President Bush Urged to Conserve Gravity

[underpants]

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s5i7193


SCHAUMBERG, IL - Leyland Moser, the newly elected head of the American Society for the Preservation of Gravity (ASPG), has called on President Bush “to take immediate steps to reduce this nation’s alarming rate of gravity consumption.”


Moser, 56, warned that unless the United States moves quickly to curtail its runaway consumption of gravity, “we could face disastrous consequences—among them the disappearance of the forward pass from football and the demise of the trampoline industry.” On the plus side, Moser added, “people will literally be able to piss up a rope.”

Moser, who does not fly or use air mail, has requested a meeting with President Bush. Every president since Ronald Reagan has received and rejected a similar request from the ASPG, but Moser is optimistic that Bush’s embrace of creationism "means he might be sympathetic to our theory of gravity.”

"The ASPG, on the other hand, used actual unretouched Xeroxed copies to demonstrate that gravity is produced by LIGREFITEs (Little Invisible Gravity Rays Emanating from Inside The Earth). These LIGREFITEs, which look like threaded rods, originate at the center of the earth and extend outward indefinitely. By piercing the electrons at the core of all matter, LIGREFITEs keep everything from floating off into space—except for helium and a few other substances that are threaded in the opposite direction. Obviously if we tax the properties of LIGREFITEs by constantly sending objects like airplanes, cheerleaders, and yo-yos up and down—or by constructing tall buildings that put a strain on LIGREFITEs—we wear out their threads and exhaust our supply of gravity."


Echoing Crum’s warning, Moser recommends that people conserve gravity by “lying down a lot and forming elevator pools.” He also recommend laying pop-up toasters on their sides because this not only saves gravity but also results in your toast falling right onto your plate. In addition, he advocates shortening basketball and soccer seasons, putting a cap on roller coaster construction, outlawing vertical food presentation, and requiring all women larger than a 34-B to wear bras.

[madinmaryland]

1. Don't laugh, people actually believe this stuff.

I know of someone that talked about gravity genies and bed gremlins.

:crazy: