young person, but you wrote that TODAY... so you are equating that bad experience with the gay community, even if you don't do it in your head, you are doing it in your words.

As for the lesbian fling, it was the cavalier way you described it that made it seem that it was a conquest sort of thing. Now you explain it differently, and of course it doesn't have the same effect.

Regarging your "knowing not to" smoke pot, I'm not quite getting the connection. I would understand you knowing not to drink too much or shoot heroine or snort cocaine, but what did you learn about pot that made you "know" not to do it.

[NNadir]

10. I am sorry that you misunderstand what I am saying.

You seem inclined to make rather extreme judgements based on rather brief and broad remarks. What I was trying to say, however badly I may have said it, is that I am proud of the growth I've experienced in fifty years.

One of the things that comes with growing older is the ability to cut off conversations that go nowhere.

You clearly don't know me, and I'm quite sure never will.

[Misunderestimator]

14. How funny for you to say I make extreme judgements...

You seem to be quite adept at that yourself...

[NightTrain]

9. When I was 12, some guy tried to forcefully get into my pants.

Thankfully, I got away from him. Even more thankfully, I later overcame the anti-gay feelings that experience instilled in me. How? By meeting additional gays and lesbians in my teens and finding that many of them were terrific people.

I went from hating and fearing the GLBT community to marching with PFLAG in Hartford's PRIDE rallies. I'd call that a step in the right direction!

[Jamastiene]

2. Trust me

being gay isn't like religion although some people mistake it for that. They might just think you are a cool person. That happens sometimes...:)

[tjwmason]

3. We're just lulling you into a false sense of security

After a while we'll kidnap you and force you to watch SpongeBob and Tinky Winky until you develop a strong sense of the aesthetic, a high-pitched laugh, and mincing walk.

Just ask any FReeper, they're fully informed of our secret agenda.

[Skittles]

6. when I visited San Francisco

my two gay friends kept taking me to gay bars - I kept saying WON'T THEY RESENT YOU BRINGING A WOMAN WITH YOU and they said no - and they didn't resent it; they were all very nice to me, including giving me condolences for living in Texas. :D

[Cuban_Liberal]

8. That's how we sucker you in.

;)

[KittyWampus]

11. I Thought It Was The Home Cooking!

:)

[Shredr]

12. I'm a guy first, a filmmaker second,

And a whole bunch of other things before I identify myself as gay. It's a part of my life, but it doesn't define me. And I don't wear it on my sleeve, so to speak. You wouldn't even know if you met me, until I told you (which can actually be a pain in the ass, because it's a constant coming-out process for me -- but it's just the way I am). Most of my friends are straight guys. Not that I'm ashamed, not in the least. Or in the closet. I'm just a normal guy who happens to be gay. And there are a lot like me.

And the alst thing I'd ever try to do is convert anybody. I know how futile that is (and there are enough gay boys, anyway).

[Placebo]

13. You copycat!

*bitch slap* :P