38 Things you'd like to say at work, but can't...

[A HERETIC I AM]

You know there have been times when these exact lines have run through your minds...if not at work, then perhaps on DU.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message..
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

[Peter Frank]

1. You'd get better response by posting one at a time... n/t

[A HERETIC I AM]

6. No desire to needlessly run up my post count

Not to mention that i don't really care about how many respond They either like what i post or they don't - makes no difference to me

[Not_Giving_Up]

2. #10 and #34 are my personal favorites

#36 too

[Peter Frank]

4. #13 :) n/t

[Dude_CalmDown]

3. I don't know about all of you but I say a good number of those regularly.

The rest I plan on saying in the near future. :evilgrin:

[MrSlayer]

5. I can say all of that and more at work.

Working construction means never having to hold back a good "Go fuck yourself, jerkoff!"

[xmas74]

10. I told a former employer once...

to suck on my left tit and a few more words.
Unfortunately, he was the police chief of the town I lived in at the time.
Maybe I shoulda kept my mouth shut.
Especially when I threatened to narc him out on the missing meth from a bust.

[Seabiscuit]

7. No. 39: "Fuck you too and the horse you rode in on. I'm outta here!"

[A HERETIC I AM]

8. LOL! too funny -- here is my # 40

"They have yet to invent the device than can measure how little i give a fuck about your opinion"

[Melodybe]

9. I like #4, I can see that on a sitcom somewhere, it would get a huge laugh