Tired of being "arrogant".

[Olivier]

As you will notice by reading my post, I am French. I work in a small French software company and I am in charge (among other tasks) of tech support by e-mail.

Sometimes, let's say three of four times a year, it occurs an American customer dislikes my answers, either because he considers they are not accurate enough, or I did not understand his request well or fast enough. He then gets worked up, and sends an insulting message, blaming me to make fun of him, or to be incompetent.
Usually, I answer I don't reply to rudeness, and I ask him to express his grievance more politely.

Each time I have done this, I have been invariably replied I am "arrogant".

I learnt a few years ago French arrogance is a well-known cliché in the US (and probably in some other countries too). So reading it again and again, within a mail exchange between two individuals, starts to make me sick of it.
Attributing a defect to somebody just because of his nationality is similar to racism or at least xenophobia. I feel it unfair, degrading and loathsome.

I am really tired of this, especially because I do not know what to answer while keeping courteous.
Any advice is welcome...

P.S. Unless I am *really* arrogant without my knowing, and that has nothing to do with my country of birth ? ;)

[TXlib]

1. Some idioms and mannerisms considered normal in one country

are sometimes perceived as arrogant in others.

Case in point:

In America, it is perfectly normal and acceptable to invade a tiny country without provocation. However, in the rest of the world, this is considered just plain rude. Go figure.

[trotsky]

3. LOL, good one TXlib.

:D

[Selwynn]

20. LOL

[Oberst Klink]

2. I had a roommate from France....

He said that judgeing all French based on the behavior of Parisians is like judgeing the behaviour of all Americans on that of NYC dwellers.

He was also a very, very lonely man.

Now I think all French men are very, very lonely.

[trotsky]

4. One thing you probably already know or suspect...

Americans, on average, are a lot more ignorant and a lot less educated than their counterparts in other industrialized countries. And the attitude in America, upon encountering someone who is smarter or better informed than you, who corrects you or otherwise reveals your intellectual limitations, is one of lashing out and attacking.

From jocks beating up on nerds in high school to our behavior as a nation today, it's all too common.

[Olivier]

5. Could be true...

But one of these guys is professor in an American University. Not the archetype of an ignorant...

[trotsky]

7. Hmm, there goes that theory.

Another quirk of American history is best summed up in a scene from the movie Mississippi Burning, which starred Gene Hackman. Set in the civil rights era of the 1960s, Hackman's character is trying to explain to someone why the attitudes against blacks exist in the South. I think he recalls his father telling him something like, "No matter what happens to you, at least you know you're better off than a n*gg*r."

I thought that scene was incredibly profound at the time. And you find that attitude in America on a lot of things other than race. It's like everyone has to have the feeling that they're better off than someone, so they won't feel like an utter failure. Rampant consumerism feeds a lot of that, I'm sure. It also feeds the hatred of welfare recipients, etc.

Just my random thoughts.

[noiretextatique]

9. the archetype of an ignorant: our pResident!

:shrug: need i say more :7

[felonious thunk]

6. It is a strong cliche here

For whatever reason, it seems to be ingrained upon many Americans
that anyone speaking in a French accent is arrogant. Try not to
take it personally. Hopefully you also interact with Americans
that don't get like that with you.

But there are many stereotypes that make the rounds in here, and
if the person doesn't take the time to realize how stupid the
stereotypes are, then they will believe them universally true.

I don't really have any advice. I imagine your complainers are
the same people that would complain about anyone who tells them
other than what they want to hear. It just happens that because
you are French they equate that with "arrogant".

[eyesroll]

8. Keep doing what you're doing.

I think rude people just have trouble with being called out.
If I say "I don't have to put up with rudeness, please call me back when you're ready to discuss things rationally," I get, "oh, you're just a whiny little girl who can't handle blah blah blah."
They might be calling you "arrogant" because they can't come up with anything better than turning to stereotypes -- just like they play "little girl" with me because they can't come up with anything else.

I suppose I should also play devil's advocate -- are you sure the e-mails you're replying to are rude? Sometimes, it's hard to convey tone in e-mail.
I suppose if he's making fun of you, there's really not much gray area there. That's just rude. But I had to ask.

[Olivier]

11. I'm not very skilled in English,

but I know how to use a dictionary and search for "asshole", "moron", and a lot of other nice little words like these. It had at least the benefit to enrich my vocabulary.
Believe me, some message were indubitably rude.

[Kenneth ken]

10. I would

reply to the "arrogant" criticism, by saying you are not in fact, trying to be arrogant, but only trying to encourage civil communication so that the problem the person is having can be rectified with the least antagonism on either side.

[Olivier]

12. I will actually answer something like this.

I guess it will make him go mad ! :evilgrin:

[rucky]

13. Arrogant Tech Support People

Tech Support people in general are seen as arrogant - so you have two strikes against you before you even pick up the phone.

My experience with French people, on the other hand, has been extremely positive. If i do meet an arrogant Frenchman, I'd be surprised (contrary to the stereotype)...unless I find out he is a Tech support person.

[newyawker99]

26. Congrats rucky!! 800 posts

:toast:

[Olivier]

14. Found a good quote

"La politesse coûte peu et achète tout" - Montaigne
I translated it as :
"Politeness does not cost much and buys everything"

I had also this one, but I am afraid it could be perceived as a hint about the recent events :
"Be polite. Write diplomatically. Even a declaration of war must obey the rules of politeness." - Otto von Bismark

On edit : amended spelling

[radwriter0555]

15. Being (considered) arrogant is hardly a defect. I'm called arrogant all

the time. Hell by people on this board in fact. It's great fun.

It's not my fault I'm smarter than other people; more direct, more assertive and (almost) always right.

If someone needs to stick a name on my particular attitude, engagement, opinion or actions that's their problem, not mine. Nor should it be yours.

Fuggedabowdit.

BTW, France Rocks. LOVE the cheese. I mean it. I LOVE the cheese.

[Alenne]

16. Arrogant is a word that is thrown around a lot in the U.S

It is usually used when someone doesn't know exactly why they don't like someone or the reason they don't like that person is too stupid to admit. Mostly said about famous people, smart people and the French.

[rasputin1952]

17. Most 'tech' people have answers...

Most of those contacting you are already on edge because they need an answer to a situation they have that they cannot figure out, that automatically puts them on the defensive. (Few, are the people that will accept their limitations).

To top it all off, you might have answered the same question 15 times, and it is routine to you, whereas it is new to the person contacting you. You might come off 'bored' to this person, or perhaps critical, for you it is easy, for him/her, it is complex. Bruised egos are hard to mend.

Add to that, the recent spate of French bashing in the US, and you have a volatile emotional mixture. I have no idea if you are arrogant or not, but I can assure you, that those who are contacting you certainly seem to have that trait. Keep a thick skin, and try to avoid letting this get to you, after all, no one likes being ignorant, especially when they get an answer that is pretty simple once it is explained.

Arrogance, like fear, is born of ignorance.

:kick:

[Kamika]

18. from what i learnt its not a cliche

Ok dont take this the wrong way , im absolutely not some freedom fries girl, thinking that french ppl are cowards. Im not much for those cliches.

Ill tell you my experiences though..

I was in a european guild in a online computer game called everquest. About 80 ppl in the guild


Id say 1/4 were french 1/4 were swedish 1/4 german 1/4 was americans/israelis/austrians etc etc

Now EVERYONE i mean everyone in this guild worked for the guild, including me, we helped eachother and everything.. except the French, not only would they speak french in gchat and get constantly reminded by the swedes, and germans to keep english, they would actually insult you, create TONS of drama, i remember i asked if they would group with me and got a big NO, i couldnt believe my own guildmembers would tell me no.

Never again french in the same guild as mine in a online game :D

(ok i admit SOME of the french were nice but man not the majority)

Now i know its just a game, but its the only experience i got. And unfortunately it wasnt a nice one.


But ill add the whole freedom fries thing, and calling you chickens and traitors and everything its REALLY stupid. Im embarassed by that

[Selwynn]

19. Does that mean I can go to France and not fear French people? :)

'cause I'm scared of eagerly going to France and being excited to see everything and explore and meet people and drink in the culture, but I'm a dumb American-educated sap that can't speak anything other than English, so I expected to be treated rudely and like an idiot while there.

But this is perhaps just all American silly stereotypes?

I'm sorry about your problem. I can't give you any advice. Americans believe that no one has any right to ever tell them what to do on anything - ever. So if you tell someone that they should restate their concern polietly, you are going to get some varient of "You arrogant SOB I'll talk any way I want!" :(

It's sad, but basically true. Just remember, we may be arrogant elitists, but we can still have a healthy respect for everyone else who doesn't measure up! :D

[Droopy]

21. Well, you're not arrogant

Because if you were you wouldn't have written this message asking for help. I really don't know what you can do about it seeing as how you are in customer service. You know the whole customer is always right thing. My sister works in customer service and when a customer gets too rude she simply hangs up on them. I don't know what else to tell you. Hopefully you got some help from somebody on here.

[NightTrain]

22. Can't argue with you there!

Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, over the last couple of years I've befriended a number of people in Montreal. As such, when all that French-bashing started in the U.S. over Jacques Chirac's opposition to the Iraq war, I thought of those wonderful people I knew north of the border and took all that flag-waving, we-hate-the-French crap as a personal insult.

Which I suppose only has a tangetial connection to your original point. Oh, well.... :shrug:

[Iris]

23. I've found if you have even an ounce of education here in the US,

you are considered arrogant if you dare suggest you might know a little more about a subject than what Fox News dishes out.

[mitchum]

24. It's a cultural cliche that Americans inherited from the English..

just like the language and sexual repression

[classics]

25. I deal with a lot of customers outside the US.

With many thier messages often seem a little rude, but over time I have learned that people from particular countries are not really into the whole 'please, thank you and come again' schtick.

They basically just say exactly what they want and leave it at that, or what they think, without much regard for being excessively polite.

I think your customers may see a little of that directness in your replies, but since they are not used to it, take it as shortness or rudeness.

If you really want to sound less arrogant to US customers, you will have to pretend to be a little less sure of your answers, and be pretty excessive with the 'please', 'thank you' and 'please let me know if I can be of any further assistance', to the point of retching. ;)